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The W - One Question... - Do people really look into the symbolism behind the color of roses?
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Zeruel
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Since: 2.1.02
From: The Silver Spring in the Land of Mary.

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#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.05
Here's the background. A friend of mine is going out on a first date. He wants to know what to bring, so I remind him to take at least one long stem red rose.

A female friend of mine begs to differ and suggests one long stem white rose because red means passion and love and yadda-yadda.

She thinks a red rose is a mistake and will send the wrong message, I think anything other than a red rose will send a message that he is clueless about first dates.

My question is: On first dates that you all have gone on, have you guys really worried about what color roses you have given out, and if you gals really read into the color and analyzed what kind of affection they are giving by the color?





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Since: 4.1.02
From: The Hague, Netherlands (Europe)

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#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.54
From our fine friends at Wikipedia.

According to the Victorian "language of flowers", different colored roses each have their own symbolic meaning.
Red: love
Pink: grace, gentle feelings of love
Dark Pink: gratitude
Light Pink: admiration, sympathy
White: innocence, purity, secrecy, friendship, reverence and humility.
Yellow: Yellow roses generally mean dying love or platonic love. In German-speaking countries, however, they can mean jealousy and infidelity.
Yellow with red tips: Friendship, falling in love
Orange: passion
Burgundy: beauty
Blue: mystery

--
I dunno how much people know this and/or read into it when they get them. But apparently they do have some meaning/symbolism. So white might be the best color to go with.



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Since: 2.1.02
From: Hawthorne, CA

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#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.95

Ugh. I hate all of those dumb dating "rules". I say just bring some different kind of flower to play it safe. Just dont bring the one that means "I'm only here to bone you".



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Since: 24.4.05
From: San Diego, CA

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#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.21
I agree with Frosty here. This question reminds me why I love being out of the dating game.

I bet there is an episode of Sex and the City that highlights this topic. I could imagine the four girls sitting around drinking apple martinis and having a debate about this topic.....Uh, my wife owns the complete set.

He should get a nice bunch of standard issue flowers. Stay away from roses altogether.

Roses and likely outcomes

(1) She will be thankful and not read into it. Her perception of him will be based on personality/chemistry.

(B) She will look into it the symbolism of the color of the rose. Regardless of the color it sends a message that might be looked into too deeply.

(III) She won't look into the symbolism of the rose itself but will wonder throughout the night if he knows about the secret code of the rose and wonder if HE is looking into it too deeply.

I think that the odds are stacked against him. Only 1/3 chance of success when it comes to roses. So I suggest flowers, a nice plant or a cardboard cut out of Kirk Cameron (hell of an ice breaker).





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Since: 2.2.04
From: Austin, TX

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#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.08
Every women I've ever met does indeed know at about the colors of roses meaning different things, though that Wikipedia list is longer than what I've seen before.

Unfortunately all flowers have some meaning, not just roses. I don't think most women are as familiar with the other meanings besides rose color, but you never know.

So in my view best to pick a rose of a certain color that you know and understand it's meaning, or look up a list of other flower meanings before buying.

http://www.easyflowers.com.au/asp/meaning.asp#type

Better safe than sorry.
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Since: 29.1.02
From: PA

Since last post: 21 days
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#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.20
Regardless of the color, the rose often gets the marquee place among flowers. It's hard to top a rose; go with Frosty's idea and pick up another flower. Save the rose for a later date.







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Since: 2.2.04
From: Austin, TX

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#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.08
    Originally posted by StegDutchie
    Regardless of the color, the rose often gets the marquee place among flowers. It's hard to top a rose; go with Frosty's idea and pick up another flower. Save the rose for a later date.






I dunno how well that works. You're right about the rose, but as such would any other flower be looked at as something less? Like instead of a box of fancy chocolates you gave her a bag of Hersheys Minatures?

I don't know, I'm just wondering. I'd go with the rose still for fear of anything else being deemed second class, and make sure of the correct color so she knows you put thought into it. Just getting another flower may come off as "too cheap to get me a rose".
Leroy
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Since: 7.2.02

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#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.16
This all depends on the situation surrounding a first date. I would tend to save flowers for the second or third date, depending on how things were going.

In general, I think roses are a little cliché and a bit cheesy - other flowers tend to imply you put some actual thought into the arrangement. Of course, if the arrangement you do pick sucks, you're sunk - always ask for the florists advice.

Again, in my opinion, this all depends on the type of person/people and the circumstances of the date.

(edited by Leroy on 7.8.07 0954)


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Since: 20.6.02
From: Kolob

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#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.25
Oh, good lordy, I never bother with roses. I prefer something safer. Why go generic when you can go with something unique? I'm not afraid to admit that I have a favorite flower (Sunflowers) so I'll bring one on the date...may as well show a side of me than show a boring side of anything, right?

Just a thought.

Oh, and blue roses aren't a natural colour, right? I've always been told they were dyed or something....



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Since: 9.12.01
From: Bay City, OR

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#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.81
Bring her a can of corn.

Hand her the can of corn and gauge her reaction.

If she is pissed that you have given her a can of corn, she's probably rude and superficial. If she is amused that you gave her a can of corn, you are probably OK. If she is overly greatful (or hungry) you know you have an issue already.

Can't go wrong with the can of corn.

So far only my friend Jeremy has done this, and we still refer to the girl as "Can of Corn girl". I think that's 1-0 for the Can of Corn.

(edited by Guru Zim on 7.8.07 1034)



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Since: 2.1.02
From: Hawthorne, CA

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#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.95

    Originally posted by Guru Zim
    Bring her a can of corn.

    Hand her the can of corn and gauge her reaction.

    If she is pissed that you have given her a can of corn, she's probably rude and superficial. If she is amused that you gave her a can of corn, you are probably OK. If she is overly greatful (or hungry) you know you have an issue already.
I like the Can of Corn idea, but the result all depends on their relationship prior to the first date IMO.



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babetsavant
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Since: 17.8.06
From: Calgary, AB Canada

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#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.21
First of all a "single" rose will say to the lady that you are too cheap to buy more....

Second, roses are chessy unless you've known the lady in question for a while and you get a few dozen....

If you are going to get flowers, stick with the mixed bouquet (No Carnations)....

But in all honesty, the can of corn or something equally odd would peak the ladies interest far more than flowers would...

Just a girls perspective....

(edited by babetsavant on 7.8.07 1529)


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Since: 12.2.02
From: Cleveland, Ohio

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#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.06
    Originally posted by babetsavant
    First of all a "single" rose will say to the lady that you are too cheap to buy more....

    Second, roses are chessy unless you've known the lady in question for a while and you get a few dozen....

    If you are going to get flowers, stick with the mixed bouquet (No Carnations)....

    But in all honesty, the can of corn or something equally odd would peak the ladies interest far more than flowers would...

    Just a girls perspective....


What the heck is wrong with carnations? They smell nice, they're pretty, and my wife loves them. More so than roses even.

That said, I also agree that a flower on the first date seems a bit much. But I wasn't that great at the whole dating thing either, so take that for what it's worth.




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Since: 27.6.02

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#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.56
Taking flowers does seem old fashioned in a bad way to me. However, my vantage point is skewed by more than one instance of a potential love interest saying they'd rather have a plant than cut flowers.

Maybe I just dated odd women(my wife was one of them) but you can never tell. She (my wife) also hates, hates, hates roses of any kind, and can barely take the smell of 'em to boot.

(edited by Zundian on 7.8.07 1724)


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wmatistic
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Since: 2.2.04
From: Austin, TX

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#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.08
Ok so from this thread I think your safest bet is to stay away from these crazy bitches and catch teh ghey.


(edited by wmatistic on 7.8.07 2057)
dMp
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Since: 4.1.02
From: The Hague, Netherlands (Europe)

Since last post: 17 days
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#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.54
Reading the various replies I just realized..
Dating etiquette is fucked up.

Open the door or stand up for the lady is one thing, but having to go online to figure out what flowers or whatever to get her without giving the wrong signal is just crazy.

Whatever happened to simply making sure both of you have a good time.

Yeah, this probably explains why I am single though.

And yes, blue roses are usually dyed. A true blue rose doesn't exist yet except in laboratories iirc.

PS. wmatistic : Sure. Catch teh ghey..But what do the various bandanas hanging out of the backpockets mean again? Aargh! More confusion!

(edited by dMp on 8.8.07 1036)


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Since: 22.2.04
From: Cambridge, MA

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#17 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.27
I had no idea different colored roses meant different things. I've always gone with a bunch of wildflowers. In high school and college* I could just go out and pick them in the woods. Now that I live in a city I have to buy them from a store and they don't seem right.

*Once in college I brought some when we were going to make dinner. She suprised me by taking a few particular flowers out, washing them, chopping them up and putting them in the salad. It was pretty good, I guess that's what you get from growing up on a small farm.



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Since: 7.11.02
From: Dallas, TX

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#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.73
    Originally posted by Zundian
    Taking flowers does seem old fashioned in a bad way to me. However, my vantage point is skewed by more than one instance of a potential love interest saying they'd rather have a plant than cut flowers.

    Maybe I just dated odd women(my wife was one of them) but you can never tell. She (my wife) also hates, hates, hates roses of any kind, and can barely take the smell of 'em to boot.

    (edited by Zundian on 7.8.07 1724)

I'm not going to call my wife odd, but she also *hates* getting roses. Regardless, it never would have occurred to me to give flowers (or any gift, aside from my gift of gab) on a first date. But, the can of corn thing strikes me as visionary, which means it is probably not a good idea.



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Since: 11.12.01
From: China, Maine

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#19 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.30


    Originally posted by Guru Zim
    Bring her a can of corn.

    Hand her the can of corn and gauge her reaction.

    If she is pissed that you have given her a can of corn, she's probably rude and superficial. If she is amused that you gave her a can of corn, you are probably OK. If she is overly greatful (or hungry) you know you have an issue already.

    Can't go wrong with the can of corn.


This is the best idea I have heard in a very long time! I will now recommend this to my single friends and report back any results, Mon Capitaine.




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Since: 11.12.01

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#20 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.03
The "Can of Corn" works best with a very ostentatious stick-on bow, IMO. My friends in HS used SPAM for various things, and while I don't remember it as a first date thing, it might have happened (googly eyes on the front usually for decoration there).

Obviously the can of corn isn't going to work if you don't have the personality to do it in the first place, but if you do, and are looking for a similar personality it is going to tell you a heck of a lot more than flowers.

Honestly, every woman I know also knows at least most of the rose-code (hell, and most of the hanky code for that matter... maybe remembering silly lists of social cues is a XX chromosome thing) including the type of girls you would never think would know that sort of thing.

A dozen roses on a first date is often going to be misconstrued as being very forward, showy, etc. even before you get to the color.

One rose is somewhere between "sweet", "forward", "traditional", and "cheap" depending on the girl. You may find that some girls hate getting flowers because they are allergic, or against cut flowers in general.

Carnations are usually a no-no because they are a very cheap bouquet, more people are allergic to them than roses, and not everyone enjoys their very distinctive smell.

I caution friends and relatives against flowers for first dates on the basis that usually you just don't know someone well enough to know what they would appreciate. If you know they have a favorite flower, or a favorite color, by all means get a modest couple of flowers. The hand-picked wildflowers is usually going to fall in the "sweet" category because it is the thoughtfulness there and you're obviously not trying to show off your pocketbook.

If you feel you must show up with something for the first date, and the canned veggie thing isn't going to work for you, try hard to think of something that proves you know something about her, and costs less than $10 and is somewhat disposable or consumable. Remember a long-term permanent object is a sign that you think this relationship is going to last, and that might be a sign that she's not going to be comfortable with on a first date. It's sort of the male version of talking about marriage at dinner on a first date. Things that are obviously inexpensive and based on personality might be OK, like if you know that she really likes a certain band and you get a $2 pin from said band, she probably isn't going to read anything into it.

The can of corn works because it is either consumable, can be donated to the can drive if things go badly, or it can sit on a shelf and be a story for years and years to come.

If you have to do flowers and you really don't know anything about the girl, go for one or just a couple flowers, keep it relatively inexpensive, and go for what looks best at the florist in that description. It might be some irises, or a bird of paradise, or it might be a rose. It might be a spray of small flowers that really smells good. Maybe all it will take is making a joke that you hope you didn't buy the flower that means you wear women's underpants or something weird.

Almost all women know the meanings... very few think men actually know them and use them. Worry more about the thought behind it and making that clear, than the flowers themselves.
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