For most people, the holidays are about traditions. A Christmas tree for some, for others a dreidle, for some a turkey feast, for others a ham. Most of all, it is about families and friends gathering and celebrating the holiday season together.
In the IWS, we have our own traditions. We set up a Christmas tree... and someone gets thrown through it. We light a table on fire... and roast us a Ninja on it. We gather like a family... and like the giant dysfunctional family that we are, we end up in a massive brawl. We call this annual tradition - Season’s Beatings.
How do you know that you have just had a good show? When fans are arguing which match was the match of the night. Toss another Ninja on the fire and let me tell you about it...
Season’s Beatings Bar le Break, Montreal, Dec 3rd, 2005 Attendance - 326 Results Quick & Dirty
1. Player Uno defeats Dan Paysan in 9:15.
2. Handicap Match: Vanessa Kraven beat Lex Lurmon & Jagger Miles pinning Jagger Miles in 7:25.
3. Viking beat Maxime Boyer in 13:18.
4. Christmas Tree Death Match Three Way: Green Phantom beat Sexxxy Eddy and Tomassino pinning Sexxxy Eddy in 10:09.
5. Beef Wellington & Damian beat Twiggy & Pornstar Juan in 8:07. Damian pinned Twiggy.
6. IWS Title Match: Champion EXesS pinned Pierre Carl Ouellet in 11:09.
7. IWS Canadian Title Match Street Fight: Champion Kid Kamikaze beat Chris Bishop in 17:05
8: IWS Tag Team Title Four Way Scramble Elimination Match: The Flying Hurricanes (Takao & Kenny the Bastard) eliminated SLI-USA (Fred la Merveille & Shayne Hawke) after 4:13. It was a double pin. Champions 2.0 (Jagged & Shane Matthews) eliminated the Flying Hurricanes after 6:10. Jagged pinned Kenny. 2.0 beat the Hardcore Ninjaz to retain their titles after 7:06. Both Jagged and Shane covered Hardcore Ninja Number One after he was put through a flaming table.
Season’s Beatings began with a fast paced high flying match between Dan Paysan and Player Uno. Both men were looking to break out of major losing streaks. Dan Paysan showed early and often that he has a personal vicious streak that champions need. Player Uno demonstrated that he has incredible resiliency and a batch of innovative offence. The match seemed to turn on Uno’s M. Bison top rope double foot stomp to the back of Don Paysan’s head that rung the bell of the Dapper Don, but Uno could not quite capitalize. When it looked like Dan had a chance to win, his valet D-Vyn came into the ring to get her revenge on Uno who had kicked her off him when she grabbed Uno while he was climbing the ropes. Thinking quickly, Uno reversed the hold that Dan had him in and it was Dan that D-Vyn kicked in the balls. Giving Uno the victory after 9:15.
After the match, D-Vyn made the mistake of blaming Dan for the loss. Despite his monumental losing streak, caused in no small part by D-Vyn, Dan was willing to forgive and forget... until D-Vyn slapped him at which point Dan fired D-Vyn rather publicly giving her a modified Death Valley Driver.
IWS Canadian Champion Kid Kamikaze gave his bodyguard, Vanessa Kraven, the night off for Season’s Beatings to prove that he could beat Chris Bishop on his own. They say that “Idle Hands Do the Devil’s Work.” In this case, Vanessa arranged her own amusement, in the form of a handicap match against Jagger Miles and Lex Lurmon (formerly Black Devil). This wasn’t so much a match as a slaughter. Oh Jagger was able to get some offence in... mainly by sacrificing Lex Lurmon, but mainly this match was like watching a cat play with two mice before snapping their necks. Vanessa Kraven, the Hottest Prospect in Indy Wrestling, finished off Jagger Miles and won the match, by power bombing him from the top rope through two chairs lengthwise (!) after 7:25.
Going into his match with Viking, we knew that Maxime Boyer was a great technical wrestler, a great submission wrestler, especially for a wrestler so young. What we didn’t know was that against a hardcore brawler like Viking, Maxime Boyer was willing to descend to Viking’s level and in the process become a sick, deranged fuck. When they talk about being busted open the hard way, they usually don’t mean with a barbed wire bat, but that’s what Maxime Boyer did to Viking’s face and back. And to add insult to injury, Maxime added a spray of lemon juice to the wounds. Of course, Viking both trained with and fought against Damian, so a little pain and blood wasn’t going to take him out of a fight. Especially when Maxime made the tactical mistake of trying to beat Viking in a chopping contest. Maxime looks like an incredible athlete, Viking not so much. But Viking, Quebec’s lunch bucket luchador, is capable of incredible displays of strength and agility, like surprising Maxime Boyer with a reverse hurricanrana to win the match after 13:18. Yes, Viking won the match, but few will forget how well and how viciously Maxime Boyer fought before losing.
(I should probably also mention Maxime Boyer’s amazing diving head butt from the top rope to the outside. A thing of beauty, right up until the point that Viking rolled out of the way and Maxime hit... NOTHING... BUT... CHAIRS! Sort of a nice resume of the match.)
Every year, the IWS brings a Christmas tree to the ring and surrounds it with presents, to spread the holiday cheer. And of course, every year, someone goes through the tree. The tradition is that the Christmas Tree Death Match is hosted by the IWS’ Man in Green, our Hardcore Hero. Last year, his elbow shattered, the Green Phantom was unable to participate in the match, being replaced by the Jewish Beef Wellington and the Shinto worshipping Evil Ninja. So, it was with great enthusiasm that the IWS faithful greeted their hero for this match, which turned out to be a three way dance between the Green Phantom, the giant Tomassino and Sexxxy Eddy. In a match that featured gift-wrapped chocolates, cookies, a keyboard and light tubes, Eddy was able to use the plunder to give himself a chance for victory against the two bigger men. Of course, the damn idiot damn near got himself killed as well getting crushed between the two big men. Despite eating the Christmas tree, the Green Phantom won his signature match giving Sexxxy Eddy the Phantom Menace to get the pin after 10:07.
As the IWS family gathered for Season’s Beatings, there were two notable absences. Two men who chose the California sun over the Quebec winter. Kevin Steen and El Generico. This meant that once again Beef Wellington and Damian were frustrated in their desire to get their hands on Steen and Generico. PCP Crazy F’N Manny sent out Twiggy and Pornstar Juan instead. Angry and frustrated, Damian and Beef Wellington essentially encouraged Twiggy and Pornstar Juan to hit them as hard as they could. In the ensuing stiff fest, Damian broke Juan’s jaw. Beef Wellington knocked Twiggy out but refused to cover him leaving that for Damian to do at 8:07. A frustrated Beef Wellington announced after the match that if he and Damian did not get their match against Steen and Generico at the next IWS show Praise the Violnce that he would quit the IWS.
(Just as a slight editorial commentary, Generico and Steen’s tactic to frustrate Damain and Beef appears to be backfiring. For one thing, it is just pissing Beef and Damian off and both men are known to wrestle better when they are angry. More importantly, Beef and Damian thrown together as a team might have been disorganized in their first match, but the longer that they team the more unified that they appear to become. All of which is to say that Generico and Steen might be unpleasantly surprised at the ass-kicking that they are about to receive in the new year.)
When Pierre Carl Ouellet left for Puerto Rico his “Dat Blue Ting” was nothing more than a blue elbow pad; when he returned it was a giant blue... thing... that covered his arm from wrist to shoulder. Now please understand, it’s not loaded, there is nothing in “Dat Blue Ting” that makes it dangerous... unless of course you consider PCO’s massive arm. Consider it a form of psychological warfare. PCO making the point that if you get hit, you will stay down. Of course, EXesS is no stranger to the art of psychological warfare, starting his title defence against PCO by getting IWS referee Bakais to remove “Dat Blue Ting” on the grounds that it was illegal in the IWS. I will leave you to grapple with the irony of “Dat Blue Ting” being illegal when light tubes and Christmas trees are permitted.
During their match, EXesS proved that he had PCO well scouted, using his speed and technical ability to frustrate PCO. When it looked like PCO was about to use his power to take EXesS out, two of EXesS’ students, Jagger Miles and Lex Lurmon hit the ring to distract PCO. The three time WWF tag team champion made short work of EXesS’ students with “Dat Blue Ting” but when he turned to use it on EXesS, he was blocked by Bakais, leading to a roll-up victory by EXesS at 11:09. In Bakais defence, I should point out that if PCO had hit EXesS, Bakais would have had to disqualify PCO on the spot, so by blocking PCO’s blow, Bakais was trying to save PCO’s shot at the title.
Chris Bishop is a wrestler with two personalities. In Quebec, he is known primarily as a technical wrestler with high flying tendencies. In Ontario, he is known as the Aerial Assassin willing to sacrifice his body in the most ridiculous ways to win. Last night, it was the Aerial Assassin who came out to play in an incredible Street Fight, battling Kid Kamikaze all over Bar Le Break, using almost every level of the bar to spring off of and attack Double K, then dragging Kid Kamikaze back to the ring to continue the fight with two ladders. Kid Kamikaze used the ladders to cinch in his submission moves. Chris Bishop used them - well in the move of the night, Chris Bishop made a giant “X” using two ladders, laid out Kid Kamikaze on the vertical part of the X and then hit a double spring-board splash on Kid Kamikaze that left both men gasping and sent the IWS crowd wild.
But the crafty Kid Kamikaze is no stranger to hardcore matches. He may be known as the technical wizard of the IWS, but Double K cut his teeth in the IWS teaming with Beef Wellington as IWS tag team champions in a variety of hardcore matches. So when Kid Kamikaze got an opportunity against Chris Bishop, he took it, killing the Aerial Assassin with a Kamikaze Crunch from the top rope through a table on the outside for the pin after 17:05.
In the main event, IWS tag team champions 2.0, Jagged & Shane Matthews, used vulture tactics and the help of “Uncle Manny” to retain their tag team title belts in a crazy four team scramble elimination match involving the SLI-USA (Fred la Merveille & Shayne Hawke) the Flying Hurricanes (Takao & Kenny the Bastard) and the Hardcore Ninjaz. An early series of dives led to the Evil Ninja leaping off a twenty foot scaffold wiping out everyone. The Flying Hurricanes took control at this point eliminating the SLI-USA with the Unpredictable Motion on both Fred and Shayne at 4:13. The ‘Canes then turned their attention on the Ninjaz and seemed poised to eliminate them as well with the Unpredictable Motion from the top rope on both Ninjaz. 2.0 had other ideas. Like vultures they swooped in and ambushed the Flying Hurricanes, Jagged pinning Kenny at 6:10.
Now, you might well ask, why did 2.0 save the Ninjaz from being eliminated. Well, that’s because 2.0 had other plans for the Ninjaz, beginning with a series of vicious chair shots on the already bleeding Hardcore Ninja Number One. Uncle Manny also got involved, dragging a table into the ring, and setting it on fire so that 2.0 could roast Hardcore Ninja Number One before pinning him at 7:06.
And that is how our 2005 ended, probably our most eventful year ever. I look forward to seeing you all in 2006. I wish our fans the very merriest of holidays, no matter how you celebrate them. Cherish your family and friends. Don’t take them for granted. And for fuck’s sakes, if you drink, please don’t drive.
Oh yeah, the three matches that people are arguing about as matches of the night? The Christmas Tree Death Match. The Street Fight. And my personal choice, the match that continues a string of good performances of a veteran IWS wrestler coming into his own, and which marks a star-making performance of a rookie, Viking vs. Maxime Boyer.
Our next show is Praise the Violence, Saturday, January 28th at Bogey’s World, 3250 Cremazie East, corner of St-Michel, near Metro St-Michel. Doors open at 7:30 pm, Show starts at 9:00 pm. Tickets are $15 for regular, $20 for VIP. VIPs enter first and get to pick their seats first. To buy tickets in advance e-mail or paypal Llakor@hotmail.com. Show is 18+. For more information about the show consult www.syndicatewrestling.com. Times and card subject to change.
It's an interesting enough idea, but you'd run into the usual WWE fogginess about just who has the power to make matches. In other words, why wouldn't Stephanie be able to simply order Lesnar to defend the title on Smackdown?