1) Waaa, waaa, there goes my heat, waaaa. 2) Cole: Hey! Smell that! Tazz: I'm tapping out! 3) Earl: Even I don't want to watch this one. HHH: You're right, let's get this over with. Steiner: Duh, what talking you are about? Duh 4) RVD: Wow, this looks really really gay. 5) WORD LIFE HOMEYS! Off camera: "CUT! Sorry Brock, that's Cena's script."
Test seeing his one and only source of heat being carted off on a gurney.
It's the new Smackdown highlight show, "WWE Rocket Busta", where Tazz finally has the chance to get some much needed rest! Meanwhile, Cole recaps the events that happened on Velocity...
Hebner: "No no, tonight he's MY bitch!"
RVD is in a hurry. While he stretches out for his big match, he tests out his new invention that will increase his kicking arsenal. The World's Largest Boots! Meanwhile, he also tries to figure out how he'll get off that big stain on the ceiling...
5) Hi, my name's Brock, and I, uh ...God, I'm so nervous this is the first time I'm doing this. I'm a college graduate and a scholar. I like long walks on the beach, listening to music while reading a good book and I like women that aren't afraid to be themselves. All you ladies out there can contact me at 555-...
1. Test-"I can't believe they made me cut my hair!" 2. Tazz-"If he doesn't shut up, I'm going to kill him." 3. Hebner-"*I* am the World Heavyweight champion." 4. RVD-"Hey, you aren't the dominatrix I ordered..." 5. Lesnar-"HA, scissors beats rock!"
"A usually unemotional Andrew Martin is unexpectedly bombarded with memories of tear-jerker 'The Joy Luck Club' and breaks down into constipated tears." 2)
"Tazz gives the surprisingly well-endowed Michael Cole a handjob before tightly applying his shades to prevent any potential retinal sting the typically off-camera conclusion of this routine act results in." 3)
"I'm serious, man. If Steiner's wearing a thong I will personally pay you three hundred dollars---there's no way!" 4)
RVD resignedly thinks about standing up as he realizes someone has carelessly left a giant pair of boots in front of the camera. 5)
"Whatdaya mean for life? For life!?! They made money with this gimmick?"
"If there are no monkeys in the House of Commons, how come you never see a banana outside of it? I've been to Ottawa dozens of times, and I've never seen a banana anywhere near the Parliament buildings. Clearly, that's because there are monkeys inside."
[Note: I intentionally didn't look at any other captions before making my own, so I apologize in advance if I use one that someone else has already used.]
1. “Damn, Stacey, you've got some serious GAS!” 2. WWE management refused to allow Tazz to wear a mask, so he settled for the next best thing. 3. HHH: “Your place, my place, or right here, Earl?” 4. “Mr. Van Dam, you're trying to seduce me.” 5. Secret Agent Brock Lesnar: licenced to kill
“Randy Savage is in, and he's nuts!”
--Tony Schiavone, WCW Bash at the Beach 1996
Two-Time, Two-Time Randomly Selected Wiener of the Day, 5/27/02 and 7/3/02
Certified RFMC Member-- Ask To See My Credentials!
1. Stacy's hurt? Oh man, now I have to learn to wrestle!
2. (Tazz to himself) Cole is such a tool. I could choke him out right now and no one would care.
3. You thinkt he crowd in Montrwal hated me? Wait until they see these guys wrestle. Me? I'm outta here.
4. I know what you mean Kane. The glass ceiling is so low I have to get on the ground so as to not hit my head. But that's cool. Got a doobie?
5 Screw with me and I'll cut ya!
So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one---big hitter, the Lama---long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.
1. There goes my heat. 2. (I can't think of one here.) 3. Now, I've been doing this a long time, and I've seen my share of bad matches, but I don't know who I pissed off to have to work THIS piece of crap. 4. Jesus, Kane, no wonder McMahon likes you! You're huge! 5. The only reason I'm doing this is because I messed up when I tried in the ring, you know!
Test cries as memories of his feud with Davy Boy Smith and the Mean Street Posse come back to him, thinking of the last time his woman was wheeled away on a gurney.
Tazz signs to Brock Lesnar "Send help-- Cole has a gun to my back." OR After some thought, Tazz finally comes up with a way to push his shades up, dig up his nose, pick his teeth, and pop that pesky zit on his chin all in one hand motion.
"Hey HHH, remember our little arrangement? Well, you missed payment. So guess whose REALLY calling the shots now? That's right. Earl Q. Hebner."
"Dude, that's not crabs. Just wash it off."
Brock signs back to Tazz: "Two SWAT team guys are jumping from the section above you. Duck!" -OR- "Can you believe it? HHH said I have 3 more years until I'm up to his level!"
Bad..... but you can't beat the '2 legit 2 quit' caption. I loved it.
I was wondering why the copyright notice went up at the top of the hour. Now I know. What a FANTASTIC damn promo. And the tornado tag match was pretty great too. Hell, it was just a good Raw all the way through.