1)King: If you want to look like this fat mudder trucker to my right, go to shopzone and order his book "Cheese Wiz and Bacon: The Perfect Toppings for Cake!"
2)Latins Gone Wild! Eddie: We only had to show our chest to get theese cool ass shirts! Rey: Yeah, if I'm gonna show off my wang, they gotta give me a shirt with sleeves!
3)HHH: What happened to your face? Debra get her revenge? Austin: No, Trish did it in the name of girls with big fake breast and bleached blonde hair everywhere.
4)Rock: Don Zimmer said it works. But my ass still burns!
5)Austin: Takin' lessons from the Big Show? Rule one Lance never show your dick, unless someone offers you a shirt with sleeves!
6)Brock: Oh shit! That thing doesn't have training wheels!
7)Helms: Would you let Rodney Mack borrow some of your blackness? Booker: You have to be born with it Sucka!
8)Steph: So, Gimp. Are you missing anything else. Say, your penis? Mr. Gowen:Your penis. Steph: No.....are.....you....Missssing....another.... ..body....partttt? Mr. Gowen: I like Mr. America. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
9)Tazz: What the f*@# are you? Spiderkid? The Red Beetle? Cole: We have no candy left kid, Jim Ross took it and walked off mumbling something about cheese wiz.
JR looks none too pleased that WWE fans "voted" for a Triple H - Kevin Nash main event that night on RAW.
Tajiri, what are you doing Esse? Stealing Rey Rey's mask has gone too far, holmes.
HHH: .... and pretty soon, they're giving me the keys to the executive washroom, and I'll be in the family Christmas cards, and don't get me started on what's in Vince's will... Austin: (I knew I should have @!&*ed her when I had the chance.)
Finally, The Rock has come to your town.... nah, that's not it... what about.... Know who are and shut up.... naaah, will never catch on... how about: Do you see what The Rock is saying?.....
Lance Storm finally gets his time in the spotlight.
Well, looky here. ANOTHER week gone by and no Undertaker. Guess the office bought that excuse about him needing a 'long vacation.' Heh heh heh...
So Booker T, how does it feel to acheive your life long dream of becoming WWE champion?
I'm telling you, it would go over great on the freak-show circuit: The One-Legged Wrestler, managed by The She-Male.
Just go over there and pick up your own damn chair!! Gawd, do we have to do EVERYTHING for you?? (edited by Kawshen on 8.6.03 1526)
Hey Kat,I'm still on tv, how is your "dancing" job working out?2) SRC=http://www.kedzie.net/kawshenpics/captions/7/2.jpg> Come on now Rey, you know this is the WWE, you will never get a World Title shot.3)
Stone COld gets tired of HHH telling him different stories bout what happened with him and Pat Patterson in the shower lastnight.4)
Why everyone mad at me? Rock sad! Rock just wanted to make movies.5)
Under the light Lance Storm figures out that just maybe he should have taken the NWA-TNA job offer.6)
he he cartoons are funny!7)
Hey Book do you have any comment on the fact that John Rocker is now head of the NAACP?8)
You do relize that Iam the head writer so your career will go no where right?9)
Rey you can't go to Taco Bell now were doing a show here!
Here we see the world's happiest new member of Kara's Adult Playground.
Eddie: Esse! Rey: I'm Rey, dog. Eddie: Yeah, Esse! Rey: Dog, I'm still Rey Mysterio, dog. Eddie: I just miss Essay Rios. It's a thing with me. Rey: I miss Papi Chulo. Eddie: Whatever.
Stone Cold: My watch is saying that it's still more appealing than you, Hunter. HHH: What? SC: That word's still more appealing than you, too. HHH: What? SC: See? No one can resist.
"Your famous blue raincoat was worn at the shoulder..."
SC: You know, that hairline's an inch past the mandatory shaving point. Don't worry, though. Kane's a better barber than he is a driver.
Brock pauses to note that no one in WWE knows how to properly ride that bike.
SM: I'm the head writer. You know what that means? ZG: Your write the stories, right? SM: So naive. ZG: Well, what do you do as the head writer? SM: I put my hand out like this, right? ZG: Right. SM: And you come over here and put one of those sweet hams of yours in it, right? ZG: Uh... SM: You want a push, I get a squeeze. Understood? ZG: ... SM: Understood? ZG: Why does Rikishi still get a push?
Michael Cole extends his hand asking for futher comments while Rey -- having forgotten Stephanie's script for him -- does his best McMahon impression by flinging his own feces.
Do you know us? For years, we were the number one announcing team in pro wrestling. Now, Tazz and Michael Cole are kicking our collective asses... 2)
Suddenly, Eddie had an idea... "If I stay next to Rey all the time, then, by comparison, I'll look like one of those big, roided-up guys that Vince likes so much!! Maybe JR will even call me a 'hoss,' too!" 3)
HHH laughs at the fact that, when Austin retired from active competition, they gave him not a gold watch, but a wristwatch. Austin is too busy listening to his watch to notice... 4)
The Rock poses for promotional photos for the title role of his next picture - "Rodin's 'The Thinker'".
"For a minute? Shit, Lance, you're gonna sit there and be serious until you tell the police what they want to know!!" 6)
"Nuh uh. No way do I try to start up the Undertaker's bike. I saw what happened when Hulk Hogan tried to do that..." 7)
For a few seconds, Booker gets the feeling that this reporter looks a lot like that Clark guy, who looks like.... nah, couldn't be!! 8)
"Live on Smackdown! with Zach and Steph" prepares to film its pilot episode. Somewhere else, Regis and Kelly are not afraid... 9)
"Will security please get over here and get this kid outta here?... Oh, wait, sorry about that, Rey, didn't realize it was really you."
(edited by Kawshen on 8.6.03 1526)
THE CONSPIRACY FAILS - Randomly Selected Wiener of the Day, August 13, 2002 "Thanks RageRockrr! You're the coolest!" - Excalibur05, March 10, 2002. "Thank you for bringing back a DEEP 80s memory, Rage. THANK YOU." - DMC, June 6, 2002. "Big Props to RageRockrr: '+ Oh, and three simple words: Optimus. Fucking. Prime.' You're DAMN right!" - Bizzle Izzle, August 7, 2002. (former remainder of sig file deleted due to space and bandwidth concerns)
Originally posted by Kawshen1) KING: hey kids look ...PORN!! JR: Word WORDSRC=http://www.kedzie.net/kawshenpics/captions/7/1.jpg> 2) ...these fine shirts are also availible in mens styles too... SRC=http://www.kedzie.net/kawshenpics/captions/7/2.jpg> 3) the more i turn this dial..the bigger this friggen vein will get SRC=http://www.kedzie.net/kawshenpics/captions/7/3.jpg> 4) i miss my sideburns SRC=http://www.kedzie.net/kawshenpics/captions/7/4.jpg> 5) hey wake up your on raw for a change SRC=http://www.kedzie.net/kawshenpics/captions/7/5.jpg> 6) that son of a bitch should have to take the shuttle bus like the rest of us SRC=http://www.kedzie.net/kawshenpics/captions/7/6.jpg> 7) let me holla at you playa SRC=http://www.kedzie.net/kawshenpics/captions/7/7.jpg> 8) ...wow...when mr. america takes his mask off he is built and looks alot like me...am i mr. america?? SRC=http://www.kedzie.net/kawshenpics/captions/7/8.jpg> 9) ...and as tazz is distracted by a muscle bound twelve year old micheal cole takes the oppertunity to bitch slap him... SRC=http://www.kedzie.net/kawshenpics/captions/7/9.jpg>
(edited by Kawshen on 8.6.03 1526)
KURT ANGLE Your next WWE champion...ITS TRUE...ITS DAMN TRUE!!!!
King: "And on this very computer here, you can look at PUPPIES!" JR: "What'd I do to Vince to have him keep this bumbling, pornographic idiot next to me for the last 10 years?"
Rey Misterio Jr. reassures fellow wrestler Eddy Guerrero that they and many other wrestlers will be receiving pushes once HHH refuses to pay Stephanie McMahon's pimp.
HHH: "So Steve, how would you like to be notified of your firing? FedEx, UPS, Postal Service?" Austin:"Doesn't matter. NWA-TNA needs me soon, very soon."
The Rock sits on a chair and tries to come up with a new catchphrase.
WWE presents: "Under the Hot Lights". Documentary shedding the light on the WWE and two of its stars at 2 opposite stories.
Rated NC-17 for Austin's language, violence, and one gay porno scene (as shown above).
Brock Lesnar, WWE Undisputed World Champion whispers to himself, "I hope my character never becomes so ruined like Mark's (Undertaker's) that I would have to drive one of these."
Stephanie McMahon, at a meeting with Zach Gowan before next week's Smackdown says, "Triple H's first Smackdown match will be next week against you and he wants to give you the right 'rub'. How would you like this match to end---you being pinned, losing by submission, losing by pinfall, losing by submission, or you get pinned? Consider the options I've given you, the right choice will make you a superstar someday."
Booker T looks on in anger as Shane Helms asks him about his criminal history.
Neither of these 3 men pictured could meet the height requirements for the rollercoaster ride at the local amusement park.
"We've got no food, we' got no jobs; our pets' heads are falling off!"
Lawler: "Hey everybody! I found some porn on the internet, and I'm gonna talk about it instead of the match!" JR: "I must have done something wrong in a previous life."2)
Rey: "Hey, maybe if I leave my chinstrap off, I can grow one of those cool little beards too!" Eddie: "What are you, like, 11 years old?"3)
Austin: "This can't be right - my watch is going backwards!" HHH:"Yeah, it's a new spell I learned - it takes everyone back to a time before they had heat. I figure, it's the only way left that I can get more heat for myself."4)
"Man, my grand-dad and my dad had such big pro wrestling careers. But should I keep leaving Hollywood for this crap?"5)
Austin: "You ever been to a Turkish prison, Lance?"6)
Momentarily, the allure of Undertaker's bike draws Brock's eye. Then he remembers how Hogan's badass rating dropped when he couldn't start it - and Brock walks on by.7)
"Uh, one more thing, Booker - didn't you use to be Busta Rhymes?"8)
Steph: "So, it looks like you're getting a second leg again..."9)
Rey: "Odelay! Arriba La Raza!" Cole: "SHUT UP!" Tazz: "I *knew* that there was something I hated about WCW!"
I'm going twenty-four hours a day...I can't seem to stop - "Turn Up The Radio", Autograph
JR: "What you doing King" King "Seeing if that Porn Star chick on WWE.com is gonna be on Raw Or Smackdown" 2)
Arent you that guy who used to ride the broom stick horse to the ring? 3)
Ten Minutes eh? I gotta leave the conditioner in for ten minutes?
The Rock sits, waiting for somebody who can explain his fucked up tattoo to him.
Storm "I dont like it here" Austin "Shut up you stipid Sumbitch! Dont you realise this is the ONLY spotlight you'll ever be in?" 6)
"Bike cool. Brock like Bike, Brock wanna sit in the bitch seat"
"Mr Booker, Three questions, First, how much money can one get by knocking over a Wendy's? Second, why would you rob the one that you WORKED AT? And Lastly, being in prison, is that where you got so familiar with the term SUCKA?"
Steph: "Put your schlong in my hand, if it is bigger than HHH's you might get a Cruiser Wieght title shot." Zac: "REALLY?" Steph: "Yeah, but dont get excited, we finally got the Mexican over, so you dont win shit!" Zac: "My fake leg had a VIBRATE function on it!" Steph: "Wanna Main Event WRESTLEMANIA?!?!?!" 9)
Cole: "See Tazz, you dont have to be six foot to get a decent push around here! So, why are you still an announcer" Tazz "SHUT UP COLE" Rey "Yeah Tazz, come on, I'll let you have a shot at the belt!" Tazz: "Beat me, if you can..Survive if..." Cole: (SWAT!) "Shut up, midget bitch!"
Whoa JR, that one you just let rip was nasty. It burned the hairs out of my nostrils. 2)
OK Rey, since I wore your t-shirt this week, next week you have to wear the "Eddie's my hero" t-shirt. 3)
HHH: "Hey Steve, remember after SummerSlam 99 the smarks complained about you not dropping the title directly to me but instead of to your friend Foley? My how things have changed. Now I'm the selfish one, and I'm THAT DAMN GOOD at it." Austin: "So now your the selfish one?" Crowd: "What?" Austin: "Times have changed?" Crowd: "What?" 4)
The Rock sits dejected and sad because Eric S. has gone back to calling him "Flex" again. 5)
Even under a bright, intense light no traces of any type of personality can be found in Lance Storm. 6)
Hey Taker, I think your bike has an oil leak. 7)
Booker: "Damn, I thought my programs with freaky characters were done." 8)
Steph: "So Zach, is that wood in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" 9)
Rey reacts in horror to the size of the bug on Tazz's face while Cole attempts to smack it off.
"Lance Storm, you are under the arrest for the importation of Bryan Adams music. You have the right to remain silent..."6)
"What's up with 'Taker always with a motor between his legs?"7)
"If Al Sharpton and Carol Mosley Braun fought on a desert island, who you still nuke it?8)
Zach, as long as you only have one leg missing, you'll still be able to sleep your way to the top. Do you enjoy feeding the horse? 9)
Rey Mysterio realizes that he's not tall enough see over the kids table. (edited by Kawshen on 8.6.03 1526)
"Certainly one of the chief guarantees of freedom under any government, no matter how popular and respected, is the right of citizens to keep and bear arms. This is not to say that firearms should not be very carefully used and that definite safety rules of precaution should not be taught and enforced. But the right of citizens to bear arms is just one more guarantee against arbitrary government, one more safeguard against a tyranny which now appears remote in America, but which historically has proved to be always possible." - Sen. Hubert H. Humphrey, 1960
Eddy Guerrero and Rey Mysterio Jr. come to a mutual agreement that they're both better off than Juventud Guerrera. 3)
HHH: "Does that watch of yours know where I can get some conditioner?" 4)
"In your home, I long to be... room by room, patiently..." 5)
Austin: "Here at Kentucky Fried Canadian, we keep our Canadians hot and fresh through special heating technology that guarantees sizzlin' hot jobber when you take it home!" 6)
Much like its' owner, Brock Lesnar can probably get a few bucks or so at the local antique shop for Undertaker's bike. 7)
Helms: "Now hold on a second, Mr. T... um... I mean... Booker T... Mr... Booker... T-Money... anyways, this is the only way I can get face time on Raw without taking a Pedigree from Triple H." 8)
Steph: "I'd like to welcome you to the Smackdown family." Zach: "I've seen how your family operates... I'm not sure if I should be angered or flattered." Steph: "And just how do we... operate?" Zach: "Very... closely." 9)
Cole: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm pleased at this time to be joined by Super Calo here at the boo-" Tazz: "That's Rey Mysterio! Did your ex-wife hit you a little too hard last night or somethin?"
King: "YIPPEE! Torrie's Playboy pics have somehow illegally arrived on the web! Yahoo!" JR:...
Eddie: "Okay, I'm wearing your shirt now! Do you promise not to bother me with any Filthy Animals reunion angle ideas, now?!" Rey: "Yeah... *sigh*... it's a done deal..."
HHH: "You mean, after your retirement from active competition, Vince gave you a choice of ANY watch you wanted, and you DIDN'T choose a Rolex?!" Austin: "Hey, hey, hey, leave the watch alone, I like it! Ah, reminds me of that old ad: This little light of mine...I'm gonna let it shine..."
Rock (thinking): "Now look at this perfect pose. This is art. This is perfection. And yet, Vince gave Kurt Angle the Coldplay theme?! This pose would've MADE that song. It would've made the video. It would've... Ah hell, I'll one-up Kurt and try to get a motion picture going with Cameron Diaz!"
Lance Storm hits the books again and studies hard for a new semester at school while his pet headless monster wearing one of his Hells Angels skull T-shirts from Lance's long-lost biker days "looks" on...
Brock (thinking): "TeeheeheeHEEHEEHEEHEE!!! Mark still hasn't noticed that I replaced his Goodyear tires with $1 ones 5 months ago! Hee hee hee hee hee!"
Gregory Helms: "Now, Booker, calm down! I know you're upset, but really, think about it, would a Harlem Heat reunion with your brother be THAT bad?!"
Stephanie: "Hello, Zach, my name's Stephanie McMahon, welcome to World Wrestling Entertainment, an....WHOA! Say, listen, my fiancée Paul is out of town doing promotional work for us. You don't mind if I...uh...borrow your...leg...tonight...do you?"
Cole: "And look who's joining us! It's REY MYSTERIO! Rey, the question probing everyone's minds is...Will we see a Filthy Animals reunion TONIGHT?" Rey (sobbing): "No. Eddie vetoed it." Tazz: "I know the feeling. Sabu's vetoed reforming the team with me several times to team with that Van Dam guy." Rey (still sobbing): "Yeah." Tazz: "Oh, RVD, you're lucky you're on Raw. Because if you were here on Smackdown, I'd, I'd..." Cole: "Want a donut?" Tazz: "WOULD I?"
Martin Kipp: Extreme Warfare Revenge Creative Member
Flipping through the channels during the Arkansas-Volunteers overtime bonanza, I came across an item on Confidential that I found very amusing. They had RVD looking at WWE merchandise, and some of the letters were in crayon.