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The W - Pro Wrestling - booze WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 10/30/2003!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1201 days
Last activity: 1198 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
Hey! I'm not sure how this is going to work out. I'm not editing shit tonight so if something doesn't mek sense, you can blame me or you can balme my giant lack of sleep (as my kids have gone on the To Bed At 7:45 PM, Up at 4:45 schedule since day lights savings time) or you can blame the fact that I'm plowing through a 12 of Southpaw Lite Booze (@ 5.0%). Fuck it. It's 7 till 8:00, I'll start on the Baron saga...

WHAT WORKED-

- THE CONTINUING ADVENTURES OF AL WILSON: Al Wilson spoke to the drowzy Baron. Al's arms were too secure for Al to even move his shoulders- but Al was also a man. Al had a real moral compass, but he also knew the part of the world of Men where a moral compass is of no navigational use- he knew of affairs of the heart and he also could see into the introspective eyes of the Baron. "So, you going to kill me or what?"

"Yes, I vill kill you. I have nozing else to do vith you. I have nothing inside me to stop myself from killing you. I figured I vould torture you first and garner as much information as I could. I have no feelings anymore- not for you, not for me, not for zis world. I have left but duty to my loved ones to rule ze vorld and gif mein children... mein children...MEIN CHILDREN......."

Al Wilson looked into the maw of eternity and made peace with himself that he would die. And then looked at the quivering mass of the Baron- the Baron now a weeping, screaming wretch. "MEIN CHILDREN WHO NO LONGER TALK TO ME! MEIN CHILDREN AND MEIN VIFE ZAT THINK ZAT I AM INSANE! Mein children... mein children.... mein beloved children...."

Al looked on with great compassion. Al was about to die at this man's hands but it was a comfort to him to know and have a rationalization as to why he was to die now. Al was a father and understood how this could drive a man to give up on his own very soul. Al looked at his own life and the betrayal by his own children and it dawned on him that he pitied the Baron for having to continue to live while being permanently driven away from the love and respect of his own children.

"That's fucked up, Baron."

The Baron turned and was no longer sad. He was now very angry. "YES IT IS, mein freund Al Vilson. It is QVITE fucked up. It is pathetic and FUCKED UP. I know about you and I know you understand because you are in ze same predicament. Zat is vy I haf no respect for you. Ver is your love? Vere is your SENSE OF DUTY! VY VOULD YOU TAKE ZIS SO EASILY?!?! ARE YOU SO BLOODLESS ZAT IT DOES NOT BOTHER YOU ZAT YOUR OWN DAUGHTER- YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD- you.... you... your own FLESH AND BLOOD haz BETRAYED YOU!" The Baron balled up his fist and crushed the side of Al Wilson's face and Al Wilson was instantly unconscious.

The Baron settled down into his chair and began to cry. He drifted off into thought about another time, another woman. When he was 23...

- Benoit and Angle wrestle Cena and A-Train. A-Train and Cena bump like fucking mutants for Angle's suplexes and A-Train hits a SWEEEET Western Lariat and then a superfresh Avalanche. Goddamit! Take it home! I have to pee! Stupid lite beer. WHAT KIND OF MAN DRINKS LITE BEER?!?!? When did I become such a powdered assed pussy? Benoit is fucking great as guy on the apron and Cena does a really nice cut off of Angle's first comeback. Cena looks fucking great in this match for some reason- taking the DDT right on his face. Benoit is fun all a-fire and A-Train sells the comical running axe handle. Benoit misses the headbutt and BOY! I've REALLT Got to pee! Benoit chops big to offense and hits the Locomotion German Suplex on A-Train and then hits the FAT ASS Toprope Headbutt for the win?!?! WHAT? Since when does he win with a toprope headbutt? Angle and Benoit as a tagteam is fun. Cena beats on A-Train after the match. Hmmmmm... A-Train vs Cena. No. Not good. Good enough wrestlin match though. Let's now go to the commercial so I can now let loose the briny fury that booze doth bring! GODDAMIT! Vignette!

- Torie comes out of the shower and she is trying on garters and RIGHT WHEN THE 46 YEAR OLD VIRGINS START JACKING OFF- THEY SWITCH TO CHRIS BENOIT WALKING WITHOUT A SHIRT! Confused latent homosexual fat guys blow a pungent load and the crying starts. Big tears. Big sad tears of confusion and love and repression and Jesus look how good that Canadian batch of man-candy looks when I whip out my junk! I MEAN TORRIE! TORRIE WAS WEARING A TOWEL! Oh mommy... oh mommy.... I swear I like girls....

- Ultimo Dragon and Rey Rey have a match while Tajiri does commentary with his boys. FUCK YOU COLE! TAJIRI SAID IT WAS A MOTHERFUCKING ACCIDENT! THAT BITCH WAS ASKING FOR IT! What the fuck is Rey Rey wearing? Fuscia shorts and aqua leggings? Was he late getting out of his Jazzercise class? FUCK YOU COLE! HE SAID HE SAID HE WAS SORRY! FUCK NOBLE IF HE CAN'T ACCEPT AN APOLOGY! Ultimo wins when Rey Rey throws UD into the ref, allowing Tajiri to kick him in the head. I wanted to kick him in the head myself because of those pants. Tajiri vs UD will be fun.

- Paul London no-selling the fake titties of Dawn Marie and going straight back to his video game gets him so over with me.

- BIG LOTS is sponsoring Smeltdorn! Big Lots fucking rules, you fucking pussy-assed mama's boys. BOOZE~!

- See, the reason that Queen was the greatest band in the world was because....(fill in your essay here)

- Chavo demands focus. Eddy is lacking focus. Visibly, he is in need of focus. Eddy then gives the best fucking Cactus Jack interview ever not actually given by Cactus Jack. That's how you get over. Then he becomes Eddy the Construction worker. Shaniqua is AWESOME. Jesus Christ, will she bump. They heat up a fued that could be fun- as the Guerrerros chase the Bashams what have the belts.

- See, I'm drunk. Oh yeah. Drunk drunk drunk. Sir Mix-a-lot is a musical genius. "Baby Got Back" is a declaration of the TRUE essence of America. It REALLY should be the new National Anthem. Fuck yeah, a real American doesn't want a Clalista Flockhart flat-assed gal unless she DEEPLY has other qualities to make up for it. The true image of a nation is what that nation's conception of beauty is. The browning of America brings my Polynesian need to get that bubble into the mainstream. Our conception of beauty was captured succintly by Mix-A-Lot and he defiantly said that American men like big butts. I cannot lie! I also like big butts. Fuck all that other shit. When a round things in my face I GET SPRUNG. Fuck you, motherfucker. I GET SPRUNG. I. GET. SPRUNG. YEah, yeah, yeah. Say watcha like. I GET SPRUNG. Fuck a Star Spangled Banner. I GET SPRUNG. here in the Land of Free and the HOME OF THE MOTHERFUCKING BRAVE, I GET SPRUNG. Okay, we should combine the "Land of the Free and home of the brave" section with "Baby Got Back" and THEN we will have our TRUE NATIONAL ANTHEM. GOD BLESS AMERICA. MOTHERFUCKER.

- Amin Event means BOOOOOOOOOOZE. Rejoice in the fact that my children have been asleep for two hours now and that my wife can kick my ass and your ass without really breaking a sweat. APA brings out their sweet sweet sweet sweet clubbing forearms. MUGAtaker is fun talking about needing to take a beating sometimes. Word. Brock comes oot. I say "oot" because I have a genuine fondness for Canada. I goes back to the CFL games they showed during the NFL strike of 1982 and the Captain Canuck comics that were available at Roses in 1979. Plsu Alpaha Flight and my love of Wolverine when I was 12. Wolverine plus age 12 is something many generation of men didn't have and they were so much poorer for never experiencing it. Big Show has a great theme song but y'know- I must pee yet again. Jebus, it's liek 4 till and there isn't a match yet. Wha? Bradshaw bring loving beautiful clubbing forearms. Big Show can't club with forearms so he headbutts. Big Show does the worst wiffed headbutt ever. Farooq is less good. He does set up a BEAUTIFUL lariat by Bradshaw. Brock uses a chair and APA wins with the DQ. Postmatch, they beat on the APA. APA teammates, Angle and Benoit make the save and then Morgan and Jones make the save of the save. That was perfectly fine. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZE!

WHAT DIDn'T WORK-

- Yo Vince, yell at Heyman AFTER I PEE. Plus it was supposed to some kind of SHOOT! Vince does look like J Jonah Jameson with that hairstyle- which is amusing. Heyman as fat gay Spiderman doesn't quite work. Jebus fucking Crap! Act less, commercial more! I HAVE TO PEE! PEE! PEE! Vince overacts so much that my urine goes back into my bloodstream to poison me and kill- as my urine is mad at me for forcing it to watch this shit. Ah finally. Sweet release of peeing as a man will peeingly pee.

- Did Vince write the aural blowjob that Heyman performed on him? I think Heyman said "Vince McMahon" 196 times. VINCE MCMAHON! Where is the VINCE MCMAHON that ran the WBF Pay Per View that led to Lex Luger riding a bus?!!?? VINCE MCMAHON! Where's the VINCE MCMAHON that swallowed the golf ball! VINCE MCMAHON! Where's the VINCE MCMAHON that released NO HOLDS BARRED and launched Tiny Lister's thespianic career?!?! VINCE MCMAHON! VINCE MCMAHON! Where's the VINCE MCMAHON that promoted the Leonard- Lelond fight? VINCE MCMAHON! Where is the VINCE MCMAHON that threatened Bob Costas but didn't have the BALLS to punch that motherfucker in the teeth? VINCE MCMAHON! Where's the VINCE MCMAHON that brought us the Chicago Hitmen and XFL and their astoundingly shitty helmets? VINCE MCMAHON! VINCE MCMAHON! VINCE MCMAHON!

- Heeeeeeeeeey. Nathan Jones! It's Nathan Jones! Matt Morgan has the look of the flamboyant Horshu! But he isn't Horshu. There is only one Horshu. Morgan is not Horshu. Horshu is Horshu. Morgan is Morgan. Morgan isn't Horshu. Horshu isn't Morgan. Brock comes out and they are all gonna talk business. Brock has the Big Show with him now and BOY! I'm not excited about this tagteam match up. Oh crap, all these folks will be a team at Survivor's Series. Maybe Matt Morgan is the new Vader. Who could be sure? I am not going to a sports bar to see this yet.

- Torrie Wilson comes out dressed as a bunny. Dawn Marie is dressed as Wonder Woman. Who's fantasy is THIS? Where is the tennis player and the hiker- ohohohoohohhohhhh- with those black hiker boots... sweet jeeeezus.... wait. God, Torrie is the worst leathery stripper ever. God, neither of these broads make me forget the special moment with Benoi... WAIT! Actually, Funaki is the most fuckable in that ring. So agile. So shootstyle. So the international lover. Torrie realizes this and acts like he is gonna suck Funaki's dick. Then SHE TURNS ON TAZZ!! DOH! We laffed and laffed and laffed.....WAIT!!!

- Bradshaw sez "fruitbooty".

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.




YES, I AM DEAN.
Promote this thread!
ScreamingHeadGuy
Frankfurter








Since: 1.2.02
From: Appleton, WI

Since last post: 658 days
Last activity: 658 days
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.96
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN

    - Torie comes out of the shower and she is trying on garters and RIGHT WHEN THE 46 YEAR OLD VIRGINS START JACKING OFF- THEY SWITCH TO CHRIS BENOIT WALKING WITHOUT A SHIRT! Confused latent homosexual fat guys blow a pungent load and the crying starts. Big tears. Big sad tears of confusion and love and repression and Jesus look how good that Canadian batch of man-candy looks when I whip out my junk! I MEAN TORRIE! TORRIE WAS WEARING A TOWEL! Oh mommy... oh mommy.... I swear I like girls....



That is good laugh-inducing stuff. Oh, and ze return of Al Vilson and ze Baron vas vonderful.

I drink lite beer.



Fashion Reporter Extraordinare

...as is proper.

DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1201 days
Last activity: 1198 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by ScreamingHeadGuy
    I drink lite beer.


We are not men.

DEAN. Maybe we are are De-VO.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Smackfiend
Mettwurst








Since: 11.11.02

Since last post: 3572 days
Last activity: 3373 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.11
Moreso than Smackdown each week, I look forward to the workrate report. You truly are a man amongst men, even if you do drink lite beer...
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1201 days
Last activity: 1198 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
Thank you, Smackfiend.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Matt Tracker
Scrapple








Since: 8.5.03
From: North Carolina

Since last post: 2 days
Last activity: 10 hours
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.06

    - See, the reason that Queen was the greatest band in the world was because....(fill in your essay here)


Damn it, Dean Otis of Mayberry Foster Brooks Rasmussen, how can you toss this aside and then rail about the genius of "Baby Got Back"? Does Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls" mean nothing to your beer-adled synapses? Jesus, man! They're gonna take you home tonight! Down beside that red fire light! They're gonna give all they got! THEY MAKE THE ROCKIN' WORLD GO ROUND!

Even Brock thinks they're fine and dandy.






"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1201 days
Last activity: 1198 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
Now that's a Queen essay!



YES, I AM DEAN.
Torchslasher
Knackwurst








Since: 17.1.02
From: New F'n Jersey

Since last post: 288 days
Last activity: 256 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.44
"Canadian batch of man-candy"

Well, I guess that would be the first time anyone refered to Chris Benoit that way. Who knew that booze would be the vehicle for some of Dean's better entendres?

Oh and since I'm over 1000 posts, I guess I can turn heel...so...I never read the Al Wilson stories. In fact, I think they are stupid. Al Wilson is no Tom Sawyer. Baron is no Hulk Finn. I can't skip that Al W. fluff fast enough.

Then again, if Torrie can forget about that whole "death of my dad by Dawn" saga, then I can forgive the ONE GUY who is still keeping Al's stories alive.



Molly, Stacy and Daffney all in WWE? I suddenly lost all my will to complain about anything regarding the WWE. Hope I don't lose my street cred for this.

TS, the greatest Wiener rated 6.1554 ever to live!! Oops, I mean 5.5...4.5?? Oh, dammit! I guess Notorious FAB was right.
InVerse
Bierwurst








Since: 26.8.02

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 51 min.
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.86
    Originally posted by Torchslasher
    Who knew that booze would be the vehicle for some of Dean's better entendres?


Anybody who regularly reads the Workrate Report? Drunken Dean was what brought me to this board in the first place!
Tribal Prophet
Andouille








Since: 9.1.02
From: Winnipeg, MB, Canada

Since last post: 8 days
Last activity: 17 hours
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.11
    Originally posted by InVerse
      Originally posted by Torchslasher
      Who knew that booze would be the vehicle for some of Dean's better entendres?


    Anybody who regularly reads the Workrate Report? Drunken Dean was what brought me to this board in the first place!


I was wondering why he seems a little off his game some weeks. Now I know. Dean's bottle ran dry too early.

Christ, reading this is actually (A LOT) more fun than watching the show now, and I don't have to invest two hours a week to do it. I only watch so I have some idea what's going on when I read.


Tribal Prophet



Wrestling exists in the eternal present. What is, has always been, and when it no longer is, it never was. It has no past and no future, and sometimes even today is in question. - Madame Manga

Click Here (welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com)
darkdragoon
Bockwurst








Since: 26.8.02

Since last post: 3606 days
Last activity: 3606 days
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.22
pretty half-ass Tony Montana impersonation by VINCE-NESS.

blah, no continuity, torrie was wonder woman for one of the last Halloween Havocs.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1201 days
Last activity: 1198 days
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by Torchslasher
    Oh and since I'm over 1000 posts, I guess I can turn heel...so...I never read the Al Wilson stories.


EVIL! YOU ARE EVIL! EEEEVIL!



YES, I AM DEAN.
SomeRandomFag IV
Cotechino








Since: 12.8.03

Since last post: 3544 days
Last activity: 3544 days
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.21

    - Paul London no-selling the fake titties of Dawn Marie and going straight back to his video game gets him so over with me.


Does the man have a stronger will and more focus than The Great Al Wilson? Is Al Wilson's love for the fake titties his kryptonite? Does Al Wilson secretly share the love of a slightly oiled up Canadian batch of man-candy, like you and I?



DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1201 days
Last activity: 1198 days
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by SomeRandomFag IV

      - Paul London no-selling the fake titties of Dawn Marie and going straight back to his video game gets him so over with me.


    Does the man have a stronger will and more focus than The Great Al Wilson? Is Al Wilson's love for the fake titties his kryptonite? Does Al Wilson secretly share the love of a slightly oiled up Canadian batch of man-candy, like you and I?


[Don't give away the third act!]

DEAN.



YES, I AM DEAN.
redsoxnation
Scrapple








Since: 24.7.02

Since last post: 388 days
Last activity: 388 days
#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.40
Now, we know: Daylight Savings Time was the true enemy. Now, we get six months of drunken DEAN.
Tajiri needs his own interview segment. Let him shoot in Japanese for a few minutes with subtitles. Of course, in my warped demented mind, the subtitles should be in Chinese one week, Russian another, Swahili the next, and so on.
Paul Heyman: Your the new GM of SD, what are you going to do: I'm going to de-ball myself to help get Vince McMahon over.
If Jim Ross and/or Vince McMahon signed paperwork stating Nathan Jones had special/unique skills that allow him to be in the United States, shouldn't Ross and/or Vince be facing federal charges for filing false paperwork to the government?



Why Pro Wrestling proves the INS cannot keep terrorists out of the United States: If a felon like Nathan Jones is allowed into the United States with no special skills (unless being totally inept in the ring counts, but I think there are enough totally inept people in the US to keep that skill from being unique or special), then how the hell can they justify keeping anyone else out?
pieman
As young as
he feels








Since: 11.12.01
From: China, Maine

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 10 hours
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.21


    Originally posted by Tribal Prophet
    Christ, reading this is actually (A LOT) more fun than watching the show now, and I don't have to invest two hours a week to do it. I only watch so I have some idea what's going on when I read.


    Tribal Prophet


I haven't seen the show in months, but that doesn't stop me from enjoying the drunken ramblings of this old bastard.



Gabba Gabba Hey!
tarnish
Frankfurter








Since: 13.2.02
From: Back in the Heart of Hali

Since last post: 410 days
Last activity: 22 hours
AIM:  
Y!:
#17 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.03
    Originally posted by DEAN

    I GET SPRUNG. I. GET. SPRUNG.



Or, if'n you prefer the latin, "INFLAMMARE ANIMOS. INFLAMMARE. AN. I. MOS."

(no, really: Baby Got Back in Latin. For those who prefer the Greek, how about Baby Got Bacchus?)

I too have been missing DEAN's reports; I haven't been able to watch the show in months. But now that DEAN has returned, I get ten times the entertainment in one tenth the time.

And that's with the Lite beer.

(part of me thinks someday DEAN should try to do a Zima-infused Smackdown! Workrate Report; another part of me suspects such a thing would cause the collapse of the Universe as we know it: a massive black hole centered where Virginia used to be.)

(edited by tarnish on 31.10.03 1211)


/tarnish...

It is what it is.
You are what you it.
There are no mistakes.
--Tom Robbins
RYDER FAKIN
Six Degrees of Me








Since: 21.2.02
From: ORLANDO

Since last post: 586 days
Last activity: 24 days
AIM:  
#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.71
DEAN: Stupid lite beer. WHAT KIND OF MAN DRINKS LITE BEER?!?!?

Studies show that copius amounts of shitty Lite Beer makes one forget ALL ABOUT putting GIANT on the 500 LIST! Final confirmation awaits...

FLEA



Demonstrations are a drag. Besides, we're much too high...

FLEA - 1ryderfakin.com - IWC 100! And MORE!
LotusMegami
Salami








Since: 22.9.03
From: Indiana

Since last post: 3332 days
Last activity: 3332 days
AIM:  
#19 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.71
Dean! Dr. wagner is using your name! But we know the difference. Dean could never spell so poorly.

Couldn't help myself. :)



And if you think that its fake try to receive a chokeslam, a sweet chin music or a spear without scream or drop a tear..
Gugs
Bierwurst








Since: 9.7.02
From: Sleep (That's where I'm a viking)

Since last post: 427 days
Last activity: 19 days
AIM:  
Y!:
#20 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.24
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    Bradshaw sez "fruitbooty".


I thought that was what he said, but I also thought that somebody-anybody-would have mentioned it. Thanks for confirming I'm not nearly as nuts as I think I am.



Josh Beckett is God. If you don't believe me, ask the Yankees (or what's left of them after Georgie Porgie goes nuts).

I write for CSSA. You probably don't.
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