To the male wieners I have a question I hope you can give an answer to. I'm working on a piece I'm writing and I want to incorporate every good kiss-off line we have ever been given by a woman we were in a relationship with/wanted to get in a relationship with. I'm sure enough of us know the joy of being given some derivation of the "sorry it's not like that with you" speech, so let's see the wonderfully cruel twists people have given it in your lives. The more people who contribute, the more wonderfully bitter I can make this. Thanks :)
I don't know if I could use "best" with a straight face, but I get the point. A couple that I really loved hearing before I met my wife (God bless her!):
It's not you, it's me. I need space. I'm in a wierd place now. I love you but I'm not "in love" with you.
Granted, all of them are cliches, but the thing is, girls/women still use them, we know they're BS and that's why they piss us off. (Or course, unless I used them when I broke it off with her, in which case they were heartfelt and sincere.)
Your such a perfect guy. Any girl would be lucky to have you. Just not me.
"i dont know what it is or what it could be but i get a woody when these pussies try to push me thinkin they gonna put me in a position to pickle me y'all tickle me pink i think i'd just rather have Pink Tickle Me" Biggie, 50 Cent, Eminem "The Realest" (RemiX)
Thank God for married life. The worst line I hear is "Can we wait a couple days? I have bad allergies."
"Despite the above explanation, some people, especially among scientists, suggest that science may not entertain intelligent causes. This notion is certainly mistaken. The abductive inference is very much at home in modern science. Retrospective causal reasoning is routinely used by NASA scientists as they explore the heavens looking for signs of intelligence in their SETI (Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence) program. If signals from space conveyed artificial electromagnetic pulses sent in code to give, for example, the first thousand digits in the transcendental number 3.14159..., this would be considered so improbable an occurrence that we concur that intelligence had sent it. If scientists ever receive radio signals that are distinguished from noise and have the indicia of intelligence, we can surely expect a jubilant announcement from Washington." -Charles Thaxton
Why do you want to make us all relive this stuff? Anyway, I'll keep the worst ones to myself, and I'll give you these two little nuggets:
A girl once dumped me because she didn't like the fact that we agree on so much stuff. That is, we actually thought the same way about a lot of different things (ie. movies, music, etc), and that wasn't a good thing. She wanted someone she could argue with. I still don't understand that one.
More recently, a girl told me that she was going back to the borderline abusive ex-boyfriend because she "felt more of a connection to him." I eventually learned that "felt more of a connection" meant "found him better looking, therefore the rest of the crap was forgiveable."
"Well Robert, I think you're great and all and I know we had all these plans to move in together and stuff, but thanks to you, you've helped me decide that I enjoy being with other females. I'm just not wanting to be with a man anymore; I hope you can understand."
Cerebus: Barbarian, Prime Minister, Pope, Perfect House Guest.
"Graft is as necessary as throwing up when you drink too much."
This is not quite an answer to the original question, but it's somewhat related...
A few years ago, I was having dinner with a couple of friends when two of us got to talking about being turned down for dates, and in particular about how women handled turning us down. We kicked around a few good and bad ways to do it, and then asked the other guy for his opinion on the right way to be rejected. Unfortunately, he wasn't paying attention to us, so he heard "rejection" and thought about jobs, so he came back with "We've decided to go a different way".
Actually, I think that (changing it to "I", of course), would be a damn good way to reject a guy. It's clear and to the point, it doesn't hurt the feelings particularly, and it has an enticing (well, not to Cerebus, I guess) hint of lesbianism to it.
"America may have some problems, but it's our home. Our team. And if you don't wanna root for your team...then you should get the hell out of the stadium. Go America."--Stan Marsh, South Park
Poor Cerebus gets the award for worst bump taken. :-) Anyhoo, my top 3:
3: (from a girl I was dating who moved back home to St. Louis, via E-mail): "I think you should know, sweetie, I've met somebody. He makes me very happy. But I wanna thank you...you made me feel good about myself just when I needed it."
Great...I do all the therapy and some frickin' Rams fan reaps the benefits. DELETED!
2: (a college girlfriend, who I thanked in a phone call for...uh, deflowering yours truly): "Well, we won't be doing that anymore."
Saw her a few years later...we're talking Tammy Lynn Sytch slide from hot to Yecch!DELETED!
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY TO DUMP THE THRILL:
1: (from a religious girl who enjoyed some of things we did, if yaknowwhutImean, but couldn't reconcile it with her Lutheranism): Me: "You mean you can't even go to lunch with me?" Her: "Mmm-hmm." Me: *click*
Oy gevalt...I think I need a drink and a Frank Sinatra CD.
Star wipe, and...we're out. Thrillin' ain't easy. . . THE THRILL ACW-NWA Wisconsin Home Video Technical Director...& A2NWO 4 Life!
I'm trying to rack my brain headed into my 2 year anniversary ... Traditionally it's the Cotton anniversary, and I'd like to do something relative to that theme. I've got some ideas but I'm trying to brainstorm.