I use the "Chump don't want the help, chump don't get the help" line quite a bit (sans racial ending). I loved "Leave It To Beaver" when I was a kid too. R.I.P.
"You are going to get a certain amount of snarkiness on the Internet no matter what, and my rule is that you don't post anything that you wouldn't say to someone's face." Marc Andreyko (Writer of DC Comic's "Manhunter")
I love Cartman and agree with you, but for every Scott Tenormen episode where Cartman comes out on top, there's an AWESOME-O episode where Cartman suffers. The way the writer's strike that balance is brilliant.