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25.10.14 1944
The W - Current Events & Politics - Apologies from Canadia
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tarnish
Frankfurter








Since: 13.2.02
From: Back in the Heart of Hali

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#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.03

Please don't take this too seriously; it's just another perspective

Courtesy Rick Mercer, formerly of "This Hour has 22 Minutes" and the seminal "Talking to Americans":

Of behalf of Canadians everywhere, I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and, for that, I am truly sorry.

I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense, I guess our excuse would be that our teams were much, much, much better than yours.

I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's very nice.

I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I realize it took mare than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew that he had weapons.

And finally, on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

Thank you.


P.S. Have a nice day, eh!





/tarnish...

Did you walk to school or bring a lunch?
Promote this thread!
dMr
Andouille








Since: 2.11.02
From: Edinburgh, Scotland

Since last post: 47 days
Last activity: 59 min.
#2 Posted on
Thats pretty funny, especially liked the "I noticed you've rebuilt it. It's very nice!".

I'd imagine its still gonna draw some flak though. Particularly the Hitler comment. Oh well you can please some of the people some of the time......



"You dont appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: stuff you'd pay good money for these days."


One time undisputed Wiener of the day 2.11.02
MoeGates
Andouille








Since: 6.1.02
From: Brooklyn, NY

Since last post: 4 days
Last activity: 2 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.28
Hmm... One by one.

I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually elected him.

All true. One point for Canada.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.

OK. If having better lumber makes you feel better, God bless you. I don't think 1 American in 10,000 has ever though about if Canadian or American lumber is better.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense, I guess our excuse would be that our teams were much, much, much better than yours.

Also true. However, being #1 in your favorite sport isn't that impressive. Not only are we #1 in our favorite sport, we're also #1 in our second favorite sport, and third favorite sport (I'm ignoring the recent World Basketball Championship Debacle). And the women's version of your favorite sport. And half the other sports in the world. Being proud of being the #1 hockey team gives us more late-night humor fodder, not less.

I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's very nice.

Only Canada could brag about what their country did in a war when it wasn't even a country yet. And it's not like anyone who actually lived in Canada marched down and burned the White House. That was done by the British Navy. I've also Canada has done a nice job of rebuilding Toronto from when it was burned down in the War of 1812 (or "the war of American Agression" as it seems like it's taught in Canada).

I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain.

This is idiotic. Compare Bud and Miller to Molson and Labatt's. It's the damn same. Now compare a decent Canadian beer to a decent Wisconsin beer. Again, about the same. You can get good beer and shitty beer quite easily in both countries. The difference? We don't pay 20 bucks a six-pack for our good beer.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew that he had weapons.

Well, again, pretty much spot on. But who ended up beating Hitler, huh? The Mounties?

And finally, on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

Goddamn right. Back Bacon and Neve Campbell are pretty much all that's keeping you from being the next Kabul at this point.








It seems that I am - in no particular order - Zack Morris, John Adams, a Siren, Janeane Garofalo, Cheer Bear, Aphrodite, a Chihuahua, Data, Cletus the Slack Jawed Yokel, Amy-Wynn Pastor, Hydrogen, Bjork, Spider-Man, Boston, and a Chaotic Good Elvin Bard-Mage.
redsoxnation
Scrapple








Since: 24.7.02

Since last post: 481 days
Last activity: 481 days
#4 Posted on
And of course, we Americans would like to apologize for using the sacred Stanley Cup as a piss jar for the past decade. But don't worry, someday a Canadian hockey team will win it back (insert laugh track).



Ole Anderson booking is a weapon of self inflicted mass destruction.
dMr
Andouille








Since: 2.11.02
From: Edinburgh, Scotland

Since last post: 47 days
Last activity: 59 min.
#5 Posted on

    Originally posted by MoeGates
    being #1 in your favorite sport isn't that impressive. Not only are we #1 in our favorite sport, we're also #1 in our second favorite sport, and third favorite sport (I'm ignoring the recent World Basketball Championship Debacle). And the women's version of your favorite sport. And half the other sports in the world. Being proud of being the #1 hockey team gives us more late-night humor fodder, not less


Didnt Canada win Olympic gold in mens and womens hockey?

And half the other sports in the world?!?!

Soccer, nope. Rugby Union, nope. Rugby league, nope. Motor racing, um, well, nope. Cricket, nope. See a pattern emerging?

Other than American Football (which only the US really plays competitively) I can think of baseball and sprint events in the athletics.

Oh and basketball and all the other sports I mentioned if you conveniently ignore when you lose.

And I think claiming single handed victory over Hitler is a tad misguided at best.



"You dont appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: stuff you'd pay good money for these days."


One time undisputed Wiener of the day 2.11.02
Battlezone
Potato korv








Since: 27.2.03
From: Seattle, Washington

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#6 Posted on
And half the other sports in the world?!?!

Soccer, nope. Rugby Union, nope. Rugby league, nope. Motor racing, um, well, nope. Cricket, nope. See a pattern emerging?


I don't know about the other sports, but I do remember that when the US had their run during the last World Cup, there was much kvetching from the other countries to the extent of, "well there goes another sport for the US to dominate". Although I never will claim to be a expert on the sport everyone mistakenly calls football. (That's a joke, people.)

And as a part time fan of rugby (meaning, I'll watch it whenever I can find it on here), what's the difference between Rugby Union and Rugby league? Are they just different associations, or do they play under different rules?



"[Phil] Jackson named his kidney stone "Kobe"...because it wouldn't pass."-Page 2
dMr
Andouille








Since: 2.11.02
From: Edinburgh, Scotland

Since last post: 47 days
Last activity: 59 min.
#7 Posted on

    Originally posted by Battlezone
    And as a part time fan of rugby (meaning, I'll watch it whenever I can find it on here), what's the difference between Rugby Union and Rugby league? Are they just different associations, or do they play under different rules?


They play under greatly different rules. It would take all day (and someone who cares a lot more about either code) to cover them all.

In a nut shell, in rugby league you get 6 tackles per posession to score points before you have to hand posession over to the other team. Rugby union is arguably more free flowing and theres no limit to the number of tackles (and play doesnt stop after each tackle).

And nobody really thinks the US is gonna dominate soccer any time soon. Course they could murder Scotland, but then I think we're ranked somewhere below Honduras and the Channel Islands right now and not far above the Azerbaijan Under 16's womens team.



"You dont appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: stuff you'd pay good money for these days."


One time undisputed Wiener of the day 2.11.02
Bizzle Izzle
Bockwurst








Since: 26.6.02
From: New Jersey, USA

Since last post: 85 days
Last activity: 85 days
#8 Posted on
This 'essay' wasn't trying to insult America, it was ripping on the Canadians. I find it hilarious that some Canuckleheads actually think that having a better hockey team or better freaking wood makes them a better country. Are the most important things to a Canadian hockey, beer, and lumber? No way can this author be seriously trying to insult US. Maybe I'm giving him too much credit, but the essay seems like some funny anti-Canadian satire to me.



'But if one is struck by me only a little, that is far different, the stroke is a sharp thing and suddenly lays him lifeless, and that man's wife goes with cheeks torn in lamentation, and his children are fatherless, while he, staining the soil with his red blood, rots away, and there are more birds than women swarming about him.' Diomedes, The Iliad of Homer

Maiden RULES!!!
Battlezone
Potato korv








Since: 27.2.03
From: Seattle, Washington

Since last post: 2147 days
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#9 Posted on

    Originally posted by dMr
    In a nut shell, in rugby league you get 6 tackles per posession to score points before you have to hand posession over to the other team. Rugby union is arguably more free flowing and theres no limit to the number of tackles (and play doesnt stop after each tackle).


Thanks for clearing that up. That's probably why I always get confused when I'm watching. I just figured they were making rules up as they went along. Fox Sports' coverage of the sport sucks, although I'll admit to never really making an attempt to find out the rules or anything.



"[Phil] Jackson named his kidney stone "Kobe"...because it wouldn't pass."-Page 2
Grimis
Scrapple








Since: 11.7.02
From: MD

Since last post: 1272 days
Last activity: 1068 days
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.29
I will still go to bed tonight comfortable with the fact that Canada is America's little brother...



There is no room in this country for hyphenated Americanism.
- Theodore Roosevelt, Ocotber 12, 1915
Cerebus
Scrapple








Since: 17.11.02

Since last post: 11 days
Last activity: 1 day
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.74
That's odd. There is no mention of the best healthcare system ever that those canuckleheads have going for them, I thought they ALWAYS threw THAT in our faces.

I gotta agree with the beer statement. American domestic beer is for shit. The alc. content is much greater over the boarder. I'll take a Labatts, Molsen, or Moosehead beer over the piss we have here any day, even though Amber Bock comes pretty close in taste and texture.

American beer sucks!



Cerebus: Barbarian, Prime Minister, Pope, Perfect House Guest.

"Graft is as necessary as throwing up when you drink too much."
Corajudo
Frankfurter








Since: 7.11.02
From: Dallas, TX

Since last post: 109 days
Last activity: 4 days
#12 Posted on
    Originally posted by dMr


    And nobody really thinks the US is gonna dominate soccer any time soon. Course they could murder Scotland, but then I think we're ranked somewhere below Honduras and the Channel Islands right now and not far above the Azerbaijan Under 16's womens team.



Actually, according to the world soccer governoring body (FIFA), the U.S. Men's National team ranks 10th in the world in soccer. This is ahead of Italy and Portugal. FYI, Honduras is 40th, Scotland is 60th (10 spots ahead of CANADA!) and I couldn't find the Channel Islands or the Azerbaijan Under 16 women's team.

Also, making the quarterfinals in the World Cup points to a ranking in the top 8. It's not number 1, but it's pretty darn good, especially considering the importance of soccer in the sporting landscape in the U.S.

If you consider women's soccer (and as a soccer fan, I do not), the U.S. Women's Team is generally regarded as the best in the world, although China is neck and neck.

And, BTW, that 'apology' was damned funny and made me laugh out loud (especially about the rebuilding the White House). I never knew the 51st state had such a rich sense of humor.

EDIT: Cerebus--I would argue that any of the big brewery's mass produced beers are piss. However, there are countless microbrews in the U.S. that pump out some fine beer.


(edited by Corajudo on 4.3.03 1557)
Bullitt
Shot in the dark








Since: 11.1.02
From: Houston

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 3 days
#13 Posted on
    Originally posted by Bizzle Izzle
    This 'essay' wasn't trying to insult America, it was ripping on the Canadians. I find it hilarious that some Canuckleheads actually think that having a better hockey team or better freaking wood makes them a better country. Are the most important things to a Canadian hockey, beer, and lumber? No way can this author be seriously trying to insult US. Maybe I'm giving him too much credit, but the essay seems like some funny anti-Canadian satire to me.


Maybe I can clear this up a little...

The author tarnish is quoting here is a Canadian comedian (from Newfoundland, actually) named Rick Mercer. He was a "co-anchor" of a satirical news program up here called "This Hour Has 22 Minutes," somewhat akin to "The Daily Show," but with a decidedly Canadian twist.

A popular segment of the show was called "Talking to Americans," where Mercer would interview people in Washington or Boston or what have you...feeding them lines such as "Canada just got their first television network" or "Canadian Prime Minister Jean Poutine just completed a double-double" and show their responses. It was nothing more than playing into the stereotype that "Americans don't know anything about Canada" which, of course, struck a chord up here and got some pretty high ratings when spun off into its own half-hour special.

By no means is Mercer trying to be serious with this piece. He is not insulting Americans in any way. While it is sad, yes, that the topics he mention seem to be some sort of rallying point of Canadian patriotism, I, as a born and raised Canadian having lived in the States for parts of 3 years, will take ESPN, HBO, Gulden's spicy brown mustard, and Rolling Rock over softwood lumber and Tim Horton's anyday.





(edited by Bullitt on 4.3.03 1506)

Matthew Good - Playing Calgary March 24th AND 25th. Be there.

Gordie.ca
MoeGates
Andouille








Since: 6.1.02
From: Brooklyn, NY

Since last post: 4 days
Last activity: 2 days
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.28
Oh shit, I totally forgot about Tim Hortons and the Health Care system. Add that to Neve Campbell and Back Bacon, and Canada's totally in the clear.



It seems that I am - in no particular order - Zack Morris, John Adams, a Siren, Janeane Garofalo, Cheer Bear, Aphrodite, a Chihuahua, Data, Cletus the Slack Jawed Yokel, Amy-Wynn Pastor, Hydrogen, Bjork, Spider-Man, Boston, and a Chaotic Good Elvin Bard-Mage.
Pool-Boy
Lap cheong








Since: 1.8.02
From: Huntington Beach, CA

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#15 Posted on
My favorite thing about Canada?

"You Can't Do This on Television."

That and Alanis Morrisette... but I guess the two go hand in hand... Oh, and The Kids in the Hall. Can't forget them...




tarnish
Frankfurter








Since: 13.2.02
From: Back in the Heart of Hali

Since last post: 503 days
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#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.03

    Corajudo said:


    And, BTW, that 'apology' was damned funny and made me laugh out loud (especially about the rebuilding the White House). I never knew the 51st state had such a rich sense of humor.



Ironically, a shortlist of Canadian comedians you may have heard of goes something like: Mike Myers, Martin Short, John Candy, Leslie Nielson, Jim Carrey, Rick Moranis, Kids in the Hall, Dan Akroyd, Tommy Chong, Tom Green, Phil Hartman, Rich Little, Howie Mandel, and Lorne Michaels. We've been making y'all laugh all sorts of ways for, like, ever

There's some contention here whether or not Mercer actually wrote that piece, but it's certainly in line with his style. Bizzle Izzle noted, correctly, I think, that it's more of a shot at us than the USA.

"Talking with Americans" was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Even funnier was when American television tried to do the same thing and it didn't work nearly so well. In Canada, we live with "American Culture" all our lives; television, sports, movies, advertising, fashion, and more. We forget very easily that Americans don't get a lot of exposure to our culture and don't like the honest answer as to why not, namely, ``Why would they?''



/tarnish...

Did you walk to school or bring a lunch?
Grimis
Scrapple








Since: 11.7.02
From: MD

Since last post: 1272 days
Last activity: 1068 days
#17 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.29

    Originally posted by tarnish
    Ironically, a shortlist of Canadian comedians you may have heard of goes something like: Mike Myers, Martin Short, John Candy, Leslie Nielson, Jim Carrey, Rick Moranis, Kids in the Hall, Dan Akroyd, Tommy Chong, Tom Green, Phil Hartman, Rich Little, Howie Mandel, and Lorne Michaels. We've been making y'all laugh all sorts of ways for, like, ever.

The list of Canadian comedians was always impressive. Hell, I didn't event know Chong was from the North.

I guess you have to laugh...if only not to cry. :)



There is no room in this country for hyphenated Americanism.
- Theodore Roosevelt, Ocotber 12, 1915
Freeway
Scrapple








Since: 3.1.02
From: Calgary

Since last post: 307 days
Last activity: 4 days
#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.96
Hmm... I like Canada. I like America. I'm a Canadian, and I'm allowed to like both. I like the freedom both countries enjoy, although I don't like the latest Ashcroft regieme "making America safe" or the Canadian Liberal party totally ignoring the Western part of Canada. I like the fact that both sides fight for what they hold to be the right thing, even though the US gets involved in more things than they should. Then again, they got bit in the ass before by not getting involved, so let's just call it being overly cautious. I like the numbers that the US military has, and the training that the Canadian military has. I like American TV. I like American films. I like Canadian comedy. I like having snow to shovel six months a year. I like having the US right next door in case anything bad happens.

I like the fact that we all live in a country that cherishes differences and encourages us to speak out for what we think is right in the world.

Wow, I'm gonna go hug some kittens or something. God bless Canada...and America, because otherwise, we're just plain confused.

Confused about what? I don't know...

f420



"I know something that will cheer you up, Wesley"
"Are you programmed to be thinking what I'm thinking?"
"MAKEOVER!!"
Princical Scudworth & Mr. Butlertron; Clone High
Big Bad
Scrapple








Since: 4.1.02
From: Dorchester, Ontario

Since last post: 6 days
Last activity: 1 hour
#19 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.54
To quote Michael Caine,

"There are only two things I hate; those who are intolerant of other people's cultures........and the Dutch."




Well Mr. Burns had done it.
The power plant had won it.
With Rogers Clemens clucking all the while.
Mike Scioscia's tragic illness made us smile.
While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on
the barroom tile.
We're talkin'...
Softball.
From Maine to San Diego.
Talkin'...
Softball.
Mattingly and Canseco.
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw.
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law.
We're talkin' Homer...
Ozzie and the Straw.
Freeway
Scrapple








Since: 3.1.02
From: Calgary

Since last post: 307 days
Last activity: 4 days
#20 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.96

    Originally posted by Big Bad
    To quote Michael Caine,

    "There are only two things I hate; those who are intolerant of other people's cultures........and the Dutch."



To quote Homer Simpson and Hank Scorpio, in the classic Simpsons episode "You Only Move Twice":
"Homer, what's your least favorite country: Italy or France?"
"France." "Ha-ha! Nobody ever says Italy..."
Scorpio readies giant evil laser...

Ah, I think one thing we can all be united by is our extreme hatred of France. The worst part of Canada is the French part...except it has good food, movies and culture. And people. Except politicians.



"I know something that will cheer you up, Wesley"
"Are you programmed to be thinking what I'm thinking?"
"MAKEOVER!!"
Princical Scudworth & Mr. Butlertron; Clone High
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