Idol Gives Back! I’d like to give Idol back, am I right? Sorry. That was really terrible. I can already tell tonight’s going to be awesome because everybody is dressed as the stripper version of themselves. Talk about giving back! Lacey just can’t stay out of the audience! You got voted off, like, weeks ago, dude.
Hey, it’s Alicia Keys! She’s the mentor this week, and she’ll mostly be telling the kids not to sing her songs, just like the judges. Seacrest looks really excited for the first time in weeks because he gets to point to this every year and talk about how much charity work he’s done. Crystal looks like she’s got no clue what’s going on here.
I thought this was supposed to be Idol Gives Back? Where are the white pant suits and David Cook writing inspirational messages on his body? Where are the contestants being forced to sing super sappy charity songs instead of the Theme from Spider-Man 2?! Where is the pointless corporate shilling? Oh wait. There it is. Because This? Is American Idol!
(Idol Drinking Game for Tonight: Drink every time you forget that this was supposed to be the “Idol Gives Back“ performance night)
Casey James The Song: “Don‘t Stop” by Fleetwood Mac Alicia Keys Says: This was probably too popular. The Performance: Casey’s stripper self is pretty much just Casey, because he’s pretty much already proven that he’s ok with that. And good for him. I guess. Dig him making googly eyes at every object in the room but Alicia Keys in his video package. And in the midst of the hedge maze from Alice in Wonderland for some reason.
Vocally, he’s all over the place, as per usual, but he’s back on the guitar this week, so that’s a definite plus for him. Alicia’s advice actually holds kind of true here(!), because the song is way better than Casey, but whatever. I think his soul patch is going to eat the rest of his face. The judges are totally bored with Casey, and Simon dings him because “Don’t Stop” isn’t inspirational enough for “Idol Gives Back” which is hilarious. Ellen is wearing a gold medal for some reason. The Judges Say: That song doesn’t make me want to give back. I Say: You are getting kind of boring there, champ. Score: +3 Change: +/- 0
Lee DeWyze The Song: “The Boxer” by Simon and Garfunkle Alicia Keys Says: Treat this like a spoken word performance. The Performance: Boring ol’ Lee’s stripper self has a loose tie and a couple undone shirt buttons. He’s like dressy Simon Cowell. Alicia literally does have him recite the lines without music and then calls him poor and ugly, which was a nice touch. Ryan and Lee commiserate over the loss of Andrew Garcia’s pompadour for a bit.
Nothing’s more awesome than mumbling “pocket full of mumbles” so, kudos to Mr. DeWyze for that. Also, he brought the string section, and you know I’m in love with that. This is still super boring, but it’s probably Lee’s best performance yet. So, good for him. The judges, of course, are super in love with it, and you know what? I am too. The Judges Say: Way to hit the theme on the head, man. I Say: The inevitable Crystal/Lee Showdown staggers on. Score: +4 Change: +2
Tim Urban The Song: “Better Days” by The Google Dolls Adam Lambert Says: Take these nights and duhduhduh…. The Performance: Tim’s stripper self is a tween hippie college kid. Aw, Tim. Ryan is too busy hamming it up with Sully Sullenberg to notice what’s going on. But I have to say, how weird and silly is it that this kid is finally doing something? I mean, Lee totally stole his string section idea, but this is kind of inspired song choice.
He’s all over the place in the actual performance, but that’s par for the course. He’s being judged on an entirely different scale than anybody else in this competition, and on the 1-10 Tim Scale, this was a 7 or 8. I’d need a slide rule to figure out where it was compared to, say, Crystal, but you get the point. Everybody on the panel just kind of rolls their eyes at this, while Simon just boggles and says, “Well, on the Tim Scale….” The Judges Say: You’re no Lee DeWyze, Tim! I Say: Sorry, you guys, I totally lost my slide rule. Just smile. Score: -1 Change: +/- 0
Aaron Kelly The Song: “I Believe I Can Fly” Alicia Keys Says: Look! I’m bigger than you! The Performance: Ryan intros this by saying Aaron’s been singing this song since he was five, which would be impressive if that weren’t last year. More strings, it’s string night! I’m distracted by Alicia Keys’ bracelets clanging all over the place like she’s wearing chain mail. Also by the fact that Aaron’s stripper self is Tom Cruise circa 1989.
And really what’s more inspirational than peeing on people? It’s ok, though, because the girls would be older than Aaron. “Trapped in a Closet” would’ve been a better choice here, though, for the inspirational factor and the unwitting Tom Cruise connections. Aaron’s family don’t look impressed, probably because he’s in full goat here. On the Tim Urban scale, this was a clear Square Root of Y. Simon gets all cheeky about how silly that all was, but all the rest of the judges beat him down. The Judges Say: The first part of that was all over the place, but it was ok. I Say: I’m pretty sure he can’t actually fly. Score: 0 Change: +/- 0
Siobhan Magnus The Song: “When You Believe” by Mariah Carey and/or Whitney Houston. Alicia Keys Says: That was the money shot. Wait, what? The Performance: Whitney AND Mariah? Girl, you crazy! As if you didn’t know, Siobhan’s stripper self is a literal 1920s stripper outfit with ribbon shoes and random butterflies all the fuck over the place. I can’t help but love this girl. She’s like Lady Gaga with fashion sense. Alicia gets all up in her area when she hits the Mariah note, even though she doesn’t hit it that well. That’s the money, apparently.
Her voice actually sounds pretty nice tonight, because she’s not trying to sing from somewhere behind her head, but unfortunately she kind of comes out pretty flat until she starts pumping out all her high notes. Then she’s totally in her wheelhouse, and she pops like fifty in a row and the crowd goes nuts about it. She only has that thing right now, but it was actually pretty nice overall. It’s Whitney AND Mariah, though, so everybody jumps all the hell over her, so she goes on one of her nerdy Siobhan rants. The Judges Say: That was all kind of nuts, what with the butterflies and all. I Say: I’m sorry, but Siobhan is awesome. I’m going to miss her butterfly dresses and nerd rants. She’s the new Brooke White. Sorry, Didi. Score:+3 Change: +1
Mike Lynche The Song: “Hero” by Chad Kroeger (Featuring Josey Scott) Alicia Keys Says: I like it when people take chances. But not like this. The Performance: Oh, man. Really? In the video package Mike is totally jamming out and he sounds like a crazy person, so this is going to be awesome. He is also wearing a gold medal. Is that a new thing? Mike’s stripper self is Simon Cowel, oddly enough. I do kind of miss that blinding white bomber jacket though.
The string section is getting overtime tonight! This is…just as crazy sounding as it was in the video package. Somewhere, Alicia Keys is laughing so hard that she’s crying. I don’t know what the hell was going on with this. Randy calls this a “band song” which is really funny considering this is Chad Kroeger’s step away from Nickleback. Simon is amazing, because he’s just all, “That was the song from Spider-Man. Heh.” But I still didn’t think that was any good. The Judges Say: You go, Spider-Man! I Say: I don’t know what that was, but I miss Big Mike. Score: +2 Change: -1
Crystal Bowersox The Song: “People Get Ready” by the Impressions Alicia Keys Says: What do you want me to say? Really? The Performance: Unsurprisingly, Crystal’s stripper self is a cross between that one creepy strip joint in the middle of some tiny farm town and Jewel. Which is…not that big a stretch, when you get right down to it. Ah, but as Ryan Seacrest will warn us: She is naked without her instruments. Although, to be fair, they gave her some swanky lampshade microphone stand. Aaron Kelly’s never gotten a lampshade microphone stand!
The performance, by the way, is fundamentally very good. Of course it is. I can’t help but feel like we’re playing Melinda Doolittle’s musical chairs here a bit at this point. Except that Crystal is probably a bit more expressive than Melinda was in her time. And I could actually see Crystal’s CD selling. But I don’t know, I’m just weary of the whole Crystal train at this point, and I kind of wish she’d do something weird and interesting while she’s still got time to coast. And no, a didgeridoo and a piano don’t count. Well, I guess she bursts into tears at the end, which is…I don’t know. Weird? But not interesting. The Judges Say: We‘re so happy you‘re going to win. I Say: I don’t know any more. Yet another week. Score: +6 Change: +1
Bottom Three: Michael Lynche, Siobhan Magnus, Tim Urban
Casey’s slipping, Aaron’s probably in more trouble than he realizes, and the Crystal train is basically just going to steamroll over everything. But everything’s going to be so buried in the Idol Gives Back stuff, that nobody’s even going to care about who goes home.
Either Aaron or Tim will be up there this week. Tim’s more likable, but I think the people who were voting for “crazy Tim” have slowly started to fall off his bandwagon. Aaron’s audience isn’t exactly known for their longevity on this show, Archuleta aside. Siobhan’s gone off the deep end, which has improved her singing, actually, but people have a low tolerance on this show for batshit insane (Lambert aside), so I could see her getting the Brooke White courtesy shove off to some chamomile and a therapist for the weekend.
But you know what? I’m going to go with my gut here, and say that Big Mike eats it this week (not literally). He was supposed to go home a couple weeks ago, and people will have eased up on voting for him by this point. Also, he just didn’t sound good at all with the Spider-Man song, so I can’t see much reason that he’s stick around.
I'm finally starting to get into this show for this year (which says something about the crew they put together) and around here we're pulling for Siobhan to come in second to Bowersox and be the idol that actually sells from this year. Lee DeWyze has actually been growing on me too.
As much as I like Casey, he HAS just gotten boring. There's no heart in any of his songs and I just don't see an effort. That with the fact he went first last night (the "please don't forget me by the time the show is over") makes him my pick to go home. If he doesn't, then I'm going with Big Mike for the same reasons you said.
I was crushed to see the Tim Urban Express pull into the station for the last time last night. I was pulling for the Urban/Bowersox finale, with Tim winning and Simon announcing he's done with this shit right then and there.
Really, the whole thing just feels kind of boring with Crystal so far ahead of everyone else. And unlike Melinda, she actually has some stage presence, so I don't think we're going to see the shocking elimination leading to some sort of horrid Lee/Casey finale or something like that.
Originally posted by spfReally, the whole thing just feels kind of boring with Crystal so far ahead of everyone else. And unlike Melinda, she actually has some stage presence, so I don't think we're going to see the shocking elimination leading to some sort of horrid Lee/Casey finale or something like that.
The only hope is that we get the shocking "Ruben in the bottom 2 in top-five week"-scenario replayed with Crystal, only it goes all the way to her elimination. Except that would suck because Crystal is really good at what she does.
Holy fuck shit motherfucker shit. Read comics. Fuck shit shit fuck shit I sold out when I did my job. Fuck fuck fuck shit fuck. Sorry had to do it....
Revenge of the Sith = one thumb up from me. Fuck shit. I want to tittie fuck your ass. -- The Guinness. to Cerebus
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