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25.2.20 0620
The W - Movies & TV - Alone in The Dark... and the theatre as well!
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Since: 17.11.02

Since last post: 967 days
Last activity: 689 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.34
We went to see Uwe Boll's new 'masterpiece' Friday evening, ALONE IN THE DARK, and for a 5:45PM showing I was rather surprised that we were the ONLY two people there for the showing.

It wasn't as bad as HOUSE OF THE DEAD atleast, but it wasn't great either. I'd say it was about two steps lower then AVP and I really liked AVP. I'm just wondering how this ass keeps getting handed directing jobs when he obviously can't direct. Look at the editing in this movie and you can tell the editor must have cried after getting the dailys cause there were scenes that literally went nowhere.

I really feel sorry for Christian Slater and Tara Reid who it looks like filmed a sex scene where the nudity ended up on the cutting room floor or Uwe's personal stash; if that's what they filmed it was the most pointless R rated sex scene EVER! It was two 15 second shots and then they're awake and back to work.

This is one of those movies where you'll watch it for people getting killed and shit blowing up, of which both happened with little and no reason.

All in all... don't even waste your MVP rental on it when it gets to Hollywood video... complete waste of two hours. Shit, the preview for THE CAVE before the film was better then the whole movie itself, and THE CAVE looks just plain stupid.

(edited by Cerebus on 29.1.05 0331)

Cerebus: RIP 1977-2004.

"What do you think it's like being created by a manic-depressive, paranoid schizophrenic, hypochondriac, misogynist with delusions of grandeur and a messiah complex?"
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The Vile1
Lap cheong

Since: 4.9.02
From: California

Since last post: 3963 days
Last activity: 3695 days
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.33
I gotta know. Did either of you guys yell out "polo" when Marco dies?

"Don't compare my your cheap arm!"
-Edward Elric
It's False

Since: 20.6.02
From: I am the Tag Team Champions!

Since last post: 706 days
Last activity: 500 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.52
I really got a kick out of the San Francisco Chronicle's review. This movie absolutely got PANNED, being called "...the best Ed Wood movie never made."

    Originally posted by the SF Chronicle
    Add a few oral sex jokes and replace the actors with marionettes, and "Alone in the Dark" could end up with rave reviews as a sequel to "Team America: World Police."

This has got to be the best movie review I've read in ages.

"Tell me Leroy Wells didn't just steal my gimmick!"

Since: 23.1.02
From: In a Blue State finally

Since last post: 410 days
Last activity: 410 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.01
Man oh man! Isn't the anticipation around Uwe Boll's next blockbuster, BloodRayne just killing you?

I wish I could be paid money to make shitty movies based on video games.


I look at all the choices I've made these past few years, and it seems like I've been playing "Marty-ball" with my life. Ugh.
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It was Collateral on a plane with a script that wasn't as good and direction that wasn't as good and acting that wasn't as good. Not a bad movie by any stretch, and definately better than Craven's last effort (Cursed)
- Freeway, Red Eye (spoilers) (2005)
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