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The W - Guest Columns - A Rumble and a Half
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Since: 11.7.02
From: New Jersey

Since last post: 3895 days
Last activity: 3895 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.81

A Rumble and a Half

When I went to college I used to return home during semester break. The best thing about being at home was sleeping in my old bed. Iíd sleep non-stop from 11PM to 1PM the next day. I was the king of sleeping. My mom would get mad at me for sleeping away half the day. Iíd always retort, ďSo what, at least Iím up for the good half.Ē This was the same glass-half-full approach that I took to watching the Royal Rumble. I knew the undercard was crap, so I intended to arrive a half hour late. I got lost in Brooklyn at the 278/495 interchange, so I ended up missing half the Rumble. But, serendipitously I only missed the bad half.

I saw the undercard as crap on paper. Iíve seen Eddie vs. Chavo 100x already and some of those were in WCW when Chavo actually won. Iíve also seen Mysterio vs. Noble 100x, leading me to believe they are the only two cruiserweights in the division. Those two are Smackdown TV matches, not for a PPV. I heard those matches were too short, but they couldnít have been short enough for me unless they cut them from the card.

The two major title matches I can understand having on the card. Triple H/HBK was good at Summerslam and Raw and they usually have good matches against each other. The screwjob finish which I actually saw did ruin the match. It was the same type of finish that was used in the Rock/Mankind PPV and the fans didnít like it then either. Sorry Mick, but your match sucked.

Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly sounded stupid on paper. It looked like the biggest major title mismatch since ECW had Mike Awesome defend against Spike Dudley. At least it had a story to tell, so I could grudgingly live with it.

I also liked seeing Stone Cold beat up the GMs, because he is Stone Cold and he can do no wrong in my eyes. Just listen to that crowd, he got one of the biggest pops of the night. Iím hoping they have big plans for him at Wrestlemania.

The match that pissed me off the most was the Dudleys vs. Flair/Batista. The Dudleys havenít done anything cool since that time in the summer of 2001 when they almost turned against the Alliance. Theyíve just been wasted. Flair and Batista should face Piper and OíHare at Wrestlemania. NO! Iím just being sarcastic. I donít want to see a pair of young monsters saddled with useless old men. That is a stupid idea. I refuse to accept that Flair and Batista are a real tag team. They are the most odd pairing of tag team champs since Owen Hart and Yokozuna. I also canít stand Flair for ragging on Benoit. Benoit was your teammate on the 4 Horsemen, and the only reason he didnít get the gold was because you were a greedy old bastard so go back to kissing Ortonís ass and leave Benoit out of it you senile old fart.

Anyway back to the glass being half-full, this was the most open Rumble in years. They had no previous winners involved and I like giving a win to a new face. My pick was Cena eliminating Goldberg. I felt confident since Cena was on the Rumble promo-poster and I like Goldberg. My friend picked Kane, then he remembered his Mania feud against the Undertaker so he switched to Benoit. I donít like Kaneís new gimmick. Iíd have liked it better if he changed into Kain and used Kung-Fu on his opponents. I had Benoit lasting to the Final Four, but that was because I missed the Internet speculation/spoilers, and I hadnít seen Flairís cheap promo foreshadowing Benoitís win.

The Rumble was great and it was a great win for Benoit. Iíd like to see a list of all the major bumps he took in that match. It seems like he was taking everyoneís finisher. Here are some nitpicks of things I wouldíve liked to see during that Rumble:

- Jericho dropkick someone off the apron from the top rope.
- Booker T wait for Kaneís music to stop before eliminating someone so itís not off-camera.
- Tajiriís mist, I missed it.
- Matt Hardy teaming up with the Hurricane. Matt gets on all fours to set up for a poetry in motion and then the Hurricane hits Matt with a running dropkick.
- Big Show sell anybodyís finisher correctly.
- No tag team members in the Rumble because we all know they are not going to win.
- Nobody get legitimately injured.

Anyway, Wrestlemania 20 is looking great on paper, a lot better than it was looking to me a month ago. Eddie and Angle should be great. The Undertaker against Kain is kinda sad. These are two brothers that are always fighting. When one is good the other is bad and vice versa. It is like cosmic forces are preventing them from getting together because their combination would be so powerful it would upset the delicate balance of the universe. They can never get on the same page. Kinda like Ross and Rachel. The match with Lesnar vs. Goldberg should much hyped and the last match of the night. I think Benoit vs. Triple H should be very good. I would like to get Benoit focused on the feud. Just say one thing, ďAfter Iím done with you they wonít call you Triple H anymore...Iíll turn you into Cripple H!Ē (Crowd chants ďCripple HĒ as Triple H covers his ears.) It would make for a great feud the Crippler vs. Cripple H. Iíd also like to see more Raw vs. Smackdown matches. Give me Cena + Booker T vs. Big Show + Mark Henry and Rhyno vs. RVD. Or just gimme Cena vs. RVD and Iíll be content.

Smackdownís Half a Rumble:

That was a great Smackdown. It should go down in history as the best free-TV wrestling show of the year. I was rooting for the Big Show in this one, because I liked how far he got in Sundayís Rumble and I wanted to see a big man win. The Rumble seems like the one event where size matters and the biggest men always seem to lose this thing. I hate that. I also think Kane shouldíve won it a few years back when he eliminated all those people. (That was back when I liked Kane. Back when he wore a mask.) I liked how the Big Show just forced Cena out of the ring. Most times it takes a special move to eliminate someone, but I like just pushing them over the rope. It is so simple it should work more often. There was one spot that they should have had though. It wouldíve been the best Rumble spot ever. First the Big Show is eliminated. Then John Cena presses Nunzio and throws him over the top rope to the outside, only he is not eliminated. This time the Big Show catches him in the air and tosses him back in the ring. He would still be legal because his feet never touched the ground. They have to use this spot next time. Rikishiís superkicks were great. Eddie rolling suplexes are amazing. It is perfect how he gets both his feet off the ground for each suplex.

The Rumbleís ending was awesome. Many times the ending is just anticlimactic like when HBK eliminated Diesel with a superkick. It was so quick, Nash never got to see the face of the guy who kicked him. This time Angle and Eddie were both one-on-one at the end for a full 8 minutes with lots of false finsishes.

Thursday Night TV:

I donít know why they insist on putting all of the best TV shows on the same night and nothing on Fridays. They have Friends, ER, CSI, My Fianceeís a Big Fat Idiot, Jamie Kennedy, and other stuff. Iím already torn between the Apprentice and Survivor. (Cheap Plug) Both of which Iím already writing columns for.

Apprentice: Episode 4

Survivor All-Stars Preview

(/Cheap Plug) I know that I canít tape either of the two hit reality shows. If I do, the next day at work someone will tell me who is eliminated when Iím at the copy machine. My only hope is to tape some of Smackdown, because nobody at work would ever watch that show. Only right now Iím typing up this column instead of watching the Superbowl so you know how weird my TV habits are.

Edit: Please forgive all the typing/editing mistakes, but the Superbowl started to get good.

(edited by skorpio17 on 1.2.04 1928)
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Since: 20.12.03
From: Fairfield, OH

Since last post: 5271 days
Last activity: 5270 days
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.33
    Originally posted by skorpio17
    Big Show sell anybodyís finisher correctly.

You mean no one is supposed to tap like mad to the Crossface, ankle lock, or Walls of Jericho?

Since: 3.1.02
From: Knoxville, TN

Since last post: 3936 days
Last activity: 3935 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.00
Glad to see your well-informed opinions aren't confined to your brilliantly stated baseball columns!

....Okay, I'm sorry. I'll try to avoid being sarcastic in the future.


Since: 11.7.02
From: New Jersey

Since last post: 3895 days
Last activity: 3895 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.81
    Originally posted by Retrovertigo
      Originally posted by skorpio17
      Big Show sell anybodyís finisher correctly.

    You mean no one is supposed to tap like mad to the Crossface, ankle lock, or Walls of Jericho?

I should've been more specific. I was thinking of a couple of bumps he took during the Rumble. The most egregious example was when Billy Gunn hit Big Show with the famasser and the Big Show turned on to his back to avoid the face bump.

For submission moves, I don't mind him selling them differently because of his size. I'm ok with him powering out of the ankle-lock and the crossface. I also think he shouldn't let Jericho roll him over for the walls.

Cow: You can check out the archives. I've written many guest columns here in the past couple of years. I'm sure even you'll like some of them.
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