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The W - Random - A brief(er) rundown of my mental illness, how I'm dealing with it and how you can too
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Since: 12.1.02
From: Indianapolis, IN; now residing in Suffolk, VA

Since last post: 20 days
Last activity: 15 hours
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.29
Anyone who may have read this thread realized there was something not-quite-right about me roughly a month ago.

As it turns out... I had a seizure. I was discharged from a psychiatric hospital for the second time in a month just yesterday, and I think they've finally, truly corrected a chemical imbalance in my brain that as far as I know, I was born with. It wasn't anything I could control without help; it was only a matter of time before something like this happened.

And it wasn't substance abuse, by the way. I don't do drugs, I don't drink, I don't even smoke. Any of my IRL friends would be the first people to tell you that, as would my family.

I'm being treated for suspected bipolar disorder or schizo-effective disorder. With the help of Jesus and family and the right medications, and all the coping mechanisms I learned in the psychiatric hospital, I'm taking it one day at a time and realizing what I've done with the first 25 years of my life. Ultimately I'm still young and I'm glad they caught it when they did; it's what I'm going to do with the rest of my life that'll be the difference-maker.

Here's what you can do to make sure you don't accidentally humiliate yourself in public the way that I did leading up to the events of August 25 (the night of the seizure):

If you're having the same kind of revelations and not knowing how to process this information (read the linked thread in detail); seek help from a psychiatric hospital. It's far better for you to seek out one and admit yourself voluntarily than to have a TDO (temporary detaining order) placed upon you by a judge or magistrate. (This is in Virginia; it might be different in other states and countries). Be prepared if you live in a rough neighborhood: Sometimes if the cops get involved they may have to slap cuffs, even shackles and a ball, on you.

Ideally, have a friend or loved one drive you to the psychiatric hospital if there's one available. If you feel you can get there yourself, safely, then do that.

Once you're there, you have to be willing to accept the help that's being provided. This is one area in which faith in a higher power, to me, really had, and is continuing to have, a positive influence on my continued recovery. (I know my previous post was rambling, but I lost some respect for a friend who thought I was going on a right-wing, earth-is-6000-years-old, homosexuals-are-going-to-hell kick and signed off as "your friend in Satan" just because I said I wanted to become a preacher. I'm a very liberal, Jesus-loves-everyone, New Testament Christian. And no, I won't say who said this to me because I hope to patch up this relationship).

If you're Christian, or thinking about becoming one, here are some affirming words. Psalms 121:1-2. "I lift up my eyes to the hills-- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth." As far as I'm concerned, those are the two most powerful verses in the Bible. They helped me through my trials.

Wherever the help comes from, whether you're a person of faith or not, accept the help. TAKE YOUR MEDICATION. Even if it seems like all you do is play childish games or sleep. Accept the fact that you're in the right place; it's not a 17th-century insane asylum where they lock the crazies away and forget about 'em. This is the 21st century and there are medications available to treat mental illness. I feel more clear-headed today than I ever have before, which isn't to say I won't be feeling down tomorrow.

One. Day. At a. Time.

"Forget belief systems. Forget about the parameters of rational thought as it so smugly is called. Feel, my friend-- feel!"
--KARR, Knight Rider episode "KITT vs. KARR"

Fan of the Indianapolis Colts (Super Bowl XLI Champions), Indiana Pacers and Washington Nationals

Certified RFMC Member-- Ask To See My Credentials!

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Since: 12.2.02
From: Cleveland, Ohio

Since last post: 15 days
Last activity: 12 min.
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.06
Wow, just this morning I was just wondering how you were doing. It struck me we hadn't heard from you in awhile since that thread.

Glad to hear you have gotten the help you need. Best wishes, I'll keep you in prayer.

"As you may have read in Robert Parker's Wine Newsletter, 'Donaghy Estates tastes like the urine of Satan, after a hefty portion of asparagus.'" Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock


Since: 2.1.02
From: Seattle, WA

Since last post: 821 days
Last activity: 399 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.40
    Originally posted by ekedolphin
    Anyone who may have read this ANY thread post by me realized there was something not-quite-right about me roughly a month quite some time ago.

Fixed that for you.

(Just funnin'. It's great that you are doing better. The best thing about this board is that the Zims have done a great job of keeping the tools away (mostly) so people can feel comfortable sharing personal stuff like this.)

Holy fuck shit motherfucker shit. Read comics. Fuck shit shit fuck shit I sold out when I did my job. Fuck fuck fuck shit fuck. Sorry had to do it....


Revenge of the Sith = one thumb up from me. Fuck shit. I want to tittie fuck your ass.
-- The Guinness. to Cerebus
Boudin blanc

Since: 7.2.02

Since last post: 909 days
Last activity: 909 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.15
I just hope they don't have you on VERAMYST.

Given some of the debates that have gone on about mental illness on this very board, I hope your post will educate some folks on just how difficult and important mental illness can be to deal with effectively - and how getting treatment is essential. There's such an unnecessary and unfortunate stigma around mental health issues; thankfully, that hasn't stopped you from getting the help you needed.

You seem to be handling things quite well, and I think you should be commended for that. Good luck to you.

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Since: 12.1.02
From: Indianapolis, IN; now residing in Suffolk, VA

Since last post: 20 days
Last activity: 15 hours
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.29
I'm not on VERAMYST, no. 1500 mg of Depakote CR and 4 mg of Risperdal every night at 9 p.m., slowly weaning my way towards 12:30 a.m. however long that takes so that I can properly function at work. (I'll talk to my boss, see what he's willing to work with).

I also take .5 or 1.0 mg of Clonazepam as needed if I have a major anxiety attack that I can't otherwise deal with. But it's habit-forming, so I'm trying not to rely on it too much. The past 72 hours I've been severely sleep-deprived, so I've taken some Adavan at the psych hospital, and some Clonazepam.

Anyhoo. Anyone who's not taking full advantage of their insurance co-pays (whether it's physical or mental health, dental, prescriptions, vision) I strongly encourage you to do so-- that's what they're there for. Anyone who's uninsured, or underinsured, there are community service boards for this sort of thing so that (pardon my French) we don't have a bunch of dangerous wackos running the streets. The government money is there if you're in a very tight spot financially.

Thank you all for your well-wishes, and you're quite right, JayJayDean, that I wasn't myself for quite some time leading up to the seizure. I appreciate the Zims for putting up with all my bullshit, and with support and medication, hopefully I'll be able to deal with this illness. Step by step, day by day!

"Forget belief systems. Forget about the parameters of rational thought as it so smugly is called. Feel, my friend-- feel!"
--KARR, Knight Rider episode "KITT vs. KARR"

Fan of the Indianapolis Colts (Super Bowl XLI Champions), Indiana Pacers and Washington Nationals

Certified RFMC Member-- Ask To See My Credentials!

Lap cheong

Since: 22.2.04
From: Cambridge, MA

Since last post: 1652 days
Last activity: 1644 days
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.41
A friend of mine found out the same thing about his own brain chemicals, but this was after some fairly massive substance use on his 19th birthday (and again, nope not Veramyst!)

We ended up at the diner at about 2am that night and he was ranting about how god was in his french toast. When he tried to stand up on the table and preach to a wider audience, a couple of us ushered him out of there and drove him straight to his parents' house. He's been dealing with the meds and whatnot for about 5 years and he's doing fine, currently in law school. I don't know any details about what he was or is taking, but the only side effect I have noticed is that he's gained some weight (though that could be attributed to being on the drin--I mean rugby team in college).

So, good luck with yourself and keep in mind that there are plenty of other people who've dealt with the same thing and worked through it just fine.

Lloyd: When I met Mary, I got that old fashioned romantic feeling, where I'd do anything to bone her.
Harry: That's a special feeling.

Since: 17.1.02
From: New F'n Jersey

Since last post: 45 days
Last activity: 45 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.76
I don't pretend to know a lot about mental illness, but I do know that I've always enjoyed most of your posts Ekedolphin (RFMC brothers unite). So I wish you all the best.

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Deputy Marshall

Since: 28.6.04
From: Troy, NY

Since last post: 1288 days
Last activity: 809 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.92
It's a great and rare thing you've done and continue to do, eke. Keep it up.

I also want to note that there's parallels from eke's story that I empathized with (in reference to my experience as a recovering alcoholic). In fact, there were times in reading the post that I realized if I took out the aspect of mental illness and the medication, it might as well be about alcoholism.

In other words, you don't have to be suffering from or suspect you're suffering from a mental illness to take something out of this story. Whether it's mental illness, alcoholism, substance abuse, whatever - don't ignore warning signs, don't discount the observations of others (particularly when they seem to observe the same things), and don't be afraid to admit to yourself (and somebody else) that there's a problem and seek out help. It's a Hell of a thing to let things get way out of hand and destroy your potential for the sake of maintaining your pride.
* 9/27 - The "Living Under Marshall Law" Podcast is available for your listening pleasure! Now playing: Review of episode 2 of TUF 6 and THE MIKE KNOX THING.
Lap cheong

Since: 24.2.02

Since last post: 303 days
Last activity: 12 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.92
Do take care, mental illness is a difficult thing to conquer even when you think you've got it under control. For, like, the past couple of months I've been having what feels like a constant mild panic attack, but if I go to the hospital I'm afraid I'll fail out of school and possibly lose my job.
Cherries > Peaches

Since: 1.8.02
From: Phoenix-ish

Since last post: 7 days
Last activity: 16 hours
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.97
Eke, I'm sorry to hear you had to have an "event", but I'm very happy you were able to get the help you needed. Getting the meds just right can be really tricky (& sometimes very frustrating), but keep working with your doctors on that, &, as you said, "Take your medication!" :-) I'm glad for you that you're doing so much better now -- keep at it!

Uhhh, Alex, darlin' ... You're in school? Wander on over to the health service on campus & have a chat with them. There's a long ways between what sounds like ("Not a doctor -- don't even play one on TV.") mild to moderate symptoms of an anxiety disorder, & the kind of major event & considerable chemical imbalance that it sounds like Eke experienced. He needed to go to the hospital, you don't. But there's no reason you should have to just "white knuckle" your way through, & "hope it gets better". A couple of months is way plenty long enough. Go have a talk with somebody.
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