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The 7 - Pro Wrestling - your WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 11/7/2002!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#1 Posted on 7.11.02 2111.13
Reposted on: 7.11.09 2112.29


I went to Canada two weeks ago and then last week I went with the younguns to gather copious amounts of candy on Halloween night. Now, I`m back to return for your reviewing pleasure.

WHAT WORKED-
- Noble was a peck of fun and Torrie works a thousand times stiffer than Kidman so 3/4 of this match so perfectly fine. Kidman wasn`t given enough time to use his mindmeld to force Jamie Noble to try his first Powerbomb ever so Kidman looked perfectly fine as he became a house... a house afire. Plus it sets up Kidman vs Noble and I`m thnking Noble could Juventud a couple watchable matches out of Mr. 1998.

- Your SKITSVILLE Compendium: I`ve missed two weeks and I`m glad that Al Wilson is still making the beast with two backs with young, leathery Dawn Marie. And THEN Rikishi and Cena kick it all free-style and what not and I`m reminded of that WHAM! UK! hit from the early 80s- ``Young Guns``! P N NEWZ 2002, DADDY!!! As we useta say in the day- GO HOUSE! Rock n don`t stop it! YO BABY YO BABY YO BABY YO! Can Mantaur with a Boogaloo Shrimp breaking board in a parking deck be far off? I SAY THEE NAY! MEANWHILE, God, I hate to disparage a lady, but Stephanie is getting a real Bea Authur look to her with those burly Butkis-esque shoulders and it kinda helps make the whole ``her fucking Bischoff`` concept makes more sense- as I`m assuming that a bottomless lack of self-esteem would have to be a requirement to facilitate viewing the horrendous mounting face of Bischoff. Your gentle reveiwer almost lost his VERVE for love, and sex and the ladies as I thought about Bea Arthur and the animotronic Bischoff doing the donkey dance until AL MOTHERFUCKING WILSON comes screaming back- testicles akimbo and aging jiminy winky raging like a forrest fire as he feels the urge to brand Dawn Marie `s divine hinder as his own PRIVATE STOCK! YEAH, YOU GO, HOT LOVAH MAN! GO HOUSE! YOU GONNA HIT IT AND NOBODY ELSE IS EVER GONNA HIT IT AGAIN!! FOREVER! AL, YOU ARE A SEXY MOTHERFUCKER! U R A MAN! Al using the suicide trick to get the pussy was a fucking classic assmonger play and he played it like a MASTER. He knows how to get the supercoochie in the coupe like the colonel`s got the chicken. AL ROX! AL ROX! AL ROX! I need to towel off. Again.

- Cena tries to fist Rikishi`s gigantic ass and I gotta give mad phat props to the WWE in that they try to now appeal to the fringe element of loverz of hot man-on-man action. The match continues- less about standing switches and rolling kneebars and more about a man... a young, thin man fresh out of OVW coming to terms with a larger, fatter man`s giant ass. By the end, Cena- coated with a fine mist of kim chi-scented fecal spray- takes the whole of Rikishi`s shiny globes of manly poo-blasting gloots and loses- not just a wrestling match but he also loses to his inability to comprehend his feelings, his feeling of allure and his feeling of revulsion- to another man`s forbidden manplace! It`s less like a wrestling feud and more like a movie at the Sundance Festival.

- Unbelievably, Angle/ Benoit vs Rey Rey/ Edge 2 out of 3 was REALLY motherfucking great. Angle starts early by doing stupid bumps through the ropes onto his head while chasing Rey. Benoit and Angle smack each other in the head as they tag and I fucking love it. Edge takes a gigantic ass-beating early in the first fall- as the Unstoppable Mack Truck Of Mutually Loathing makes a run at being the best tagteam ever. Edge gets smoked by everyone in this match because Rey can actually pull off a harder edged offense than Edge when needed. Rey is fucking aflame as they take the first fall and he hits the sweetest armdrag counter out of the Olympic Slam to lead to Rey taking the ass-beating. Benoit mauls Rey and Rey sells the damage during his comeback to make the build-up all fun and heated. The hot tag is a little too early and my favorite tagteam cheat like motherfuckers to take the second fall- as Angle makes Edge with a bashed-in skull tap to a Ankle lock. Before Angle and Benoit go to the comercial, they smack each other around. This is just the best booked angle in wrestling currently- as it takes two of the three best wrestlers in the WWE and allows them to be this fascinating tag team and also CONTINUALLY allows them to beat the shit out of each other for our pleasure. And we find it pleasing. The third fall has Angle start by beating the dogshit out of Rey. Rey is such a MONSTER in this match, making with the really good, credible comebacks and then bumping like a motherfucker and then being perfect guy on the apron during the Edge ass-beating. Edge takes to his best role- as he assumes Ricky Morton in opposition to this, the World`s Greatest Possible Anderson Brothers. Angle and Benoit are fucking GOLD as they dismantle Edge and Edge sells it like a MAN to get the crowd worked up. Benoit cutting off Edge`s hope spots are fucking hellish and it makes the heat go through the roof. Rey makes the hot tag and Angle bumps like a KING for him until Benoit cuts him off and they do the 54 section finish to set up the Dusty finish. Fuck yeah, a RESTART and Rey is back to being beaten to death. Fuck, let`s do 7 out 12 falls. I`ll stay right here and watch. Benoit decides to fucking KILL Rey with a chop and a suplex and Rey is the victim of Angle and Benoit trying to see who can throw the gnarliest suplex. Rey gets the DDT to make a comeback and a hot tag and Edge hits a couple a midgrade offensive moves and they opt for the 97 section finish to finally get the belts onto Rey Rey and Edge. I can only hope that it doesn`t mean the end of Benoit and Angle as a tag team. That was fun.

- Eddy and Chavo as Bugs and Daffy is really fun. Heyman as Elmer Fudd and Lesner as Sam the Sheepdog was less compelling. The match itself was fine- as Eddy cheats to get on offense and then brings four buckets of psychology by working on the knee. Brock sells the knee while on offense for the most part, which is surprising. Eddy- being the best wrestler in the world- makes the big man vs lil man match work as well as it possibly could, and Brock selling the leg was pretty deep selling for a youngster. Postmatch, the Big Show is too much of a load to gorrilla slam Brock into the mats and I`m wondering how they would lure me to a sports bar.

WHAT DIDN`T WORK-
- C`mon Heyman, how am IIIII supposed to buy Big Show as a threat? He sucks. I`m suddenly supposed to buy a PPV to watch Lesnar try to carry the biggest underachiever in modern wrestling history? Come on. It`s like the WWE wants to charge admission to view it`s stool sample.

- Matt Hardy is a MAN as he bumps as much as a human can bump- in front of a completely complacent audience- and tries to make the Giant Bag Of Pee that is the Big Show look like he actually isn`t the Nouvelle Loch Ness. No dice, young Matt. The big show is worst Festering Pile of Flaming Feces to enter my TV screen in a while. Postmatch, Brock Lesnar is upset. Prolly over having to get in the ring the shittiest wrestler on the face of the earth in 10 days.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.
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fuelinjected
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#2 Posted on 7.11.02 2115.57
Reposted on: 7.11.09 2116.52
Considering Edge and Benoit had already wrestled a 15 minute match about an hour earlier, that makes the tag match even more awesome.

I also hope that they stretch out Angle/Benoit as a tag team for awhile. We NEED a PPV encounter between Angle/Benoit and Los Guerreros.

Did I hear that Undertaker will be back next week? I hope Undertaker comes back only to find out that he's been traded to RAW.
HitTheSnoozeButton
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#3 Posted on 7.11.02 2120.16
Reposted on: 7.11.09 2122.12
Fuelinjected, what's the deal with your first line?

Anyway DEAN, it would be a 7 out of 13 falls match.

Also, I am once again disappointed to see that nothing in this match was KING SIZED.(Angle bumping like a KING doesn't count.) But I guess you need to invent new superlatives while recapping the best five month run of a wrasslin TV show in history.

evilwaldo
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#4 Posted on 7.11.02 2120.30
Reposted on: 7.11.09 2124.24
Good to see you back again Dean. Hope the kids and you gorged yourselves on copious amounts of candy.

fuelinjected
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#5 Posted on 7.11.02 2121.50
Reposted on: 7.11.09 2125.30
SnoozeButton - They taped a Three Way Dance between Benoit, Edge and Guerrero right before the show for the Super Tuesday special this coming Tuesday on UPN.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#6 Posted on 7.11.02 2125.44
Reposted on: 7.11.09 2128.14
Anyway DEAN, it would be a 7 out of 13 falls match.

DR: I AM A FOOL! 13 out of 25 falls would be perfectly fine also.

DEAN.

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#7 Posted on 7.11.02 2143.00
Reposted on: 7.11.09 2157.31
I didn't get to watch the show tonight, and yet I feel totally satisfied with it. Reading the Workrate Report without actually watching the show brings a whole new dimension to it. THANKS DEAN!
Feely
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#8 Posted on 7.11.02 2143.39
Reposted on: 7.11.09 2157.58
Awww, no love for the excellent commentating? Tsk tsk. Though still, excellent as always, yep.
Underwater
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#9 Posted on 7.11.02 2215.12
Reposted on: 7.11.09 2219.25

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN


    Your gentle reveiwer almost lost his VERVE for love, and sex and the ladies as I thought about Bea Arthur and the animotronic Bischoff doing the donkey dance until AL MOTHERFUCKING WILSON comes screaming back- testicles akimbo and aging jiminy winky raging like a forrest fire as he feels the urge to brand Dawn Marie `s divine hinder as his own PRIVATE STOCK! YEAH, YOU GO, HOT LOVAH MAN! GO HOUSE! YOU GONNA HIT IT AND NOBODY ELSE IS EVER GONNA HIT IT AGAIN!! FOREVER! AL, YOU ARE A SEXY MOTHERFUCKER! U R A MAN! Al using the suicide trick to get the pussy was a fucking classic assmonger play and he played it like a MASTER. He knows how to get the supercoochie in the coupe like the colonel`s got the chicken. AL ROX! AL ROX! AL ROX! I need to towel off. Again



Dean vicariously living through Al Wilson is the only reason I can think of for this angle to continue. But it's a DAMN GOOD reason. I was kinda hoping for Dawn Marie to crush poor Al's sexual rebirth, though

deadbeater version 2.0
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#10 Posted on 7.11.02 2237.41
Reposted on: 7.11.09 2246.58
Dean what happened to GODS KINGS GODS as you refer to Angle and Benoit?

A match with 2 commercial breaks!! Oh yeah!

And what about Tazz and Cole making fun of the marriage proposal?? Cole did his best work tonight.

(edited by deadbeater version 2.0 on 7.11.02 2238)
Excalibur05
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#11 Posted on 7.11.02 2318.20
Reposted on: 7.11.09 2318.27
Point #1: I can't be sure, but I think that DEAN'S WORKRATE REPORT goes in the Guest Columns folder now (not sayin', just sayin)

Point #2: Al Wilson is both a God-awful actor, and a God among men. (Did Heyman book THAT segment?)

Point the Third: Cena Ice was cute, but I hope that that was the end of that little sidebar.

DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#12 Posted on 8.11.02 0846.37
Reposted on: 8.11.09 0854.30

    Originally posted by Underwater

      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN


      Your gentle reveiwer almost lost his VERVE for love, and sex and the ladies as I thought about Bea Arthur and the animotronic Bischoff doing the donkey dance until AL MOTHERFUCKING WILSON comes screaming back- testicles akimbo and aging jiminy winky raging like a forrest fire as he feels the urge to brand Dawn Marie `s divine hinder as his own PRIVATE STOCK! YEAH, YOU GO, HOT LOVAH MAN! GO HOUSE! YOU GONNA HIT IT AND NOBODY ELSE IS EVER GONNA HIT IT AGAIN!! FOREVER! AL, YOU ARE A SEXY MOTHERFUCKER! U R A MAN! Al using the suicide trick to get the pussy was a fucking classic assmonger play and he played it like a MASTER. He knows how to get the supercoochie in the coupe like the colonel`s got the chicken. AL ROX! AL ROX! AL ROX! I need to towel off. Again



    Dean vicariously living through Al Wilson is the only reason I can think of for this angle to continue. But it's a DAMN GOOD reason. I was kinda hoping for Dawn Marie to crush poor Al's sexual rebirth, though




DR: Dawn Marie couldn't resist the Suicide threat technique of Al Tha Playa. She's young and doesn't understand the techniques of the older International Lover. Al Wilson is the ASS-MASTER!

DEAN.
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#13 Posted on 8.11.02 0915.49
Reposted on: 8.11.09 0916.10
Dude, seriously. Best. Smackdown. Ever.

That SSP by Kidman made me wanna be a wrestler, and that Tag Match would have had me jumping all over like a twelve year old mark had I not been watching it on tape in bed with the sleeping GF last night.
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#14 Posted on 8.11.02 0924.20
Reposted on: 8.11.09 0929.01
This appears to be the SmackDown thread with the most life in it, so I'm hitching my wagon to this train. (I don't actually have a wagon.)

I love SmackDown. It's great that I can say this almost every week. The spoilers did no justice to the Brock vs. Eddie match, which was as good as it could possibly be with Brock heading toward ruining his career by turning face too soon against Eddie and Chavo, the most evil of all WWE heels at the moment. Eddie continued his streak of having a really cool rolling counter out of an opponent's big power move (like his matches against Angle and Rock this year), and the sequence where Chavo distracted Brock and Eddie ran up and dropkicked him in the back of the knee was cool, the wrestling equivalent of Indy fighting that evil Nazi tank in Last Crusade.

Chavo has become the better character of the two Guerreros, though. Maybe not character, but he's the more enjoyable of the two backstage when Eddie is really leaning into the Latino Heat-era accent and Chavito is playing Eddie Haskell. Chavo has this oblivious nature to his evil, like he doesn't really mean to do it but it's all he knows because of no-good Uncle Eddie. These guys, I like them very much.

I generally don't like Rikishi matches, but I liked Rikishi vs. Jawn Cena. Cena (what were his tights this week, Buck Rogers tights?) is clearly meant to be a heel, because all the in-ring charisma Cena didn't have when he showed up is there in his facial expressions and selling as a heel. I still can't see Cena now and not think of his debut when he said "ME! JAWN CEEENA!" and now everytime I see him, I have to say "ME! JAWN CEEENA!", but that should be a part of his character. They're going to run the rapping thing into the ground (if they must, he should be Marky Mark and not Vanilla Ice), but I say go for a full-on Bahsten Kid gimmick and have him be Jawn Cena and call everybody a "gahd-damned retahd" because they're naht as good as Nomahhh.

Cena should get a partner and go into the tag scene. He needs a bigger guy that he can try to boss around to fit into his character. I suggest Ron Simmons because that way Cena could pronounce it Rawn and they could be Jawn and Rawn, and when Cena would boss him around, Simmons could say "Damn!" and that's always good.

Also, Rikishi needs a gimmick overhaul. I say make him wear a track suit and bucket hat all the time and walk around like he thinks he's made or something, like a Tony Siragusa gimmick.

What else was good? I think Matt Hardy v.1 dubbing his fans the "MFers" is way funnier than the Testicles. It's a shame they keep sending him out into matches that he can't make good. He should openly refer to Moore as his "Marty Jannetty" if they have tag matches together.

Tazz and Cole indeed saved that Al Wilson proposing to Dawn Marie segment. Since this will make Dawn into Torrie's mom, she should make Al make Torrie change her name to Torrie Marie or something. I don't see where this can go, though, since there aren't any wrestlers involved and Torrie has beaten Dawn decisively several times already. Maybe it's the start of a reverse 8 Mile angle for Torrie, where rap will be her only escape.

Oh yeah, how about that tag match? That was the greatest thing ever, I think. There was so much awesome business in there, like Edge being the guy who took the beating the whole time instead of Misterio (as Dean said, Misterio is the one with the House A'fire offense, not Edge) and that amazing sequence where Misterio and Angle ran through all of the finishes and near finishes that Misterio has tried on Angle in their previous matches, only to have Angle counter them all, forcing Misterio to make up a new one.

For the first half of the year, Goldust was the best signing they made because he actually gets Booker's character and has helped develop it even while they try to kill them with terrible booking. But now it's all about Misterio. Take him away from SmackDown and it's still got Benoit, Angle, Edge, the Guerreros and Hardy and thus would still be fine. But Misterio is the fire to the Flaming Homer that is SmackDown - adding him made it good.

Angle has become a Giant Evil Malenko and I think that's the perfect place for him. Even when he beats Misterio, Rey still makes him look like a jerk and it's driving Angle crazy, which is what helped develop Angle's need to take things out on Benoit. Benoit, in turn, keeps ending up on the losing end when he's in there with Misterio, so his offense on him is more brutal as a way of revenge and as a way to show up Angle by out-killing Misterio. And Misterio plays off them both by being the super resilient underdog who would never consider stepping down. Then there's his partnership with Edge. How cool was the celebration when they finally won the belts? It's like it actually meant something to them, like all the ass-kickings they've taken over the past two months were worth it because they got those damn belts...and these are the NEW belts. Yet another reason why this is the great show and not the crappy one.

I don't know how bad Misterio's knees are, but all reports say they're pretty bad. That makes the speed and the major falls he's taking all the more impressive, but they've got to be taking their toll. Still, this is the Misterio that I put Nitro on to watch every week, the guy who disappeared in 1999 when he became Li'l Konnan and stopped being the amazing King of Mystery that blew me away. Seeing this rejuvenated run he's having on SmackDown - I never expected WWE to be the place where we'd get it - is like having a guy you've always liked find a way to fight through the injuries one last time to pull his team through the playoffs before he breaks down. It's compelling TV.
whatever
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#15 Posted on 8.11.02 1114.52
Reposted on: 8.11.09 1121.05

    Originally posted by Dr Unlikely
    I say go for a full-on Bahsten Kid gimmick and have him be Jawn Cena and call everybody a "gahd-damned retahd" because they're naht as good as Nomahhh.

    Cena should get a partner and go into the tag scene. He needs a bigger guy that he can try to boss around to fit into his character. I suggest Ron Simmons because that way Cena could pronounce it Rawn and they could be Jawn and Rawn, and when Cena would boss him around, Simmons could say "Damn!" and that's always good.



*Ahem* WICKED AWESOME IDEAH. I love the "retahd" bit! He could also go around and ask everyone, "DO YIZ KNOW WHAT THE NUMBAHS ARE?!? HUH?!? DO YIZ HAVE TODAY'S NUMBAHS?!?" Ahh, gotta love Boston. (and I'm a Clevelander)
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#16 Posted on 8.11.02 1930.25
Reposted on: 8.11.09 1936.00
Wow, Dean and Dr. Unlikely in one thread. That's like the comedy equivalent of adding a Big Mac to my supersized Quarter Pounder w/ cheese meal.

And by that, I mean "good."

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#17 Posted on 10.11.02 2317.24
Reposted on: 10.11.09 2318.46

    Originally posted by Dr Unlikely
    I don't know how bad Misterio's knees are, but all reports say they're pretty bad. That makes the speed and the major falls he's taking all the more impressive, but they've got to be taking their toll. Still, this is the Misterio that I put Nitro on to watch every week, the guy who disappeared in 1999 when he became Li'l Konnan and stopped being the amazing King of Mystery that blew me away. Seeing this rejuvenated run he's having on SmackDown - I never expected WWE to be the place where we'd get it - is like having a guy you've always liked find a way to fight through the injuries one last time to pull his team through the playoffs before he breaks down. It's compelling TV.



Someone made mention of Benoit's arm getting smaller, ala Paul Orndorff. If there's any justice in the WWE, Brock will destroy Big Show at Survivor Series, and Benoit will run in at the end and slap the crossface on him. Benoit deserves to have a run at the title before his arm problems force him into retirement. They can stretch it out until WM even. The NBT vs. the greatest technical wrestler in the business: I'd buy all the PPV's just for those matches.
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