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The 7 - Guest Columns - 2002 YEAR IN QUOTES - WWE - June
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Andouille
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Since: 3.1.02
From: Philly

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#1 Posted on 30.12.02 1228.42
Reposted on: 30.12.09 1228.42
TONIGHT: Oh my, Trish takes on Terri in a lingerie match! The winner gets lingerie! (Probably not.)
WWE RAW 3.6.2002

Bradshaw with the bull rope and cowbell - Bradshaw says "I gotta have more cowbell" and clocks him in the head with it.
WWE RAW 3.6.2002

Wow, did anybody else notice they're turning T face by putting him in there with a heel? EVERYBODY noticed? Well....good! You're all learning well, ho ho.
WWE RAW 3.6.2002

The pail has... noticably filled since we saw it last. "You are there" shot of the bucket. "I am gone" shot of me changing channels.
WWE RAW 3.6.2002

Here's a replay of the whole sordid affair, and may God have mercy on your soul.
WWE RAW 3.6.2002

I should mention that The Nash appears to be using "Steve Corino" shade this week.
WWE RAW 3.6.2002

"Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce THE NEW MEMBER TO THE NWO!" Some familiar music fires up - it's MR. WHYSPYR. WOW! They got ANOTHER guy who can't wrestle for this group! WOW!
WWE RAW 3.6.2002

Hey that's Dean Malenko! I thought he was dead!
WWE SMACKDOWN 6.6.2002

Take a gander at the Cox Convention Center! IT'S RAINING MEN! (Or maybe that's just rain. Who can say.)
WWE SMACKDOWN 6.6.2002

OH MY GOD SEE HE CATCHES HER IN THE SHOWER AND SHE THINKS HE'S HIS TWIN BROTHER SO SHE ASKS FOR A TOWEL BUT HE WANTS TO SEE HER NEKKID SOME MORE SO HE HANDS HER A LITTLE TEENY TINY TOWEL AND THERE'S THIS WATER DROPLET SOUND EFFECT HAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HOOO HOO HEE HEE HO HO HO HO HO HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HA HA HA HO HO HO HO HO HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE AAAHHHHHHHHH AH HA HA HA HA HA THE SOUND OF THE DROPLET OF WATER IS SOOOOOOOOOOO **FUCKING** FUNNY AHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!! "BAD COMPANY!" "BAD COMPANY!" "BAD COMPANY!!!!!"
WWE SMACKDOWN 6.6.2002

The cameras of the WWE are everywhere! We focus on - well, it says "Emergency"

Inside is Maven - wow, I hope they didn't take him all the way to Oklahoma City before working on his leg!
WWE SMACKDOWN 6.6.2002

Well, CHRIS JERICHO has decided this has gone on long enough - he makes his entrance here. Wow I never realised how much shorter than Edge he was!
WWE SMACKDOWN 6.6.2002

Replay of the vile, vicious, damn, damn, damn chairshot.
WWE SMACKDOWN 6.6.2002

Tajiri has the last word - whatever it was
WWE SMACKDOWN 6.6.2002

The WWE Smack of the Night is brought to you by Atari - the makers of "Air-Sea Battle!"
WWE SMACKDOWN 6.6.2002

Tazz says this is the first time he can remember a non-bodybuilder being on the cover of FLEX - wait, so H is NOT a bodybuilder? Then just *what* the hell IS he, pray tell?
WWE SMACKDOWN 6.6.2002

Hogan raises H's hand - oh man, when we all hoped he was gonna put over the younger superstars, was *Triple Freakin' H* who we had in mind for that? (Maybe Triple H did.)
WWE SMACKDOWN 6.6.2002

I can't put my finger on it, but I always get funny feelings when Vince does "state of the business" appearances - it's not *desperation* but it's along that same slippery slope. (Was I vague enough for you?)
WWE RAW 10.6.2002

Regal and Nowitski back up the ramp slowly - eww, they've given him a slicked hairdo and a sweater with a big "H" on it and everything. I *believe* they may be overstating the gimmick for the benefit of the slower viewers.
WWE RAW 10.6.2002

Ross adds the "golly you sure are funny, King" chuckle and fuck BOTH OF Y'ALL.
WWE RAW 10.6.2002

Some writer is really, really lonely these days, I have to guess.
WWE RAW 10.6.2002

Lawler and Ross both call Chris Webber "the Man" so I take back every bad thing I've said about them tonight (except that crap about Molly's figure, which is unforgivable).
WWE RAW 10.6.2002

Lesnar is up from behind with the forearm in the back - scoops him up - Move with No Name (I *know* there's a name in the WWE.com RAW report but it's STUPID so I'll pretend it's just a placeholder)!
WWE RAW 10.6.2002

Have you noticed that nobody's mentioned Stone Cold Steve Austin since that first segment? This was how they got rid of Ultimate Warrior the first time, by the way - just never mention him again... I'm worried!
WWE RAW 10.6.2002

Meanwhile, Nash lets Shawn Michaels out of the NWO dressing room. Shawn has a sip of coffee.... "Now I'm ready." Eww, they're sharing the same cup!
WWE RAW 10.6.2002

UP NEXT: Ownership of the WWE is on the line! Man, you don't think...I mean, surely they're not gonna try to bring the Vince/NWO "inject the poison" thing full circle, are they? I sure hope not! I mean, I'm as big a fan of closure as anybody, but guys, it has to make SENSE, and this is just too convoluted to work....well, you know I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's find out what happens together.
WWE RAW 10.6.2002

You can say what you want, but as of RIGHT NOW, Austin is Chyna. Simple as that.

And if you'll allow me to get on my high horse and issue an edict, let me get this on the record where all the fine folks can read it - this company better tread *really* lightly with me about this "sitaution," because I'm THIS close to shutting the whole damn thing down. I mean it. It doesn't MATTER whether or not Austin is right - or whether or not the WWE is right. DAMN IT, IT SHOULD NEVER HAVE GONE THIS FAR IN THE FIRST PLACE. It's a fucking shame that more and more I'm being left with the impression that people are more interested in sucking their finger, sticking it in the air and checking to see if their "spin" is taking when what they SHOULD be doing is applying all that energy towards putting their own house in order. Okay, you want my opinion, here it is: FIX IT. And I don't mean "fix it by trying to make me think this is really the next great 'shoot' angle that will revolutionise business," and I don't mean "fix it by trying to convince me I never liked Austin and I should be glad he's gone," and I don't mean "fix it by pulling the trigger on bringing in Goldberg in the hopes I won't notice or even care that you don't mention Austin's name as soon as 'Confidential' is over." After fucking beyond belief the can't-miss, longterm moneymaking storyline of the century with WCW, pissing away your biggest show of the year by giving the most screentime in the World Championship storyline to a bitch (not to mention Lucy), splitting an already weak whole into two even weaker halves but hoping nobody'd notice by repeating a "brand extension" mantra, this is it - the last chance. There's no goodwill left. Blow this and Kurt Angle will have PLENTY of time to train for the Olympics because there'll be nothing else for him to do.

Am I only exaggerating because I'm PISSED OFF? Well, who cares what "the Internet" thinks anyhow, right?
WWE SMACKDOWN 13.6.2002

LAST MONDAY: Go read the RAW Report - just how big IS the reset button? It better be big enough to bring back Austin - okay, that was supposed to all be out during the opener - sorry. No more of that during the report, I promise. Wow, they sure want you to think Arn Anderson's in cahoots with all these guys, don't they? I mean, there's a subtle way to use the magic of editing and then there's this...fuck, I sure hope Austin comes back - SORRY
WWE SMACKDOWN 13.6.2002

BY THE WAY, what kind of IDIOT puts half-ownership of a 960 MILLION DOLLAR COMPANY on the line in a wrestling match without taking ANY attempt to make sure there's no way they lose their **480 MILLION DOLLARS'** worth of ownership? Well, Flair and McMahon are two kinds of idiot, I guess...sheesh
WWE SMACKDOWN 13.6.2002

"No Chance in Hell" plays - and means that there's no doubt as to the direction of this company, shit, BILLIONAIRE VINCE swaggers out to the ring without a care in the world - and that's ANOTHER of his problems. Maybe he SHOULD care.
WWE SMACKDOWN 13.6.2002

Surprisingly, H foregoes his "whale's blowhole" pose, although he sure makes it look like he's holding back a big spit through most of his entrance - guess that's just his jawline, though.
WWE SMACKDOWN 13.6.2002

H looks around. "No, you know what? If you want a show, period, you either send the Undertaker down here, or I'll make sure there IS no more SmackDown!" He's doing a good job already...oh.
WWE SMACKDOWN 13.6.2002

This half hour had all the THRILLS! and EXCITEMENT! of Rick Rude and Konnan overseeing the destruction of the WCW Monday Nitro set in favour of the NWO Monday Nitro set.
WWE SMACKDOWN 13.6.2002

See the WWE live, while you still can!
WWE SMACKDOWN 13.6.2002

I don't want to say she's the worst actress in the history of the universe, but Mariah Carey saw this vignette and said "phew! Now THAT'S a stinky actress!"
WWE SMACKDOWN 13.6.2002

Knoble puts his cape on Nidia, feels her up, they French, and....shit, can't these guys just move permanently to Jerry Springer so I don't have to see it here?
WWE SMACKDOWN 13.6.2002

MARC LLLLLLLLLOYD stands backstage with Hogan, whose boas betray a giant fan in operation.
WWE SMACKDOWN 13.6.2002

Speaking of masturbation, Trish helps Linda stretch her leg back - um, I'll be right back
WWE SMACKDOWN 13.6.2002

I wonder how Tazz feels about getting the "e" midget's line.
WWE SMACKDOWN 13.6.2002

Taker back in the ring - and now H finds his sledgehammer one more time. Man, somebody's gotta start checking for those ahead of time!
WWE SMACKDOWN 13.6.2002

What will SmackDown! be like in Sacramento? Tazz promises "Wacko in Sacko" and you can tell he's east coast, 'cause NOBODY calls it "Sacko." Also he fails to say "Tobacco."
WWE SMACKDOWN 13.6.2002

I realise it's now a practical impossibility for practically everyone to make the logical separation, but I hope later you'll at least THINK about it, and realise that "he hit his wife, therefore he's always sucked in the ring and I'm glad he's off my television and out of the WWE" makes no sense.

Along the same lines, I hold a fervent hope that people *don't* use what happened as a shield to attempt to blind themselves from the fact that, hey, the writing HAS been REALLY stinky for a REALLY long time. The problem didn't go away because the one guy who stood up and actually WALKED AWAY from it suddenly turned into a nutjob. God, that hurts to type. Hell, this probably hurts for you to read because I'm coming across as so embarrassing. We're all embarrassed. Let's just move on. I'll do better next week.
WWE RAW 17.6.2002

Ross calls it an "Asai" moonsault, causing Lawler to make "Asahi" jokes the rest of the match - and dammit, van Dam didn't even USE the ropes...so was it REALLY an Asai moonsault? Either I or Jim Ross is cursed with just enough knowledge to be dangerous.
WWE RAW 17.6.2002

Sorry Robert, no hankies this week. Lots of body paint, though. Or maybe that's THE JAUNDICE.
WWE RAW 17.6.2002

So why does "Hey Arnold!" have such a funny lookin' head?
WWE RAW 17.6.2002

Show reacts with laughter...whoa, somebody WATCHES this show? Wait, wouldn't Show be seeing HIMSELF right now?
WWE RAW 17.6.2002

Hey, remember when Crash & Molly were COUSINS? The commentators don't!
WWE RAW 17.6.2002

Michaels does his "gay rodeo" tryout as well as his "achy breaky back" routine.
WWE RAW 17.6.2002

Now Booker T takes ahhhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM. Play "Theme from NWO!" Let's all make Wolfpac signs! What a great way to elevate new talent!
WWE RAW 17.6.2002

Say, did Austin leave because he knew Russo was on the way? HMMMMMMM
WWE SMACKDOWN 20.6.2002

LAST MONDAY: The Rock Says I've Got WWE In My Blood, But Only Between Movies - go read the RAW report
WWE SMACKDOWN 20.6.2002

The smell of voodoo chili wafts through the arena - and that's not easy with all the Gordon Biersch garlic fries and Arco nachos they sell there!
WWE SMACKDOWN 20.6.2002

For the first time in a long while, Christian's "hailing from" is actually announced - and it isn't Tampa. I don't know if that's a storyline thing, or a "hey look, HOWARD FINKEL is doing the ring announcing" thing.
WWE SMACKDOWN 20.6.2002

Tazz proclaims Hurricane's mask in "Parts Unknown."
WWE SMACKDOWN 20.6.2002

Hey! It's the Arco Arena! They SAY it's the home of the Sacramento Kings but you can bet they couldn't find any to sit in the front row!
WWE SMACKDOWN 20.6.2002

Stacy brings Fit Finlay and John Lar - Laur - Lua - Johnny Ace to Vince.
WWE SMACKDOWN 20.6.2002

Taker beats up the decorative furniture while Vince says "That son of a (bitch)! That SON of a (bitch)!" What, did Angle loosen Vince's toupee? He sure won't move his hand from the back of his head until we hit the final ad break!
WWE SMACKDOWN 20.6.2002

RUSSO: Man, I'm sure glad I waited before I said anything.
WWE RAW 24.6.2002

Nash scratches his nose with his middle finger to send the internet a-twitter.
WWE RAW 24.6.2002

Finally, the awesome power of Earl Hebner gets Benoit to unclamp it. Ahhh he pointed to his patch! Play HIS music! (Benoit's, not Hebner's.)
WWE RAW 24.6.2002

Dreamer makes the "my GOD I won!" face and man, there is NOTHING like seeing epic issues like this tackled in matches that take (2:24)
WWE RAW 24.6.2002

With his flourescent face paint glowing in the black light, Jeff Hardy is looking a lot more like Vampiro than The Rock...I guess this means he jobs, ar ar ar.
WWE RAW 24.6.2002

Well, no explanation given yet for Linda appearing on this show. Of course, I still think Nowinski is the hardcore champion, so you know I probably just have ISSUES.
WWE RAW 24.6.2002

I didn't bother with 'Pac and Show's return shouting but the tension portrayed is certainly...... WHOA MAN NASH SURE IS *FAT*
WWE RAW 24.6.2002

"Ruthless aggression!" Oh oh, somebody taught Lesnar some new words.
WWE RAW 24.6.2002

Man, how come Cena never smiled on "Manhunt?"
WWE SMACKDOWN 27.6.2002

"WrestleMania X8" for the GameCube ad ensures we'll at least see Stone Cold Steve Austin HERE tonight
WWE SMACKDOWN 27.6.2002

Last Saturday in Saddle Brook, NJ, Henry lifted the Inch "unliftable" barbell - 172 pounds with a 2.5" diameter handle. Hey, if it impresses *Bill Kazmaier*, it has to impress me!
WWE SMACKDOWN 27.6.2002

This time, TORRIE SAMUDA is "appetizing" while modeling her "fantasy free-for-all outfit - a pink gingham pattern off the shoulder top and matching ruffle bottom." That has to be the greatest index card Tony Chimel's ever had to read.
WWE SMACKDOWN 27.6.2002

Tazz models the WWE Shop Zone catalog. Want one? Write to WWE Shopzone Catalog, 50 Commerce Drive, Trumbull, CT 06611 and get put on their mailing list *for the rest of your life!*
WWE SMACKDOWN 27.6.2002

Leg is hooked - 1, 2, NO!!! Hogan has the look! You have to see the look on Jericho's face here - this is priceless shit, folks. Jericho knows exactly what's coming and hits the perfect facial expressions. He tries the right hand anyway - but it has no effect. Right hand - Hogan starts to jackhammer! Jericho is beside himself - but he has no other choice...he is compelled to throw the right hand again. HOGAN POINTS "YOU!!" Deep down, Jericho knows it won't work, but he can't help himself - right hand...is blocked...
WWE SMACKDOWN 27.6.2002
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