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22.12.07 0322
The 7 - Guest Columns - 2002 YEAR IN QUOTES -- NWA/TNA
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Andouille
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Since: 3.1.02
From: Philly

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#1 Posted on 30.12.02 1206.24
Reposted on: 30.12.09 1213.53
"On June 19th, wrestling changes forever!" Well, I kinda doubt it, but...but gosh, maybe Wednesday nights never WILL be the same.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #1 - 19.6.2002

Man I've missed Tenay's "hmm yes I see" face.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #1 - 19.6.2002

"You kiss my ass!" Commentators mark out over the first expletive - uttered by a 71 year old man.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #1 - 19.6.2002

Fargo shouldn't try to talk over the music - oh, look it's KEN SHAMROCK'S SIDEBURNS!
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #1 - 19.6.2002

As team number one enters, we flash backstage to examine the gathered legends standing around a monitor and looking pleased - man, can't they afford any chairs for those folks? I mean, they're OLD. Let them sit!
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #1 - 19.6.2002

Nice sideburns on Yang - I anticipate him fighting Shamrock in a sideburns match down the road.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #1 - 19.6.2002

Siaki, you'll recall, was described by this reporter once in a Worldwide report as "just like The Rock...except not."
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #1 - 19.6.2002

Tenay says TEO stands for Total-E Outstanding, and it's funny that Jeremy Borash and Mark Madden had two chances to tell us that during WWA pay-per-views and never found the time - well, not "funny" so much as "testament to Tenay's play-by-play ability and I wonder why the WWE never hired him."
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #1 - 19.6.2002

Plumtree is a sweater vest Harvard grad. AT LAST, a fresh gimmick!
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #1 - 19.6.2002

Yes, fans - next week, we will find out JUST WHICH RACE IS BEST ohhhhhh.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #1 - 19.6.2002

Here's a clip from the Toby Keith video "How Do You Like Me Now" - the video that launched a thousand catchphrases... well.... one.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #1 - 19.6.2002

Wow, this is a big ol' wankfest for Jeff, isn't it?
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #1 - 19.6.2002

Malice with the choke (!) but Shamrock manages to strike away the arm, grab a waistlock and hit a belly-to-belly suplex - 1, 2, 3! Fuck you, Shane Douglas!
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #1 - 19.6.2002

Ferrara mistakenly says "The Wall" and the lawyers are on the phone, but at least he recovers by cracking an (always in season) Special Olympics joke.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #1 - 19.6.2002

Hey guys, "Thunder" is back. Do YOU want to pay $9.95 to watch it?
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #1 - 19.6.2002

Still, I will give credit to Jeff Jarrett for one thing - he didn't say "slapnuts" once.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #1 - 19.6.2002

PYRO away - I wouldn't be surprised if it was last week's with different camera angles, but I'd hate to start out on a cynical note, yuk yuk
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #2 - 26.6.2002

Sign behind them: "I'D RATHER BE AT RAW HOME" - umm, wow, why'd you bother coming?
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #2 - 26.6.2002

Wow, I haven't seen a main event jerking the curtain since "Monday Night RAW" during most of 1994.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #2 - 26.6.2002

You bet, I would describe the pace as....yes, "deliberate." Man, this is slow motion in real time.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #2 - 26.6.2002

Brutal and plodding - I shouldn't have expected so much more from these guys...but I *did*.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #2 - 26.6.2002

Ripoff of James Brown's "I Got The Fever" brings out...holy crap. Imagine Ice Train ate Scott Norton and give him the cornrows, then put him in trunks (but at least kept him in a top, even if it is a "stretchy" material). Oh, he's funky - probably in more ways than one if you catch my drift. Tenay says Cheex claims to have been trained by Gene & Ole Anderson - "let's see if he takes a body part and starts to work on it like the famous Wrecking Crew did." Tenay deserves better.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #2 - 26.6.2002

...you know, the fact that Jerry Jarrett either pretended he couldn't or actually *couldn't* see a racist side of this confrontation...well, that may be more telling than he'd like to admit
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #2 - 26.6.2002

Krush starts outside, but now Marlin & Sadler get on the apron and bookend him - then yank on the second rope to get him in the balls! Man, I guess it's in the NWA rulebook that "celebrities can mess with any groin they want without any threat of disqualification".
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #2 - 26.6.2002

Of course, we're so busy watching this we completely miss Shannon being eliminated - man, and I wanted to see what kind of underwear she was wearing - I mean...I love my girlfriend!
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #2 - 26.6.2002

Mike Tenay invites you to visit nwatna.com - I'll let you in on a secret...it's still a pretty crappy site
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #2 - 26.6.2002

The "X" in that graphic looks borrowed from the WXO - hey, we can use Johnny Ace's old catchphrase, too! "What does the X stand for? I DON'T KNOW!!"
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #2 - 26.6.2002

Tenay still opts for the tux while his bookends are competing to see which outfit can sear my eyes closed.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #3 - 3.7.2002

I dunno, it's kinda hard to take a serious threat from a guy - ha - named - hahaha - MONTY. Nice tongue stud, but I wouldn't be wrestling with that in MY mouth!
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #3 - 3.7.2002

"I'm Marcus and my ass is going home. Here. Do something with that." And he hands his hat to Ed, presumably to put on Ebay for some quick cash.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #3 - 3.7.2002

Borash welcomes to the ring KEN SHAMROCK. He's the World's Most Dangerous man in Short Pants!
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #3 - 3.7.2002

Goldilocks asks the EMT's what's up - they don't know yet. Gee, thanks for taking up my time, then.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #3 - 3.7.2002

Vaughn is the former Papaya, aka the former BB, aka led Bob Holly to divorce and lookit her now!
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #3 - 3.7.2002

Chyron says "Father James Mitchell (w/ Disciples of the New Church)" - do you really want to be putting over the manager instead of the wrestlers?
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #4 - 10.7.2002

Let's listen in...and please ignore the crowd saying "What?"
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #4 - 10.7.2002

That speech was a little repetitive, he's just started a feud with a guy not in the federation, and his speech was a little repetitive.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #4 - 10.7.2002

"Jerry's kid" gets really loud - if Herb Kunze were watching this match, I think he might say that Jerry Lawler is the most over man in this match, but I won't.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #4 - 10.7.2002

Did you know that Hermie and Angie Sadler are listed in the Emporia, VA white pages? You do now! (Please don't go to their house - that's called "stalking.")
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #4 - 10.7.2002

I have no idea what the crowd's chanting here but I'm sure it's really amusing in Tennessee.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #4 - 10.7.2002

Japanese arm drag by Cassidy - then they suddenly both stop so they can look at each other in fighting stance in the hopes that the crowd will applaud them. I've learned that's a big "indy" spot so now I'm sharing it with you.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #4 - 10.7.2002

AHHHH FUCK YOU it's THE DISCIPLES OF THE NEW CHURCH - Malice with a spinebuster on Stevens to ring the bell (DQ 2:10) N/A - the Briscoes send O'Reilly into a big boot, thinking Malice is on their side - but then he double clotheslines them. Chokeslam for you, chokeslam for you (somebody decides to blow up some pyro to make it louder - all three commentators crap their pants) - Tempest, Slash and Mitchell are content to watch from the floor. Man, some people never learn. I hope Sid and his walker - and a deadly giant bag of popcorn are on their way to deal with this threat.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #4 - 10.7.2002

Everyone's confused but all is revealed when ECW's JASMINE ST. CLAIR walks out. Well, everything except Jasmine - but maybe soon. She's got a band-aid on her left knee - there's a blowjob joke in there but I ain't findin' it.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #4 - 10.7.2002

Tenay hits the "he get a lap dance, and I'm sitting next to West & Ferrara" line, which reminds me of the great Jim Ross line "Vince gets to talk to Peta Wilson, and I get Paul Bearer" from RAW back when nobody watched.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #4 - 10.7.2002

Plumtree joins the commentators and it seems like he's picked up an accent he didn't seem to have in earlier weeks. Actually, it sounds more like he's auditioning for the voice of ALF in case the guy currently doing it dies or something.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #4 - 10.7.2002

Gutshot by Estrada, to a side headlock - if you had "Dupp powers out but Estrada lands a shoulderblock," you've been paying attention and here's a cookie.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #4 - 10.7.2002

Tenay says Omori hasn't wrestled since late May - he's been training six weeks for his title opportunity. Strange, since six weeks ago (a) this promotion didn't exist, and (b) Miller hadn't made his trip to Japan yet.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #4 - 10.7.2002

"Oh, and about that smirk - you can either lose it...or we'll CUT IT OFF." Man I've been waiting four weeks for someone to say that to her!
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #4 - 10.7.2002

We follow her to the dark place where somebody finds Bill Behrens bereft of shirt and pants, gagged and "FU" written on his chest. Man, if only they'd ungag him maybe he could *say what's happened to him!!*
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #4 - 10.7.2002

Well it's ALL broken down now - you know, the sad thing is *now* I'm expecting Malice to come out and chokeslam everybody or some other stupid shit like that.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #4 - 10.7.2002

Well, ultimately, even after four shows, this still boils down to "it's a ten dollar 'Thunder.'" Guys, we had over *three years* of FREE "Thunder" and if THAT company couldn't make it - how can this one survive?
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #4 - 10.7.2002

We start TONIGHT'S show with a long, long, long montage of Jeff Jarrett's reign of terror - just in case we forgot who the REAL star of this show was
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #5 - 17.7.2002

EARLIER THIS WEEK: Goldilocks ran after Ken Shamrock carrying an umbrella. Someone left him out in the RAIN! I don't think I can TAKE it, 'cause it took so long to MAKE him, and I'll never have that recipe AGAIN - OHHHH NOOOOOOOOOO - anyway...
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #5 - 17.7.2002

The lights go out - this wasn't on the schedule! Lights back up and...it's SABU. He's desecrating an American flag by wearing it as a turban...so that'd make him...the face?
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #5 - 17.7.2002

Off the ropes - well, I don't know WHAT the hell THAT was supposed to be but it turned into Malice going over the top and to the floor. Ugly ugly ugly.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #5 - 17.7.2002

"But you know what, don't get it twisted. I'm not an angry black man. I'm just a damn truth - and the truth will no longer be denied." I don't know, most of that SOUNDED angry - and black, for that matter
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #5 - 17.7.2002

Armstrong sports a large wrap on his arm, which can only mean one of the following two items: (a) Jarrett didn't really accidentally break his arm last week, (b) they can't afford a real cast for him. Anyway, good to see he didn't take time off - time is short around here, after all!
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #5 - 17.7.2002

Tenay decides to talk about Jarrett & the Tennessee Titans instead of this match and the transformation into Tony Schiavone II is nearly complete.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #5 - 17.7.2002

Krush removes his belt - "Is he taking his pants off?" Well that WOULD be edgy, but no. Stomp - then whips him with the belt, whip, whip, whip, whip. Poor Don West makes the perfectly valid point that last week Krush did this to Hermie Sadler and the referee reversed his decision, not knowing that he just buried that decision in inconsistency when we all know that will utterly fail to happen tonight.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #5 - 17.7.2002

Backstage, Goldilocks finds Puppet masturbating inside a trashcan. This would normally be where I (ahem) get off.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #5 - 17.7.2002

Then TEO removes the TNA Girl's shirt and nearly gets her tit to pop out. Man, abusing women is FUNNY when it's a MIDGET doing it!
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #5 - 17.7.2002

Meanie grabs St. Claire in his arms and takes her to the back. Meanwhile, the EMTs are out - hey I can see the bottoms of her boobies! Oh, sorry - this is a SERIOUS, SERIOUS situation and she's on the back board with the horse face - I mean, collar - Ed Ferrara is noticably somber...or at least attempting to give that impression with his acting. A single tear runs down Francine's cheek.....sniff..excuse me. I have to finish *masturbating*
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #5 - 17.7.2002

FINALLY he turns Hall's way and eats a right hand - that was the LONGEST TWO AND A HALF MINUTES IN SPORTS and that INCLUDES all them horse races! Still, could have been worse - they could have put another two and a half into this match, right? Ah ha ha.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #5 - 17.7.2002

How come every time the swearing goes up, the workrate goes down? HMMMM
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #5 - 17.7.2002

Now outside the room he was just in, Shamrock uses a piece of wood to bar the door - despite the fact that there are plenty of other doors, but I guess none of them lead anywhere.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #6 - 24.7.2002

Jarrett ponders his options - and crowns Behrens with the chair. Whack, whack, whack - chairshots, egofuck, take your pick.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #6 - 24.7.2002

Yikes, this girl has so little coordination that she has to stick her tongue out to help her with her dancing!
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #6 - 24.7.2002

Stevens climbs up top - moonsault...MISSES! Well, it didn't REALLY miss but for the purposes of our story we'll pretend Storm rolled completely out of the way instead of partially out of the way.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #6 - 24.7.2002

"THEY gave me that damn name! No longer will they name me - no longer will I be their damn puppet." I wonder what Puppet thinks of that.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #6 - 24.7.2002

You know, there's a perfectly good woman in the OTHER cage that can dance without having to stick her tongue out - why don't you focus on HER, too?
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #6 - 24.7.2002

JESUS YOU'RE A GROWN WOMAN PUT YOUR TONGUE BACK IN YOUR MOUTH THIS ISN'T GRADE SCHOOL AND YOU'RE NOT CUTTING A CIRCLE OUT OF CONSTRUCTION PAPER
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #6 - 24.7.2002

I SMELL THE OPPOSITE OF MONEY
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #6 - 24.7.2002

Well, Simon (aka "Mr. Dawn Marie") didn't come out to "Simon Says" by Drain STH so what good is he.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #6 - 24.7.2002

Dupp ducks the swing but ends up in a powerslam - 1, 2, well he doesn't kick out but Charles halts his count. This means Stan missed his cue because NOW he's in with an axehandle to break it up - okay, you lose all your stars now...not that you had more than a quarter to begin with. (DQ 2:57) DUD
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #6 - 24.7.2002

Man, we'll NEVER find out why Alicia was collecting all that money. (No, see, she got smarter - she's not doing it where the camera can see her anymore.) OHHHHHH
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #6 - 24.7.2002

Wait...Puppet had a GUN? It's amazing how nobody on this show made any kind of big deal about this. I mean, when Brian Pillman had one on RAW, Joe Pedicino *actually* said the WORLD was going to END! Go ahead, go read it at http://groups.google.com/groups?threadm=55osp7PE24kcb%40mtinsc01-mgt.ops.worldnet.att.net if you don't believe me. Honestly, I don't even know what having this proves other than somebody wanted to show off how "edgy" they *think* they are. I eagerly anticipate the logical progression to rape scenes and public defecation - TNA! TNA! TNA! TNA!
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #7 - 31.7.2002

Mitchell joins the commentators to display his "Ark of the New Church," which carries "the blood of the audad." Actually, Mitchell misspells aoudad, which means somebody got busy searching the web for cool things to "appropriate" for their "brilliant" "gimmicks" and ended up getting some bad information....and passing it on. For heaven's sakes, people make MONEY doing this! Can you BELIEVE it?
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #7 - 31.7.2002

Slash makes the international sign of...well, I don't know what his move is yet.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #7 - 31.7.2002

THE TRUTH is out. Sign in crowd: "THE TRUTH IS YOUR MY BITCH" Sign not in crowd: "I CANNOT SPELL"
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #7 - 31.7.2002

Wow, it's been so long since we've had some wrestling, wot? Don't expect much NOW, yuk yuk yuk.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #7 - 31.7.2002

Vaughn up - whip is reversed - Bruce with a tilt-a-whirl into a faceplant - or boobplant, I dunno.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #7 - 31.7.2002

It's gotta be TOUGH dancing like that with a vapid look like that! NWA crawl is in repeats so I have nothing better to do than ponder their lack of love for life.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #7 - 31.7.2002

Now don't get me wrong, because Disco is probably the one guy most likely to send me email under an assumed name, but...well, I strongly doubt I'll EVER transcribe one of these again because they're awful and they suck. Sorry.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #7 - 31.7.2002

Don West rises from his seat to go into two minutes of "Shop At Home" style shilling for next week's show. SEE his head get as red at his shirt! BOGGLE as he lives through it! CHUCKLE when he mistakenly refers to Ricky "the Steamboat" Dragon! WONDER how many more weeks they'll give him in this gig!
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #7 - 31.7.2002

In what MAY be a televised first, Hall actually *loses the handle* on his toothpick before doing the flick - and has to pick it up off the canvas. How embarrassing!
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #7 - 31.7.2002

Man, I didn't think they could be worse than the first time, but leave it to them to find a way.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #7 - 31.7.2002

Estrada sings a song - wow, I guess he *also* thinks he's The Rock! I'd transcribe the lyrics but really, sometimes you just gotta pay the ten bucks, you know? Har har.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #8 - 7.8.2002

I wonder if they were legal - sure, why not. EVERYBODY is the legal man.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #8 - 7.8.2002

We look up to the stage where TEAM MASCARA (sans Tempest) is seen looking on. Can a crappy run-in be far behind?
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #8 - 7.8.2002

MONTY BROWN is out as well, doing his "wet Ahmed Johnson" impersonation.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #8 - 7.8.2002

If you nail Jeremy you get 2 1/2 points. (Borash makes the only face he knows how to make.)
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #8 - 7.8.2002

Disco says he's a talk show host, not a pro wrestler. Well, he's half right.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #8 - 7.8.2002

Perhaps you've noticed I'm now half-assing this report. Trust me, I havne't missed a wrestling move yet. For that matter, they haven't even been in the ring!
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #8 - 7.8.2002

Wow, there sure are a lot of FAT people in Tennessee.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #8 - 7.8.2002

Who's the face in this match, by the way? Are there any faces left in TNA, by the way? Is *Steamboat* even a face? Man, how depressing.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #8 - 7.8.2002

sign in crowd: "I LIKE WRESTLING" second sign in crowd: "SO WHERE IS IT?"
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #8 - 7.8.2002

I think the best part of this was watching Tenay pretend to be interested while getting direction over his headset.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #8 - 7.8.2002

Everybody down (you mean they're SELLING?) Well, let's not make any drastic assessments here.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #8 - 7.8.2002

Sign in crowd (paraphrased): "THE TRUTH IS YOUR [SPELLING'S] A BITCH." Hey, and those guys had a whole *week* to look it up! I'd hate to draw any conclusions about Tennesseans in general from this one example, but...and they're FAT, too!
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #9 - 14.8.2002

Now, you may be thinking this doesn't make sense...to which I respond, "you're only thinking this NOW?"
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #9 - 14.8.2002

Also, he must be worried his dick is gonna fall off, 'cause he just keeps HOLDING that hand there.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #9 - 14.8.2002

Maximo offers the Hand of Friendship...Kash flips him off. Well, it beats the Indy Respect Spot anyway.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #9 - 14.8.2002

Schiavone - I'll give you a hundred dollars to tell me who the legal men are right now.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #9 - 14.8.2002

They've preserved Grandma's last dump for five years for a special occasion. A comparison is made to the chocolate at Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory but I'm already moving on, folks
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #9 - 14.8.2002

You know, this was so much better with Andy Kaufman...sorry, sorry, I didn't give this a CHANCE.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #9 - 14.8.2002

Malice is alone tonight - everyone else has been either "barred from the building" (storyline) or "barred from receiving a paycheque this week" (reality).
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #9 - 14.8.2002

DISCO INFERNO is out for "Jive Talkin'." He gave Paulina the night off (that's another fifty bucks they can put in the "Save TNA" jar)
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #9 - 14.8.2002

Can Styles SAY "sugar tits?"
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #9 - 14.8.2002

And Monty Brown takes on The Truth for the NWA World Heavyweight championship! When West says "there have never been two more athletic and agile competitors in the ring at one time," is he really just using code?
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #9 - 14.8.2002

Ron Harris and Chris Harris are NOT related, as far as I know. (Neither are Brian Lee and Elix Skipper.)
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #10 - 21.8.2002

Tenay says this match is made all the more important due to that fact, but I can't imagine WHY, since they never seem to take anything like *matches* REMOTELY into account when crafting-- okay, enough negativity. Let's save some for this match! AH HA HA.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #10 - 21.8.2002

Isn't it great that all that stuff Yang did can be completely nullifed by one punch?
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #10 - 21.8.2002

But Yang is up! Runs at Siaki with what Tenay calls a "Shining Wizard" but I'm not sure. Hell, between Tenay and Tazz, EVERY knee is a Shining Wizard, right?
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #10 - 21.8.2002

Man, I almost like matches like that more than spotfests - oops, don't tell anybody, I'll lose my cred.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #10 - 21.8.2002

Ki hits the ring and helps both men up...then raises both their hands! THEN KICKS BOTH MEN IN THE HEAD!! Ahhhahahahaha. Is it any wonder the crowd chants "Lo-Ki?" Sure, it ain't workrate, but it's a MOMENT!
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #10 - 21.8.2002

Watch that girl shake her ass - read the NWA crawl - they're both about as exciting...
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #11 - 28.8.2002

Wow, there's (10:13) I'll NEVER get back.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #11 - 28.8.2002

Is it supposed to be sexy when she goes into ass convulsions? 'cause...eww. It's not.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #11 - 28.8.2002

Again, probably too close on the Goldy closeup, but maybe somebody wants her to look bad. She does that enough by trying to insist on getting a final zinger in by running her finger down his chest, then flicking it at him. He shoulda popped her one.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #11 - 28.8.2002

Jarrett adds a SECOND chairshot - timmmmber. Crowd chants "one more time" which says something about them, I reckon.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #11 - 28.8.2002

JEREMY BORASH makes one of his typically (ahem) great "Hoo-ee! the camera's on me and I couldn't be happier about it! I'm PART OF THE STORY YOU GO BRIAN" expressions.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #13 - 18.9.2002

Kash seems pleased that Styles managed to utterly fail to work HIS name into that promo.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #13 - 18.9.2002

Let the record reflect that we managed to eat up a quarter hour of this wrestling pay-per-view with un-wrestling. AND AWAY WE GO!
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #13 - 18.9.2002

Nice to see that Chad is prominently seated once again and that once again he's brought his "I HAVE A PENIS" sign - because that's so much more fun to watch than X Division action...I guess.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #13 - 18.9.2002

SCREECH v. TINY THE BELLKEEPER - geez, more like the BellBEEFER. Imagine Rick Scaia gained about two hundred pounds and you've got a pretty good idea of what Tiny looks like. (Or, if you prefer, carve two hundred pounds off of Tiny...and you have a pretty good idea what Rick Scaia looks like!)
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #13 - 18.9.2002

WOW Borash botches the opening introduction, calling both guys "Jimmy" and then adding a third name at the end and...well, I couldn't figure it out or I'd have written it down right here for your entertainment and amusement.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #13 - 18.9.2002

Tenay rails on how the Hot Shots "gave up their spot" except I can't figure it out because it sure seems like somehow TWO spots end up on the line here...so you would THINK that one of these other two teams ALSO had to put their certainty of being in the gauntlet in doubt. Right? Of course, NONE of this explains how B.G. James can just waltz in WITHOUT a partner and *automatically* get a berth in the gauntlet (except his father being the NWA representative, right?) oh...well, yeah, there is THAT, but still I wish people who weren't me would bring this up. Possibly people who weren't me who also claim to be behind the writing of this, f'rinstance - that'd be swell.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #13 - 18.9.2002

West points out that if you're not in the ring, you might as well just cool out because there's no way you can be eliminated. When DON FUCKING WEST is pointing out YAWNING PLOT CHASMS in your gimmick match's gimmick, isn't that a WEENTSY sign that perhaps *somebody* didn't think this thing all the way through?
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #13 - 18.9.2002

O'Reilly off the ropes and backdropped onto Rave, Stevens covers, 1, 2, Steel breaks it up. WHAT? ACE STEEL BREAKS UP A COVER ON A GUY WHOSE TEAM HE IS NOT ON? WHAT THE *FLYING FUCK* DOES ACE STEEL CARE IF RAVE & WYLDE GET ELIMINATED? IS THIS NOT BETTER THAN HIMSELF - STEEL - AND HIS PARTNER PUNK GETTING ELIMINATED? WHY ISN'T *WYLDE* CONCERNED ENOUGH TO BREAK IT UP? ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH FUCK THIS SHIT I'm not bothering until I call the end of the match - this commentary is inane, this doesn't make sense, SHIT Steel just saved Rave again - this is SO fucking STUPID. Let's all do our indy spots and indy indy indy it up - coming up an indy battle royal gimmick indy indy fuck cluster spot spot fuck indy. Fuck it. Even Derek Wylde twitching OLD SKOOL STYLE won't save this match. Why yes, they DO all tumble outside one by one for the lucha train wreck CRAP. I've had it. No lies. Steel gives Stevens a Gorry special into a neckbreaker, apparently called the "dumb ass indy spot name" and gets the pin to - get this - BRING IRONY. (7:13 you'll never get back) **1/4 minus A MILLION SNOWFLAKES for STUPIDITY
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #13 - 18.9.2002

Hermie Sadler says this is the part of the show where he usually takes a coffee break - way to sell the product, Hermie!
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #13 - 18.9.2002

Don West offers that it might be a good thing to be eliminated early, because it means you'll be fresh if your partner makes it to the end. DON WEST: PLOT HOLE DRILLER.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #13 - 18.9.2002

BRIAN LEE is #9. Tenay asks us to consider the "Andre the Giant" factor. Okay, but why would we consider it when Brian Lee comes out?
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #13 - 18.9.2002

James, Hall and 'Pac pose for the crowd as the credits are up - oh, look, it's become the very thing we'd been promised it would be an alternative to. What? So very, very, very disappointing.
NWA TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION #13 - 18.9.2002
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CRZ
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#2 Posted on 30.12.02 1941.42
Reposted on: 30.12.09 1944.30
Damn, I can't BELIEVE I stopped writing these reports. They are a GOLD MINE.
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#3 Posted on 4.1.03 0128.50
Reposted on: 4.1.10 0129.01

    Originally posted by CRZ
    Damn, I can't BELIEVE I stopped writing these reports. They are a GOLD MINE.


They definitely brought out the best (and worst) in you, Chris. I don't know if you would've been able to survive, though. You might've ended up putting your foot through your tv, or through your laptop, or your laptop through your TV, or something like that.

The indy rant was solid gold, btw.
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