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The 7 - Pro Wrestling - your WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 11/14/2002!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#1 Posted on 14.11.02 2110.48
Reposted on: 14.11.09 2110.54
Allright, even more free wrestling on my the TV this week! I'm all about that. What with the economy going down the crapper and the modern world getting harder and colder and more emasculating and alienating, we can use as much of the Professional Wrestling as possible. Unless it's really irritating wrestling, then it helps the human condition in the Western World not one iota. LUCKILY, Satan Pro called and told me- without soiling the SPIRIT of the Workrate Report with hated, wretched, stupid, hated spoilers- that the Smackdowns tonite are supposed to be really fabulous, so I am stoked. BRING IT!

WHAT WORKED-

- Edge and Chavo have a batch of wrestling. Chavo is rudotastic early, bumping big for Edge and then bringing a nice wad of nasty offense for Edge to bump around for. I loved when they show Rey Rey looking at the match on his space monitor from his capsule at Moonstation X2. Keylock is all heated and Edge escapes to be cut off by Chavo to set up Edge killing Chavo with a dropkick while Chavo is coming off the top. Chavo goes up big for the backdrop like a Latin Bobby Eaton and the nearfalls start. Chavo does the cool Spear as Counter to the Spear and then they do the neato Tornado DDT counter into the Black Cat DDT by Edge for the pin. They needed to have Eddy at ringside to cheat to win to get Chavo a win before the fans are supposed to take Chavo seriously Sunday. Postmatch, announcer boy is despondent when Rey Rey scoops him about Brock's ribs. Brock seems weepy and pre-menstrual. Rey Rey runs to make some hot tea...

- FIRST AL WILSON SITING! Al Wilson now has Dawn Marie where he wants her. Al is THE MACK now. He makes sure that she thinks that he could give a shit if she sucks his dick or not and that is where he wants her. Al is the Mack.

-See, Heyman is a genius because he can have Benoit and Angle have a bad 3 Stooges skit like this and it will always work because he knows these two will wrestle each other later and justify ANYidiotic reason for having them wrestle. I await some sort of Gilligan's Island skit involving Benoit peddling on a stationary bike made of bamboo and Angle creating a radio out of cocoanuts. Then they could do a thing where Benoit is Raj and Angle is Rerun and the Doobie Brothers catch them trying to bootleg one of their concerts when the tape recorder comes out of Angle's coat as he is dancing. It would rock.

- Eddy and Chavo giving Edge and Rey Rey shit is fucking gold. Eddy verbally assaults Rey Rey's manhood with the blind squirrel analogy and then calls him an pseudo-Gringo for letting his Canadian buddy talk to his sangre in Spanish. Eddy is your motherfucking GOD.

- Eddy and Rey had the WCW match of the decade in 1997. I will try to block that out of my head and watch this on it's own merits. Eddy hits the PHAT ASS Quebradora and Rey takes it LIKE A MAN. Eddy then starts in on the arm and I am in love. Rey is spectacular with the armdrag out the corner to counter the armbar and Eddy is YOUR FUCKING GREATEST RUDO EVER by going smooth as motherfucking silk into the armdrag back into the armbar. The rana to set up the 619 onto the hapless ref was nice and then everyone cheats to win and both eat a finisher from their opponents tag partner as Eddy hits a fucking GNARLY powerbomb on Rey Rey for two and we go back to square one as we go to commercial. Back from the commercial, Rey hits his own PHAT ASS Quebradora and he sells the knee before taking the wacky bump off the top to the floor. Eddy hits the enormous Piscada and starts bringing the assbeat until Rey hits a comeback too soon with the Superplex as a counter to the Frogsplash. Rey with the cool-ass armdrag counter out of the second powerbomb attempt but Rey is cut off by a fucking BEAUTIFUL lariat by your GOD LORD GOD Eddy. Eddy starts beating the shit out of Rey and Rey hits another comeback with a moonsault countering out of a superplex attempt. Rey follows up with a fucking BEAUTIFUL Spinning, Floating Armdrag which he follows with a DIVING TOPE TO THE FLOOR. This match is motherfucking absolutely balls out. Eddy gets his knees in Rey's face and they go into the finish, as Eddy misses the Frogsplash but rolls through, but Rey uses moves too quick for me to remember to get Rey into position for the 619 and Eddy takes it knees to the teeth. Eddy rolls through the roll-up and procures the El Paso Lasso and Rey taps as Eddy grabs the ropes. That there is great fucking professional wrestling.

- Oh fuck you, Torrie. Al is releasing the swimmers onto a women half his age and HE'S BEING USED? What the Hell are you talking about, woman? Give it a break and let our Mounting Blastmaster Absolute Macking Motherfucker unleash his tidal wave of gooey love on any lady lucky enough to get in it's wake. Hopefully- as revenge- this leads to Torrie putting the blast on the Iron Sheikh as a sort of a mental assault on everything our Red White And Blue Sandblaster of Fucking stands for. Torie in a veil and Arabic slavegirl garb would tease putting her tongue on Sheik's distended belly button while the Shiek stands proudly with his fists on his stomach. "Clitoris NUMBER ONE! Multiple orgasms NUMBER ONE! Al Wilson PTOOEY!" It would write itself. Al could win his daughter back by beating the Sheik in one of those Iranian dumbell contests. It would rock.

- Kidman and your Peckerwood Jesus have a perfectly fine match- with Noble beginning to actually use some of his vast offense, but it followed Rey Rey vs Eddy so I can only be so impressed. Sorry. I suck.

- Eddy and Chavo come out and save Angle from starting to sound like the really tall guy on "Everyone Loves Raymond." Then they have a summit of the tag challengers but luckily Benoit and Angle have a wrestling match and everything else falls by the wayside. The suplexes kick in early and Eddy allows Benoit to start beating the shit out of Angle and Angle hits the fastest fucking German I have ever seen. Eddy distracts Angle again and Benoit PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE and we all weep and party and freak out. Benoit hits the fucking BEAUTIFUL backbreaker. Benoit brings the MANLY ass-beating and Angle is fucking beautiful selling the damage. Edge distracts Benoit and then he thows Angle at them and I am SOOO deeply in love with this match. Benoit hits two of three of a Locomotion German but Angle hits his own Locomotion German with all three for two. Benoit ducks the clothesline and procures the crossface and Angle reverses it into an ankle lock and Angle hits the Olympic Slam after all the reversals and I am aglow at the metricton of wrestling I am seeing this fair Thursday. Eddy distracts Angle and Angle procures the Lasso From El Paso and an enraged Eddy hits the ring and Angle sends him out and all hell breaks loose as Benoit hits the fucking beautiful Released German. Then everbody applies everbody else's finisher on each other until Benoit and Angle end up tapping Eddy and Edge. The postmatch hug betweem Benoit and Angle was even better than the Released German Suplex. This is the best booked stuff of the last ten years that isn't called GAEA vs Super Star Unit.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

- I give Heyman credit for trying his damnedest to make ANYONE think that Big Show is worthy of anyone's attention as an opponent. I'm thinking that this is some kind booking OBSESSION now with Heyman: "I created THIS WWE! I created it in a fucking bingo hall in Philadelphia nine yearsago! NOW! NOW! NOW I WILL SHOW THEM! I AM PAUL HEYMAN AND I WILL MAKE WRESTLING FANS IN 2002 GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE BIG SHOW. I CAN BOOK ANYTHING AND MAKE IT WORK!" And applaud the idea of Heyman trying to make it work but I don't applaud having to look it not work. The Brock face turn has been fun, but it will more fun when Heyman hires bountyhunters to get revenge on Lesnar when Smackdown does the Heyman vs Lesnar angle that will take over soon enough. Lesnar beating the shit out of Big Show was fun. Big Show does bleed like a king- and the "one bounce off the rail" bladejob was Snuka-esque in it's precision. Maybe he will be the new Hercules Ayala.

- Evil John Cena vs Evil Matt Hardy? Oh, it's a tag match. I hate these seperate entrances. Like John Cena needs his own entrance? Anyway, John Cena gazes upon Rikishi's giant ass and Tajiri is filled with trembling. Face Tajiri is super Luchafied technico and he takes a beating early. Rikishi hits some nice elbows and John Cena is living in horror of Rikishi's fecal Mount Everest and- oh, it's over. That was odd. The mutual love between Hardy and Cena postmatch almost saves this. But it doesn't.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.
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#2 Posted on 14.11.02 2118.16
Reposted on: 14.11.09 2118.29

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    Oh fuck you, Torrie. Al is releasing the swimmers onto a women half his age and HE'S BEING USED? What the Hell are you talking about, woman? Give it a break and let our Mounting Blastmaster Absolute Macking Motherfucker unleash his tidal wave of gooey love on any lady lucky enough to get in it's wake. Hopefully- as revenge- this leads to Torrie putting the blast on the Iron Sheikh as a sort of a mental assault on everything our Red White And Blue Sandblaster of Fucking stands for. Torie in a veil and Arabic slavegirl garb would tease putting her tongue on Sheik's distended belly button while the Shiek stands proudly with his fists on his stomach. "Clitoris NUMBER ONE! Multiple orgasms NUMBER ONE! Al Wilson PTOOEY!" It would write itself. Al could win his daughter back by beating the Sheik in one of those Iranian dumbell contests. It would rock.
As much as I love the Iron Sheik, I do not want to know about his multiple orgasms. However I will agree with you on the "Shut the fuck up, Torrie" statement. Let Mr. Wilson be!
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#3 Posted on 14.11.02 2127.00
Reposted on: 14.11.09 2127.55
As much as I love the Iron Sheik, I do not want to know about his multiple orgasms.

DR: No, you see the Sheik would be SUPPLYING the multiple orgasms- maybe through some kind of ancient Persian Love technique POSSIBLY involving a curly moustache and extra moustache wax. We can't be sure, it's an ancient secret.

DEAN.
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#4 Posted on 14.11.02 2141.12
Reposted on: 14.11.09 2141.33
DEAN. While the post-match Angle-Benoit hug was great, they edited out the man-on-man action that followed at the taping. Angle started kissing Benoit on the cheeks, and tried for the mouth, but Benoit rolls out. Kurt followed and managed to apply the ass-tap. Edge and Rey-Rey, not understanding this love, mock it (of course after the twin masters of ass-beat have left for the locker-room)
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#5 Posted on 14.11.02 2157.08
Reposted on: 14.11.09 2159.02
LOL, if Benoit is Raj and Angle is ReRun...does that make Steph Shirley?
tasslex
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#6 Posted on 14.11.02 2214.33
Reposted on: 14.11.09 2216.08

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN

    ...snip...
    Eddy distracts Angle and Angle procures the Lasso From El Paso and an enraged Eddy hits the ring and Angle sends him out and all hell breaks loose as Benoit hits the fucking beautiful Released German.


The best part of this exchange?

Angle hollering "THIS MOVE SUCKS!!" at Eddie.
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#7 Posted on 14.11.02 2232.35
Reposted on: 14.11.09 2233.41
Indeed. Angle is the God who walks among men. I loved how he kept begging Eddy to punch him in the face, and when Benoit punched him, he went out like a light. The hug at the end was one of the funniest things I've seen on the WWE in months. Especially when Angle kept moving Benoit's arms to get the best hug he could. Benoit's horrified reaction was stupendous.
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#8 Posted on 14.11.02 2249.48
Reposted on: 14.11.09 2252.35

    Originally posted by tasslex

      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN

      ...snip...
      Eddy distracts Angle and Angle procures the Lasso From El Paso and an enraged Eddy hits the ring and Angle sends him out and all hell breaks loose as Benoit hits the fucking beautiful Released German.


    The best part of this exchange?

    Angle hollering "THIS MOVE SUCKS!!" at Eddie.



I agree completely. I thought it was hilarious when Angle yelled, "This move SUCKS" when he had Benoit in the Lasso from El Paso. That's what set Eddy off.


Dean, that report was great. I laughed. I cried. Actually, I cried because I was laughing so hard.
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#9 Posted on 14.11.02 2259.48
Reposted on: 14.11.09 2300.09
Dean, while you are still a God amongst us sad pathetic mortal men, I must admit the Iron Sheik thing made me briefly fear for your sanity. Though I do now have a new overriding motivation for the rest of my lifetime, and that's just once to have somebody refer to me as the "Mounting Blastmaster Absolute Macking Motherfucker". I could die a happy man then
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#10 Posted on 15.11.02 0841.38
Reposted on: 15.11.09 0849.43

    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    As much as I love the Iron Sheik, I do not want to know about his multiple orgasms.

    DR: No, you see the Sheik would be SUPPLYING the multiple orgasms- maybe through some kind of ancient Persian Love technique POSSIBLY involving a curly moustache and extra moustache wax. We can't be sure, it's an ancient secret.

    DEAN.



Dean,

You know that if the Sheik were to do that, that he'd have to load up the boot first.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#11 Posted on 15.11.02 0903.25
Reposted on: 15.11.09 0904.41
Ah crap. I cannot BELIEVE I missed a chance to use a loaded boot joke. Gotdammit.

And spf2119, you are the mounting blastmaster absolute macking motherfucker.

DEAN.
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#12 Posted on 15.11.02 1023.33
Reposted on: 15.11.09 1029.06
As usual Dean, you bring the Smackdown goodness to those who cannot see the show. There are others who recap (and some who do it well, I must say, cubs for instance), but for the real heartfelt loving feelings of men rolling around in their underwear - you are the king, my friend.
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#13 Posted on 15.11.02 1028.55
Reposted on: 15.11.09 1029.09
Bring back the Sheik and have a reverse buck naked match!! Torrie vs Dawn, and after every fall or submission, the Sheik has to remove an article of clothing if Dawn won the fall, or Al has to remove an article after Torrie wins a fall!! It would be great I tell ya!
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#14 Posted on 15.11.02 1048.30
Reposted on: 15.11.09 1059.01
I would pay much dollars to get Smackdown, but alas I live in an isolated area without cable and the homos at Dish Network REFUSE to send me UPN because of some stupid lawsuit between the TV people. CURSES~!

Still, I thank you, DEAN, for making me FEEL the goodness that is the Smackdown mid-card tag team division.
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#15 Posted on 15.11.02 1207.12
Reposted on: 15.11.09 1217.51
Thanks for another weekly addition of the Smackdown Workrate Report Dean! I'm beginning to look forward to them as much as I do Smackdown, and more than Raw.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#16 Posted on 15.11.02 1224.03
Reposted on: 15.11.09 1224.34

    Originally posted by Scooter Trash
    Thanks for another weekly addition of the Smackdown Workrate Report Dean! I'm beginning to look forward to them as much as I do Smackdown, and more than Raw.

----------
DR: The wrestling on Smackdown the last three months completely smokes anything I could say about it.

DEAN.
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#17 Posted on 15.11.02 1326.49
Reposted on: 15.11.09 1326.58


Mr. Dean, you are so insanely funny it causes me physical pain, so much so that I fear to read your recaps. However, I know that I must, and so each time I suffer for my love of wrestling and your writing of it. I am slightly surprised that you did not mention Chavo's Gorry special onto Rey Rey in the last match (at least, that's what Tazz called it.) Of course, after such a night any one move, no matter how amazing, could easily be lost in the shuffle.What's your opinon of Cole and Tazz, btw?
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#18 Posted on 15.11.02 1330.52
Reposted on: 15.11.09 1333.45

    Originally posted by Punkinhed


    Mr. Dean, you are so insanely funny it causes me physical pain, so much so that I fear to read your recaps. However, I know that I must, and so each time I suffer for my love of wrestling and your writing of it. I am slightly surprised that you did not mention Chavo's Gorry special onto Rey Rey in the last match (at least, that's what Tazz called it.) Of course, after such a night any one move, no matter how amazing, could easily be lost in the shuffle.What's your opinon of Cole and Tazz, btw?


---------
DR: It's not a Reverse GoreyBomb so I can only get so worked up over a Gorey Special variation. Cole and Tazz are great. I wish all wrestling anouncers kept to the match and getting over the psychology and angles as well as they do.

DEAN.
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