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20.10.11 1908
The 7 - Guest Columns - SmackDown! [#169, 11/07/02]
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Since: 10.12.01
From: Aurora, IL

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#1 Posted on 11.11.02 0013.56
Reposted on: 11.11.09 0026.32
Yes, I wrote all three of these within ten minutes. I am simply AMAZING

TV PG DLV entertainment The Sleeping Giant awakes (1:56)  open (yea I need to update - not this this week) fireworks. 

I should start mentioning the place we're at - Verizon Wireless Arena (an arena with no wires? What a fantastic advancement!) in Manchester, NH. but I'm still not used to doing shows where they admit where they're from. SAP (though my TV isn't getting a second audio feed - hmm). 

TONIGHT - Edge/Rey vs Chris/Kurt - 2 Out Of 3 Falls For the WWE Tag Team Championship. But right now....

Torrie Wilson (WWE Anthology, w/last Thursday) and Billy Kidman (Allentown, PA - 215 pounds) vs Nidia & WWE Cruiserweight Champion Jamie Noble in a mixed tag match - see, I figured I'd put "and" if they came out separately, "&" if they're together - oh who cares. Torrie and Dawn, yep. Nidia will be on Blind Date Tuesday - Noble likes this idea, which you should know if you're been paying attention so far. Kidman and Torrie teaming, what are the odds. Mixed tag means no man vs woman. Kidman vs Noble. Lockup, Kidman with an armbar, twist, Jaime rolls and cartwheels to take control - Northern Lights Suplex! No bridge, Jamie just holds onto the armbar. Kidman kips up while still in the move, reverse, Noble with a knee. Forearm, forearm, whip clothesline misses, Kidman with a 'rana. Kidman awaits for Noble to get up in the corner, charge right into a back elbow. Jamie with a double leg sweep, slingshot into the corner but Kidman lands on the second rope - kinda missile dropkick one two no. Kidman with a whip, no quick reverse, Jamie ducks under a clothesline and hits the pumphandle overhead suplex one two no. Jamie bends over to pick up Kidman, and Nidia tags herself in. Cole reminds us this isn't legal, but Mike Sparks really isn't doing anything about it - Nidia kick to the ribs, kick to the ribs, slap - is blocked, and Kidman grabs her about the hair. Sparks warns Kidman about the hairpulling, Kidman tags in Torrie. Nidia isn't happy to see here - kick is caught, Torrie hits a clothesline. Stomp, stomp, stomp (wow that wasn't good) kick, corner shoulder, shoulder shoulder. Torrie vs Trish in a Bikini Match on UPN Super Tuesday 9/8 CT. Sparks forces Torrie out of the corner for nor reason, with Nidia getting an eye poke in the mean time. Hair beal, and now a choke on the mat. Nidia poses - slam. One two PULLED UP. Kick to the midsection (not so good), whip, sunset flip, Nidia sits down so we can get that visual one two NO. Nidia with a right but it's blocked - Torrie with a reverse neckbreaker. Torrie waits for Nidia to get up - horrible dropkick that's a little dulled by friendly camera work. One two no. Corner whip, reversed, Nidia charges in, Torrie moves, Jamie takes a swipe at Torrie, Torrie ducks and slaps him. Jamie wants in, so Sparks is over to him, but then Kidman wants in, so Sparks goes across the ring and Jamie's back in - clothesline on Torrie. Jamie celebrates in his corner while Sparks is still over with Kidman. Tag to Noble - again, Sparks doesn't really seem to care. Noble takes a look at Torrie, then goes over to Kidman to sneak punch him, but ends up getting a shoulder to the gut. Torrie uses the moment to crawl through Noble's legs to make the tag. Noble clothesline misses, Kidman's doesn't. Kidman dropkick. Whip, backdrop. Fireman's carry into a knee neckbreaker one two no. Rebound clothesline is caught - DDT! Jamie rolls him over one two shoulder up. Tiger Bomb? no, Kidman blocks it halfway up - Sky Hi one two Nidia breaks it up. Torrie tries to come into to help but Nidia clotheslines her. Nidia takes Torrie to one corner to kick her, while Noble gets control over Kidman in the other corner. "Nidia!" Kidman and Torrie are whipped, but reverse it and it's Noble and Nidia who run into each other - they stumble and hug to get balance - Kidman breaks that up with a dropkick. Torrie with a pseudo double leg takedown on Nidia and they roll out of the ring. Kidman with a corner whip, kip up and out when Noble charges, Noble hits the corner chest first, Kidman uses the springboard bulldog. Kidman pulls him into position - Nidia and Torrie still outside the ring - to the top, Shooting Star Press one two three. (5:16) Kidman pinned the champion - does this get him another shot at the belt. Replays of the Shooting Star Press as Torrie and Kidman celebrate. 

Big Show has entered the building. Walking. Walking. Security Guard. "Hey man, you seen Brock Lesnar?" "Yea, I think he showed up just a little bit ago." "Why don't you give him a message - why don't you tell him that the Big Show is here?" "Yes." "Yes what? Yes sir! You got it." "Yes sir." Show gets back to walking.

Here's the outside of the arena - and our sponsors (Half Past Dead, XBox, Subway)

Torrie Wilson is still walking to her locker room - wow, she's weary. Taking off her elbow pads. Oh no it's Al Wilson. "Dad. Hey, I really wanted to talk to you about something." "I've got something to talk to you about, okay? "Okay." "I've been a good father to you, haven't I? [nod] I've provided for you, everything I've done, I've done for you, okay? [yea, okay] Well, since your mother and I got divorced, I've been lonely, okay. Tonight, I'm going to do something - something for me, and I really hope you understand, alright? Okay." "Okay." "I love you." "I love you too. [Al walks off] What does he mean?" Torrie's not got a lot going on upstairs if she can't figure this one out.

Backstage, John Cena waits to be interviewed by: "This is Funaki, Smackdown #1 Announcer! And I'm here to get words from John Cena who goes ONE on ONE with Rikishi." "I'm John C/my style's smooth, never choppy/#1 Announcer is ME/it ain't Funaki/so Keesh wants to release pieces of his feces?/well when the match is over, he'll taste pieces of my cheek's cheeses/stop, repeat this - I win, I never lose/every single match, I've got a new pair of shoes/which I can use as toys or decoys/how am I gonna lose to the lost member of the Fat Boys? Hahaha - word life. Yup yup." Yup yup to Rikishi. "That's pretty tight. [talks while Funaki does not have the mic near him] You check it - John Cena you want to busta around on me/you better make like a tree and leave/this place/no this state/beatdown, no this is SmackDown/every time I come around, I put the mash down/the WWE is mine/anybody get in my way, it's Rikishi Time/so this isn't the time, this isn't the place/get a piece of Keesh, right in your face. Hahaha [white guy voice] Word To Your Mother. Hahaha." Rikishi leaves proud of himself (down! with down) - Cena is angry at being shown up.

Yet Elsewhere, Stephanie is watching the makeout session form last week. I think she's supposed to going for "regret" her but it's always hard to tell. Knock at the door but she's still watching the video. Oh, it's Los Dos Guerreros. Chavo unwisely mocks Stephanie behind her back - I think Stephanie almost catches him making kissy faces, but at least notices there are other people in the ring. Chavo: "That's a pretty nice hold there - what's that called, the liplock." "What do you want?" Eddie: "Excuse me - let's get down to business. Excuse me, mamacita - uh, excuse me, patroncita - me and Chavo were just talking, and we said 'it should be us out there versus Angle and Benoit', not Rey Mysterio and Edge - I mean, c'mon, I am the one that beat the Gold Medalist. That's right, one half of the tag team champion, Kirk Angle - beat him! It was me, Latino Heat!" "Alright, you did beat Kurt Angle last week." "It should be us out there!" "But Edge and Rey Mysterio beat you for the #1 Contendership!" "Well WHOOPIE DEE! I mean c'mon mami - even a blind squirrel finds a nut every so often!" "Okay, tell you what - I have a very big announcement to make this Tuesday - on the UPN special Super Tuesday - regarding the tag team championship. Okay, but no promises" Eddie goes to his knees to beg. "But, how can I refuse a man on his knees? So tonight Eddie, since you want to be in the ring with a champion so bad, you're gonna be in the ring with THE WWE Champion - that's right, in a non-title match Eddie, it's gonna be you versus Brock Lesnar." Guerreros go with variations on the "WHOA!" theme - Stephanie almost cracks up for the second or third time this scene - this time, I think it's Eddie fiercely whipping around his ponytail in dispute of this decision. Chavo: "I don't know if you've been watching TV lately, but we're a tag team now, the Guerreros! You remember?" Eddie: "That's right, holmes - we're a tag team!" "We're a tag team!" "We! It is us! It's We. Us. We'll beat Brock Lesnar." Eddie and Chavo walk out - "Don't talk about the patroncita like that! She's the one who signs our paychecks!" "That's right!" [door closed, in the hallway now] Eddie: "Besides, she's in heat anyway" and they both crack up.

RAW - Tomorrow at Penn Sate, Saturday in Philly, Sunday in Hershey, Monday in Cincy.

Shinobi Big Show Press off the stage off Two Weeks Ago - this clip features no bounce for your ounce

Rikishi (350 pounds) vs John Cena (249 pounds, Patriots - assuming he's stilling doing that) - Rumor has it Undertaker suffered major rib injuries, but not so major that'll prevent him from showing up next week (three weeks post injury.) John Cena is "lost in the 80s". The fake crowd noise turned on him real quick. Circle. Cena talks trash. Rikishi shows his - butt. Lockup, no Cena with a single leg, makes an X with his arms while backing off. Cole running down the house show lineup. Lockup, Cena lock his arms for the waistlock because Rikishi's so big (I guess). Rikishi is amused a little, then uses a butt thrust to get him away. Cena with a forearm, headlock. Cena shot into the ropes and knocked own with a shoulderblock - Cena rolls all the way out of the ring on impact. Cena back in, pumped. "You want a piece of me? This is my house! C'mon!" Rikishi lives him with a right, whip, clothesline misses, Rikishi bends over (facing away from Cena) for no particular reason than so Cena can freak out over seen his butt from that angle. Cena tries a punch, but apparently Rikishi's butt is really hard and hurts his hand tragically. News You Can Use. Cena yells in pain while grabbing his arm, distracting everyone, and managing to get a dropkick to the knee in. Back suplex! Cena making faces at the crowd. Cena with kicks and right corner, but Rikishi shoves him down. Clothesline misses, Cena hits a forearm to the back, clothesline to the back of the head. Cena goes up - missile dropkick looks a little awkward but hits chest - one two no. Cena with what could be called a camel clutch, I guess. More of a chinlock while sitting on Rikishi's back. Rikishi elbows out - whip, Samoan Drop. Slapping  his butt - running corner butt smash. Cena collapses, there's your Stinkface. "That's Chocolate Ice!" Cena is disgusted - right is ducked, Rikishi with a chokeslam! Going to the second rope - Rump Shaker one two three. (4:17) Replay of the Stinkface and there's the Rump Shaker. Oh no he's got the hat. "This is what SmackDown is all about!" I thought you said Albert was what SmackDown! was all about, Cole! Make up your mind! He's still dancing - :30

Backstage, it looks like Shannon Moore has gotten himself a new shirt, and Matt Hardy (Version One) has a new fan. "Wow, that shirt look great on you! By the way, did you watch that last tape I gave you?" "Yea, I watched it." "Good. It's very important that you watch every tape that I give you, because these are very valuable and important lessons that I'm teaching you - for free!" Shannon makes coffee - "What are you doing?!?!" "Putting sugar into my coffee. What does it look like I'm doing?" "SUGAR? Why would you put those empty calories into your bodies? I mean, a diet like that would lead to a very unfortunate Twist Of Fate. And we don't want that to happen, young Shannon, no we do not. You see, because you are my first student - you are my Mattiutde Follower. My first - MFer! So why you stay here and study the laws of Mattiude, I want you to watch me go and conduct business in the proper way. I'm headed to the WWE Champion's locker room because Brock Lesnar have some very serious issues to settle. So watch and learn, young Grasshopper!" Matt makes the V1 signal, and after a little encouragement, so does Shannon. Matt walks off while Shannon studies the hand gesture. Shannon gets actual lines and a chance to make all sorts of eye rolls and confused faces while Matt talks - sweet deal for him. 

TE ad - Scott doesn't really die.

Tazz and Cole's UPN Hype Of The Week is a new episode of Buffy - you see Dead People.  

Backstage, Dawn Marie is shining up her legs for no particular reason - it's not like she has an actual reason to be on this show now that Torrie's match is over. Oh no it's Al Wilson. "Hey Al, how are you doing? Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, this is a really big step for any couple to make, and are you sure you want ask that question in public? And Al, what about Torrie?" "Dawn, I've already talked to Torrie." "Oh you did - and what did she tell you?" "I've done an awful lot of soul searching, and I made up my mind. I'm gonna ask you the question in that ring, and no body's gonna stop me. I know what's right and what's in my heart, and that's it." They walk together towards the curtain.

Meanwhile, Matt Hardy (version one) is walking down a hallway - odd, sometime between the last bit and this one, he had time to write "V1" on his hand tape. He finally makes it to the WWE Champion's Locker Room, where Paul Heyman is hanging outside for some reason. "Hey Paul, Paul Heyman. How are you doing man?" "Matthew, how are you doing?" "Good. You know, I heard the Big Show was looking for Brock." "Well, Brock's name is right here on his door , so he's not a hard guy to find." "Well you know what happens to people who have a problem with Brock, dont'cha? Last month, the Undertaker had a problem with Brock, and not only did I beat the Undertaker once, I beat him twice. And I softened up the Undertaker so much for Hell in the Cell, that Brock completely destroyed him. I turned him into a shell of the man he used to be!" "Matt, where are you going with this?" "I'll tell you where I'm going with this - I'm going straight to Stephanie McMahon's office, and ordering, demanding a match with the Big Show. I'll soften him up, so that Brock can destroy him at the Survivor Series!" Paul is without words - oh no he found them again "I wish I could find  the words to convey Brock's appreciation for all that you've done for him - and this is no different than before. Thank you so much that - thank you so much. I love you - in a platonic sort of way, but this whole Mattiude concept - it's the Next Big Thing! I'm telling you! I'm telling you, Matt. [walking in the locker room] You're the best! I love you! [to himself] My mother was right, I should've been a lawyer." Now he's over to where Brock Lesnar is pacing - Brock takes time off from pacing to notice Paul's smiling. "What?" "I negotiated the deal of a century for us with Matt Hardy." "You did what?" "Tonight, Matt Hardy is going to take on the Big Show for us." "I want the Big Show, and when I get my hands on him-" "Brock, please, you'll get your hands on Big Show at Survivor Series. Brock - this is why you defend the title when I negotiate the deal. And I negotiated the deal for Survivor Series, not before. Please - let Matt Hardy take on Big Show tonight, and keep focused on Eddie Guerrero. Brock, I understand you - I'm not just your agent, I'm your friend. Brock, I know you're like a caged animal, and you're just ready to EXPLODE, but let me do my job, and my job is to decide when to unleash the animals. Those things are better left to MY judgment."

oh no it's "Torrie Wilson's father" Al Wilson (no music) comes to the ring - for the first time? I think so. Fans are dead quiet. Let's try this a bit differently to preserve the feel (and make it take three times as long!). Every time you see an *, that's a crowd WHAT 

        Cole: You know - what in God's name is Al going to do? He's not gonna ask THAT question, is he?
        Tazz: Well, ladies and gentleman, this may be really really good or really really bad - I mean, either way, it's gonna be memorable
Cole: This guy's a bundle of charisma.
Tazz: He got a hell of ovation, too. 
[Cole laughs. Al's gotten a microphone. Al readies himself by putting his hand on his hip] 
        Tazz: What, does Al have a rash?
Al: Twenty five years ago, [fans start to turn] I was blessed with a little angel. * Torrie. And I know she wants what's good for me like I want what's good for her. * 
        Tazz: Why does Al sound like Kermit the Frog? What's up with that? [makes Kermit sound - I think]
Al: A few weeks ago, * I met another little angel. * [boos] Her name is Dawn Marie
        Tazz: Hey Al - we got a Dawn Marie who works here! 
Al: Dawn, will you join me in the ring please?
[Dawn's music plays]
        Tazz: Well - 
        Cole: "Don"?  
        Tazz: - can someone please get the hook, immediately?
[Dawn walks to the ring - she's surprised yet happy]
        Cole: Ladies and gentleman, we may be about to witness the biggest train wreck in SmackDown! history.
        Tazz: It's always cool seeing Dawn Marie, hot as usual. [shot of Al] Look at that - that's not hot. That's Al.
        Cole: The funniest thing is that Dawn is acting surprised but she knows she's coming out here.
        Tazz: Hey Cole
        Cole: Yea
        Tazz: You think Mark Martin - you know Mark Martin-
        Cole: Yea, the NASCAR driver
        Tazz: You think him and Al Wilson have something in common?
        Cole: What are you talking about?
        Tazz: Well you know the car that Mark Martin drives - you know, the sponsor that he's got?
        Cole: No idea what you're talking about.
[Dawn has made it to the ring - Al lowers the middle rope for her, and they head to the middle of the ring]
        Tazz: Well, I got fire [can't make out] Nuchio - he's a horrible writer! Horrible writer! Hey Nuchio - you're gone! 
[getting ready to talk again]
        Tazz: Look at Al!
        Cole: Look at Dawn!
        Tazz: Look at Dawn!
        Cole: Look at Al!
[Tazz cracks up]
Al: Dawn * since I met you * I want you to know * you have made me feel * strong * sexy * and virile! * 
        Tazz: WHAT
        Cole: [cracking up] Stop the pain!
Al: And also * since we've been together * you've made me feel like a man. * And I want you to know, * a man has to do what he has to do.*
        Tazz: That's right Al, now get out of the ring - and take the mic, please!
Al: and...
        Cole: Leave Dawn there.
[Al goes to one knee.]
        Tazz: Oh no, Cole!
[shots of Dawn who is surprised - shots of fans who are surprised. LOUD BOOS]
Al: Will you marry me?
        Cole: NO
        Tazz: Oh my god NO
        Cole: PLEASE NO
        Tazz: He's on one knee! Al's got three legs and one knee!
[Dawn is thinking it over, I guess. Cole and Tazz are losing it.]
        Cole: I didn't think we could get any worse than Billy and Chuck!
[Dawn is walking around the ring - is she supposed to be thinking about it or getting the fans reaction? Who can say]
        Tazz: Yea - ha, yea. Look at Dawn!
        Cole: Look at Al!
        Tazz: Look at Dawn!
        Cole: Look AT AL! Look at Al - he's humiliated!
        Tazz: How do you think I feel? I'm the commentator on this horrible segment!
        Cole: No, look at Al - Dawn hasn't answered him yet!
        Tazz: How can you tell - Al's expression hasn't changed since 1962!
Al: Dawn, if you don't, I will kill myself, swear to god!
[Tazz and Cole are losing they're mind]
        Tazz: Dawn, say no! Say no! Make for great TV! You can only do that spot once
[Dawn takes the microphone, grabs Al by the chin, looks at him, and says...nothing, dropping the microphone. Now she's playing with her hair.]
        Tazz: This gonna end or... 
        Cole: Not soon enough.
[Dawn takes the mic again]
Dawn: Yes.
[Dawn and Al hug - Dawn points to the finger where she wants the ring right now. Fans boo strongly throughout]
        Tazz and Cole: NO!
        Tazz: This is a travesty, Cole! Oh my god, This is the most amazing thing ever on television
        Cole: Look at Dawn - she can't wait to the put the ring on her finger. 
        Tazz: Look at that - what a rock! Al's got a rock!
        Cole: What a body - I mean, what a rock! 
        Tazz: You think that's zirconium or real diamond, Cole?
        Cole: Dawn Marie is so enamored with the ring, but nevertheless I feel so bad for Torrie
        Tazz: Enamored? and she loves the ring too!
        Cole: I feel so bad for Al's dad Torrie.
        Tazz: Oh, you do? I feel so bad for the viewers who watch this mess!
[After Al is done with triumphant double thumbs up, he and Dawn are leaving the ring]
        Cole: Well hopeful, they mess is gonna clean up because coming up on SmackDown! we've got Brock Lesnar vs Eddie Guerrero, the WWE Tag Team Titles on the line here tonight-
        Tazz: Look at Al!
        Cole: Look at Dawn! 
        Tazz: Yea - Look at Al!
        Cole: Look at Dawn Look at the ring on Dawn's hand!
        Tazz: Commercial! I'm begging you!
        Cole: Hey, look, Al's expression changed!
[Tazz laughs again as we break - Commercial for WWE Anthology here] 

Hey, if a segment sucks so much that the only way to redeem it is to bash it in progress, why air it at all? At the very least this should mean this storyline is killed deader than dead, but somehow, I'm guessing now. 

JVC chokeslam through the table

the Big Show (500 pounds) vs - backstage, everyone hates Marc Loyd attempts to get a comment from Torrie about what just happened, but the segment reduced her to tears and storming out of the building. We're left to wonder - why she never changed out of the her ring clothes. 

the Big Show (500 pounds) vs - Matt Hardy (Cameron, NC, 235 pounds - Version One) - Show has ditched the shirt this week, but still has the pants. Fun MattFacts: Matt hates cold weather and scored 1330 on his SAT's. Cole and Tazz become the first person to question Matt's claims - wasn't it odd Brock and Paul didn't? I don't think that was really a bad thing. Tazz reveals he got a 430. This is the first wrestling in twenty minutes but it feels much longer. Matt gives Big Show the V1 sign - Matt going right after him, right, right, right, Show's right is ducked, Matt goes for the side Effect but Show's really big and gets up a knee. Show picks Matt up on his shoulder, but Matt slips down - off the ropes, into a clothesline. Matt decides rolling out to the apron - Show picks him up, and whips him into the post. Show outside now and bringing Matt in. Show in over the top rope. Backstage, Brock is watching. Corner whip for Matt - Show with a corner back press. Picking Matt up - side (eh) backbreaker. Big Show with the bear hug that never looks good. Matt trying clubbing blows to the head but you can't hurt the Show that way - nose bite! That'll work - but Show whips Matt into the corner anyway. Show charges, Matt moves, right, left, right, pushed into the corner. Show charges into a double boot, Matt to the second rope, yell - I guess that's an axhandle but it's more of throat drop - goozle, chokeslam. One two three. (2:03) Our theme is "giant is now awake, angry." Replays. Oh no he's going to talk - I don't want to transcribe. "Let's get one thing straight. [breath] I was the Next Big Thing long before Brock Lesnar every was. And at Survivor Series, I will be [breath] the next WWE Champion!" Wow, Matt busted open Show's nose with that bite - he made an impact on Show! Announcers prefer to talk about how great the Big Show is and what a challenge Lesnar has.

Lesnar and Paul are watching this in his locker room, Brock goes for the TV- and spikes it into the ground! Whoa, that made a lot of pieces. Check Paul cowering out of harms way. 

Hmm no - break, let's go straight to - Lugz #1 Contender win of Two Weeks Ago. And still no break, so why not start this

Kurt Angle (Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, 237 pounds) and Chris Benoit (Edmonton, Alberta, 229 pounds) vs Edge (Toronto, Ontario, 241 pounds) and Rey Mysterio (San Diego, California, 175 pounds - WWE Anthology) in a Best 2 Out Of 3 Falls match for the WWE Tag Team Championship, 1st Title Defense - All those times they say "one fall", Chimel does remember to say something different here. Kurt's right knee is heavily taped. You know Kurt is only 2 pounds bigger than Matt? SmackDown! at Ohio State next week. Chris and Kurt have a little face off to start - while they're staring, let's go back to the Halloween Party to see how they didn't get along then. This a rematch from the title tournament, of course. Kurt and Chris have a discussion about who's going to start. Shoves, but I guess that doesn't count as "physicality". Angle and Rey circling - lockup, waistlock takedown by Angle, but Rey with a hammerlock into a headlock, pushed into the corner, Angle charges into a boot, Rey slides under him and double boots him into the corner. Angle charges out into a drop toe hold, side headlock , Angle tries to battle out and gets an armdrag. Rey does the Angle spin celebration but the camera misses it - Angle doesn't and chases after Rey, and they're around the ring - Rey does the spin in the ropes but Angle goes right to the floor. Chris can't watch. Angle takes a three count on the floor. Angle in, mocking clapping. He tells him to c'mon on - lockup, no Angle with a kick, short clothesline. Angle talk trashing Edge and not realizing Rey's kipped up - Angle clothesline misses, Rey hits the spinning headscissors. Tag to Edge - Angle has words for Rey as he leaves, but doesn't seem to want Edge as the announcers remember their feud. Angle tags in Benoit a bit hard. Circle. Lockup, headlock by Edge, pushed into the ropes, back with a shoulderblock. Armdrag, armdrag, dropkick and Benoit's down. Forearms to the back of the neck, and thrown hard into the corner shoulder first. Chop, forearm to the back of the neck, forearm, forearm. Stomping in the corner. Headlock, with Benoit trying to fight out and doing so with a forearm to the midsection. Whip, Benoit puts his head down too soon and gets it kicked, Edge off the ropes aging but Angle pulls his hair - shot for Angle by Edge, but Benoit gets the back elbow on Edge. Corner whip chest first by Benoit - Back suplex on the way out. Tag to Angle - stomping, shot to Rey on the apron. Knee choke on the middle rope by Angle. Suplex, one two no. Picking Edge up by the hair, tag to Benoit, hold for a kick to the shoulder. Corner chop. Chop. Corner whip, charge into a back elbow. Benoit charges in again to a double boot. Edge charges out into a waistlock, but now he's back elbowing a release - Edgecution! Edge is too hurt to cover - crawling of the tag, tag To Rey - slingshot legdrop to the back of the neck in one two NO. Forearm tot he head, forearm, corner whip, reversed, Rey stop short of the corner, Benoit charges, drop toe hold into the middle buckle. Angle in - Edge with a kick for him, corner whip into Benoit, corner spear to hit both, Angle walks out into a dropkick from Rey. Rey backs up into the opposite corner while Edge puts Benoit on the top rope - wow, the lift off the middle rope 'rana! One two Angle pulls out REY! I'm not used to seeing that without Psicosis somehow involved. Edge with a clothesline for Angle to knock him out of the ring, and now he's back to Benoit. Right to the back of the neck, powerbomb lift - Rey slingshot Thesz press! One two three (6:11

Segunda Caida: If there's any break between falls, no one told Angle, because he's in and punching Edge, then Rey. Stomps for Rey. Angle slam a- no Rey armdrag out of it . Rey ducks a clothesline but runs right into the overhead belly to belly suplex one two no. I guess they're the legal men? Benoit is back to his corner, but on one knee - back suplex one two no. Edge must've rolled out at some point. Angle with a front facelock, chop tag to Benoit - hold for a kick to the midsection. Fireman's carry into a gutbuster! Benoit is slow to follow up - Edge is back up in his corner. Corner whip, Rey goes in chest first. Chris turns him - knee, knee, knee to the midsection. Brian Hebner warns him about the five count in the corner. Fireman's carry, Benoit's climbing up the corner (facing Out) with Rey still up there - but Rey's got in some knee blows to stop him - off the top rope bulldog! Both men down - if Rey can tag Edge, this could be over quick. Both men down and we're up to six now. Seven. Tag to Angle, tag to Edge. Edge with a clothesline kick for Benoit off the apron, clothesline for Angle. Whip, backdrop! Benoit in - Benoit thrown out, into the cameraman! Overhead belly to belly suplex ON Angle! Edge is set up - waving for Angle to get up for the Spear - charging, Angle sees him at the last moment and moves out of the way (running into Hebner) and Benoit CLOCKS EDGE WITH THE BELT! He just popped up and nailed Edge as he over ran Angle - Angle's got the straps down now - Anklelock! Rey going up top - but Benoit pushed him off to the floor. Edge has no where to go  and is out of it - he's tapping. (3:35 this fall, 9:46 total) It's evened up, and Angle is wooing. Angle stomps Edge out of the ring, as the hands get raised - Benoit tries to push down Angle's hand and Angle responds in kind - now they're shoving. I don't think Angle ever saw Benoit hit Edge with the belt and I know he didn't see Rey get shoved off because Angle was facing the opposite way, hmm. We get a break right here - 10:20 since the opening bell.

Tercera Caida: We come back in Cole's midsentence (local ad cutting him off) and with a TV PG DLV ad oddly displayed - it's not the top of the hour. Seems as though action has restarted in our absence - Rey is flipping from the apron over Angle, off the ropes, under a clothesline, tripped up by Benoit form outside. Angle with a stomp, cover one two no. Angle working Rey over in the corner with punches and kicks - boot choke. Angle throws Rey out, then has words with Edge to distract Hebner - Rey thrown back first into the barricade. Replay of the end of the second fall, to see what Angel didn't - belt shot, pushed off. Back in the ring, it looks like Edge is forced out of the ring by Hebner while Benoit works on Rey on the outside - Rey thrown back in, one two no. Angle yells at Benoit for not working him over enough. Suplex - no, Rey reverses to his own (how?). Both men down - Rey up with a kick, Angle catches it, throws the boot down, and Rey hits a wheel kick to knock them both down. Rey needs another tag - rolling, tag to Edge. Edge in and Angle isn't gonna make it - Edge kicks him down in the corner. Open hand slap. Another. Third. Forearm to the back of the neck on Angle. Edge is intense. Corner whip, reversed, Angel charges into a boot, Edge charges out into an overhead belly to belly suplex. Angle crawls - tag to Benoit. Benoit picks up Edge - whip, backdrop. Picking Edge up by the hair - side back breaker one two no. Benoit grabs a leg and starts to turn it over- half Boston with a knee to the upper back. Not all the way turned over, and Edge fights away with his free leg - Benoit kicked away. Tag to Angle, and Angle in to Take out Rey before Edge can get to him - stomping Edge into the mat. Angle with a short clothesline one two no. Tag to Benoit - hold o for a kick. Short knee. Short knee. Edge in the corner, so Benoit goes for a kicks and rights in the corner. Whip, Benoit charges into a back elbow. Edge going up but Benoit is up behind forearms to the back . Going up behind him - one foot on the top rope back superplex! Both men are down - Benoit grabbing his beck, and out of breath. One two three four five six seven - tag to Rey, tag to Angle. Angel misses the clothesline, Rey hits the dropkick. Right, right, corner whip, reversed, Angle charges in, Rey moves and Angle hits post. Rey gets room - "the Buster!" Benoit up and behind Rey - release German Suplex! That should happen every time! Benoit with a shot to Edge on the apron - Angle going for the Olympic Slam, but Rey lands behind - shoved into Benoit, and Benoit is knocked out of the ring! Angle charges Rye, drop toe hold, Angle lands on the middle ropes - off the ropes, 619 is avoided! Angle got out of the way the last second - charge, Angle tosses him in the air, Rey lands on the top rope - hop back victory roll land, spinning into a rana, Angle counters by throwing Rey up, Rey goes over with a sunset flip one two Angle arm grabs the rope THREE (6:50 shown this fall counting before the break, 16:36 shown) Rey immediately celebrates and Hebner notices the arm (which had been blocked off from his view by Rey) hanging on to the rope, with a look on his face of someone who knows they're in a lot of trouble right now. Announcers notice, and Benoit's in to complain - he had the ropes! Hebner tries to explain his viewpoint but Angle and Benoit don't seem to be listening - only pausing for Angle to demonstrate. Hebner says he didn't see it but seems to be figuring it out while Edge and Rey eye the situation from outside - and we go to break.

SmackDown! Live - Champaign on Saturday, Peoria on Sunday, Wheeling on Monday, Columbus on Tuesday. 

Moments Ago, here's how it went down - Rey got a sunset flip but Angle got the ropes. The announcers are saying "Rey HAD the match won" in past tense so you know something's up -  

During the Break, Brian Hebner told Tony Chimel he saw the hand on the rope after he counted three (but I guess he knows it had to be there) - "we need to have one more fall". Wouldn't you think the fall just must continue, rather than have a new one? He's a rookie ref and this is what happens when your senior referee is out injured. 

Cuarta Caida: Wow, when's the last time we had a three segment match on this show? Benoit and Angle are discussing once again - Rey is sick of waiting for a bell that doesn't appear to be ringing - springboard double dropkick! Angle is knocked out of the ring - corner whip for Benoit, reversed and Rey goes in chest first. Back suplex. We still haven't seen the Crossface, hmm. Suplex. One two no. Tag to Angle. Tazz: "Overtime: that means there's more time than usual! See, I explain things for the guy at home." Double knee driver! I think Angle and Benoit have picked all the body parts, not just one.. Stomps. Corner whip, Angle with right hands and kicks in the corner. Boot choke. Angle picks him up by the mask - snap mare, tag to Benoit, holding for a dropkick to the head. Chop and down goes Rey. Benoit hurt his own hand on that one. Gutwrench suplex one two NO. Tag to Angle. Hold for a kick. Release gutwrench suplex (I think) one two NO Edge breaks it up. Even at this critical point, Angle's interested in showing up Benoit. Angle going for a front facelock to hold down Rey - Rey battling back with punches to the midsection, off the ropes, bodyscissors bulldog is blocked, so Rey reverses to a huge DDT! Both men down and one more time, we're waiting for that tag - tag to Edge - Edge going up, Angle up - top rope clothesline! Benoit in, flapjack! Wheel kick to Kurt! Clothesline out for Benoit - Edge-O-Matic on Angle one two NO. Edge picks up Angle - no, Angle grabs the leg, anklelock! Will Edge tap out again - he's reaching for the ropes but he's got a ways to go - roll out and Angle is thrown face out into the corner. Rey with a off the ring post 619! That came from nowhere! Benoit is after Rye on the floor with stomps thrown back into the steps! Angle with a whip - SPEAR! Edge with a deep leg hook - Benoit up - one two Edge moves, Swandive hits Angle! Edge saw him coming all the way. Rey back in - dropkick to take Benoit back out. Edge covers - one two THREE (4:55 after restart, 11:45 shown from the start of the third fall, 21:31 shown) NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! Unless they reverse it again - no, I don't think so. Rey and Edge are triumphant - Rey has to unhook the bottom of his mask so he can get some air. They celebrate with the belts on the corner. Hebner's call didn't end up making a difference.

Still yet to come - Eddie vs Brock.

Super Tuesday Hype - Trish vs Torrie in a Interpromotional Bikini Match. RAW 10 Man Tag - 3 Minute Warning, Triple H, Jericho, Christian vs Booker T, Jeff, Kane, Bubba and RVD. Smackdown Triple Threat - Edge (Hmm, must've had him take a video clip with this belt earlier so they'd have one ready if he won here) vs Chris Benoit vs Eddie Guerrero and a major announcement about the WWE Tag Team Titles and Survivor Series.

everyone hates Marc Loyd stands with Big Show - who will win the main event? "Who's gonna win? I am!" "I don't understand." "Stick around, and you will." 

Elsewhere, Eddie and Chavo are getting ready for the match - no, I'm not trying for Eddie's Span-glish now, too much. Eddie lets Paul know that like Paul, he doesn't think Brock can beat Big Show. And he doesn't think he an beat Eddie Guerrero either - which causes Brock to storm out of the locker room after Eddie . Watch Eddie and Chavo take off while Paul holds back Brock. Paul gives Brock the riot act - since Brock won't listen to him (and not much right now), even though Paul's the one who came up with the nickname and responsible for helping to: get the KOTR shot, the match with the Hogan - "who told you how to end Hogan's career? Me" - face and beat the Rock, beat Undertaker, and being their from day one. He's been there for Brock, but since Brock isn't listening to him, he won't be out there tonight. Paul storms back in to the locker room, Brock says nothing.

Scott Steiner video (:17)

Eddie Guerrero (El Paso, Texas, 228 pounds, w/Chavo Guerrero - XBox presents Survivor Series) vs - Eddie and Chavo have issues with fans on the way to the ring. Oh wait, we've got one more break to kill off.

Eddie Guerrero (w/Chavo Guerrero) vs WWE Champion Brock Lesnar (Minneapolis, MN, 295 pounds, w/o Paul Heyman) in a non-title match - Earlier tonight, Brock smashed a TV - at least it wasn't his announcer of the year trophy. Eddie is sneaking around ringside - what he's up to? Eddie makes a charge and backs up, Brock follows and that allows Chavo to sneak up and eat a back elbow. Nice idea anyway. Eddie gets shoved won. Brock takes off his belt and forearms Eddie down. Eddie run back first into the apron. Thrown in and there's our opening bell. Eddie fighting back with rights, but Brock with a knee to stop that, and then forearms to the neck. Turnbuckle smash, Eddie with rights but Brock stops it with a knee again. Shoulder into the midsection. Again. "C'mon Holmes!" Haha. Corner whip, shoulder. Eddie really should try something besides punches - knee again. Corner whip, Eddie kips up, Brock catches him over the shoulder, walking across the ring and there's Snake Eyes. "C'mon ese!" Whip, baaackdrop. Look for Chavo, Chavo assures Brock that he's just standing there. Bearhug - Brock's is better because it looks like he's doing something - and now Eddie thrown like a rag doll. Tazz doesn't buy Paul's lines. Eddie with a right - Paul with a forearm to the neck. Holding Eddie by the pony tail to kick him. Over the shoulder back breaker - walking around while cranking it on. Jumping to force his shoulder back into Eddie's back. Yelling to Chavo - face first drop into the mat. Can he do that to the Big Show. Eddie rolling to the apron - Brock grabs him by the hair - overhead toss into the ring. Chavo up to the apron - right to take him out. Chavo distracts the ref - Eddie with a low blow uppercut! That got Brock down to his knee. Eddie with rights and kicks to the midsection - Brock shoves him away, Eddie dropkick him in the face. Stomping on the chest by Brock, kick to the back. Kick to the back. Kicking to the chest. Eddie grabbing Brock's Legs - Brock is trying to get free but Eddie locks it in - Lasso from El Paso! But Brock shoves him off with his legs and Eddie lands outside the ring. Chavo up on the apron, Brock looks at him and doesn't see Eddie sneak back in - dropkick to he back of the knee, one two no. Eye rake but choke - forced away, so Chavo gets in the choke from the outside. Right. Whip, reversed, Brock misses a clothesline, Brock tosses Eddie up, Eddie hits a dropkick but Brock doesn't go down. Clothesline, clothesline, corner whip, Brock charges in shoulder to the midsection. Overhead belly to belly suplex! Brock is limping a little bit now -  shoulder to the midsection, shoulder to the midsection on Eddie. Cole: [Brock] "basically retired Hulk Hogan." Corner whip, charge but Eddie side steps! Actually, it looks like Chavo pulled him out of the way from outside. Eddie with an armbar but Brock is powering out - Eddie with headbutts, now a front facelock, as Chavo goes up. Brock throws Eddie off into the corner, and Eddie is crotched, falling to the floor. Brock lifts up Eddie - F5. One two three. (6:44) Can he do that to the Big Show? Who knows. Here's a replay. I guess Brock doesn't really need Paul anyhow. Brock poses on the stage with the belt - and Big Show is out with a clothesline! Knee lift, knee lift - press and toss, Brock to the floor! Brock just kinda fell into nothingness - we look down late to see him out on the floor. Brock stares at him - Paul Heyman is out to check on Brock and be freaked out by Big Show's stare. Officials are looking at Brock, but we're out of time - that's it.


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#2 Posted on 11.11.02 0658.42
Reposted on: 11.11.09 0659.01
Very good recap, Cubs. I'm happy that someone transcribed Tazz and Cole hilariously dissing Al Wilson.
Cherries > Peaches
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#3 Posted on 11.11.02 1627.32
Reposted on: 11.11.09 1629.19
Cubs, are you a court reporter in your spare time, besides? :-) Great recap, & perfect transcription.

"My mother was right, I should've been a lawyer." That's what he was muttering! :-)
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#4 Posted on 11.11.02 1852.31
Reposted on: 11.11.09 1858.20
thecubsfan said:

    Yes, I wrote all three of these within ten minutes. I am simply AMAZING

You know this can only end in a DEAN v. thecubsfan Fastest Man to the Posted Recap match, right?

Thanks again, cubs, for stepping into CRZ's shoes when its admittedly not what you *want* to do. Who needs less spare time, right? My kids somehow turned the VCR ON, so I missed SD! Didn't even realize it until Friday evening when I went to watch it. Having these recaps around makes it a *little* easier to swallow (having missed an awesome tag match, that is).

DrOp--slightly bitter, considering therapy.
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