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The 7 - Site Bashing - Where to get recaps? The SmarKer RAW Rant, of course! Register and log in to post!
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VK Wallstreet
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#1 Posted on 16.7.02 1213.09
Reposted on: 16.7.09 1217.19

    In another thread in another folder, OlFuzzyBastard said:
    Jeebus, if CRZ quits, where in the hell can you get a decent recap on the Internet? Surely not from Scott "Everything Is Horrible" Keith ...
This got me thinking:

"Boy, look at me, so dissatisfied with being at work that I'm reading self-referential threads on wrestling message boards."

Also, I was thinking, "Now that CRZ has definitely left the recapping world and the Internet in general forever and will certainly never, ever write another recap again or open his site ever for any reason at all, wouldn't it be great if somebody edited Scott Keith's recaps to retain everything you love about good ol' SK, minus the bad attitude?"

So I did it. Maybe I'll make it a regular thing! But I sincerely doubt it. You can have the idea!

I'm pretty sure this is not copyright infringement. Fair use, you know. Enjoy!




The SmarKer RAW Rant – July 15, 2002

- Live from New Jersey, a pretty nice and generally underrated place with lots of excellent diners and Six Flags Great Adventure, featuring the terrifying Medusa.

- Your hosts are JR & The King.

- Earlier tonight, Undertaker and Heyman get in each other’s faces. Undertaker notes that he’s made a career of taking the previous “next big things” and destroying them. Love him or hate him in the ring, Taker has always been one to do what's best for the company and has never really been known to keep anybody down -- I mean, whose heat did he siphon, Kamala's? -- so we can safely assume his statement has no hidden meanings.

- Opening interview: Vince comes out to the nWo music. He thinks we wanted to hear it one last time, because the group is dead. THANK GOD. WWE generally knows when to end things before they're driven into the ground, but I was getting a little worried, so good call on this one. Vince covers the previous “eras” in the WWF and how they all died, too. Names like Ultimate Warrior and Bret Hart actually get pretty big pops. He says that the WWE is changing with the times and RAW will be reborn, again. He’s hired two new “general managers” for RAW & Smackdown, who will have complete control. This seems like a fresh new idea that could generate a lot of interest in the product.

- Jeff Hardy, Spike Dudley & Bubba Dudley v. Chris Benoit, Eddy Guerrero & William Regal. It’s the Apocalypse, baby! This is an elimination tag match. Big brawl to start and Spike backdrops Eddy in the ring for two. Spike with a neckbreaker out of a suplex and a headbutt low, but Eddy reverses a sunset flip into a small package for the pin at 0:58. Bubba comes in with a Bubbabomb for two, but Regal lays him out. Benoit comes in and stomps away, but Bubba chops away in the corner. Avalanche, but Benoit nails him with an elbow and a snap suplex for two. Regal comes in for two. Bubba overpowers him and goes into the Flip Flop and Fly for two. Benoit gets suplexed and Eddy gets dumped. Poetry in Motion from the faces, but Regal takes out Hardy and Benoit suplexes Bubba out of the ring while Eddy takes care of Hardy with the same. Benoit UNLOADS the Canadian Violence and Jeff gets bootfucked in the corner. Eddy pounds him and gets a suplex for two. Jeff gets a crossbody on Regal for two, but Regal hits him with the double-knee to end that bit of comebackery and Benoit suplexes him, but a second try is reversed by Jeff for two. Eddy rubs the boot in and hammers away in the corner, and Regal drops a knee for two. Butterfly suplex gets two. Jeff dropkicks him to escape, but Eddy cuts him off with his own dropkick, and Regal suplexes him again. Jeff fights back, but again Eddy cuts him off, and this time keeps the ref distracted long enough for Regal to grab the title belt. Bubba steals it back, and gets DQ’d at 7:47. Jeff sneaks up and swantons Regal, however, and gets the pin at 8:04. And we take a COMMERCIAL BREAK??? In the opening match? I’m impressed. That's not sarcasm, by the way. We return and Jeff is taking a beating. Chris gets an elbow, but when Eddy comes in, Jeff gets his legdrop thing for the pin at 11:35. Benoit & Guerrero double-team Jeff before Eddy finally leaves. Benoit hits him with a german suplex to end his mini-comeback, and a short-arm clothesline gets two. Jeff corkscrews Benoit, but Eddy is still lurking at ringside. He distracts the ref again, allowing Regal to sneak in, KO Jeff with the knux, and Benoit gets the crossface to finish at 14:01. Terrific RAW opener that made all the right points and let Benoit go over while keeping Jeff Hardy strong. ***1/2

- Meanwhile, Paul Heyman thinks it’s gonna be him running the show. But the new general manager has arrived, and it’s not Paul.

- The new GM has arrived…and it’s Shane? No, wait, he’s just concerned that his new GM is gonna completely destroy the company.

- Meanwhile, RVD & Dreamer do some bonding and talk about how great it was to beat up Heyman. Richards gets in Tommy’s face because he thinks Tommy was full of crap last week, so he wants a cane match tonight.

- Interesting note: Here in Canada, the “local” drop-in for the house show in Sarnia is now featuring both brands as appearing. Make of that what you will.

- Singapore Cane match: Steve Richards v. Tommy Dreamer. They do some dueling canes to start, and Richards bails. Tommy follows and wails away on him, including a shot off the apron. Richards talks to the cane and lays in the shots to Tommy, who is bleeding. He suplexes him on the ramp and they head back in, where Richards chokes him out and works on the cut. Dreamer gets whipped into the cane and Richards whips Dreamer like the proverbial dog. Sick. Dreamer legsweeps him to come back and gives as good as he gets with the cane, and a DDT gets two. Dreamer goes up, but walks into a Steviekick for two. Dreamer SHATTERS the cane over his head for the pin at 4:16. Great finishing shot. ***

- Meanwhile, Booker T feels like celebrating the death of the nWo. Booker wants Coach to give him a Spinarooni, because Rock isn’t the only one who can mess with announcers. The Coacharoonie proves to be less effective than hoped. To say the least. And then…BISCHOFF. Wow, talk about a blow-away surprise. Did anybody see that coming? I can't wait to see where this goes. Only Goldberg showing up could have been more of an intriguing shocker.

- Okay, back to the arena, Vince is out to announce the new GM, Eric Bischoff. He actually hugs Vince. Well, now the world is ending. They're using “Back in Black” for him. He's looking good, like a Baldwin brother. He introduces himself as the guy who used to run WCW, and not the “watered down version that invaded”. This is so surreal. He says he signed Bobby Heenan and Gene Okerlund “just for the hell of it”. Ha! To get him over as a heel, we play fast and loose with the revisionist history as he “raided the company dry” during the federal trials and came up with all the innovations, like revealing taped show results and making Medusa throw the WWF Women’s title in the trash. This is the greatest thing I've ever seen. I could plug my book here, but why bother? Bischoff is telling you all you need to know. Oh, wait, here comes the payoff – Vince called him and wanted him to take the struggling franchise and turn it into a national media powerhouse. And further had he been able to sign one piece of talent, Vince would be working for him. And that piece of talent is HHH, which he’s gonna do this Sunday. Which works on several levels, because he DID have HHH and he fired him in 1995. OH, and people just LOVE working for him. What a great heel promo! With Eric in such a strong antagonist role, the hardcore WWF fans who HATE Bischoff are sure to be glued to their TVs.

- Women’s title: Molly Holly v. Trish Stratus. Molly attacks to start and gets a DDT for two. Charge hits elbow and Trish pounds away in the corner, and gets the rana from the top. Bad clothesline and dropkick set up the Kawada Kick for two. Molly’s handspring is blocked with a victory roll that gets two. Molly gets a backbreaker for two and stomps her down again. Chops, and she blocks the bulldog and gets the pin at 2:31. Strong, strong effort from both ladies. Nice rebound for Trish after last week's disaster. ***

- Meanwhile, Bischoff says “Howdy” to the Nature Boy. Feel the tension!

- Booker T v. Big Show. Okay, this SHOULD be where Booker finally gets to go over strong and clean once and for all. Booker slugs away to start, but gets kneed in the corner. JR notes that X-Pac is on a “leave of absence”. Hope to see you back soon, Kid. Show pounds away and gets a delayed suplex, but an elbow misses. Booker comes back with chops, but walks into a sideslam for two. Booker fights back with a superkick and keeps slugging away. Sidekick and Booker dumps Show, but lands on the outside himself. Show hits the stairs by mistake and Booker takes a swing with a chair, but misses. Show throws it in for his own use, but Booker grabs it, ineffectively. Show dumps the ref and pounds away with the chair, and that’s a DQ at 3:26. Booker will just have to wait for the big win on a larger stage on PPV, and this was a great way of building to it. ***¼ Booker goes through a table for good measure. Well, you know that the nWo must be dead, because Show is getting a well-deserved push.

- Meanwhile, Heyman gives the lowdown to Brock while he works out with a piece of the Titantron. I'd just like to say this was really cool. Look, he's curling a piece of the set! That's great!

- Hardcore title: Bradshaw v. Christopher Nowinski. He should win and rename it the “Harvardcore title”. What happened to the Hardcore belt? There’s a Texas flag on it and it’s an actual belt now rather than a smashed-up WWF title. It's a big improvement from the old one, which was really a one-time joke that lasted way too long. Chris doesn’t want a title shot, so he’ll lay down and allow Bradshaw to beat him so as to avoid pain and suffering. They do the old small package trick, and we’re on. Bradshaw gets a big boot and dumps him. They brawl and Chris gets sent into the railing and takes a vicious shot with the stairs. Chris takes a powder into the crowd and Bradshaw just beats the crap out of him with a garbage can and they head backstage for the pre-taped portion. Johnny the Bull attacks Bradshaw and gets the belt at 2:03. Standard hardcore finish, but it still works. Nowinski can do no wrong -- he should have a belt of his own before the year is up. ****

- Meanwhile, Big Show reunites with the Bisch, because he thought he was screwed before he found out about the new GM. We get Booker v. Show at the PPV, no DQ or countout. Just like I said -- that's when Booker gets the duke!

- Meanwhile, Johnny gives props to Bischoff, but gets clobbered by Bradshaw and loses the title again. Ha! That never gets old.

- Meanwhile, Brock & Taker have the staredown to establish the drama and stuff.

- Brock Lesnar & Undertaker v. Ric Flair & Rob Van Dam. Flair starts with Undertaker and gets overpowered. Flair goes with chops instead, and RVD comes in with a bodypress for two. UT clotheslines him to end that bit of offense, but misses a charge and Rob kicks at the leg. Ric takes over that thread and gets the figure-four, which gets a near-fall before Taker chokes out of it. Flair goes low to counter that (truly classic wrestling here) and keeps pounding away. He walks into a chokeslam, however, which gets two. Brock comes in and hammers away on Flair, and actually HITS a blind charge for the first time I’ve ever seen. And then he does it AGAIN. Truly this is a historic RAW. Backbreaker and Taker gets his cheapshot on the outside. That gets two. Taker comes in and pounds away in the corner, but Flair keeps chopping back. The flying clothesline stops that momentum shift, however. Elbow misses, so Flair goes to the eyes and heads up, but gets superplexed for two. More punishment in the corner, but Flair keeps fighting back. Powerslam puts Flair back down, but finally Brock misses the blind charge, and Flair suplexes him for two. Hot tag RVD, who gets the leg lariat on UT and knocks Brock off the apron. Monkey-flip for UT sets up the Rolling Thunder, which gets two. Rob switches to Brock with a missile dropkick and moonsault, which gets two. Taker comes back in, but Flair stops the powerbomb and dumps him. Brock hits the Browser Refresh on him, but Rob goes up with the frog splash on Brock, only to walk into the Last Ride at 10:01. Match was considerably more than "there." ****1/4 Brock turns on Undertaker afterwards.

- Meanwhile, Bischoff calls Rock to suck up to his answering machine. See, Bischoff likes to sign away Vince’s talent. Just call him Deus Ex Bischoff as far as getting talent from Smackdown onto RAW, I guess.

The Bottom Line:

The Bischoff thing had great shock value. Who would have thought Easy E could be the one to renew interest in WWE? I guess the “RAW owner v. Smackdown owner” storyline is going be their NEXT try at the One Big Storyline to trigger the comeback, and considering that even after one show, it's already apparent this one is more cohesive and well-thought-out than past attempts, it could very well work. Bischoff is still a polarizing character, even a year after the Invasion flopped.

At any rate, very good first hour, capped by the Bischoff interview, which had the crowd rapt and popping like mad toward the end, leading into an even-more-impressive second hour. The opening match was wonderful, but I would never judge an entire show on a curtain jerker, even if it did feature Benoit. This was truly a great all-around effort. And I still can't get over this Bischoff thing. Bischoff!

Strongly recommended.
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CEMfromMD
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#2 Posted on 16.7.02 1219.08
Reposted on: 16.7.09 1225.29
WOW. That was a pretty good read, especially considering I had already read SK RAW Rant. And the star ratings seemed to have gotten better with your "re"write!
El Nastio
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#3 Posted on 16.7.02 1220.23
Reposted on: 16.7.09 1229.01
"Now that CRZ has definitely left the recapping world and the Internet in general forever and will certainly never, ever write another recap again or open his site ever for any reason at all, "


We don't know ths for a fact.
VK Wallstreet
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#4 Posted on 16.7.02 1224.04
Reposted on: 16.7.09 1229.04

    Originally posted by El Nastio
    "Now that CRZ has definitely left the recapping world and the Internet in general forever and will certainly never, ever write another recap again or open his site ever for any reason at all, "


    We don't know ths for a fact.

Sure we do! He told me personally. I'm on the phone with him right now.
Guru Zim
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#5 Posted on 16.7.02 1234.09
Reposted on: 16.7.09 1241.44
Don't start making up lies.

That's for the dirt sheets.
Enojado Viento
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#6 Posted on 16.7.02 1252.30
Reposted on: 16.7.09 1259.03

    Originally posted by Guru Zim
    Don't start making up lies.

    That's for the dirt sheets.



. . . But when it gets to the dirt sheets, "CRZ=MIA" will be explained as HHH having CRZ tied to a table with a laser beam pointed at his crotch.
Tom Dean
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#7 Posted on 16.7.02 1603.43
Reposted on: 16.7.09 1603.52
That rewritten recap is hilarious.
SmooveK
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#8 Posted on 16.7.02 1821.34
Reposted on: 16.7.09 1824.35
Once Slash gets up and running, I smell a new column! And then Keith will whine about it, but Hyatte will just call him a bitch, and all will be right in the world!

-K
A. H. Cretin
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#9 Posted on 16.7.02 2135.26
Reposted on: 16.7.09 2142.27

    Originally posted by El Nastio
    "Now that CRZ has definitely left the recapping world and the Internet in general forever and will certainly never, ever write another recap again or open his site ever for any reason at all, "


    We don't know ths for a fact.




    Originally posted by Guru Zim
    Don't start making up lies.

    That's for the dirt sheets.



YHBT. HTH. HAND.

-A Humorless Cretin, always throwing gasoline on open flsmes
JustinShapiro
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#10 Posted on 17.7.02 0136.24
Reposted on: 17.7.09 0144.08
"edited Scott Keith's recaps to retain everything you love about good ol' SK, minus the bad attitude?"

Yeah, there's certainly nothing worth hating about these shows booyah THE AWESOME UNDERTAKER WHO IS AWESOME
Slestak
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#11 Posted on 17.7.02 0837.36
Reposted on: 17.7.09 0840.51
The SmarKer Raw Rant reads a lot like EWR Keith.
A-MOL
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#12 Posted on 17.7.02 1040.51
Reposted on: 17.7.09 1046.25
Nah. It'd didn't repeat that line about 'a factory in Nowhere' about 6 times.
Jackson
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#13 Posted on 18.7.02 0248.13
Reposted on: 18.7.09 0250.05

    Originally posted by El Nastio
    "Now that CRZ has definitely left the recapping world and the Internet in general forever and will certainly never, ever write another recap again or open his site ever for any reason at all, "


    We don't know ths for a fact.



Sombody's sarcasm detector is broken.
OlFuzzyBastard
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#14 Posted on 18.7.02 0927.13
Reposted on: 18.7.09 0929.01
A sarcasm detector? Oh, that's a *really* useful invention.
Grimis
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#15 Posted on 18.7.02 0947.19
Reposted on: 18.7.09 0959.01
CRZ didn't get kidnapped. I'm surethat he just had to leave the houe with the presence of the Bisch. That means...that....CRZ is...WALKING.
A-MOL
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#16 Posted on 19.7.02 0220.46
Reposted on: 19.7.09 0229.03
Do you think he is doing a Gump and just WALKING from coast to coast, one day returning with a huge beard?
IncredibleHeelHeat
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#17 Posted on 21.7.02 0756.38
Reposted on: 21.7.09 0759.02




Borrowed this from a CRZ's World thread....



bubblesthechimp
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#18 Posted on 23.7.02 1839.29
Reposted on: 23.7.09 1841.19
I never thought 411wrestling.com could be this enjoyable.

Thanks Pikachu!!
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