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The 7 - Recap Feedback - Year in Quotes 2001: OCTOBER 2001 RAWs Register and log in to post!
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vsp
Andouille
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Since: 3.1.02
From: Philly

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#1 Posted on 11.1.02 0946.50
Reposted on: 11.1.09 1118.39
Opening Credits - note that there is no RAW is WAR, there never has *been* a RAW is WAR - this - is - RAW
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

On one hand, it's everything back to normal (the American flag is gone from the back video wall - who had "two weeks" in the pool?), just like the president asked us.... and yet...... isn't the fact that somebody felt they had to change the damn name of the damn show PROOF that the terrorists have gotten what they wanted?
[ Yeah, yeah....there are plenty of other, better examples. This one, however, happens to *actually be relevant to the topic I claim to regularly display expertise in*. See how it works, everybody? Pass it along to your favourite wrestling writer... ]
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

[The complete silence from the audience is made twice as apparent by Ross' forced chuckle - THAT one went over like a fart in a church]
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

Austin's music fails to play, and Austin fails to come out. Heyman swears his sources told him Austin would NOT be here - which, given Heyman's sources complete failure to properly predict Austin's whereabouts on two separate occasions LAST week, should seem to guarantee Austin would show. Anyway, I *could* be reading too much into this. The bottom line is nothing happens. LISTEN TO THAT CROWD!!
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

When the Rock makes lists, I start wondering what's on the other channels....
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

And here to take up the challenge is SHANE DUDLEY - WAIT, SHANE'S NOT A DUDLEY.
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

Can someone PLEASE tell me why Shane doesn't strip the Rock RIGHT NOW? WITHOUT all this matchmaking stuff? WITHOUT all these stipulations? (Well, silly, that's not how they *wrote* it.) You know, what you've said applies on a whole level you probably didn't even IMAGINE back when you were saying it just then. Think about it. Back to our witty dialog in the meantime. "Ass hole!"
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

Oh, that's so untrue, that's SO untrue, Kurt! Not only do I have a strudel, but I got the whole damn bakery down there!" There it is - the one line this whole segment was built around. Thanks, DICE. AOH!
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

...and Kurt, I'm challengin' you tonight In That Very Ring for da World Wrestling Federation championship. How you like that?" Damn, he DOES think he's Dice.
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

"Shane, I'm likin' that just fine. Well we'll see if you have a strudel or a Twinkie. Let's go. Woow!" What the FUCK does that MEAN? WHO is WRITING this SHIT?
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

For an encore, Shane walks down to ringside - I guess he'll just take 'em both on simultaneously...or, maybe THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ will sneak out through the crowd and give the Pearl Harbor treatment - wait, can I still say that or will people be offended?
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

You know that ad where Michael Jordan tries out all the hairdos and then points to his bald head and says "stick with the original?" Well....I remember him HAVING HAIR when he debuted
Oh, of course I *also* remember him saying he'd be wearing a 45 jersey forever out of respect, and we all know how long THAT lasted.
Come to think of it, just GO AWAY MICHAEL JORDAN (Hey HYPOCRITE - what does THIS have to do with wrestling?) Well of COURSE I'm a hypocrite! Would you read me if I *wasn't?*
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

This must be one of those MAGIC FAX machines that makes noise as part of the audio track of the show, 'cause it's making noise...
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

Heyman drops his headset in shock at the paper that came from the FAX machine - perhaps he's wondering how a FAX machine could actually WORK, given that there aren't any phone lines actually extending out to the commentary table, NAAAAAAH. Anyway, Heyman stands on the commentary table and addresses the masses.....oops, but his mic doesn't work. Well ain't THAT a pissah.
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

WWF EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP: SPIKE DUDLEY (with Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown!) v. THE HURACAN - STILL no sign of Molly Holly since Hurricane made like Bastion Booger and gave her a Trip to the Batcave...
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

Flying jalapeno! Neckbreaker! Wow, Ross actually mentions something that happened on Heat (Spike defeating Mike Awesome)!
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

While Dudley is hung up, Hurricane applies the Eye of the Hurricane (or, as called by Ross, the "...") 1, 2, 3. Champ retains. (2:15) To Ross' credit, he DOES know the name of the WWF guy's finisher...
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

Molly, like all modern-day superheroes, is decked out in pink and black (oh, the symbolism of it all!) - Hurricane sweeps her off her feet, get outta my dreams and into my sidecar...and off they ride...
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

Back to Spike, who looks bummed. We zoom in to take a good look at the scar tissue on his forehead.
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

Heyman lovingly clutches the FAX to his ample bosom.
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

Torrie Wilson stands at the oilcans and cyclone fencing set (with new "RAW" logo, mind you) - she'll chat with Lilian Garcia NEXT!
Hmmm, so Finkel isn't just ring announcing so Garcia can take a vacation? Have my prayers been answered!?
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

And now, Lugz presents the WWF Boot of the Week! From SmackDown!, Booker T, Test and Shane help the Dudley Boyz use their boots to....um....3D Rock through a table. Um...with their BOOTS. Umm.....yeah. Boot of the Week. 3D. Boots. Boots. Hey, look over there!
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

Ross welcomes us to "the RAW Zone" - the WWF's new name for the second hour of the show, replacing the War Zone. "War Zone" at least had some semblance of meaning beyond its titular capacity, while "Raw Zone" means just about as much as....say.... "Discovery Zone."
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

Ross asks who would have gotten the title if that HAD been on the table - as if anybody had ACTUALLY thought that far ahead. Gosh, there's no tension at all between the Dudleyz about only one title and two of them, huh? That's just GOOD CHARACTER WRITING, isn't it.
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

I guess Ross isn't smart enough to look at the number at the top of the FAX and see if it's local, though.
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

Ivory turns round and reveals what MIGHT be a cutout in the back of her pants and MAYBE something that MIGHT be the top of the crack of her ass...or perhaps it's just an incredible simulation. Whatever, I bet it makes the kids happy.
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

Maven turns his back...and Tazz clamps on the Tazzmission. "Welcome to the big time, kid! Your opponent is ME."
Actually, what should have surprised Maven is that he found out who his opponent was going to be...AND it wasn't the night of the show that he found out!
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

Shane reverses into the UGLIEST floatover DDT I've ever seen - and I've seen the ROCK do that move!
WWF RAW 1.10.2001

Can I say one thing? It's all well and good for JR to use Ross Report space to tell us not to bitch out the writers when we perceive crap on our television screen, but it's ANOTHER thing to put something on our television screen that WON'T be perceived as crap instead - I shouldn't have to tell you, the major difference being that one way will make you a heck of a lot more money in the long run, and the other way will alienate enough of your audience that you've become an EX-business. (I don't think it'll go that far, but who ever thought WCW would really go out of business? May we live in interesting times.)
WWF RAW 8.10.2001

The news never stops: it's the first ever lingerie match at No Mercy - Stacy Keibler vs. Torrie Wilson - set phasers to stroke.
WWF RAW 8.10.2001

Ross can't tell Stacy and Torrie apart - I guess all them white women look alike or something.
WWF RAW 8.10.2001

Good God, Stephanie is doing the Elaine Benes dance...if she had her hand surgically attached to her hip.
WWF RAW 8.10.2001

"Choke on that, assclowns!" I think he meant "slapnuts."
WWF RAW 8.10.2001

Yikes! She bends over, ass to the camera, and hits the "Luke Skyywalker album cover" pose.
WWF RAW 8.10.2001

(zoom out - she's still smiling between her legs - err, that was an unfortunate choice of words)
WWF RAW 8.10.2001

Booker T pinned Kane last Thursday, and by showing this clip I *believe* they're trying to signal a runin for later in this match...which, by the way, is JUST one of what this show needs another. (Good God, your grammar is horrendous.) NOBODY CARES.
WWF RAW 8.10.2001

Back to the ring where Booker is looking at his hand....but, sure enough, TAKER is out - gutshot, Last Ride, are you kidding me, Jeff with a swantonbomb, Robinson is miraculously back in the ring - 1, 2, 3. Well, fuck. Ladies and gentlemen, we have new WCW tag team champions....and golly, for being the most important WCW tag team title match ever, that sure sucked! (3:40)
WWF RAW 8.10.2001

Meanwhile, Lita congratulates the Hardyz on their win and leaves them to shower (together) -
WWF RAW 8.10.2001

Why does Ross keep calling him "Mr. Christian" like he's a Night Ranger song?
WWF RAW 8.10.2001

Christian in with a chair - Edge spears him! Play Rob Zombie! Wonder what you're doing with your life!
WWF RAW 8.10.2001

Heyman asks Ross who is the better athlete, RVD or Shane. Ross actually *waffles* on the answer - is he NUTS? "Shane" is to "athlete" as "CRZ" is to "writer." Okay, that might be overly harsh...on me.
WWF RAW 8.10.2001

McMahon and van Dam congratulate each other - then meet up with Stephanie and the rest of the Alliance for a big celebration. Hey, there's Tommy Dreamer! Thanks for coming out tonight, Tommy!
WWF RAW 8.10.2001

Refs and officials are ineffective at pulling Rock and Jericho apart. Now that's just so sad. To think how all this could have been avoided....excuse me, I need a moment. Sniffle.
Say, is this why all those Jericho T-shirts went on clearance at the Shop Zone?
WWF RAW 8.10.2001

WWF LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: SCOTTY 2 HOTTY (with Subway presents No Mercy in thirteen days!) v. X-PAC - One nice thing that Ross does before the match begins is bulletpoint everything that's happened up to this point in the show. Now, that doesn't exactly make up for spending this entire match talking exclusively about Stone Cold Steve Austin, but alas, we must take the bad with the good.
WWF RAW 8.10.2001

What kinda hero wears pink and black, anyway?
WWF RAW 8.10.2001

Are these guys tired of running the ropes yet? 'cause I'm tired of typing it.
WWF RAW 8.10.2001

You know, it's not like I had any sort of clue what the answer WAS for the WWF... but my gut's telling me this wasn't it.
WWF RAW 8.10.2001

Oh boy! Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley on the cover of WWF Magazine! Buy it and PISS ON THE COVER!
WWF RAW 15.10.2001

Kurt Angle talks about his drunk father to sell books! ("Hey, that's outta line!") All right, YOU tell me what he's doing. ("Well....okay, that's EXACTLY what he's doing, but couldn't you have said it NICER?")
WWF RAW 15.10.2001

And *speaking* of Nidia (MEOW!), she....comes in the ring post-match and does nothing. WOW! I think Taylor could have done that better.
WWF RAW 15.10.2001

Stephanie emotes while Rhyno watches. Trust me, I'm doing you a *favour* by blowing this off.
WWF RAW 15.10.2001

Vince gives a lecherous look to his wife. Yikes! They start to embrace...but fortunately, we're spared Linda and Vince making out in the ring - unfortunately, we're spared it by "Brand New Money" and SHANE CAN'T...and STEPHANIE CAN'T EITHER. Hey, maybe THEY'LL make out!
WWF RAW 22.10.2001

"Why don't you TWO OLD PRUNES just DRY UP and BLOW AWAY. I mean, really, you've survived long enough, Mom and Dad, why don't you just MOVE ON DOWN to Florida and retire with the rest of the elderly people." There may be a Dusty Rhodes joke in there, I'm not sure.
WWF RAW 22.10.2001

Lita and Trish hug - oh, see, they're friends now, okay. Who can remember back that far, anyway?
WWF RAW 22.10.2001

Chris Jericho is WALKING! And by golly, that WCW title belt is over his shoulder where *everybody* can see it (including CHRIS JERICHO nameplate)...and you know, there ain't NOTHIN' wrong with THAT.
WWF RAW 22.10.2001

Oh, that was the whole segment.
WWF RAW 22.10.2001

Trish Stratus shills Stacker 2 - the choice of stereotypical Italian-Americans everywhere
WWF RAW 22.10.2001

Well look who's back. It's he, it's he, it's DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE and he's got a headset mic on so he can gesticulate wildly with BOTH hands....that is, when he's not effecting that freakish grin.
WWF RAW 22.10.2001

Hey, that was LIKE a match....right? Let's take another ad break!
WWF RAW 22.10.2001

Angle drops down and grabs an ankle - ANGLELOCK! AND RHYNO TAPS!!!!!!!! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new United States Champion! (11:30) Reaction shot from Shane and Stephanie - and Vince and Linda - and back and forth about a MILLION times between them. Hey! I got a CRAZY idea - LET'S STOP LOOKING AT McMAHONS AND LOOK AT ANGLE!
WWF RAW 22.10.2001

You don't need me to TELL you "that was a good match" to know that was a good match, right? .....right?
WWF RAW 22.10.2001

Meanwhile, Hurricane has climbed to the top - hurriplancha - HOLY GEEZ HAYDEN he just tried to kill himself...
WWF RAW 22.10.2001

Replay of the clothesline that doesn't work - and the one that does. If Faarooq were here, he'd probably say... "Damn." Ol' Uncle Zebekiah would be proud.
WWF RAW 22.10.2001

If you look REAL carefully, you'll see Regal start to lose it and break out laughing just before they fade to black (say, did any of the other recappers notice this?)
WWF RAW 22.10.2001

THE AWESOME UNDERTAKER WHO IS AWESOME & KANE (with Earlier Tonight) v. T (with WrestleMania X8 tickets go on sale in *12* days! Check out WrestleMania.com!) and T T THIS IS A T - this is, what, the third time these guys have gone at it in a tag match? Honestly, do you think they would keep DOING it if it weren't SOMEHOW resonating with a large portion of the fanbase?
WWF RAW 22.10.2001

Taker gives Test a big boot, the pile shifts and the next thing you know, Kane's taking Test out with a TOMBSTONE!!! 1, 2, 3! AWESOME. (8:11) (Hey, did you *see* that? Test just gave back his PPV win! It's an OUTRAGE!) SHADDUP I said that was AWESOME
WWF RAW 22.10.2001

Yay, van Dam points to himself again!
WWF RAW 22.10.2001

Show is KILLING him - if van Dam ends up winning this, it's sure gonna SUCK.
WWF RAW 22.10.2001

Okay, that didn't suck as much as I thought it would - even though the champ retains by essentially no-selling a chair to the face. (4:46) Oh no, I think he pissed himself again.
WWF RAW 22.10.2001

Ummm, why are they showing "Baywatch" right now with a WWF-scratch TNN logo? (And did this happen on the live feed... or just the Pacific feed?) And why - WHY - do they risk BRAIN DAMAGE just to get HIGH for THREE SECONDS...oh, Mitch...you're so right. You're ALWAYS right, Mitch. We all should pattern our lives after you. Now where's KITT?
And now it's a black screen. How nice.
And now it's segment 6 of "Baywatch!" I know this from the nice still store that says "TNN EPISODE #28 PROD #3012 BAYWATCH "SHOWDOWN AT MALIBU BEACH HIGH" SEGMENT 6 CBenker 10/10/01 Betegeuse" WOW that Mitch can really work the heavy bag, can't he? He's so...DREAMY. I wonder if he's ever done any singing? Maybe released some compact discs?
Hey *FINALLY*, we're back after three minutes of the wrong feed...
WWF RAW 22.10.2001

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a buttload of new champions tonight.
WWF RAW 22.10.2001

LAST THURSDAY: Here's the set of clips that usually opens the show. My cable (fortunately?) cuts out at this point - we pick it up after a minute and a half...
How come my cable doesn't cut out during the ADS, hmmm?
WWF RAW 29.10.2001

WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: ROB VAN DAM v. KING EDGE (with Rob Zombie CD cover) - HOLD THE PHONE! Why is Rob van Dam competing for a WWF title? Isn't Vince trying to get the hardcore title OFF van Dam? But now van Dam gets to go for ANOTHER piece of WWF hardware? That DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. We can only assume Edge will go over somehow, since they didn't pursue the more logical match story of Edge/van Dam for the hardcore championship - if Edge gets a fall in THAT scenario, the hardcore title changes hands and you'd think they probably want to keep the belts where they are. OR, and this could be even more likely, they need a run-in and DQ in here and a hardcore match wouldn't get that accomplished - in which case I stand by my original "plot in hole is symptomatic of weak thinking writer" bitching. Hey, I guess I could STOP bitching and "get to the damn match, already," though, couldn't I?
WWF RAW 29.10.2001

Edge rolls out to the apron and pulls himself up. van Dam runs the ropes and puts him onto the floor with...not a roaring elbow - more of a whispering elbow.
WWF RAW 29.10.2001

Edge hits the DDT, which you and I knew as the Buzzkiller and Ross knew as the Impaler - but which is NOW known as the Edge-ucution - or to Ross NOW as the Executioner (well, he's getting there) - at any rate, as Tony would say "that's his move!" and guess what - 1, 2, 3 and van Dam actually gets pinned.
WWF RAW 29.10.2001

See, put enough theories out there and one of 'em's GOTTA be right!
WWF RAW 29.10.2001

I might as well point out that X-Pac had the most prominent seat in this shot....which probably makes him a red herring THIS time. ("Man, you waffle more than an IHOP.") It's called SHARING MY THOUGHT PROCESS and PROVIDING ANALYSIS. ("Well, you're half right on the analysis part - the first half of the word at least.")
WWF RAW 29.10.2001

DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE is out to kill off another segment.
WWF RAW 29.10.2001

I'm not going to bitch again about how the Alliance is getting another shot at a WWF title, BUT I COULD.
WWF RAW 29.10.2001

I don't know about you, but I've always thought that looking at the exterior of the Freedom Hall would certainly be one of the highlights of television
WWF RAW 29.10.2001

Rock looks him up and down...locks eyes with him - is he gonna kiss him? - no, he just walks away.
WWF RAW 29.10.2001

Taker pulls himself up into the ring...
And we break away because Shane McMahon is WALKING!
Vince McMahon, also, has caught wind of the latest craze - WALKING!
WWF RAW 29.10.2001

Shane finally tries the baseball slide out but Vince is waiting - right, (bell rings) right, right, and Shane trips on the ramp. Vince mounts and punches. I DARE Jim Ross to call this "bowling show ugly."
WWF RAW 29.10.2001

Shane has made sure to wear a well-tucked-in shirt underneath his jersey lest we catch sight of his abs - and I'm not sure how we would underneath the layers of ("hey, that's a low blow - you ain't YOUR ideal weight, neither.") Yeah, but I hide behind a computer to look thin.
WWF RAW 29.10.2001

CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO right behind Angle NOOOOO ANGLE JUST CHAIRED JERICHO WAS IT INTENTIONAL OR AN ACCIDENT OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ANGLE JUST CHAIRED ROCK IT WAS NOT AN ACCIDENT NO NO NO ANGLE CHAIRS TAKER ANGLE CHAIRS KANE NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO Austin picks up Vince - KICK WHAM STUNNER (kinda) and Shane's put on top - OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH - 1, 2, 3 WHYYYYYYYYYYY(11:11)YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Shane, Austin and Angle are the last men standing...Houston, we have a problem.
WWF RAW 29.10.2001


(edited by vsp on 11.1.02 0952)
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