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The 7 - Recap Feedback - Year in Quotes 2001: APRIL 2001 RAW
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Andouille
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Posts: 17/2042
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Since: 3.1.02
From: Philly

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#1 Posted on 11.1.02 0927.04
Reposted on: 11.1.09 1031.16
Rock stands over Vince - Sharpshooter! Ring the fucking bell! Oh, no...sorry, wrong city.
RAW IS WAR 2.4.2001

I think everyone owes the WWF an apology - that opening segment didn't last twenty minutes! It only lasted *seventeen!*
RAW IS WAR 2.4.2001

From WrestleMania, Chyna accepts a phone call from 1976 - Lynda Carter wants her outfit back
RAW IS WAR 2.4.2001

Congratulations to Chris Jericho for managing to be the only man to hold onto his title at the end of the night - congratulations to Whoever the Light Heavyweight Champion is for dropping off the face of the earth with HIS title as well
RAW IS WAR 2.4.2001

Let's see....forty minutes....one match...yeah, that's about right.
RAW IS WAR 2.4.2001

Stephanie decides to remove her hands from her hips long enough to run up the ramp and bowl over Trish. ("Shane? Could you teach me that spear thing?")
RAW IS WAR 2.4.2001

Back into the ring we go - gutshot by Stephanie, short clothesline, got BOTH straps - and now windmilling her about the assal area.
RAW IS WAR 2.4.2001

Up to the second rope - she's gonna Vaderbomb her! - oh, no, Trish is gonna sweep her leg and Stephanie is going to very gently drape herself across the top buckle. Whip in the butt! Whip! Whip! Whip! Whip! (THERE'S a camera angle I don't ever need to see again)
RAW IS WAR 2.4.2001

Gore #2. I don't know about you, but *I* am going to go start an online petition RIGHT NOW because it's not RIGHT when heavyweights squash the light heavyweight champion like that.
RAW IS WAR 2.4.2001

You know a REAL bad habit that Ross has slipped into lately is he's REALLY started to enjoy saying "scoring with a..." while calling moves. See, he's NOT scoring - this here sport isn't SCORED. "They don't score it on points in this game, Ross." "Kane scoring with those right hands..." NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO STOP ROSS STOP STOP STOP STOP NO NO NO NOBODY IS SCORING WITH ANYTHING all right I'm done with that.
RAW IS WAR 2.4.2001

CRASH & MOLLY HOLLY (with Let Us Take You Back to Monday) v. RHYNO in a handicap match - No matter how you slice it, it's still SQUASH. Molly never gets in, making the Highlight of this match the wwf.com logo appearing and disappearing.
RAW IS WAR 9.4.2001

Are Kirby and Jigglypuff related?
RAW IS WAR 9.4.2001

Backstage, Linda is ready to head into her limo - but first, Lita catches up to her to let her know how inspiring she found the previous segment. Wow, didn't take HER long to suck up, eh?
RAW IS WAR 9.4.2001

THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ - ALL THREE OF 'EM v. THREE CRACKERS WITH MUSIC BY UNKLE CRACKER - yup, Team X Factor's new music was so great they've already replaced it with another version! Wahoo!
RAW IS WAR 9.4.2001

CHRIS BENOIT (with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover & RAW is WAR is brought to you by M&M's, FRAM!, and the JVC GigaTube) v. CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO in a "we're mates - but not *those* kinda mates" match - also, the loser can't call himself "Chris" anymore - we're ready to go but there's an important missing ingredient in this match...the *screwjob waiting to happen*, so the lack of a zebra in the ring is remedied as the music of COMMISSIONER REGAL fires up - ha ha, YOU thought there'd be some WRESTLING tonight!
RAW IS WAR 9.4.2001

Heyman *really* wants "Billion Dollar Princess" to get over as a catchphrase, but it ain't workin' with me.
RAW IS WAR 9.4.2001

Credits, WWF logo, see ya Thursday...when it MIGHT be a good idea to start putting on some MATCHES once again...
RAW IS WAR 9.4.2001

SELF-PROMOTION: To make up for not spending Easter with my family, I did Metal and Heat this week. Come to think of it, THAT'S not entirely true either. What, is this whole report going to be a vicious web of lies? That reminds me - gotta check the SportsLine stock price...
RAW IS WAR 16.4.2001

Moments Ago, Debra's not a bad actress - Heyman gets off a good line: "I *abhor* female-on-male violence! It should NEVER air on television!"
RAW IS WAR 16.4.2001

Answer me this: What exactly does UNCLE BEN know about PASTA?
RAW IS WAR 16.4.2001

I think the scariest thing I saw in this ad for "A Knight's Tale" was this credit: "'We are the Champions' Performed by Robbie Williams + Queen" - brrrrrrrrrrr
RAW IS WAR 16.4.2001

Crowd tried to anticipate the catchphrase - laugh at them!
RAW IS WAR 16.4.2001

By the way, if anybody sniffs and scoffs and tells you "well, these two had a better match at the Pillman show," - and you KNOW they will - just smile and tell them "well, I'M happy *I* just had a chance to see *this* match - along with MILLIONS OF OTHER PEOPLE - ya damn snob. That match was EURO AWESOME."
RAW IS WAR 16.4.2001

Test and Billy Gunn are WALKING! Test is jovial despite teaming up with The One.
RAW IS WAR 16.4.2001

Should we blame the acting or the writing? Maybe a little from each column.
RAW IS WAR 16.4.2001

Heyman tries to convince me (and the censor) that Show earlier said "goofs" by saying "Gooks! G-O-O-F-S, gooks!" - who knows, maybe he *did* and the WWF is gonna take it on the chin unnecessarily - of course, since they bleeped it, I have no way of knowing. All told, Heyman and Ross and Heyman said or spelled it eight times, so you know they were *really* worried about it. Anyway, let's listen to the gooks - GOOFS! GOOFS! I said GOOFS! Oh MAN I'm gonna get it now. Let's listen to the men from the rising sun.
RAW IS WAR 16.4.2001

Rest in peace, Joey Ramone - may your legacy be hopefully SLIGHTLY better than "somebody called TNN after you died and told them you had pop"
RAW IS WAR 16.4.2001

Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown! - wait, did I already see this video package? At the very beginning of the show, maybe? Yes...yes, I did. (You're WEIRD. Didn't you see this MATCH on Thursday? Didn't you see this interview on Heat last night? Why don't you just bitch about that instead?) You know, you're just a CRUTCH. I can work just fine WITHOUT you. (Oh yeah? Let's see you TRY it, Poindexter. I step out for a segment and you're ALREADY making racist cracks)
RAW IS WAR 16.4.2001

Jeff EMOTES! "You're right...you're right...thanks." Matt *should* have said "and you can always get counted out or disqualified if things get REALLY tough" but *they don't go out like that!*
RAW IS WAR 16.4.2001

WWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: THE NEW MAN (with Stephanie Can't Act & Castrol presents Backlash & "WWF: The Music [Volume 5]" CD cover) v. JEFF HARDY (with Lita) - instant prediction: Hardy by DQ after Triple H disembowels him.
RAW IS WAR 16.4.2001

Lita backs off as Austin slowly stalks... Oops, Triple H just got a pin somehow. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new, four-time intercontinental champion. (11:28)
RAW IS WAR 16.4.2001

"Heh - Kane, do you wanna see that one more time? I thought so. Let's roll that one more time." Pretend I cut and pasted that in again.
RAW IS WAR 23.4.2001

The REFS are out but afraid to get in the ring. Too bad *they* don't have any friends to save them, right? Low blows for everybody!
RAW IS WAR 23.4.2001

Holy cow, a TRIPLE Ultimate Cheeseburger at Jack in the Box? I need me some new arteries!
RAW IS WAR 23.4.2001

Spike back in - but he gets gored. 1, 2, 3. (1:40) Sorry, I meant to say "GORE! GORE! GORE!" I'll work on that.
RAW IS WAR 23.4.2001

WALL BUCHANAN & GOODFATHER DOT COM (with Steven Richards & Backlash at WWFNY hype) v. KAI & TAI - Ring flowerpot LILIAN GARCIA gets close enough with "Michinuku." They show up, leave...and come back in Elway jerseys, swinging Broncos flags. I HATE them now.
RAW IS WAR 23.4.2001

Your hosts are LARRY KING & PAUL HEYMAN - geez, Heyman, NICE SUIT
RAW IS WAR 23.4.2001

But the music that plays...belongs to the HARDY BOYZ. Jeff keeps dancing after they've cut the music. Oops.
RAW IS WAR 23.4.2001

Matt: "Hey! You guys are real brave all right. You wanna come out here and call out two guys that you jumped from behind? You wanna call somebody out? Well we're OUT!" I KNEW THEY WERE GAY oh wait that's probably not what he meant.
RAW IS WAR 23.4.2001

CHRIS BENOIT and CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO (with RAW Credits & TV-14-DLV-CC boxes - what, only THIS hour is close captioned?) v. COMMISSIONER REGAL & KING KURT ANGLE (with Let Us Take You Back to SmackDown!) in a submission match - Garcia: "The following is a tag team submission match, and it is scheduled for one......(wait, can I say fall? I better just trail off to be safe. CRZ's gonna be MEAN to me again)"
RAW IS WAR 23.4.2001

JONATHAN COACHMAN leers at Trish Stratus - somehow, this turns into a "Divas in Hedonism" video ad - I wonder what Jacqueline thinks about the Coach chasin' after all them cracka hos? Oh no you didn't! Girl, PLEASE.
RAW IS WAR 23.4.2001

Terri sure has a lovely pair....of Brett Somers' sunglasses on.
RAW IS WAR 23.4.2001

Okay, I'm officially tired of that FRAM ad where the dude slaps his woman's ass before taking a piss. WASH YER DAMN HANDS ALREADY
RAW IS WAR 23.4.2001

I GET LETTERS: I know why you're all here - you want to hear from MY GAY READERS!!
RAW IS WAR 30.4.2001

OKAY, FINE, I'LL ADDRESS THE "FEUD": I know that some hard feelings have come up lately, and I'm really not much of an online battler, despite what you may have heard otherwise. I want to diffuse the situation as soon as possible, and I figure the best way to do it is with a free unsolicited plug at the top (well, near the top) of the column, so hey! Why don't you all go visit the Smarks site **right now.** That's right! I'm giving in and capitulating - I'm FINALLY burying the hatchet and patching up ALL of my differences with... Al Isaacs. Go now - NOW - to www.smarks.tv and tell 'em CRZ sent ya! (Just *don't* sign up for their spam list.)
RAW IS WAR 30.4.2001

X Factor - 1, 2, 3. Golly, X-Pac wins a singles match? Alert the media! (3:21)
RAW IS WAR 30.4.2001

Talk turns to last night's Last Man Standing match. Courtesy: the encore, we look back to last night's Owen Hart Memorial Spot - of course, they switch to stills when it comes time to show the fall because (1) you have to PAY to see that and (2) Shane didn't really connect with Show anyway.
RAW IS WAR 30.4.2001

But the music is interrupted... by "(Oh oh) WrestleMania," which can only mean one thing: LINDA McMAHON is set to appear - and here she is on the EntertainmentTron, from WWF New York. WAKE UP, LINDA! It's time to talk!
RAW IS WAR 30.4.2001

Here's a Special Video Look of yesterday's premiere of "The Mummy Returns" - also known as the "stroke the Rock" segment
RAW IS WAR 30.4.2001

I *will* say that one cool thing about arena football is the fact that nobody bats an eye at a 62-57 score.
RAW IS WAR 30.4.2001

TRISH DOT COM (with RC presents Judgment Day!) v. BAZOOKA JO(ANI)E DOT COM (with WWF: The Music [Volume 5] CD cover) in a nontitle bout - Trish tries a shoulderblock - Chyna doesn't move. Scooped up - Trish struggles back to her feet - but Chyna runs her into the turnbuckle. Kick, kick, kick kick kick kick. Whipped into the opposite corner - gutshot, press ... hold ... she ain't gettin' away this time ... and drop. Sablebomb. 1, 2, 3. I hear all the matches in GAEA are just like this. (1:24)
RAW IS WAR 30.4.2001

This match (and that last comment) was a smark trap, by the way...
RAW IS WAR 30.4.2001

Whoa! It's *Sting* on Monster Jam! I guess he *does* have a lotta free time...
RAW IS WAR 30.4.2001




HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes city, family STICKERED to death!
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