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The 7 - Pro Wrestling - More Strong Style Typings for IWS Know Your Enemies 2007
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Llakor
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Since: 2.1.02
From: Montreal, Quebec, CANADA

Since last post: 4005 days
Last activity: 3996 days
#1 Posted on 26.4.07 2210.49
Reposted on: 26.4.14 2215.10
This contains a conversation with Kevin Steen, a communication with Player Uno, the Eight Bit Luchador, a rant by Lionel Knight, news about Justin White, the 2006 NWA Rookie of the Year, star pupil of Dru Onyx' Torture Chamber. Also he's a HOBBIT! Finally, there is a column written by IWS referee Yan Venim (slightly edited by moi)

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Strong Style Typings
Know Your Enemies 2007
Are You Sitting Comfortably?


“Do you have a pen?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have something to write on?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sitting down? Because I am only saying this once and I don’t want to repeat myself.”

“Yes, I am fine. Go ahead.”

“You’re sure? You’re ready?”

“Can we start this please? It’s not like you’re announcing the cure to world hunger.”

“This is Kevin Steen, Mister Wrestling. It is time for the hardcore soldiers to sit up and pay attention. This Saturday is Know Your Enemies and Quebec’s number one wrestler, hell Canada’s number one wrestler will be there. I will be there.”

“I thought…”

“Stop thinking and keep writing. If you are a fan of wrestling you will be there this Saturday because when I show up at a show, you are guaranteed of two things: First, you are going to get your money’s worth and second, you will see the match of the year.”

“Whoa there sparky! That’s a pretty big claim.”

“How many matches did I do in the IWS last year?”

“Three.”

“How many were on the match of the year ballot?”

“All of them.”

“What was the match of the year?”

“You vs. Viking.”

“What was match of the year for 2005?”

“You vs. Damian.”

“What was runner-up?”

“You vs. Damian Part Two.”

“So?”

“Shutting up now.”

“Good plan. So fans, get your ballots for the Match of the Year ready and write down this match. At Know Your Enemies, in the main event…

“The main event?”

“Stop interrupting. What else would I be wrestling in? As always, Kevin Steen IS the main event. And I will be wrestling “Paranoid” Jake Matthews who will probably be accompanied like always by his skank Lollipop. It will be a three-way dance and the third competitor will be the IWS champion Viking with the IWS title on the line. What was that noise?”

“Nothing. I just fell off my chair. Keep going.”

“The last time that deranged drunken idiot and I hooked up for the IWS title it was the Match of the Year. This time, it will be a three-way dance and we know what happens when I get into a three-way dance.”

“I should know this.”

“Two people get hurt and neither of them are me. Now go and spread the word. The next time I go back to Japan, I am booking an extra seat for the IWS title.”

Kevin Steen vs. Paranoid Jake Matthews vs. Viking for the IWS Title!

Don’t miss it!

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Strong Style Typings
Know Your Enemies 2007
I can’t get no Stu-pe-faction


With Know Your Enemies coming up this Saturday, I decided that it was time to sit down with the Number One Contender’s for the IWS tag team titles, the Super Smash Brothers, Player Uno and Stupefied. To become the number one contenders, Uno and Stupefied won a hellacious ladder match.

Uno: “Mortal Kombat!”

Right. Which saw them defeat Team Checkmate (Lionel Knight and Chris Bishop), Hi-5 (Beef Wellington and Kid Kamikaze) and Up in Smoke (Cheech and Cloudy).

Uno: “All their Base belong to us!”

Right. The Super Smash Brothers won in electrifying fashion with Uno hitting the Gomba Stomp on Beef Wellington’s head off a fifteen foot ladder.

Uno: Goomba Stomp sound effect

Right. Followed by Stupefied following up immediately with a frog

Uno: “Ribbit”

Right. Frog splash off the same fifteen foot ladder onto the prone body of Beef Wellington.

Uno: Plummeting off a tall building sound effect

Right. Meanwhile, the IWS tag team champion, the Green Phantom successfully defended his belts with his new partner Sexxxy Eddy.

Uno: “Challenge Next Match!”

Right. I need a new nick-name for their team.

Uno: Alex Trebek voice “Welcome to Final Jeopardy.”

Right. So, I was thinking maybe Green Sexxxy?

Uno: Negatory Buzz sound effect

Right. How about The Green Foot Long?

Uno: Louder Negatory Buzz sound effect

Right. Hrrrmmm. Green Oil Two: Electric Bugaloo?

Uno: Ding! Ding! Ding! Sound effect.

Right. So this Saturday, at Know Your Enemies you two will get your shot at the gold against the IWS’ Hardcore Hero, the Green Phantom and the Human Rubber Band, the One Man Orgy, Sexxxy Eddy. Two hardcore veterans of the IWS wars.

Uno: “The terrorists win!”

Right. Any comments for the fans? What are your plans?

Uno: “Go Fight!”

Right. Any predictions? How do you see the Super Smash Brothers doing against Green Oil Two: Electric Bugaloo?

Uno: “Winner Is You!”

That makes no sense.

Uno: Theme to Jeopardy

Right. Do you mean that the true winner will be the fans?

Uno: Ding! Ding! Ding! Sound effect.

Right. But who do you see winning this match?

Uno: “WINNER!”

Right.

Uno: “IS”

Right?

Uno: “US!”

Right. And how are you planning on winning?

Uno: “↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A Start”

RIGHT!

For the IWS Tag Team Titles, the number one contenders, the Super Smash Brothers (Player Uno and Stupefied) versus the IWS Tag Team Champions, Green Oil Two: Electric Bugaloo (The Green Phantom and Sexxxy Eddy)

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Strong Style Typings
Know Your Enemies 2007
Ebony and Ivory


Lionel Knight may just possibly be the most paranoid man that I know. Of course even paranoids have enemies, so sometimes there is a certain weird logic to Lionel’s rantings.

For example, let me know if this makes any sense to you:

Lionel Knight is convinced that The Hardcore Ninjaz are RACISTS! His reasoning for this is that Hardcore Ninja Number One is dressed in white, thus proclaiming his belief in the superiority of the white race. The one dressed in black is the Evil Ninja thus proclaiming their belief that the black man is EVIL.

He was also ranting about how the NHL playoffs are totally racist because it is about a group of white men wearing masks and waving sticks chasing a black object around. Frankly, I kind of tuned that part of his rant out - the Canucks were on TV.

When I contacted the Ninjaz through their translator, the Hardcore Ninjaz were quick to point out that they are neither black nor white, since they hail from Fabertown, Japan. They also said that Lionel Knight was nuttier than a Macadamia tree.

(I didn’t have the heart to tell them that technically Macadamias are kernels not nuts and they don’t actually grow on trees. Thus, Macadamia trees do not exist.)

**********************************************

Strong Style Typings
Know Your Enemies 2007
News From the Torture Chamber(s of Middle Earth)


I had a business meeting today with the IWS’ best dressed man, Dru Onyx, the well-tailored master of the Torture Chamber. He confirmed to me that his star pupil will be at Know Your Enemies 2007 in a match that I suppose I should have been able to predict.

It seems that backstage at Un F’N Sanctioned 2007, our resident grouch and supposed shooter was storming around in a foul mood, bitter over losing his title match to the IWS champion, Viking. Veterans of the IWS know that there are times when it is best not to look at EXesS, let alone speak to him. Justin White is not an IWS veteran.

So, when Justin White asked EXesS what the hell the story was with EXesS pulling a knife in his match and stabbing Viking twice with it, he was only asking what all of us were thinking.

EXesS has it as his personal mission to stretch every rookie who comes in to the IWS, to see if they make the grade.

As Dru Onyx told me earlier today with a chuckle, “I believe that EXesS is about to find out, this is not just any rookie. This is the 2006 NWA Rookie of the Year. This rookie will STRETCH HIM BACK!”

**********************************************

Posted by Llakor, but written by Yan

A Referee's Point Of View
Know Your Enemies 2007
by Yan Venim, IWS Referee


Know Your Enemies is around the corner and if we look at the card, a lot is expected of the show. Let me tell you what I think could happen and why for some of the matchs.

In the main event, Viking will defend his IWS Title against “Paranoid” Jake Matthews and “Mr. Wrestling” Kevin Steen in a three way dance. I will probably get shit from Manny for saying this, but I think that Viking will emerge as champion once again. Look at the past: Viking beat Jake Matthews several times. The last time Viking beat Jake, it was at Violent Valentine 2007 in a Four Corner Barbed Wire Board Match. In my opinion, if it wasn’t for PCO, Jake Matthews would have won the championship that night. Normally, I’m an impartial guy but now come on. I saw what happened and quite frankly, Matthews should put Lollypop in a closet with PCP Crazy F’N Manny and PCO somewhere in the backstage area during the match. In a one on one confrontation, I am sure that he has a better chance of winning the match.

The tag team titles will also be on the line between the Super Smash Brothers and the champs, the Green Phantom and Sexxxy Eddie. Both teams came out victorious at Un F’N Sanctioned 2007 last month. Stupified and Player Uno won what I call an Eleven star ladder match to become the number one contenders. But are they really the number one contenders? Think about that, if we go way back, Team Checkmate were named the number one contenders and never got their title shot even if they where in the ladder match last month. Cheech and Cloudy also deserve a shot at the titles. This should be a Four Way Tag Match for everybody to get their fifteen minutes of fame.

Speaking of fame, EXesS has changed and I mean he has changed a lot. He is not the guy I trained with back in 1999 in ICW. He's not the friend he was. And quite frankly, I'M FUCKING TIRED OF THE WAY HE TREATS ME! That piece of shit always hits me and you’re not supposed to hit a referee. EXxesS, you’re so lucky that Andy Rosetti likes you and won’t let us disqualify you in a match the way we ought to. If it was up to me, I would fine you every penny that Manny has paid you over the years. If I had the guts, I would step in that ring and challenge you myself...

Who am I kidding; you would kill me in seconds! But let me tell you one thing EXesS, one of these days, you will have a surprise and you will Know Your Enemies!. GO Justin GO! If I'm the ref for this match, don't worry, I’ll still be impartial but if I’m not, I will be cheering for Dru Onyx’ star pupil Justin White.

That's all for the first Referee's Point Of View.
I am Yan Venim, IWS Referee.
I will see you all at Bogey's on Saturday.

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Know Your Enemies 2007 Card to Date:

IWS Title: Kevin Steen vs. "Paranoid" Jake Matthews vs. Viking

IWS Tag Team Title: Super Smash Brothers (Player Uno and Stupefied) vs. Green Oil Two: Electric Bugaloo (The Green Phantom and Sexxxy Eddy)

EXesS vs. Justin White

Team Checkmate (Lionel Knight and Chris Bishop) vs. the Hardcore Ninjaz

Rock and Cock Express (Twiggy and Pornstar Juan) vs. Hi-5 (Kid Kamikaze and Beef Wellington)

Shayne Hawke vs. Kenny the Bastard
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