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The 7 - Pro Wrestling - TNA IMPACT 9-7-06
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Karlos the Jackal
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#1 Posted on 8.9.06 0259.04
Reposted on: 8.9.13 0259.07
How is LAX not hot enough to deserve the opening shot of the show? Does TNA really think that the UFC fans will stay tuned if the first thing they see is Jeff Jarrett preparing for his polygraph test? In any case, there he is -- Eric Young (now a brunette!) shows up and says that his Uncle Leo taught him lots of tricks for beating polygraphs. Jarrett is intrigued.

LAX vs. The Mack Brothers: Hernandez comes out with his title belt hanging off his necklace -- heh. The Mack Brothers -- TJ and Kirby -- are two reedy indie guys. I have no idea which is which, if they're actually related, or anything else about them. Man, LAX MURDERS these guys. There's a simultaneous Gringo Killa (Tenay: "COP KILLA! ...that he's renamed the GRINGO KILLA!") and Border Toss -- OH that Mack purt near landed on his head, and he's bleeding from the MOUTH. Possibly he bit his tongue off.

After the match, Konnan shows up and astutely observes that LAX isn't even on the PPV poster -- it's got Styles & Daniels and AMW! Doesn't matter, says Konnan -- LAX will beat S&D anyway. Styles can go back to dark matches, he says, and Daniels can go join the Blue Men Group.

That's too much for S&D, who come out and clear the ring. Daniels scales the Ult. X setup (did I mention it's set up already?) and hangs one of the belts off of it, mocking LAX. Crowd: "You can't get it!"

Ohhhh, I just had a HORRIBLE thought. What if they hang BOTH belts up there? And what if one guy from each team gets a belt? And then what if we have to endure wacky mismatched partner tag team hijinks? THAT would SUCK.

Bobby Roode is searching for a manager -- and he meets with BOBBY HEENAN in the back of a limo! The Brain runs down a few of the guys he's managed, and, as an incentive, hands Roode an envelope with cash inside and tells him to take his wife out to dinner. Roode: "I'm not married." Heenan: "Well, gimme ten bucks back."

The X Division Happy Face Good Times Squad of Sabin, Lethal, and Dutt are watching scenes from JACKASS 2 (did I mention that there are Jackass 2 ads everywhere?). Jerry Lynn comes in and suggests that they should be training and stuff. Sabin insists that they're doing MENTAL training and looking for ideas. Lynn, annoyed, leaves. Johnny Knoxville gets hit by a bull. I'd pay to watch Chris Sabin fight a bull. "The X Division isn't about weight limits -- it's about NO LIMITS!"

The James Gang, Shark Boy & Norman Smiley vs. Matt Bentley & Kazarian & AMW: Shark bite, Big Wiggle, Superkick to Smiley and that's it. Wait, was there even a match? Did I miss it? What's going on? It takes nine people out there to continue the "AMW breakup" angle? That just seems excessive somehow.

Thank GOD -- here's some POLYGRAPH footage. Eric Young has a small plastic alligator biting Jarrett's toe. Huh. Jarrett's drinking a martini, too. The polygraph expert tries to ask JJ some basic questions (like, "Are you the current Heavyweight Champion?"), but Eric Young keeps interrupting ("I'm no expert, but you can plead the Fifth Commandment on that one, I'm pretty sure.").

Shane Douglas tells the Naturals that they won't get their title shot unless they win a "Triple Chance Battle Royale" (?) against seven other teams. If they lose, Douglas might just "end this experiment" right now!

SEVEN other teams? Let's see...Paparazzi, James Gang, Diamonds in the Rough, Bentley & Kazarian...I assume that 3D won't be in it, and I'd be surprised if AMW was, so we need three more. I'll predict Lethal & Dutt, Sharky & Smiley, and...um. You know, I wouldn't mind seeing Phi Delta Slam again.

Raven challenges Abyss to a Hangman's Horror match -- NEXT WEEK!

Ron Killings vs. Christian Cage: Pretty fun match -- about what you'd expect. Killings leapt off the top turnbuckle and landed in a splits position! A ref bump lets Killings get the moral victory, but Cage comes back with a kick to the groin and an unprettier to win.

After the match, Cage preps the Conchairto, but Rhino runs him off and challenges him to a match at No Surrender.

And now the main event -- Oh Boy! -- the results of the polygraph are in! Cornette takes to the ring, and brings out Jarrett, with Eric Young trailing behind.

Cornette says there are three main question. According to the polygraph test results, JJ was telling the TRUTH when he said that he had no previous knowledge of Christian Cage's actions when he hit Sting with a guitar. JJ was ALSO telling the TRUTH when he said he was NOT in collusion with Earl Hebner! Huh! (You know what this main event needed? A Hebner run-in!)

Now for the third question -- Jarret *LIED* when he said that he was never in collusion with Larry Zbyszko!!! (Eric bails out of the ring at this point!)

Well, this means that Cornette will follow through on his threat to make JJ wrestle at No Surrender -- in a "Fan's Revenge Lumberjack Match!" The ring will be surrounded by fans -- and each fan will have a leather strap to beat Jarrett with if he leaves the ring!!! And his opponent will be -- well, the crowd immediately starts chanting "JOE! JOE! JOE!" at this point, and sure enough, out comes Samoa Joe, with a strap of his own! Jim Cornette starts chanting "Joe's Gonna Kill You!"

Man, they're not REALLY going to have actual random fans around the ring and give them straps, are they? Are they?

--K
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CEOIII
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#2 Posted on 8.9.06 0355.50
Reposted on: 8.9.13 0358.01
I'll take "Lawsuit waiting to happen" for 8.3 million, Alex.
sentonBOMB
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#3 Posted on 8.9.06 0735.45
Reposted on: 8.9.13 0735.57
    Originally posted by Karlos the Jackal
    Man, they're not REALLY going to have actual random fans around the ring and give them straps, are they? Are they?


From the TNA website:

This is your chance to get revenge on Jeff Jarrett inside the TNA Impact Zone live on pay-per-view! TNA Commissioner Jim Cornette is inviting all TNA fans to send in a tape telling us why they hate the self-proclaimed "King of the Mountain."

Two winners will be chosen from the best videos and will be flown to Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida to serve as special ringside enforcers for the Jeff Jarrett vs. Samoa Joe Fan's Revenge Match. Deadline for entry is September 15, 2006. Videos must be mini-dv format.


But then, of course, the official rules only list the prize as a trip to Orlando and tickets to the event, with no mention of actually participating in the match.

Getting back to the show: I loved Christian doing the spear, comoplete with Edge-style corner taunt. LAX were entertaining as always. That's all I got.
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#4 Posted on 8.9.06 0831.02
Reposted on: 8.9.13 0833.09
I loved the Brain's cameo! And that move by Hernandez is just SICK. Even compared to the Cop Killa.
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#5 Posted on 8.9.06 1200.52
Reposted on: 8.9.13 1201.36
If there is any justice in this world, Jarrett drops the strap here, making his match at Bound for Glory career vs. career. That would hopefully set up Joe vs. Christian at BfG since this is their "Wrestlemania" and those are the two hottest guys in the company right now.
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#6 Posted on 8.9.06 1213.09
Reposted on: 8.9.13 1213.29
    Originally posted by astrobstrd
    If there is any justice in this world, Jarrett drops the strap here, making his match at Bound for Glory career vs. career. That would hopefully set up Joe vs. Christian at BfG since this is their "Wrestlemania" and those are the two hottest guys in the company right now.


Cornette said during his promo that it was a "non-title" match because it wouldn't be "fair" to deprive Sting of his shot at the title.

The match's only purpose is to have Joe and/or the "lumberjacks" beat the snot out of Jarrett.
Karlos the Jackal
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#7 Posted on 8.9.06 1625.59
Reposted on: 8.9.13 1626.28
    Originally posted by cranlsn
    The match's only purpose is to have Joe and/or the "lumberjacks" beat the snot out of Jarrett.

Unless the purpose is to "put Jeff over."

Eek!

--K
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#8 Posted on 8.9.06 1718.21
Reposted on: 8.9.13 1718.32
    Originally posted by sentonBOMB
    Getting back to the show: I loved Christian doing the spear, comoplete with Edge-style corner taunt. LAX were entertaining as always. That's all I got.


Edge? I got more of a Rhino vibe from it, which would probably make more sense, angle-wise.
CTX
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#9 Posted on 8.9.06 1811.38
Reposted on: 8.9.13 1816.13
    Originally posted by Karlos the Jackal
    Man, they're not REALLY going to have actual random fans around the ring and give them straps, are they? Are they?

I remember they had one of these matches during the old weekly PPV's with Jarrett against someone (I think it was Dusty Rhodes) and unless my memory is playing tricks, I think they actually did use real fans.
Karlos the Jackal
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#10 Posted on 8.9.06 2250.37
Reposted on: 8.9.13 2250.51
    Originally posted by CTX
      Originally posted by Karlos the Jackal
      Man, they're not REALLY going to have actual random fans around the ring and give them straps, are they? Are they?

    I remember they had one of these matches during the old weekly PPV's with Jarrett against someone (I think it was Dusty Rhodes) and unless my memory is playing tricks, I think they actually did use real fans.
This rang no bells at all, but a little Googling shows you're right. I looked up a few recaps and it still didn't seem familiar, so I went to the tape archives and dug it out.

The match was Jarrett vs. Dusty Rhodes, and the ring was surrounded by nine fans with leather straps. Jimmy Hart "recruited" them, and they had a short promo segment in back. I didn't recognize any of them (so if they're indie guys, they didn't make it very far), but they were all male and in reasonable shape. I'm not convinced they weren't plants of some sort or another.

The match was not very good, although there were some funny bits with JJ and the "fans" -- at one point, JJ went out onto the apron and got whipped. After ducking back in, he complained to the ref that they weren't allowed to whip him if he was only on the apron -- "like this" -- he goes back to the apron to demonstrate, and immediately gets whipped again. Ha ha!

Anyway, the match was a no contest after a ref bump and run-ins by Jimmy Hart, Don Callis, and Erik Watts. We probably won't get that exact ending, but it'll probably be something similar.

--K
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#11 Posted on 9.9.06 0929.05
Reposted on: 9.9.13 0930.06
I love LAX. I love that Konan has a team for whom he doesn't have to cheat, but he will if things get bad. LAX seems like they can credibly compete with any team in TNA.

If Christian is gonna steal that move, he's gotta call it the Spear of Destiny. Speaking of moves, Killings's suplex stunner was vicious. I don't know why TNA can't find something for this guy to do.

What is the deal with "A Starr Is Born" promos for Bound for Glory? Who's Starr?

How can you have a match involving Smiley and BG James and not have a competition between the Big Wiggle and the pelvic-thrust slam? That's a once-in-a-lifetime chance! I've been deprived. REFUND!
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#12 Posted on 9.9.06 1141.44
Reposted on: 9.9.13 1142.47
    Originally posted by Matt Tracker
    What is the deal with "A Starr Is Born" promos for Bound for Glory? Who's Starr?


Austin Aries, who's going to be brought back in as "Austin Starr."
Peter The Hegemon
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#13 Posted on 10.9.06 0129.33
Reposted on: 10.9.13 0130.07
And here I was going to say that Aries and Strong would be in the tag match thing. Yeesh. I'm sure that renaming Aries will pay the same huge dividends that all 37 renamings of Matt Bentley have had. B^)

Having both belts up there would actually be a good idea, provided that the rule is that the SAME team has to get both belts. Not only would this allow some cool false finishes, but it would also allow them a handy way out if the damn things start falling off again.

"The X Division Happy Face Good Times Squad"! Classic!
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#14 Posted on 10.9.06 0210.22
Reposted on: 10.9.13 0210.40
So...anyone else think that Joe winning at No Surrender could lead to a three-way at Bound for Glory?
Karlos the Jackal
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#15 Posted on 10.9.06 0219.57
Reposted on: 10.9.13 0221.05
    Originally posted by Peter The Hegemon
    Having both belts up there would actually be a good idea, provided that the rule is that the SAME team has to get both belts. Not only would this allow some cool false finishes, but it would also allow them a handy way out if the damn things start falling off again.
I'm wondering if maybe they should hang the belts ABOVE the cables. You'd have to sit up on the cables -- like Daniels did on Impact -- to reach them. That would solve the "falling off" problem, and also make them more difficult (and therefore dramatic!) to get to (specifically, it would solve the "can't they just sit on each other's shoulders?" problem).

    Originally posted by Freeway
    So...anyone else think that Joe winning at No Surrender could lead to a three-way at Bound for Glory?
I'd love it, but the BFG match is a stipulation deal already (career vs. title) -- how would a three-way work with that? (Ideally: Joe wins and both JJ and Sting have to retire -- but perhaps that is not realistic.)

--K
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#16 Posted on 10.9.06 0220.26
Reposted on: 10.9.13 0221.11
But then how do the stips work? If Joe wins, is Sting's career over?

Joe needs to bulldoze one man to win his first title. Taking it in a triple threat would muddy the waters.
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#17 Posted on 10.9.06 0236.45
Reposted on: 10.9.13 0238.56
    Originally posted by oldschoolhero
    But then how do the stips work? If Joe wins, is Sting's career over?

    Joe needs to bulldoze one man to win his first title. Taking it in a triple threat would muddy the waters.


Part of me just hopes that TNA sees Bound for Glory the same way WWE sees WrestleMania: The show to top all shows.

WrestleMania's set apart from the other shows because it brought us Hogan/Andre, the MegaPowers exploding, Austin winning his first title, Benoit winning his first title and Cena and Batista winning their first titles. There's 17 WWE-produced PPVs per year, but WrestleMania's the one that matters (and buyrates seem to indicate a fan response to that philosophy).

TNA really *NEEDS* a show like that, if only to normalize their PPV buys.
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#18 Posted on 11.9.06 1129.27
Reposted on: 11.9.13 1129.28
Once again, the wrestling wasn't much, but the show had it's charm.

Killings v. Christian is the opening match to every Smackdown ever.

I loved the Jarrett stuff. Him doing the 'eye to eye' bit with Young was great and the panicky responses to Borash were money as well. That's more charisma than Jarrett has shown in eons.


Can't get to stoked about Jarrett v. Joe, however. Here's the thing. Joe probably will pin Jarrett (he's pinned him before) or they'll be a Sting run-in.

Whatever else can be said about Jarrett, he's not Kevin Nash. He's not going to end the undefeated streak to put himself over.

But, that leads me to think that Sting will in fact win the belt from Jarrett and then drop it to Joe (which is the proper booking.) It makes no sense to do Joe v. Jarrett again for the belt, and TNA's booking tends to plow along without to much situational change and the whole point of all this is for Sting to get the big blowoff win.
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