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The 7 - Pro Wrestling - TNA Impact Workrate Report Episode #30 Register and log in to post!
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tomk
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#1 Posted on 3.5.06 0125.52
Reposted on: 3.5.13 0128.25
I'm almost three weeks behind at this point. But here goes:

WHAT WORKED:

So we're on episode 30. Way back on episode 15 I commented:
"This fed really should move to an EMLL style trios based format as this, the Jarrett, Brown,Abyss v. Styles, Hardy, Hoyt match and the Rhino, Dudleys v. Jarrett,AMW match are pretty much the best things they’ve done."

Tonight its one 8 man and two six mans. First two had pretty big flaws but the 8/6 man format allowed enough good to counteract the bad. All three had kind of everyone in type finishes which is a problem if you’re going to run three multi-person matches on show. You want to keep the stories told in matches distinct so they don’t just run together. The 8 man had kind of everybody in to eliminate other wrestlers from interfering, the first six-man had everyone in to brawl and second six-man really went for a Noah juniors-ish everyone races through finish ending. But still ending sections were laid out a little too similarly.

First 8-man had too much A1 and Petey Williams. Petey Williams gets an opening section with both Sabin and Dutt. A1 gets an awful run of offense at the end, shitty knee, shitty shoulder block, just shitty…plus A1 apparently has the same finisher as Hiroka and executes it just as poorly. But the Shelley reluctant partner shtick was fun and told a nice story. Dutt in peril stuff was also nice. Roode/Young parts of working over Dutt were nice. Williams tags in during the face in peril section to take off his hair tie and do the national anthem but then thankfully tags back out so we get to see Eric Young’s beautiful top rope elbowdrop. Young also does a really great save for a blown rana and is super fun eating Lethal’s offense. Nature of the 8man format, that the good gets opportunity to outweigh the bad.

First six-man was fun and would like to see these two teams work a house show series. The Styles/Killings stereo dive was good looking but not really smart. End result was Killings, Styles, Young, and Skipper on the floor with Rhino in the ring. When you do your Nasty Boys vs. Steiners matches you want to keep the guys who can wrestle in the ring and the guys who can only brawl on the floor. You don’t leave Ric Steiner in ring to do exchanges. The section of Rhino as guy in ring fucked up the pacing and slowed the match down. Ron Killings also wasn’t getting good height on all his dancing offense. The Wildside reunion sections of this really keep it on top as whenever it felt like it was about to fall apart they matched either Killing or Styles up opposite David Young.

Main event was just a ton of fun. Amusing as Spike Dudley looks to be at least 20 lbs lighter than he was in WWE. Yeah the idiots in the WWE think that even the guy working skinny underdog needs to be jakked. Anyways Chris Harris continues to match up well with Devon. And fuck everything else, holy shit did Hyson look on fire. Hyson eats the chest first Irish whip into corner beautifully. It’s shocking that he and Helmsley couldn’t have a good match together as that’s one of Helmsley’s favorite spots. Of course Jarrett isn’t Helmsley, in that Jarrett is actually good at selling and so you have Jarrett doing a nice job selling for all your favorite Hyson offense, the battering ram headbutt, the top rope double stomp, the lucha roll ups, etc. Hyson also eats a rail ride so well that you want him in NOAH. He makes the Catatonic look incredible…I mean when has the Catatonic ever looked like a good finisher? He also eats the stroke well. Not as well as he ate the Catatonic, but still. Hot Noah juniors tag style finish was executed well and the finish of this was really nice.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK:


Team USA's retro 70s fake ZZ Top boogie woogie tune is bad. Sabin and Shelley both look like guys who spend alot of time collecting rare groove library music...like they would argue over the best fake ZZ Top groove with flute passage 70s French soap advertisement background tune. So seeing them come out to this is just doubly sad.

Brother Runt??? Wow that's a shitty name. I remember when they were threatening to call them the Deadly Brothers. That was shitty but Brother Runt? "He's the angry one in the family: Brother Spyte" would be better. And well Brother Spite is stupid too but Runt? Who thought that up?

The Thursday night Impact sports entertainment stuff continues to suck. It's bad enough that I have to watch Slick Johnson in ring...but then they also have him, Zbysco and Borash do their painful comedy sketches. And they threaten that Raven will join this cavalcade of bad backstage acting. DDP doing Eugene O'Neil soliloquies punctuated by Yelling GOOD GAWD at random would be less painful. Then Christian does another unconvincing “impassioned” in ring promo followed by Mitchell doing what may be one of the shittiest of his shitty bargain basement Count Grog promos ever. People always pimp him as being good on the mic and here he just trips over his words. I mean, your reading this, so it's not like I'm good at sentence structure. But still ""To keep my streak of keeping my promises Christian Cage, I'm making another promise that I will keep..." I wish him and Raven could stick to LARPing and stop stinking up wrestling. Abyss attacks Chistian and does his shitty miming and I miss Malice.

They brought back the ORACLE OF THE SIX SIDES OF STEEL, but they added a male voice. Huh? See using the three weird sisters from Macbeth was ridiculous the first time they did it but at least they maintained some sort of internal mythic consistency, an internal logic. You had the younger sister all girlish with her dolls and her nursery rhymes which she should have outgrown, the middle sister all logorithic Mills College enamored of her fancy poetry and the older spinster haggard and bitter. I’m not saying that the original cage promo made the witches out to be lesbian but there is an especially yonic quality to the six sided cage. These are women who embrace the sisterhood of witchcraft and the uniquely female authority that comes with it. And it was a ridiculous way to advertise for a cage match but you never questioned the logic of their motivations. But here the three weird sisters from Shakespeare are prophesizing and then some guy joins in the sing along? Why are they letting some male join their Cabal? They're going to allow the voice of a male authority to join their chorus? Why? I mean where’s the logic? Who is the man? Possibly the TNA Griot? Then a male voice gives the last rites in Latin. Is this a second voice? Is the Griot is a Catholic? I always took him to be portrayed as West African. Griot is now Ugandan? Does Sahadi think that the witches from Macbeth exist in a Catholic world? I mean Hamlet is concerned with purgatory but always took Macbeth to be completely Anglican story. You can do a promo built around Anglican witches, you can do a promo built around a griot, you can do a promo built around a Catholic priest but you put all three in the same promo and you really need Steve Allen to moderate. It just makes no sense what are all these guys doing sharing a stage together? The original Oracle promo was just ridiculous, this one was ridiculous and confusing.
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JohnHayduke
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#2 Posted on 3.5.06 1239.37
Reposted on: 3.5.13 1239.41
    Originally posted by tomk
    Then Christian does another unconvincing “impassioned” in ring promo followed by Mitchell doing what may be one of the shittiest of his shitty bargain basement Count Grog promos ever. People always pimp him as being good on the mic and here he just trips over his words. I mean, your reading this, so it's not like I'm good at sentence structure. But still ""To keep my streak of keeping my promises Christian Cage, I'm making another promise that I will keep..." I wish him and Raven could stick to LARPing and stop stinking up wrestling. Abyss attacks Chistian and does his shitty miming and I miss Malice.


I'm not a fan of the Abyss Christian feud but I liked Christian's promo. I know Mitchell and Abyss are suppose to be scarey and intense but all I think when Mitchell is speaking is LOSER. I also think of Abyss as a third rate Norman the Lunatic sometimes. Which doesn't really make sense but it's what I think.
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