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The 7 - Random - Kind of a downer, but it is in fact rather random...
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Saruman
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#1 Posted on 8.5.02 2218.07
Reposted on: 8.5.09 2221.35
Any good ideas for when your fiance gives your ring back and says she never wants to see you again after a year and a half together??
Sorry, I'm just bummed, and had to say something somewhere.
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BoromirMark
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#2 Posted on 8.5.02 2237.23
Reposted on: 8.5.09 2239.32
Be happy you've at least had a fiancee? I've yet to actually have a date, let alone a girlfriend. And I'm 19...do I fit the stereotypical Net nerd stereotype or what?
spf
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#3 Posted on 8.5.02 2307.04
Reposted on: 8.5.09 2309.53
Shit dude. That just sucks. I recommend heavy drinking. Copious insane amounts of drinking until you begin to vomit on yourself and others, so that you can hit rock bottom and just slum and linger there for a little while. Then pawn the ring and go buy yourself something you want with the cash so that you can always tell yourself you got something out of the relationship. After that either take the productive approach and begin to slowly rebuild, or do what I did and go move back with your folks and emotionally shut out the world around you. I recommend the former. But mostly just be sure to drink a lot. If you like drugs, do those too.


(edited by spf2119 on 8.5.02 2309)
Swordsman Yen
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#4 Posted on 8.5.02 2311.23
Reposted on: 8.5.09 2311.32
Think about the events leading up to the breakup. A woman doesn't just wake up one morning and decide she doesn't love you anymore. Was there something you did or didn't do that made her lose interest in you to the point that she said it's over? Use this relationship as a learning experience, so when the next Ms. Right comes along, you'll know what to do to keep her interest in you.

Now the temptation will be to try to call her and get her to take you back. This is a stupid mistake that many men make. Never beg a woman to take you back after you've been dumped. Don't take her back either. When you do this, you make yourself look weak and if you have the misfortune of being taken back by her, she'll own you (and not in a good way). If have to, make a list of all the things you can't stand about her and read it whenever you get the urge to get back with her. The bottom line is that unless you want to be a doormat, show her that what's lost is lost forever and move on.
Evil Buddha
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#5 Posted on 9.5.02 0802.02
Reposted on: 9.5.09 0802.31
Hey, Saruman, first off, my condolences. It's a horrible thing. If you can take no other consolation, at least hold on to the very important truth that if this had to happen, at least it happened now, rather than after you had actually married each other. I understand it's painful, but seeing what divorce does to people... look I'm not saying it's good to have your fiancee leave you, but it just might have been worse.
As for "What now?" do the quality hang with your closest friends. Your buddies should go out of their way for you. Personally I believe that copious amounts of liquor should be involved, but that's for you and yours to decide. Plus, like Yen says, move on.
Good luck. It gets better...
FLRockAndLaw
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#6 Posted on 9.5.02 1022.15
Reposted on: 9.5.09 1022.18
First of all, that sucks. I am sooo sorry to hear it.

With that said, I tend to gravitate toward a little gallows humor in these kind of situations. In this particular situation, I think of something some comedian said a while back:

"Tis better to have loved and lost... than to be stuck with that bitch for the rest of my life."

Hope you feel better soon.
chuckc14
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#7 Posted on 9.5.02 1051.07
Reposted on: 9.5.09 1052.05
Posted by Swordsmen Yen

Now the temptation will be to try to call her and get her to take you back. This is a stupid mistake that many men make. Never beg a woman to take you back after you've been dumped. Don't take her back either. When you do this, you make yourself look weak and if you have the misfortune of being taken back by her, she'll own you (and not in a good way). If have to, make a list of all the things you can't stand about her and read it whenever you get the urge to get back with her. The bottom line is that unless you want to be a doormat, show her that what's lost is lost forever and move on.


If you needed this point reinforced, let me be the first to do so...Many guys ignore this advice the first time they're faced with this situation, but most learn quickly. I did the groveling thing once, and yes, she owned me and she knew it. I thought I was happy cause I had her back, but it was actually quite miserable. Your lady seems to have spoken her peace about it, and if she changes her mind, she'll definitley let you know.

In my (completely unqualified) opinion, indifference towards the situation is the best way to treat it. Chicks HATE that.
Saruman
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#8 Posted on 9.5.02 1347.52
Reposted on: 9.5.09 1359.01
I do think I figured out what happened. There's some good advice on this board.
Anyway, we just kind of lost the "passion/romantic" love and gradually had it morph into "close-freind like" love, and she didn't want that for the rest of her life.
Thanks guys, this forum has some good people in it, I must say.
dunkndollaz
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#9 Posted on 9.5.02 1424.56
Reposted on: 9.5.09 1427.18
Saruman - sorry to hear the news - it sucks no matter what. Look at it this way, you are 22 years old and have a hell of a lot of living to do. I can't even imagine being married at that age. I was fat, drunk and stupid back then - 18 years later I'm just fat and stupid. When the right one comes around, you will know it - I found my wife 10 years ago and we have been married for the past 8 years.

Go out tonight and get shootfaced - and don't bother watching Smackdown.
MoeGates
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#10 Posted on 9.5.02 1622.08
Reposted on: 9.5.09 1622.08
Anyway, we just kind of lost the "passion/romantic" love and gradually had it morph into "close-freind like" love, and she didn't want that for the rest of her life.

This might not be what you (or she) wants to hear, but that's what happens to all married people. You constantly have to fight to keep the "passion/romantic" love going no matter how strong it was in the beginning. It can be pretty damn tough, and usually requires a lot of creativity (which can be pretty fun).

Moe
Jobberman
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#11 Posted on 9.5.02 1810.05
Reposted on: 9.5.09 1815.13
Sorry to hear that Saruman. I have to back up Swordsman(and Chuckc14. DO NOT TRY AND GET HER BACK. I have been through that and it is hell. We broke up again 3 months after our reconciliation. Thank God. 1 year later I met my wife and I found out that I never was truly happy with the other one. Shit happens for a reason. Go with it and you will come out better at the end.
rinberg
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#12 Posted on 9.5.02 1925.07
Reposted on: 9.5.09 1927.44

    Originally posted by MoeGates
    This might not be what you (or she) wants to hear, but that's what happens to all married people. You constantly have to fight to keep the "passion/romantic" love going no matter how strong it was in the beginning. It can be pretty damn tough, and usually requires a lot of creativity (which can be pretty fun).

    Moe



As a happily married man of 7 years, I can definitely agree with Moe on this. I got lucky and fell in love with my best friend. Yeah, we've been through ups and downs. Sometimes the passion isn't there, but we are always friends and in a little while we will crank up the passion again.

Romance is work. Anyone that disagrees hasn't been doing it long enough. But if you find the right person and you can be friends in between bouts of Romance/Passion then you've got something special. Good luck.

~8>)
zoggy1
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#13 Posted on 9.5.02 2123.19
Reposted on: 9.5.09 2123.29
Sorry to hear about the breakup. I'd say give some time to grieve the loss, so you don't go into that "on again off again" relationship or do the rebound relationship.

Romance is difficult especially during disagreements, and the engagement period fleshes out a lot of personal issues. If that was what caused the broken engagement then you have something to work on for next time. Doormat attitude applies only to egotists.

What happens after "never want to see you again" is the phone call on your answering machine six months to a year later to check up on you. That's the toughie that stirs up all the former emotions. Hard one to tame. Ditto for favorite love songs.

It's far scarier and bigger repercussions if it actually went to marriage and divorce. Then you probably won't even get your ring back and then you have lawyers.

Hopefully it all works out for the best.

T-6 weeks from my wedding; so wish me luck too :)
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