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The 7 - Pro Wrestling - TNA IMPACT Workrate RePORT Episode #13
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#1 Posted on 30.12.05 1616.31
Reposted on: 30.12.12 1616.45

The Georgia Jawjacker jacking his jaw on the mic was pretty much the best thing on the show this week. "Something broken always can be fixed" The Bullet is perfect in this role of trying to reconcile the broken "family". I really loved the lowered head respectful "Yes sir" from BG James. And Bullet's "Thank you Shawn" to Shane Douglas was number one.

I'll be generous and put Killings vs. Kenny King on the top side. Essentially a competitive squash with Killings working Killings by numbers. Nothing really great but nothing as ugly as the ugliness in the rest of the matches on the show. Killings wasn't really allowed to ever talk during the 3LK days but hes been great on the mic with the break up. Him telling Bob, "It's done, I got nothing to say" was great. And well the Bullet on the ramp shaking his head in sadness absolutely ruled.


WHAT IN FUCK HAPPENED TO TRACI BROOKS FACE????? I mean I'm not naive. I understand that wrestling is self destructive career and I've seen how it prematurely ages people but still...Traci Brooks always had a strong jaw but she once had nice soft cheeks, and sparkly eyes...but no more. Her face now looks like a mannish Leona Helmsley. Not even curent Leona Helmsley but Leona Helmsley ten years into the future. It almost looks like she deliberately made her face into that...Outside of HHH is there anyone who fantasizes about Charles Bronson in drag? Does Traci think HHH is going to give up his current trannie? I mean maan. What the hell happened?

Speaking of hideously ugly, Eric Young decided to go on the juice and the cameraman decided to close up on his back acne. The match itself may have been even more visually unappealing than the back acne. Hey cameraman how bout more close ups on the pimples and less focus on the work. I remember Eric Young as having decent looking punches but that punch exchange said to me "neither of these guys should be throwing punches". I liked Young going up for moonsault and taking the inverted Flair from top rope bump. But this match was just bad. Scott Dmore does a heel distraction spot, not to set up heel transition but to allow for Daniels to hit both his secondary and primary finisher. They really needed to spend more time focused on the Alex Shelleys Shelley cam and Shannon Moore on top of the wall. What is he doing here? Does he work here? Please let me focus on anything but the work in this match.

Speaking of such things.this show was BAD BAD BAD. I wish I could find Phil Schneiders review of the first Russo/Bischoff Nitrobut the jist of it was to point out how shitty it is to have the exact same formula in every segment. And well that's what they did tonight Hey its a match with whos that on the ramp?. Hey another match and whos that on the ramp? and a mic segment and lights go out who could that be? Could it be? another match and whos that on top of the wall?. All the who could that be? stuff just kills the value of any of the surprises. Plus combine it with Tenays shitty Tony Shiavonne" style selling Could it be? But he doesnt work here? Why would he be here? And just comes across stupid. If you run the same formula again and again and again end result is none of the surprises mean anything, no one cares about any of the mysteries and promotion comes across as uncreative. I mean some of these matches (Abyss vs. Sabin, Daniels vs. Young could have used more extraneous things distracting me from the match) but you repeat the same format again and again and it just turns to nothing

Yeah like I was saying Sabin vs. Abysss I guess was marginally better than the last match. But man the whole opening (until the Abyss drives Sabin head into the stairs) was the most slow motioned choreography you could imagine. Why isn't Samoa Joe as monster vs. smaller cruiser given this much time? The match got better after the stair bump but the second half wasn't good enough to make up for the first half. I realize I'm contradicting myself but they really could have used to spend the first half of this match on Hebner twin taking notes. What is he doing here? Does he work here?

And while that could have used more extraneous distractions. The main event was pretty much built around the extraneous stuff in a really stupid way. I liked Don West discovering a hanging vertical suplex.I've never seen someone hanging like like so vertically like that for so long". I love wide eyed Don West discovers wrestling. And liked the first unprettier reversal (by way of eye rake). The handcuffs that AMW has used since turning heel have consistently not worked: been too small taken to long to attach, broken easily etc...And so I also liked the handcuffs used as knucks. But this match was a mess of an over laid out main event match. All the poorly timed ref distraction spots, meaningless two counts in the middle of match (for enziguris ), slo-ow motion reversals of catatonic into slow motion reversal of unprettier, belt shot..etc. This is the second Christian main event really laid out like a HHH main...same kind of stuff thrown out to make feel meaningful that just are garbage. I assume this is Christian laying the matches out this way...but it really plays against Christians strengths.

Speaking of Christian. I've seen "What not to wear"...watching people dissing each others clothes can be fun. But it doesn't work in the wrestling context. Wrestling is caught in a fashion time warp. Its 2005 and Raven is still working a suicidal grunge rock gimmick. Most wrestlers dress like 80s suburban moms at the shopping mall...spandex and fanny packs. Which makes dissing a guys clothes as "your outfit is so last week ridiculous. TNA has three of its top guys who dress like contemporary guys going to a nightclub. Christian, Monte Brown and Jarrett all dress in semi-current club wear. Christian more poseur hipster at Cafe Saint Ex ...Brown more black guy from the Air Force Base trying to score South Asian tail on International Night at Love, Jarrett more Panama City Beach Week. I kind of like the wrestlers in club gear thing that they have going. It's not hip or anything but it comes accross as natural and it works for all three. And its something none of them would get to pull off in WWE. That said mic work built around "My 65% silk shirt is cooler than your 65% silk shirt" is just garbage. "These pants are so 1995"--ouch BURRRN!!! Christian needs to stop doing his fashion police making fun of the other guys club gear gimmick. It comes off childish in a "don't you have a your mama joke" way?
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#2 Posted on 30.12.05 1807.12
Reposted on: 30.12.12 1807.37
    Originally posted by tomk
    I wish I could find Phil Schneiders review of the first Russo/Bischoff Nitrobut the jist of it was to point out how shitty it is to have the exact same formula in every segment.
The only way I, as a lazy man, can give back to this fine author is to crib the work of ANOTHER man....because it's so much easier than writing something on my own (although I have a pretty dandy recap of that show on some other site, now that I think about it...)

Cobbled from the ruins of the DVDVR message board via the Google cache ( is a September 2004 "reprint" from Schneider himself. Since that cache is from March 2005, I will REreprint it here just in case it ever goes away again...

    Here is my workrate report, I got tons of shit over this from people who loved this shitburger of a show, but pretty much all my predictions came together

    The Dream Team, the men who brought you Mark Henry sisterfucker, There are No Hulkamaniacs Here, The crucifixion of Steve Austin, Silk the Shockers Birthday, Hugh Morris incontinent old man, Jake The Milkman Millman - King of the Turkey on a Pole Match, Beaver Clevage , Chucky challenging Rick Steiner, The castration of Val Venis, The Kiss Demon, Crusierweight Champion Oklahoma, The Ultimate Warriors Magic Mirror, Pinata on a Pole, Kevin Eubanks - Master of the diamond cutter, Drug Dealer Droz and suicidal Hawk, NWO Late Night, Nicole Bass frenching Val Venis and The Giant plummeting off Cobo Hall are back to save WCW. This is a monumental meeting of world class incompetents, it is like if Joel Shumacher directed a Joe Esterhas script, or Andrew Lloyd Weber adapted a T.C. Boyle short story, or Phil Collins wrote some songs for Puffy Combs. And boy did they deliver, with a spastic BIG SHOW~~, trotting out lame surprise after lame surprise like some drunk frat boy, who keeps switching positions, thinking if he can fuck hard enough he can make his frigid girlfriend cum, I not even faking one today boys.

    What Worked

    - I hope I dont lose my smart fan status for this, but I thought Eric Bishoff made a decent on air heel. His smirky contemptuousness actually translated decently, If I was ever going to watch Nitro again I am sure he would start grating on me, but I didnt mind him tonight.

    - Kidman actually showed some skill ON THE STICK, and delivered the only interesting SHOOT~~ in a night of SHOOTS~~. Pretty funny lines, although anyone who thinks Hogan will do anything but crush Kidman is a deluded idiot.

    - The first couple of minutes of Shane Douglas v. Ric Flair was pretty stiff and compelling, as their heat is so long term and legitimate, the rest is down there.

    - Shane Helms funny hat

    What Didnt Work

    - Is the way to make a show compelling to have the exact same formula in every segment? Match or lame ass shoot Interview, BIG SURPRISE~~!!! , Rinse repeat. Boy for all that talk about elevating young talent, we sure didnt see any wrestling matches with them.

    - Boy Vince Russo has a really compelling camera presence, with his gut sticking out over his sansabelt slacks, his half unbuttoned K-mart casual day shirt, neck creep beard, unibrow, squeaky whiney voice with added Jersey accent and tendency to spend his camera time spewing fetid spunk all over my screen with lame ass insider SHOOT~~ comments like some smark at an indy show who reads Wrestline. Boy I have a new least favorite television presence, sorry Mark Madden your number 2.

    - La Parka is the king of fashion, and I was hoping for a cooler suit. Little disappointed in the chairman.

    - Luger and Page (with new haircut, snazzy) mail it in for a couple of minutes, before Buff Bagwell comes down and starts NIGHT OF SCREWJOBS. Bagwell vs. Luger might be redeemable as we can see who really has the worlds worst clothesline.

    - Man alive, I imagine the shot of Mark Maddens pasty white fat jiggling in the ring was some sort of Fuck You to the audience, Russo and Bishoff giving a collective middle finger to anyone who was still watching, You want shocking, you sheep, here is MADDEN UNDRESSED!!


    - Hogan has been wrestling for almost 20 years and he still blades in full camera sight like Hardcore Nick on some backyard wrestling bootleg. Nice to see him toss around Kidman like a little punk, I think Hogan has been watching cousin Mikes ECW title defenses and has decided the way to make himself look credible is to get himself a pinball. Welcome to little Spike Kidman

    - Sid v. The Wall has a good chance to beat Sid v. The Nightstalker, I think these young kids can do it.


    - Flair v. Douglas could actually work without any more booking. The real life heat made for a decent segment, but the rubber baseball bat shots by Tubby Mc Fat Ass, and the realization that this feud will just be another vehicle for Russo to put himself over, sort of built up the bile in my mouth.

    - LOOK ITS THE COLORADO KID!! HE IS THE NWA NASHVILLE CHAMPION WHAT IS HE DOING HERE!! Hey thats not the Colorado Kid. Ohh its just Mike Awesome. Boy what an awe inspiring debut for the ECW champion. The kill the crowd with half assed SHOCK!!! After half assed SHOCK!! And expect someone to give a shit about Awesome, having him jump Nash just made him look small, and his mike work was tentative and lame. About the poorest scenario for a big debut you can get. Horace + Awesome v. Harris Brothers jerking the curtain by Fall Brawl.

    - Hey a Hummer, isnt that cute

    - Main event was the same crap match, crap run-in that every show was, the brawl at the end was weak, especially since it appears that they are pushing Timmy Bishoffs Sensai The Shat in the main heel faction. The big problem with the NWO, and what eventually killed its heat, is that the faces never were able to exact retribution. The egos in the group would never cleanly job. Now they have made the egomanically superstars the babyfaces, and they can have Hogan, Nash, Lugar et all can cleanly defeat the forces of evil and reign supreme. It is sort of brilliant actually, but anyone who thinks making the young guys evil job boys to the same old turds, is progress are deluding themselves. Hogan is still on top, like he always is and always will be.

(edited by CRZ on 30.12.05 1811)
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#3 Posted on 30.12.05 2011.24
Reposted on: 30.12.12 2011.37
Thanks a ton. Now if only there was a way to search for the old TNA workrate reports that didn't crosspost to the w board.

I think Phil has become something of a reluctant Phil Collins fan since he wrote that but still.

"Is the way to make a show compelling to have the exact same formula in every segment? Match or lame ass shoot Interview, BIG SURPRISE~~!!! , Rinse repeat."

Thats what I was aiming to point out except here it was not so much BIG SURPRISE as "OOH MYSTERY".

Tenay's "What's going on? Why don't I have a memo?"

Why should I care?

Also should point out for those watching CMLL, that what makes the Capos/Pierroth vs. Perros de Mal feud work is that it isn't.

"The big problem with the NWO, and what eventually killed its heat, is that the faces never were able to exact retribution. The egos in the group would never cleanly job."

They will go a couple weeks of Perros De Mal standing tall at the end post DQ in a very NWO fashion and I'll watch the Perros get cheered as faces...and I'll sit there worried because I've seen this kind of booking kill a fed before but a couple weeks later the Capos will get the DQ in a big one and stand tall.

Thread ahead: My on-line sportsbook is taking bets on the ME at WM22.
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Related threads: TNA IMPACT Workrate Rport Episode #12 - TNA iMPACT Spoilers for 12/17, 12/24 & 12/31 - TNA IMPACT Workrate Report Episode #11 - More...
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