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Mayhem
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#1 Posted on 7.6.05 1951.30
Reposted on: 7.6.12 1952.29

My wife is over 34 weeks pregnant now, which means the time is drawing closer. I've read several articles about what to expect, but I'm still pretty nervous & lost.

Any of you W dads out there care to share any childbirth experiences/stories that might help to ease my anxieties?
Promote this thread!
DrewDewce
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#2 Posted on 7.6.05 2102.44
Reposted on: 7.6.12 2104.33
Everything in your life will change, you will welcome it, and you will wonder how you and your wife ever got along without your wonderful addition before.

Just remember that your wife is the one who will be hurting the most (both physically and mentally - especially if a c-section is involved) and you need to make sure you're paying attention to her needs while all the relatives fawn over the baby. I had no idea what my wife was going thru until much later, and I felt really bad for not recognizing it.

During the birthing process I was too busy trying to hold my wife's hand and making the long trek to update immediate relatives on the process to be too nervous. Right after, I was too busy escorting them back to the recovery room two at a time and taking pictures to be too exhausted.

Not sure if this is everyone's experience, but the hospital offered us the option of letting Emma sleep in the room with us the first night, or letting her spend it in the nursery. My wife felt bad about it, but we opted for the nursery because we both needed to rest up for the MANY nights of not enough sleep to come. We decided later that we had definitely made the right choice and felt less bad about it.

Good luck and keep us updated. Hope I helped!
bash91
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#3 Posted on 7.6.05 2134.03
Reposted on: 7.6.12 2134.52
I'll second everything Drew said, especially the part about your life never being the same and you being happy about that change. I don't think that it is possible to overstate the magnitude of that change and what it will mean to you.

One thing I'd add to Drew's advice is to remember that this is YOUR time with YOUR wife and YOUR child. Everyone else, and I really do mean everyone, is, at best, a tertiary concern. Our best birth experience was with our third (Linden Priscilla 4-6-2005) because all of our family didn't come in until the weekend which allowed Tricia and me to have some time to ourselves and with our two older children, Rebecca and TJ, before feeling like we had to entertain or host or anything else. While grandma and grandpa and uncle and aunt and cousin and Joe Blow from work are all excited and really want to see the new mommy and the new baby, they need to be limited as much as is humanly possible during the first 48 hours unless mommy is really feeling good and wants to see them. No matter what, if mom says "No", it is your job to prevent, physically if necessary, anyone other than medical personnel, and I limited them at times, from entering.

Other than that, always remember that patience and prayer will help you through a whole lot of new and different and wonderful experiences, even if they don't seem so wonderful at the time.

Tim (proud parent of three wonderful children who have each taught me many new, different, and wonderful things from the day that they were born)
too-old-now
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#4 Posted on 7.6.05 2226.18
Reposted on: 7.6.12 2229.03
You will never forget the first time becoming a parent.

My bride went through a long, difficult labor, due to my son's large size and positioning - aiming himself right for her tailbone. While in the hospital, after 11 hours of labor the doctors finally decided to induce, and we called for the anestheticist. Unfortunately he was dealing with a multi-car accident emergency surgery, so we waited what seemed to be forever. After he finally arrived and gave her the shots in the back with the REALLY long needles they keep hidden from you for a reason , the doctors said she'll be at least a half hour or more, and I should go get myself something to eat.

Wandering the hospital I soon found out the regular cafeteria was closed (between lunch and dinner) but the ladie's auxilliary volunteer staffed mini-diner was open and I could get a burger. Obviously I had somewhere else I'd rather be, but I swear these ladies worked slower than DMV. It was only away for 25 minutes, which included only about 30 seconds of me inhaling a burger, chips and a coke, but I'll never forget how slow they went.

When I came back, they were giving my wife a second epidural, as they were shocked at the pain she was in due to his position. It was probably 3-4 hours later before too-young-now made his world debut, and since then I wouldn't trade a second of it.

My boss at the time told me "it's the greatest thing in the world", which I have repeated to many, many new parents since then.

The first few months may be hard (the walls might not be painted red but it'll still seem like hell) but it is amazing how quickly it flies by. Learn to take quick naps when the baby naps and you both may get through it easier.

Have you been to a pre-natal class or series of classes by the hospital? Some of the best stories are offered there. Depending on the hospital, sometimes they will hold a reunion class in a couple of months for the parents who went through the pre-natal classes, so the instructor and everybody gets to see all the babies - big or small, bald or hairy, etc. I remember hearing several stories there and kept thanking my lucky stars we had it so easy (and feeling an odd sense of karma that one particularly bitchy mom from our classes went through 34 hours of labor before having a C Section). The reunion class was sponsored by several vendors - diaper/formula companies, car seat manufacturers, bike or jogger trailers, discovery toys, etc. so it was a great way to get information, coupons, etc.

One other experience you may also share (several Dads confirmed this with me) is the first ride home from the hospital - you may actually drive under the speed limit with your new precious cargo, and wonder why everyone else seems to be driving like maniacs.

Best wishes and congratulations to you both.
StaggerLee
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#5 Posted on 8.6.05 0245.55
Reposted on: 8.6.12 0249.17
Congradualtions on the impending birth. I was in the room for my first childs birth, and it was simply amazing at how much happens in what seems like a short amount of time. Then when you realise how tired you are, and that its been hours, you really feel the fatigue.

My ex had a 27 hour labor with our first child, and after a few hours the epidural stopped working and even when they upped the medication, it was still not helping out. Keep this one bit of advice in mind, if the epridural doesnt work, or you decide to go natural, never utter the phrase "People gave birth for thousands of years without pain medication, you'll be okay". I learned this the hard way! LOL!

Just remember to take a deep breath once the baby is born and remember all the sights, sounds, smells, etc. Its the most life changing experience I have ever had.

Good luck, get lots of sleep, and save all the little plastic bags from the store you can get your hands on. They are a great way to wrap up a poopy diaper and tie it off, keeping the smell to a minimum.



Sec19Row53
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Y!:
#6 Posted on 8.6.05 0833.20
Reposted on: 8.6.12 0833.58
My wife developed gestational diabetes with all three boys, meaning that they grew larger faster than they should have. As a result, each of them were induced early (planned birth dates - we check into the hospital and they "force" the process to start). Given that, I can't prepare you for any of the "Omigodmywaterbrokewehavetorushtothehospital" moments that you might have. :-)

One thing that happened that I didn't hear about in any of the birthing classes was that right after our first son was born, my wife started to shiver violently. Since the baby is a heat generator while in the womb, the loss of that little heat source meant a drop in temperature for her. She was fine, but I was really worried because it hadn't been discussed.

As has been mentioned, feel free to have the baby sleep in the hospital nursery that first night. They'll bring the baby in for feedings as needed. If you have a mother/mother-in-law that lives close by, having someone at home with you for the first few nights is a great help (or it was for us). It allows you someone who's done this before to be there during the night.

Be prepared to feel like a fifth wheel in the delivery room. Even though you're a part of this, you're really nowhere on the list regarding who they "care" about. That's a good thing.

Good luck, this really is the greatest thing you'll ever go through.
StaggerLee
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#7 Posted on 8.6.05 0857.55
Reposted on: 8.6.12 0858.35
Also, if they ahve to do an apiesiotomy (spelling?) dont look. You do NOT want to see the effects.
whatever
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#8 Posted on 8.6.05 0950.11
Reposted on: 8.6.12 0950.12
It's episiotomy, and Stagger is right - that's the one part where I had to look away. *shudder*

If your wife is about 34 weeks, I understand where you are. My wife and I got so anxious when the date approached that we just didn't know what to do with ourselves. My best advice is to try to relax and rest while you can!

My daughter was born in March last year, and it was fantastic. She was about 1.5 weeks late, so the doctor had us come in to get labor induced. When they do that, the Pitocin makes the contractions that much stronger and hurt like a mo-fo. My wife was all for going natural. That lasted about 1 hour before she called for the epidural, and God love her for it, she was actually able to sleep for a little bit before the pushing. She is now looking forward to the epidural for our second one.

When they broke the water, they saw that the baby had essentially had its first BM in the womb, and as a result they had to whisk the baby to the inspection table (right there in the room, thank God) right away to suction the lungs and nose, and to make sure they got any offensive material removed right away. This worked out just fine in the end (God, was the water GROSS though), but due to the speed of events required, I did not actually get to cut the cord.

My mother-in-law and I were in the room and we still laugh to this day about how my daughter came out - we just saw the little crown of her head with some hair coming forth and thought "Awww, how little and cute!". Then when she finally came out (and it was like a quick explosion when it did happen after the episiotomy), it was like this giant head came a'sploding out with this giant baby attached! Surprised us both! (8lb,9oz for reference)

AN IMPORTANT NOTE-
We were not informed of this beforehand, so I pass this on for awareness. After the birth, the placenta usually follows. This is another thing I would recommend avoiding. However, the placenta essentially was stuck to the uterus wall, so the doctor had to go in there and clean it out. Between the delivery, the epidural starting to wear off, and the surprise of this event, it caused my wife great stress and pain. Everything was okay in the end, but she noted that if she had known what was going to happen, it would have made things much more bearable.

After all this, we were finally able to hold our daughter and show her off to the relatives onhand. A little later, when they tried to get my wife to walk to the bathroom, she passed out in my arms. She came to right quick thanks to very responsive nurses and we got her back to the bed. She was fine after that.

That evening, when my wife went to use the restroom, she had a *large* blood clot come out, which totally surprised both of us. The doctor assured us it was not unusual, and when they checked her over she was fine.

We opted to keep our baby with us for the night. We both are for breastfeeding as opposed to formula, so this gave a pretty good opportunity for practice and getting used to our little gal. Unfortunately, the stress caught up with me at the time, and it felt like a stomach bug. Luckily I was fine by around lunch the next day. It was a rough night, but we wouldn't have traded it for anything.

I loved the recounting of the ride home - that was so true for us too! My in-laws came over for the first week, and that was invaluable. They took care of our dogs and our food needs for that time, and we were able to enjoy and get used to our new little gal.

Now we are preparing to meet our second little one in November, and we're really looking forward to the experience again. It's been really neat to read these other experiences and to reminisce.

Congrats and Best Wishes to Mayhem, and I hope things go as well for you as they have for us.
gater
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#9 Posted on 8.6.05 1111.46
Reposted on: 8.6.12 1112.08
Mayhem - When is the baby due? My wife just had her 34 week check-up yesterday. The kid is due on July 19th. We should be pretty close.

I would recommend a Lamaze class. They are a little odd as they favor an all-natural childbirth, sort of skimming over the epidural process. However, it was tremendously informative for learning the process. $80 well spent.

Keep in touch with how things go. Good luck!
Mayhem
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#10 Posted on 8.6.05 1425.48
Reposted on: 8.6.12 1426.20
    Originally posted by gater
    Mayhem - When is the baby due? My wife just had her 34 week check-up yesterday. The kid is due on July 19th. We should be pretty close.

    I would recommend a Lamaze class. They are a little odd as they favor an all-natural childbirth, sort of skimming over the epidural process. However, it was tremendously informative for learning the process. $80 well spent.

    Keep in touch with how things go. Good luck!


Our little guy is due on July 17th. I'm hoping that if he waits that long, he comes on the 19th because it's my dad's birthday. Are you guys having a boy or girl?

Again, thanks for all of the kind words & advice for everyone. I appreciate it.

I can't wait for our little guy to get here.
jfkfc
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#11 Posted on 8.6.05 1428.45
Reposted on: 8.6.12 1428.50
    Originally posted by whatever
    It's episiotomy, and Stagger is right - that's the one part where I had to look away. *shudder*
Although I am sure it is unnecessary, I will third this. My wife had to have this for our first (boy, 10+ years ago), and it is bloody, ugly, and still makes her squirm painfully just thinking about it. If it happens, best to never ever bring up the subject for as long as you and she may live.

I think I can only offer two yet-unmentioned pieces of advice:

- if they ask you if you want to, tell them "Yes, I'd like to cut the cord." I did it, so this proves that there is no possible way to screw this up. In my case, they did everything except move the scissor-hands together (which I did), and I will always feel good about it as much as the idea disgusted me beforehand.

- if your mother-in-law is around, and she isn't a totally overbearing pain (and it is cool with your wife), have her in the room with you and your wife. Again, another thought that I might not have considered beforehand, but it just worked out that way to be. Looking back on it I am glad, because she is probably the only person on earth who loves your wife as much as you do and can possibly relate to the pain, thus offering needed encouragement which you probably can't provide.

Best of luck, and I hope this helps.
JayJayDean
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#12 Posted on 8.6.05 1559.21
Reposted on: 8.6.12 1559.24
Is Mrs. Mayhem thinking she'll want an epidural? If she is thinking she'll ask for one if she wants one, MAKE SURE to ask for one THE SECOND she thinks she's going to want it, because there will be a lag time while they track down the anasthesiologist and all of the stuff to get it done.

Mrs. JJD was 41 hours into a 46 1/2-hour delivery and had been given Stadol to help her sleep, because most of the nurses that had dealt with us were on break at the time and the temp nurse (affectionately called "Fat Bitch Nurse" by Mrs. JJD) seemed to think that she was TRYING to go without the epidural. The Stadol helped her sleep, but that also affected the baby so they were going to have to take her off the Stadol completely before she could deliver the baby. About ten minutes after they stopped pushing the Stadol Mrs. JJD started screaming for the epidural, and that took another forty or so minutes to get done. I was not happy.

Our doctor made sure to tell us that there were techniques to try to minimize the need for an episiotomy, and he didn't think he would need one. He didn't, thank God.

Mrs. JJD had her first REAL contraction on Friday night at 11:30 pm, waking her from a sound sleep. In the morning we called the hospital and they said with first-time Moms that they recommend bringing them in when the contractions get to 3 1/2 minutes apart. Mrs. JJD's contractions fluctuated from just under four to five minutes apart, but never got to 3 1/2 minutes apart. Twenty-four hours later my wife was hysterical and we called AGAIN, to which they told us to bring her in. THANK GOD she was dilated to four cm, because they were going to give her something to help her sleep and send her home if she wasn't.

If you have people (family or whomever) in the room and you want them to leave when the MOMENT comes, ask the nurses to shoo them out. We (us, her sister and brother-in-law who are more like her surrogate parents and some family friends) were in the room watching football all day (first the crazy Steelers/Browns game, then the even crazier Niners/Giants game with the flubbed field goal at the end) then when the time came one of the nurses asked us if we wanted anyone else in the room, which we didn't but I think everyone was expecting to be in the room through the whole thing, so that worked out really well.
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#13 Posted on 9.6.05 1553.01
Reposted on: 9.6.12 1559.01
    Originally posted by Mayhem
      Originally posted by gater
      Mayhem - When is the baby due? My wife just had her 34 week check-up yesterday. The kid is due on July 19th. We should be pretty close.

      I would recommend a Lamaze class. They are a little odd as they favor an all-natural childbirth, sort of skimming over the epidural process. However, it was tremendously informative for learning the process. $80 well spent.

      Keep in touch with how things go. Good luck!


    Our little guy is due on July 17th. I'm hoping that if he waits that long, he comes on the 19th because it's my dad's birthday. Are you guys having a boy or girl?

    Again, thanks for all of the kind words & advice for everyone. I appreciate it.

    I can't wait for our little guy to get here.


That's very weird. The 17th is my mother's birthday. Very odd. We're having a boy - Jackson Tyler. How about you?
Freeway
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#14 Posted on 9.6.05 1622.49
Reposted on: 9.6.12 1625.30
May I just say that this may be the best thread we've ever had on this board.

And congrats, Mayhem.
Brian P. Dermody
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#15 Posted on 9.6.05 1715.49
Reposted on: 9.6.12 1716.15
I'm going to second what Freeway said. I never would have thought of having the mother in law in the delivery room, but it makes so much sense, so props to jfkfc for that tip. It'll come up again.

Really I'm just here to say that I speak for all Ws when I say we want to see pictures.

My best to you and Ms. Mayhem.

(The name "Ms. Mayhem" sounds like the hot valet at an indy show)
Stephanie
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#16 Posted on 9.6.05 2235.37
Reposted on: 9.6.12 2235.37
    Originally posted by JayJayDean
    Is Mrs. Mayhem thinking she'll want an epidural? If she is thinking she'll ask for one if she wants one, MAKE SURE to ask for one THE SECOND she thinks she's going to want it, because there will be a lag time while they track down the anasthesiologist and all of the stuff to get it done.


This is exceptionally good advice. Many anesthesiologists will not place an epidural if the cervix has dilated to five centimeters - which, even for a first-time mother, can happen in a sudden burst. Stadol, as a pain reliever, is a Band-Aid at best; it also tends to drop the baby's heart rate and goof up the progression of labor. I've only seen one mother successfully manage natural childbirth (and I was amazed when she pulled it off).

If you don't have a reasonable mother-in-law, consider a doula - they're amazing.

Also, if you're not ready for blood and slimy bodily fluids, look at your wife during delivery, because there are plenty of both associated with delivery. For whatever reason, that's the point where I see most husbands faint.

It often takes five to ten minutes for the placenta to come loose from the uterine wall (naturally) - there's usually another surge of blood that accompanies it. Usually, it's only if the doctor's in a hurry that he removes it manually.

Most of all, make sure you bring everything you need when you come. As long as you don't wait to the last minute (contractions less than two minutes apart), you're likely to have plenty of time at the hospital. You might as well bring anything that will make your wife comfortable.

Don't be ashamed to have the nursery take care of the child that first night. You will likely be kept up many nights over the next eighteen years - you don't need to start that trend on day one.

Steph
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#17 Posted on 9.6.05 2243.13
Reposted on: 9.6.12 2243.59

    I've only seen one mother successfully manage natural childbirth (and I was amazed when she pulled it off).



My mom did it...twice. I was something like 7lb, 9oz, (and had her in the hospital for a month before I was born), and my sister was 8lb, 7 oz.

I've always told my mom she was a beast (in a good way).

(edited by Whitebacon on 9.6.05 2044)

(edited by Whitebacon on 9.6.05 2045)
wmatistic
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#18 Posted on 9.6.05 2245.26
Reposted on: 9.6.12 2249.22
Yeah I am pretty sure of two things. One, I will be standing by my wife's head and not wandering anywhere near the other end. Two, I have zero desire to cut the cord. I just don't see any signifigance in it.

But anyway, I didn't start the thread but I appreciate everyone's posts as we are expecting our first child August 2nd(baby boy, John Arthur Matistic) and things were mentioned we had not heard about yet.

Oh and is there anything cooler than a 3d ultrasound? We only got a few seconds of actual video on cd, but the pictures are amazing enough.

http://webpages.charter.net/wmatistic/John/
DrewDewce
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#19 Posted on 9.6.05 2252.31
Reposted on: 9.6.12 2252.53
    Originally posted by wmatistic
    Yeah I am pretty sure of two things. One, I will be standing by my wife's head and not wandering anywhere near the other end. Two, I have zero desire to cut the cord. I just don't see any signifigance in it.



Amen brother. I caught a glimpse and it was almost too much for this very squeamish man. People would ask me if I was going to cut the cord and I would reply "That's what the doctor gets paid for."

Speaking of . . . pay attention to who is in the delivery room with you. My wife's doctor was away and we had a younger doctor step in to deliver. He requested another doctor observe and to be there in case he needed an assist. Of course, this second doctor was not covered by our insurance, so we had to pay for his "services" (I'm sure he was necessary, but all he did was hover around the people actually doing the work) out of our own pocket.

Probably not in the top 100 things you will be thinking of for the first one, but it will be on our short list for the next one.
dunkndollaz
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#20 Posted on 10.6.05 0652.52
Reposted on: 10.6.12 0652.59
My mother-in-law showed up unannounced in the delivery room literally 5 minutes after our 2nd little dunkette was born. How she got in, I don't know. My wife was furious. It's been 5 1/2 years since and I still harbor some resentment. Mrs. Dunk has already instructed me to not call her mother until after the baby is born this time around. (#3 due in late August) She loves her Mom and no two women could be closer but she (and I) felt that this was/is our time and our moment. I know others may feel differently about that and it's okay.

As for the two previous labors/deliveries - both were induced. Epidurals on both. The first time her water was broken before the epidural was administered and she felt the contractions big time - she was given demerol but that did nothing for her other than make her act like a drunk college freshman at her first frat party. The 2nd time she was given the epidural before they broke her water and she didn't feel a single contraction. In both cases she fell asleep soon after being administered the epidural and woke up fully dilated. They had to suction dunkette #1 out and I was initially shocked at the sight of my daughter with a head in the shapt of a dixie cup.

Nothing I can think of beats this life experience and even though at 43 I thought I was long past having to change diapers I am looking forward to it all again. Good luck to all those expecting sooner & later.
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