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31.10.07 0339
The 7 - Pro Wrestling - myyyy WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 1/6/05
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#1 Posted on 6.1.05 2102.08
Reposted on: 6.1.12 2103.03
I'm a little late because... OH YEAH! IT'S THAT SPECIAL TIME! YES! EVERY MAN WHO HAS EVER HAD A YOUNGUN KNOWS THIS SPECIAL TIME. Yes. It is time. For. The Annoying False Labors. Ah, contractions twelve minutes apart from 3 PM to 6 PM and then...... nuthin. I didn't really want to leave my house for three weeks anyway. Really. I bring you my white hot, on-going hate. Phil Rippa laufs bitter laufter of knowing.....

WHAT WORKED-

- Hey! It's Eddy! And REY REY! Ring Girl Diva is sitting in a puddle of her own Pennzoil. Fuck, they are wrestling each other! I missed Eddy and Rey Rey during the holidays. Eddy starts with the AWWWESOME CRAVATE~! and you fucking love it. Eddy is Rudo Deluxe rolling with the Rey Rey rana. Rey with preposterous Lucha roll-ups. Eddy takes it to the mat and they work into running off the ropes until Eddy cuts him off with the INVERTED powerbomb. FEEL THE INVERSE! Inversion slows down Rey. Eddy works an armbar as this goes straight from Arena Mexico to the Greensboro Coliseum as Eddy grinds Rey up like Gene Anderson grinding up Number One Paul Jones. Eddy says, "ASK HIM!" and you know you are watching Professional Wrestling. Eddy cuts Rey off after Rey hits the ropes and ties him to the Tree Of Woe and puts the boots to him and it's fucking great. Eddy crushes his testicles missing a straight-ahead facescrape of Rey and we go to commercial. Rey is working on the arm as we get back. I wish they wouldn't have showed the highspots from the commercial break because I like the idea of Rey and Eddy doing an homage to Ted DiBiase versus Terry Taylor. Rey hits the SWEET Spinning DDT that Eddy makes look fucking GODLIKE. Rey with the Sleeper. Eddy goes for the flashpin but the roles have reversed and Rey cuts off Eddy. Eddy fights out of the Sleeper and they elaborately set-up the FAUX MORTAL~! Eddy cheats to offense and Rey Monkey Flips to cut him off. Rey misses the Toprope Rana. Fun nearfall after Rey rolls into a dropkick to a seated Eddy's face. Rey kills the ref. Eddy goes for the big comedy finish. They save the match with giant batch of Finish after the laufter dies down. That makes me want to see them have a true blood fued again. HEAT IT UP! The Indie Hug HAS to lead up to the 1995 New Japan Junior Fake Hug LARIAT.

- I am sooooooooooooo up for Cena being Kenzo's Rhymin' BITCH!

- Funaki wrestles Akio. Akio should keep the shirt and do a WAR 95 Gedocito gimmick. Akio with the nice forearms. Funaki is quite the Ace Darling 97 in this. Carlito is pointlessly wandering around ringside. Akio starts to wrestle like Mark the Shark Shrader 96 and it is so a batch of competent wrestling. Akio takes the Rolling DDT like a MAN though. Postmatch, ring girl doesn't spew the woman fluid for Carlito and Carlito goes all Fratboy On An Impending Gangbang on her.

- MicroTouch. WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU THIS HOLIDAY? Why did you desert me and not fill my stocking. Why couldn't I have you and stab that fuckin Subway Commercial asshole in the eye with it and prune the giant pussy that must permeate every square inch of his being. It so makes me want to lay in a bathtub fiilled with Hardees fried chicken while I eating a Monster Thick Burger and jacking off to a picture of Delta Burke. Suck my ass until a wad of grease flies out and lodges in your right ventricle, Subway.

- I love the hometown hero challenge. Brian Black from CONNECTICUT! He actually looks like what Bill Barnwell would look like if you made him hang out Jason Giambi and inject his urine samples for an off-season. Oop, it's over.

- I was talking to my equally hatefilled wife about the general consensus of when the boy will be born so I didn't really pay much attention to Basham versus RVD. Nice moonsault to the floor by RVD. Basham was suitably angry and kicky. I assume the Bashams won because Rey was sent to the back.

- MUGATaker returns and carries Heidenreich to a quite passable basic wrestling match but then I turned the station to watch the end of MXC. God, I'm bloated and crampy.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

- KENZO IN THE UNCLE SAM OUTFIT IS FUCKING AAAAAAAWWESOME! Kenzo sooooooooooooo fucking serves Cena's ass. Cena offers to blow semen on Hiroko's face. Kenzo and Hiroko are so much cooler than Bad Punch Boy. Cena brings out leathery strippers. Like REAL MEN needed anything other Kenzo and Hiroko performing to BRING THE WOOD, DADDY.

- Angle and Breasty Von Milkwagons talk in private!~ Private means on camera! Juglina O' Chestpets squirts her cooterspray and hypnotizes Angle into fucking her postmatch. I bet THAT private moment doesn't make the camera. WWE is the hollow and venal work of SATAN.

- Kenny Rogers without the First Edition is festering piles of dogshit. If it was all songs like "Heed The Call" and not shitty duets with Dolly- which truly sucks as Dolly is deeply supressing every Country music instinct she has in those- it wouldn't be so soul-stealingly shitty. She fucking sang fucking SOMEONE I USED TO KNOW. YOU CAN'T de-COUNTRIFY THAT SAME SINGER and expect me not want fucking smack you with the back of my hand. Kenny Rogers was enough of a shitty self-loathing Country singer to make it bad enough, but to spread his disease to folks who have sang songs actual Real Men and Women could drink beer to is so fucking stomach-churning.

- God, this Heidenreich versus Undertaker is reaching Maxx Muscle versus DDP levels of Jesus, Who Gives a Shit?

-Puder and Jackie act out a scene from Canadian teen soap opera- 16. Except I don't want to mount anyone in this show like I wanted to LOVE anything that was ever on 16. Including that rebel rock band boy. Fuck, I'd have a go at a CBC boom mic from 16, as opposed to Jackie or Torrie. Yeah yeah. Welcome to my world of annoyance and hatred. GWAN! don't fucking talk to me.

- I stand corrected. Angle getting noooooooooood with the Fake Breasted Dive #237645 is on camera. Angle should have funnier underpants. It was Puh-LENTY retarded though. huzzah. Big Show and Angle have a Three's Company moment as Big Show assumes the role of the 350 pound chain-smoking Mr Furley walking in on Angle and Mrs Roper. Luther Rains sells like a perfectly fine roided out Larry the Neighbor to Angle's smaller bump-taking Jack Tripper. Jendrick is- as ever- quite the Joyce DeWitt of the show.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASNEWSOME.


(edited by DEAN RASMUSSEN on 6.1.05 2202)
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Underwater
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#2 Posted on 6.1.05 2123.43
Reposted on: 6.1.12 2123.54
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN

    - KENZO IN THE UNCLE SAM OUTFIT IS FUCKING AAAAAAAWWESOME! Kenzo sooooooooooooo fucking serves Cena's ass. Cena offers to blow semen on Hiroko's face. Kenzo and Hiroko are so much cooler than Bad Punch Boy. Cena brings out leathery strippers. Like REAL MEN needed anything other Kenzo and Hiroko performing to BRING THE WOOD, DADDY.



HE HAS 99 PROBLEMS BUT HIROKO AIN'T ONE!! Kenzo is sooooo the best terrible wrestler in the WWE today. And wow are there too many fake titted indistinguishable strippers on Smackdown.
OMEGA
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#3 Posted on 6.1.05 2341.11
Reposted on: 6.1.12 2341.27
    Originally posted by Underwater
    And wow are there too many fake titted indistinguishable strippers on Smackdown.


My thoughts exactly. They did the skit with Kurt going to see Amy but with it ending up being Joy, and... I didn't get it. Why? Because I had no clue that it wasn't Amy until the announcers came on and said it. Seriously, why hire a bunch of girls who all have a pretty basic look, do NOT stand out from each other, give them almost no personality, and give them relatively nothing to do. Do you know why Sable worked? Or why Chyna worked (can you believe that WWF was pushing HER as the sex symbol in 2000?)? Because they were one of a kinds. So how will having 6 girls who are all pretty much the same work?

Great match between Guerrero and Mysterio. Eddie was hilarious in trying to hide the belt from the referee. Seriously, over the past couple weeks the stuff with Eddie & Booker v. Van Dam & Mysterio has been the only thing really interesting me in the show.

Speaking of which, man was I scared when I saw Rob's foot slip when going for that moonsault. That could have easily turned into a VERY ugly scene.

I just love Carlito. I still can't judge him in the ring since I've seen him in a grand total of about 3 matches, but his character is just so fresh and he plays it so well.

Is it me or does Cena try way to hard to make gay jokes since becoming a babyface? I guess heroes are homophobic in the world of WWE. Still, the segment was pretty funny with Cena getting in some good lines. I must agree with Underwater: Kenzo really IS the greatest horrible wrestler in WWE.

Was JBL on tonight? I didn't see him and, while I never thought I'd say this, I sorta' missed him.

EDIT: Must learn to use the question mark!

(edited by OMEGA on 7.1.05 0043)
The Lord of Bacon
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#4 Posted on 7.1.05 0652.14
Reposted on: 7.1.12 0656.18
    Originally posted by OMEGA

    I>

Ya I was scared to when i heard his head hit the ground.

-The Lord of Bacon
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#5 Posted on 7.1.05 0704.02
Reposted on: 7.1.12 0706.40
I watched the middle portion of the show, which is monumental for me since I've been on a steady diet of watching Baby Einstein videos with the kid lately.

--Carly Colon is hysterical. I mean, true rudo dick, even with a bum elbow/shoulder/whatever. And true talent is getting an apple spit piece in ring girl's cleavage. No festering cool ranch Dorito-festering loads from the fanboys, DEAN?

--I've come to the conclusion that Cena is, at least from a promo perspective, your latest Austin/Rock. He doesn't have a catchphrase, natch, but he can work a crowd pretty damn good.
Spaceman Spiff
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#6 Posted on 7.1.05 0728.43
Reposted on: 7.1.12 0729.01
Unfortunately, Cena's promos don't make you want to buy a PPV and/or pay to see his match (which is the point if you want to compare him to Austin/Rock). Until that happens, I wouldn't put him up there w/ Austin or Rock.
Shem the Penman
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#7 Posted on 7.1.05 0847.06
Reposted on: 7.1.12 0847.35
Mrs. Shem asked if Carlito's sling has switched arms. I have to admit I don't remember which arm it was originally on. If he IS pulling the ol' don't-remember-where-my-injury-is-supposed-to-be gag, well, kudos.
sentonBOMB
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#8 Posted on 7.1.05 1121.11
Reposted on: 7.1.12 1121.20
    Originally posted by OMEGA
    Great match between Guerrero and Mysterio.


Best line of the night was when one of the commentators stated before the Taker-Heidenreich match, something like "This has the potential to be as good as Eddie vs. Rey at the top of the show!"

I couldn't even handle the hilarity.
Big Bad
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#9 Posted on 7.1.05 1416.13
Reposted on: 7.1.12 1416.13
    Originally posted by Shem the Penman
    Mrs. Shem asked if Carlito's sling has switched arms. I have to admit I don't remember which arm it was originally on. If he IS pulling the ol' don't-remember-where-my-injury-is-supposed-to-be gag, well, kudos.


I think Carlito is actually injured, though.

The Eddie/Rey match has a funny and original finish, but I kind of wonder where they're going with this. This couldn't possibly be leading up to an Eddie turn, could it? That would be just about the stupidest thing that Smackdown could do at the moment, so....well, it's even money.
redsoxnation
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#10 Posted on 7.1.05 1918.31
Reposted on: 7.1.12 1919.53
How could there be no mention of the anniversary of the worst night in the history of pro wrestling in North America. The second anniversary of the death of the man who made wrestling in the 80's just by people seeing his true manliness and then using time machines to go back to build the wrestling boom of the mid 80's. And DEAN, your personal hero no less. Why wasn't SD just an Al Wilson tribute show, dedicated to the man, without whom, Vince and everyone associated with him would be penniless.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#11 Posted on 7.1.05 2230.37
Reposted on: 7.1.12 2241.40
    Originally posted by redsoxnation
    How could there be no mention of the anniversary of the worst night in the history of pro wrestling in North America. The second anniversary of the death of the man who made wrestling in the 80's just by people seeing his true manliness and then using time machines to go back to build the wrestling boom of the mid 80's. And DEAN, your personal hero no less. Why wasn't SD just an Al Wilson tribute show, dedicated to the man, without whom, Vince and everyone associated with him would be penniless.


I don't want to actually drink myself to death thinking about a world without Al Wilson. So I blocked it out.
CHAPLOW
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#12 Posted on 9.1.05 1923.10
Reposted on: 9.1.12 1924.01
Well, as far as this week's Smackdown! I think it was a good show all throughout- there wasnt, as far as I can remember- a moment when I wasnt really entertained (although not only do I forget things but Im easily entertained).

Moment of the Day:
Kurt saying, "Its not what it looks like!" and then zipping his pants in front of Show- I dont care what it was ripped from, that was funny.

The match between Rey and Eddie to start us off was very good, Funaki vs Akio was good- and in the end, there was nothing really boring about the show.

-In Memory of Al Wilson. R.I.P.
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