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The 7 - Pro Wrestling - your beloved WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT-12/2/2004~!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#1 Posted on 2.12.04 2043.31
Reposted on: 2.12.11 2046.31
Hey, it's from Richmond! I had no desire to go see this live! Smackdown is starting to suck the life out of me. Come, gentle beloved reader, watch this hagged-out sucubus suck me dry. I kill time writing aboot this as I await MXC double header to kick in at 10.

WHAT WORKED-

- Hey! Rey Rey! I remember the first time I ever saw him live was at this same Richmond Coliseum where he wrestled Dean Malenko the day after his WCW debut. It fucking ruled. WCW was awesome sometimes. I see that I missed Kenzo mooshing his junk up to Torrie last week and I am sad about that. It's a mixed six-man. Kenzo's girly goes all Crane Style. Rene is such a lummox in the ring but he and RVD have a preposterous sequence of missing. Rene bumps to the floor because he is least hatable lummox in wrestling. Kenzo has his bitches roll over on him and it is MOTHERFUCKING GOLD. Rene saves his lady by Spinebusting Rey Rey and stuff happens before RVD Frogsplashes Rene and it's over before it begins. I'm padding the top and- eh, what the hell, Kenzo getting SPRUNG works. Goddam does this shit suck.

- Kenzo has to cut his bitch loose. Ayukio has a better idea of keeping his man by ripping the clothes off Torrie. This is so great- so redneck, so Japanese- all at once. Kenzo so rules the horror that is Smackdown. This is exactly how that Nidia-Torrie-Noble thing shoulda gone.

- Charlie Haas wrestles Jesus. Carlito is pissed that Charlie is fucking all the women on Smackdown. That is uncool. He then offers Miss Jackie his love- his Carribean love- his tender yielding pumping moany love. Oh, it wasn't about love, it was the diversion for Jesus beating the shit out of Charlie. Chainwrapped Heartpunch is fun. Teddy Long is pissed. So pissed he puts Jesus on a PPV and expects me to buy it. 90 minutes until MXC.

- The Bashams wrestle Booker T and Eddy. Booker T needs to go back to the boxfade and come out to "Electric Kingdom". Eddy's highlights are super redneck enough to adequately replace his super boss mullet. JBL drops Ali/Norton/Frazier/Foreman while Danny Basham bumps big to the floor. And it's a commercial. Join me as we think of love lost. Oh when I look at you oh I don't what I feel, I can't forget it. No. And I sleep tomorrow and it won't be long, once in a while- you take me down and then you walk away...... Eddy is working over Danny and the Bashams are here to take a ass-beating. Eddy and Booker should be fun. Eddy sets up Booker's leg lariat and it looked great. Bashams go on offense by dropping nice elbow drops. Booker cuts them off with Black Edge One Man Flapjack. Eddy is the Greatest Stevie Ray In The Ontological Argument Of The Existence Of Stevie Ray so Booker T should shine like a quasar in this. Instead they do the "THEY CAN'T WORK TOGETHER" bullshit that a normal GOOD wrestling show would slowly bring to the surface after getting both over as an ass-stomping tagteam. Instead, you get this shit. Yes. We get this shit. Yes.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

- Stretching girl is sniffing around Booker T and Eddy. Booker T and Eddy speak on the title match. I dunno. The George Strait commercial is back. I get the feeling that Strait is the Huey Lewis of Nu Country. I dunno. He's can't be Huey Lewis bad. I could see his song coming on the jukebox at the Endzone in South Norfolk and the 40ish woman with the Ricky Rudd shirt on who is sitting with her bearded husband would have punched it into the jukebox. People who actual live their lives to country music don't listen to old Buck Owens songs or Richard Buckner or any of that stuff, it's more like the stuff on 93 THE WOLF- Country that Rocks! You know- the gun ain't loaded but I am. So I'll stop the hate.

- Jesus, the Tough Enough choades are here. I know y'all are gonna say, "You could have seen the future OVW developmental guy before he was cut and unleashed on the northeast indies." Yes. I blame myself. Firebreaker Chip has two broken ribs and he doesn't quit. This does not fucking end. I think I'll go make some ice cream. We have that Butterfinger flavored stuff and it's awesome. It'll go well with the 2 1/2 burritoes I had from Taco Bell in my eternal love/hate relationship with my terlit. Stupid terlit. Beautiful terlit.

_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_

WAIT! MXC comes on at NINE?!?! Thank you Jesus. I will fauntasy book the rest of Smackdown and get on with my life. Let me go to Meltzer's site and check out the spoilers. Egads! I will do what I can.

- Luther asks Joy out to make up for whatever bullshit they did last week. Joy says she's going out with BIG SHOW! Big Show comes out and he and Luther mix it up with stiff chops to the chest! SUDDENLY! THE LIGHTS GO OUT! SABU?!?! no. JAKE THE SNAKE?!?!? no. OHMIGOD, JOY AND MANTAUR ARE FRENCH TONGUE KISSING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! Big Show and Luther are aghast. Mantaur crunches his buttcheeks together as he tenderly strokes Joy the timekeeper's hair. Joy lets a stream of drool drop out of her mouth onto the first flap of fat between Mantaur's massive breasts and his stomach. Big Show is crestfallen and turns to Luther. Luther look introspective and says, "This world is not made for us. This world of WOMEN is not made for freaks like you and me. I look at you- with your bald head and your big belly... and your shining eyes....." Big Show and Luther grab Mantaur and beat the fuck out of him. Big Show crushes Mantaur's skull and looks to Luther. "I can't show you how I feel about you with a loving touch. But know that my hellish fury of violence is my show of love for you." Luther smiles as he hears Big Show's words as he kicks Joy in the teeth.

- The Tough Enough guys are dressed as women. People from Richmond stupid enough to PAY to go to a Smackdown taping are also too stupid to realize that they aren't actually women. Toothless mobs from Sandston and Mechanicsville drag the Tough Enough "girls" off to be loved and loved yet again behind a dumpster on Cary Street. Bob Holly is also too stupid to realize they are men and punches Al Snow in the mouth for cock-blocking him before he could H-bomb one them.

- Dawn Marie comes out dressed as Santa and asks the crowd who is hotter- she or Jackie? They catfight. Teddy Long breaks them up and forces them to change outfits. Both come out in Vampirella outfits and the crowd if worked into a lustfilled frenzy! Chairs fly! Beers fly! Semen flies! Teddy Long forces them to crawl around on the mat doing squat thrusts. Teddy calls down his FOUR HORSEMEN OF WCW WORLDWIDE: RoadBlock, Rick Fuller, Adrian Byrd and Eddy Kackie. They strip down to their speedos and sit on all four turnbuckles and dance slow and grindy hula dances. They try to score points by trying to throw raw bologna onto the writhing women's backs. REPELLING from the ceiling is THE GAMBLER! The gambler swings ten feet above the ring squirting two supersoakers filled with mustard and mayonnaise onto the bologna that has stuck to their backs. Everyone is spent. I know I am.

- Undertaker and JBL and Orlando wrestle and I thank God that I have an excuse to abandon this motherfucker before I have to watch. Guy LaDouche, you've saved me AGAIN!

_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.
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Matt Tracker
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#2 Posted on 2.12.04 2131.57
Reposted on: 2.12.11 2134.46
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    The George Strait commercial is back. I get the feeling that Strait is the Huey Lewis of Nu Country. I dunno. He's can't be Huey Lewis bad.


You're baiting me, Dean. Luring me into an insult trap by goading me with da Huey hate. Isn't it? If this is it, I wanna know-oo-oh. If this ain't love, you better. Let. Me. Go.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#3 Posted on 2.12.04 2140.35
Reposted on: 2.12.11 2140.44
    Originally posted by Matt Tracker
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      The George Strait commercial is back. I get the feeling that Strait is the Huey Lewis of Nu Country. I dunno. He's can't be Huey Lewis bad.


    You're baiting me, Dean. Luring me into an insult trap by goading me with da Huey hate. Isn't it? If this is it, I wanna know-oo-oh. If this ain't love, you better. Let. Me. Go.


I did not bait you. I do truly hate Huey Lewis and the News.
Phantom Lord
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#4 Posted on 2.12.04 2249.29
Reposted on: 2.12.11 2254.50
- Dawn Marie comes out dressed as Santa and asks the crowd who is hotter- she or Jackie? They catfight. Teddy Long breaks them up and forces them to change outfits. Both come out in Vampirella outfits and the crowd if worked into a lustfilled frenzy! Chairs fly! Beers fly! Semen flies! Teddy Long forces them to crawl around on the mat doing squat thrusts. Teddy calls down his FOUR HORSEMEN OF WCW WORLDWIDE: RoadBlock, Rick Fuller, Adrian Byrd and Eddy Kackie. They strip down to their speedos and sit on all four turnbuckles and dance slow and grindy hula dances. They try to score points by trying to throw raw bologna onto the writhing women's backs. REPELLING from the ceiling is THE GAMBLER! The gambler swings ten feet above the ring squirting two supersoakers filled with mustard and mayonnaise onto the bologna that has stuck to their backs. Everyone is spent. I know I am.

You know I'd pay to see that rather then watching Vince and Johnny Ace get their jollies through a cross dressing skit.

Mayhem
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#5 Posted on 2.12.04 2253.03
Reposted on: 2.12.11 2256.45

For a brief second, did anyone else think that Shaniqua had returned to Smackdown tonight, only to realize that it was just Justice Smith?
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#6 Posted on 2.12.04 2253.57
Reposted on: 2.12.11 2257.40
    Originally posted by Phantom Lord
    - Dawn Marie comes out dressed as Santa and asks the crowd who is hotter- she or Jackie? They catfight. Teddy Long breaks them up and forces them to change outfits. Both come out in Vampirella outfits and the crowd if worked into a lustfilled frenzy! Chairs fly! Beers fly! Semen flies! Teddy Long forces them to crawl around on the mat doing squat thrusts. Teddy calls down his FOUR HORSEMEN OF WCW WORLDWIDE: RoadBlock, Rick Fuller, Adrian Byrd and Eddy Kackie. They strip down to their speedos and sit on all four turnbuckles and dance slow and grindy hula dances. They try to score points by trying to throw raw bologna onto the writhing women's backs. REPELLING from the ceiling is THE GAMBLER! The gambler swings ten feet above the ring squirting two supersoakers filled with mustard and mayonnaise onto the bologna that has stuck to their backs. Everyone is spent. I know I am.

    You know I'd pay to see that rather then watching Vince and Johnny Ace get their jollies through a cross dressing skit.




Actually, I'd exchange the bologna with unwrapped American cheese slices. Mmmmmmm
Torchslasher
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#7 Posted on 2.12.04 2309.56
Reposted on: 2.12.11 2310.05
I can't wait to see what JOSH MATTHEWS thinks of the Big Show/Luther relationship. Will he be jealous? Will he let his pride go and buy them a gravy boat?

Stay tuned!
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#8 Posted on 3.12.04 0647.35
Reposted on: 3.12.11 0650.02
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      Originally posted by Matt Tracker
        Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
        The George Strait commercial is back. I get the feeling that Strait is the Huey Lewis of Nu Country. I dunno. He's can't be Huey Lewis bad.


      You're baiting me, Dean. Luring me into an insult trap by goading me with da Huey hate. Isn't it? If this is it, I wanna know-oo-oh. If this ain't love, you better. Let. Me. Go.


    I did not bait you. I do truly hate Huey Lewis and the News.


Come on the man rocked in a polo shirt! Polo shirt men everywhere finally had someone who was rocking for them and about them. To hate Huey Lewis and his News would be akin to hating the men in the polo shirts. Those men need to rock just as much as the woman in the Rudd shirt with the bearded man, no?





(edited by BigDaddyLoco on 3.12.04 0751)
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#9 Posted on 3.12.04 0802.36
Reposted on: 3.12.11 0806.14


        Originally posted by BigDaddyLoco
        I did not bait you. I do truly hate Huey Lewis and the News.


    Come on the man rocked in a polo shirt! Polo shirt men everywhere finally had someone who was rocking for them and about them. To hate Huey Lewis and his News would be akin to hating the men in the polo shirts. Those men need to rock just as much as the woman in the Rudd shirt with the bearded man, no?

    (edited by BigDaddyLoco on 3.12.04 0751)


Did he TRULY rock? TRULY?

(quoting sorta fixed - thecubsfan)

(edited by thecubsfan on 3.12.04 0846)
too-old-now
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#10 Posted on 3.12.04 0830.42
Reposted on: 3.12.11 0832.18
Smackdown started off hot with RVD, Rey and a divaslut, and the Kenzo/Wang/JapSlut match which was a lot better than it would seem on paper. JapSlut really got the crowd hot.

Dean, on the one hand you said you're padding "what worked" with this, and on the other hand you say

"This is exactly how that Nidia-Torrie-Noble thing shoulda gone"

This solidly belonged in the worked section, to me it was the only segment with both a good story and reasonable execution. (Rene and RVD aren't the best offensive workers, but they are better than a lot of the other crap we get and they do both sell pretty well.)

While it was over pretty quick, it would've suffered if it went on too much more.

I'll weigh in on the Huey Lewis debate as I wonder "How did I ever listen to that shit?", yet at the same time I know its answered by the fond memories of getting laid with his music in the background. A 20-year-old's hormones can put up with a lot, and I vividly recall being impressed with his cameo in "Back to the Future" as I was hand-jobbed for the first time in a theatre at that moment.

Wpob
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#11 Posted on 3.12.04 0936.57
Reposted on: 3.12.11 0942.16
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN


          Originally posted by BigDaddyLoco
          I did not bait you. I do truly hate Huey Lewis and the News.


      Come on the man rocked in a polo shirt! Polo shirt men everywhere finally had someone who was rocking for them and about them. To hate Huey Lewis and his News would be akin to hating the men in the polo shirts. Those men need to rock just as much as the woman in the Rudd shirt with the bearded man, no?

      (edited by BigDaddyLoco on 3.12.04 0751)


    Did he TRULY rock? TRULY?

    (quoting sorta fixed - thecubsfan)

    (edited by thecubsfan on 3.12.04 0846)


Come on, he so rocked. Heart and Soul. Working for a Living. A Want a New Drug. Good stuff.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#12 Posted on 3.12.04 0939.49
Reposted on: 3.12.11 0942.17
    Originally posted by Wpob
    Working for a Living. A Want a New Drug. Good stuff.


Okay, when I was 16 I liked "Working For A Living".
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#13 Posted on 3.12.04 1020.59
Reposted on: 3.12.11 1023.00
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      Originally posted by Wpob
      Working for a Living. A Want a New Drug. Good stuff.


    Okay, when I was 16 I liked "Working For A Living".


Here I had rewritten the Mr. Grinch song with your name in it, and you throw us a bone.

And Power of Love and Hip To Be Square make you shake your moneymaker after a successful blitzkrieg on your terlit.
Mayhem
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#14 Posted on 3.12.04 1043.31
Reposted on: 3.12.11 1051.29

Dudes, Bad is Bad was his best song ...
Wpob
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#15 Posted on 3.12.04 1045.34
Reposted on: 3.12.11 1051.29
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      Originally posted by Wpob
      Working for a Living. A Want a New Drug. Good stuff.


    Okay, when I was 16 I liked "Working For A Living".


There you go. Do you mean to tell me that if you were cruising down the road in your car and "Working for a Living" came on the radio, you wouldn;t lean over, turn it up and enjoy the moment? I am not saying Huey Lewis and the NEws is Rock and Roll Hall fo Fame material, but they were a good group with plenty of good songs. Considering all the crap that came out of the 80s you could do a lot worse that Huey Lewis.
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#16 Posted on 3.12.04 1353.20
Reposted on: 3.12.11 1354.31
It's funny to see this thread go on with very little comments about the show being made. My two cents are as follows:

-I'm extremely happy to see The Bashums receive another push. I was a little worried when they hinted at a breakup a few Velocity(or Billocity) shows back. Long live JBL's clique (dump the broad please).

-This is my oppinion: Carlito Cool is horrible. I liked his promo videos and when he made his debut against Cena I was kinda getting in to him. He has good facial expressions and he seems to feed to the fans from time to time but....His interviews suck cock ("cool this" "cool that" "that ain't cool") and he hasn't shown me a damn thing in the ring that justifies his push.

-I'm picking Justice Smith for TE4. It should be him and Puder at Armageddon. By, the way--IS ANYBODY ORDERING ARMAGEDDON???
-As of right now the lineup is horrible. I be damned if I pay money for that.

-Also, I'm disgusted in how the WWE is using/treating Charlie Haas. This guy has proved himself alongside Shelton yet is giving the biggest shitball programs. I say turn him against Jackie and team him with Marie(my favorite diva..ecw,ecw). And, what say Charlie Haas is the forth member of Kurt Angle's clique? Together again. (By, the way I haven't liked Jindrak since the Thriller's days).

-Long live Billocity where I can see Shannon Moore, Nunzio and The Great Akio. I also like Mathews better than Cole.

-One last thought..did anybody see how over RVD and Misterio were last night? (or was that all for Torrie?) I'll always say the WWE dropped the ball on RVD in 2001. By the way...what the hell's the point of Kenzo Suzuki..I mean does he even have a purpose(other then looking like a fool)?

P.S. Where the hell was Kidman and Chavo last night?? Or did I friggin' miss that ???

Pimpstress
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#17 Posted on 3.12.04 1414.39
Reposted on: 3.12.11 1418.22
Again, Dean, I haven't watched Smackdown in forever, but I'd put good money that your fauntasy booking is better than the real deal. Plus, I have to give you added points for the Mantaur reference, the only man with bigger milkers than even Joy. Kudos, Dean!

Thank God I can say that I was too young to get into Huey Lewis. Ouch.
JoshMann
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#18 Posted on 3.12.04 1430.22
Reposted on: 3.12.11 1432.44
    Originally posted by DEAN
    Luther asks Joy out to make up for whatever bullshit they did last week. Joy says she's going out with BIG SHOW! Big Show comes out and he and Luther mix it up with stiff chops to the chest! SUDDENLY! THE LIGHTS GO OUT! SABU?!?! no. JAKE THE SNAKE?!?!? no. OHMIGOD, JOY AND MANTAUR ARE FRENCH TONGUE KISSING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! Big Show and Luther are aghast. Mantaur crunches his buttcheeks together as he tenderly strokes Joy the timekeeper's hair. Joy lets a stream of drool drop out of her mouth onto the first flap of fat between Mantaur's massive breasts and his stomach. Big Show is crestfallen and turns to Luther. Luther look introspective and says, "This world is not made for us. This world of WOMEN is not made for freaks like you and me. I look at you- with your bald head and your big belly... and your shining eyes....." Big Show and Luther grab Mantaur and beat the fuck out of him. Big Show crushes Mantaur's skull and looks to Luther. "I can't show you how I feel about you with a loving touch. But know that my hellish fury of violence is my show of love for you." Luther smiles as he hears Big Show's words as he kicks Joy in the teeth.


A million billion zillion stars had this segment been ended with Luther and Show's duet of "Somewhere" from West Side Story.

Million stars as is, though.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#19 Posted on 3.12.04 1528.02
Reposted on: 3.12.11 1529.01
I'm so deficient on my showtunes. I am not proud.

As for young Mister Lister, word on the street is that that main event was pretty good. Maybe I'll watch it on a recap show this weekend.
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#20 Posted on 4.12.04 1409.15
Reposted on: 4.12.11 1409.17
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    I'm so deficient on my showtunes. I am not proud.

    As for young Mister Lister, word on the street is that that main event was pretty good. Maybe I'll watch it on a recap show this weekend.


what main event did I diss ?
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