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DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#1 Posted on 11.11.04 2101.53
Reposted on: 11.11.11 2329.14
Didn't I just see you Monday? Oh well. Strap it on and let's go. Pretend that I'm not fried to an ember. Oh how I long for the release and comfort of sweet sweet BOOZE...

WHAT WORKED-

- Rey Rey and Chavo tag together! Spike Dudley with that goatee looks like a mini of the guitarplayer for Mastodon. I miss seeing Kidman's boss Eddy Jackie jacket. Chavo's punches and clotheslines suck ass early. Kidman is great staying away from Chavo. Spike with the double stomp is fun. Rey Rey rules with the Springboard Hurricanranna. Kidman is fucking great beating on Chavo and never letting Chavo get anything in on him, using the sneakiest methods possible. They never heat up the hot tag, which sucks. They do a batch of nearfalls with Rey Rey before Rey gets the pin. Not really a match. Chavo shouldn't have touched Kidman until the PPV. Eh.

- JOSH! He has earned respect! I can't believe he wrestled and I motherfucking missed it. He pisses off Orlando and Orlando slaps him like a little bitch. Josh IS wrestling. I am freaking out. AWESOME! When they get back, Josh is sportin' the HARDWAY and HELL YEAH HE'S SERIOUS ABOUT WANTING ORLANDO! YES! I finally get to see Josh wrestle. HE WRESTLES NOW! JBL and Orlando show up in the limo. Orlando is SMUG! As if he ever faced anything as bad ass as JOSH. UNLEASHED! But first a commercial. I had the Chicken Tender Crisp this week and it sucks. Hardees is the only thing worth a fuck now, fastfoodwise. 1/2 pound Frisco burger places it's naked fastfood ass directly on the faces of both chicken sammiches. Josh doesn't even smear the blood on his face. Josh is dressed as a dork I would knee in the stomach at an Interpol comcert. Josh takes it to the mat like a motherfucker with the OKLAHOMA ROLL~! JBL cheats so Orlando can beat the shit out of Josh. Orlando with the nastiest Beal Manuveur in the history of Bewal Manuveurs. TAZZ gets a little carried away by calling a chinlock a "Rear Naked Choke." Josh fucks up a roll through on a Crossbody Block. They have the elaborate nine part low blow finish and JOSH WINS! JOSH WINZ~! Josh fucking rules.

- Eddy called somebody! RVD says, "Yeah dude, it's gonna be completely badass like red haired buds." Who will be the fourth man? Who could it be? Oooo Pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaurpleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaurpleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur
pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur ... or at least SPYDER!

- Eddy has the cool ass Mercury Gran Marquis lowrider. Carlito shows up with Jesus the Fireman. RVD does the goofiest approximation of wrestling that I've seen in a while. Eddy comes in and things pick up. Rains finally cuts off Eddy and they awkwardly switch to a commercial. I pine for love lost. I think of CRZ's hair and If I didnít love you Iíd hate you-Iím playing your stereogram. Singles remind me of kisses, albums remind me of plans. Tonight itís love by the fire, the wind plays over the coals. Passionate looks are my fancy, but you turn the look into stone
We return and they are still beating on Eddy. I drift off and they beat on RVD a bit. Jindrak steals Alex Wright's gyrations and I assume Berlyn is the secret fourth man and he will run-in looking for PAY BACK! Jindrak with a cravate but I am not sprung for some reason. This is a perfectly fine Southern tag except you just don't give a shit if RVD gets the hell beaten out of him. Eddy cheats to get Carlito and Jesus sent from ringside and the crowd is weirdly molten for Eddy- as it goes to prove that Eddy is soooo over that even RVD being the crappiest Ricky Morton ever can't touch his heat. Eddy and RVD use frogsplashes to win. Eddy plays the Mexico vs PR thing with the crowd and it's like Corpus Christi is Arena Mexico suddenly. HEY! JOHN CENA! So not Mantaur.....

- JBL mentions his time in WAR! WAR! WRESTLE ASSOCIATION R! WRESTLE AND ROMANCE! OSAKU TACHIHIKARI~! Fuck yeah, that's more impressive than being WCW champion. LIVE FOR TODAY! JBL then does the Mark Steyn Retirement stip if he doesn't win at Survivor Series.

- MicroTouch is good on the most sensitive skin. Most sensitive skin? Go ahead. GO AHEAD! You want to. You know you do. There could be your bacon-stripped, mohawked taint. YEAH DADDY! YEAAAAAH!

- Big Show and Angle wrestle. Big Show looks like the drummer for April Wine. All the teams are around the ring. Big Show wrestles fat. Angle cheats but lands not evil wrestling ordnance. Angle takes an assbeating like a man while doing his best cowardly Flair impression. If only he yelled, "OH GOD!" Angle with the dropkick to the knee and Sleeper makes for a fun little heat segment. Big Show uses his fat to break the hold. They go wild at ringside. Angle with the ankle lock and it's fun seeing him getting it on someone who can't reverse it. Big Show sells the ankle like a king. Big Show drops the straps. Jindrak, Rains and Angle triple Submittify Big Show and the heels are strong as we head to the PPV. That was pretty good.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

- I heard there was a SHOOT~! last week with one of the Tough Enough guys and Kurt Angle. I didn't see it. So I'm hating this still. Oh wait, they're going to see who can fuck Torrie Wilson the longest! AWESOME! It shouldn't take long since most seem to be so roided out that their shriveled testicles for should give out past the oiling up section. Dawn Marie is first and she is dressed as the Sluttiest Possible Member of Alpha Flight. So we all here reading are completely sprung. How are they going to gauge this? AWESOME! Mae Young! She's a fucking SHOOTER. If they don't cum in fifteen seconds, she should snap the tendons in their elbows. But the WWE sucks, so she doesn't. So this doesn't work. I mean, if you can't cough up the single serving of Palmolive for a GMILF that has done EVERYTHING there is to do in the BIZ, then you don't deserve to be a wrestler. And this kinda keeps going...

- Fuck Toby Keith. Ted Nugent should break his Gretsch hollowbody up Keith's no talent ass for stealing his Right Wing Redneck gimmick- especially without even COMING CLOSE to writing anything as cool as "Yank Me Crank Me". Fuck that. You gotta EARN those red wings, shithead. And "Stranglehold" to.

- The Bruiser Brody murder conspiracy reenactment hits GLOW level retarded. So now Jesus did it? Are they trying to say that Hercules Ayala stabbed Bruiser Brody? Who is Champagne Gerry Morrow in this little pageant? Do the subpoenas get sent after the trail? Does Jesus turn face to keep him from getting killed?

- Jebus Fuck. Does this Tough Enough shit have to take up 30 minutes of this 2 hours? Gee, that Rey Misterio match would have been fucking great if they would have given it twelve minutes and let Chavo and Kidman use their partners to try to get each other/keep away from the other and it would heat that four way up. EN LIEU, we get lots of these choads. I love the Nise Brian Lee. That's all we need- a Fake Fake Undertaker. Maybe one of the other guys could wear make-up and we could have a Fake NWO Sting.

- Heyman's ponytail is getting all weird and elaborate. HEY! Tazz is gonna wrestle! Heidenreich and Tazz gear up for the Gary Albright- Lesser Gasserman Brother UWFi undercard reenactment! Ah fuck, the lights went out. SABU! no wait! JAKE THE SNAKE! Ah fuck, it's just the Undertaker. Bahhhhh! DELIVER NOTHING TO ME, FUCKING WWE! BAHHH!

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.
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redsoxnation
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#2 Posted on 11.11.04 2111.26
Reposted on: 11.11.11 2329.17
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    Eddy called somebody! RVD says, "Yeah dude, it's gonna be completely badass like red haired buds." Who will be the fourth man? Who could it be? Oooo Pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaurpleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaurpleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur
    pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur pleasebemantaurpleasebemantaur ... or at least SPYDER!.





Actually, wouldn't the ghost of Al Wilson being sent to avenge Bruiser Brody have been a better choice. Or, at least, #1 Paul Jones.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#3 Posted on 11.11.04 2114.23
Reposted on: 11.11.11 2329.18
    Originally posted by redsoxnation
    Actually, wouldn't the ghost of Al Wilson being sent to avenge Bruiser Brody have been a better choice. Or, at least, #1 Paul Jones.


You just want to whip out the Batten twins. Wait a minute....
Matt Tracker
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#4 Posted on 11.11.04 2124.15
Reposted on: 11.11.11 2329.20

    Dawn Marie is first and she is dressed as the Sluttiest Possible Member of Alpha Flight. So we all here reading are completely sprung.


I laugh because it's ridiculous. I cringe because it's true.

But really how does Dawn Marie still have a job when Gail Kim gets the pink slip? We love Dawn Marie for her ECW days and even that little appearance in the first Jay and Silent Bob MTV special. But she can't apply the suspended crowbow maneuver Gail employed to make Victoria her bitch.

And speaking of pink slips, when is Vince gonna use that phrase to name his stunner after he spews out another "YOUR FIRED" on an evil manager/GM?
geemoney
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#5 Posted on 11.11.04 2232.03
Reposted on: 11.11.11 2329.37
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    HEY! JOHN CENA! So not Mantaur.....


Dean- Hopefully, this will tide you over til' our next Mantaur sighting.

(image removed)
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#6 Posted on 11.11.04 2233.35
Reposted on: 11.11.11 2329.38
Bless you, young Gee Money.
thecubsfan
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#7 Posted on 11.11.04 2323.28
Reposted on: 11.11.11 2329.51

    Eddy plays the Mexico vs PR thing with the crowd and it's like Corpus Christi is Arena Mexico suddenly


Carlito is a younger Pierroth, but I'm betting Jesus is a very poor man's Vampiro.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#8 Posted on 11.11.04 2340.05
Reposted on: 11.11.11 2341.24
    Originally posted by thecubsfan

      Eddy plays the Mexico vs PR thing with the crowd and it's like Corpus Christi is Arena Mexico suddenly


    Carlito is a younger Pierroth, but I'm betting Jesus is a very poor man's Vampiro.


I figured a non-homoerotic Gronda.
kazhayashi81
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#9 Posted on 12.11.04 0037.47
Reposted on: 12.11.11 0039.01
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      Originally posted by thecubsfan

        Eddy plays the Mexico vs PR thing with the crowd and it's like Corpus Christi is Arena Mexico suddenly


      Carlito is a younger Pierroth, but I'm betting Jesus is a very poor man's Vampiro.


    I figured a non-homoerotic Gronda.


Non-homoerotic? He wears pastel nipple-high suspender pants, Dean...
dMp
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#10 Posted on 12.11.04 0328.38
Reposted on: 12.11.11 0329.02
    Originally posted by Matt Tracker
    br>But really how does Dawn Marie still have a job when Gail Kim gets the pink slip? We love Dawn Marie for her ECW days and even that little appearance in the first Jay and Silent Bob MTV special. But she can't apply the suspended crowbow maneuver Gail employed to make Victoria her bitch.


Yes, but Gail never dressed up as Vampirella..
Albert would still have a job if he had dressed up like Vampirella.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#11 Posted on 12.11.04 0749.15
Reposted on: 12.11.11 0749.16
    Originally posted by kazhayashi81
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
        Originally posted by thecubsfan

          Eddy plays the Mexico vs PR thing with the crowd and it's like Corpus Christi is Arena Mexico suddenly


        Carlito is a younger Pierroth, but I'm betting Jesus is a very poor man's Vampiro.


      I figured a non-homoerotic Gronda.


    Non-homoerotic? He wears pastel nipple-high suspender pants, Dean...


Well. That's true. Disregard the "non-homoerotic" part. Replace it with "non-red bodypaint".
Matt Tracker
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#12 Posted on 12.11.04 0836.23
Reposted on: 12.11.11 0836.42
    Originally posted by dMp
      Originally posted by Matt Tracker
      br>But really how does Dawn Marie still have a job when Gail Kim gets the pink slip? We love Dawn Marie for her ECW days and even that little appearance in the first Jay and Silent Bob MTV special. But she can't apply the suspended crowbow maneuver Gail employed to make Victoria her bitch.


    Yes, but Gail never dressed up as Vampirella..
    Albert would still have a job if he had dressed up like Vampirella.


Imagine Dean's oil of olay knocking down the walls if he saw Mantaur dresed as Vampirella.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#13 Posted on 12.11.04 1013.48
Reposted on: 12.11.11 1015.15
    Originally posted by Matt Tracker
      Originally posted by dMp
        Originally posted by Matt Tracker
        br>But really how does Dawn Marie still have a job when Gail Kim gets the pink slip? We love Dawn Marie for her ECW days and even that little appearance in the first Jay and Silent Bob MTV special. But she can't apply the suspended crowbow maneuver Gail employed to make Victoria her bitch.


      Yes, but Gail never dressed up as Vampirella..
      Albert would still have a job if he had dressed up like Vampirella.


    Imagine Dean's oil of olay knocking down the walls if he saw Mantaur dresed as Vampirella.


Oooo Vampirella and the buffalo fur.... oooo... gimme a minute here...
too-old-now
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#14 Posted on 12.11.04 1035.57
Reposted on: 12.11.11 1036.01

"Imagine Dean's oil of olay knocking down the walls if he saw Mantaur dresed as Vampirella. "

Okay, while the thought of Mantaur in a Vampirella outfit is uh, interesting, I thought Dean has accepted the fact that the Vampirella outfit has been temporarily retired.

The best choice to unretire it, with all its proper glory, will be none other than Linda McMahon! Vince is a goddamnluckysunuvabitch!

The Sham
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#15 Posted on 12.11.04 1039.21
Reposted on: 12.11.11 1039.59
Cole: "What does that feel like, Tazz?"
Tazz: "It feels like you're gettin' smacked in the chest by a bus, girlpants!"

Maybe it's not word for word, but is that the first time Tazz has ever used the term "girlpants"? Smackdown actually made me laugh out loud again.
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