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22.12.07 0241
The 7 - Pro Wrestling - HOLY FUDGE! your WWE RAW WORKRATE REPORT- 11/8/2004!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#1 Posted on 8.11.04 2211.05
Reposted on: 8.11.11 2212.49
I always assumed that Smackdown is the lesser evil of the shittiness that can be WWE wrestling. (And the fact that both Eddy Guerrerro and Chris Benoit have been heavyweight champion of the world shows how much I talk completely oot of my ass.) I never watch it and there are folks on their roster that I've never seen wrestle. Well, tonight's the night and boy am I stoked. Stoked, I tell ya. Stoked. Let me get over this little mood and gear up. GEAR UP! RAW! IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME! It's got fuckin Chris Benoit! He fuckin rules! It's got Ric Flair! I watched Ric Flair and Ronnie Garvin from 1988 a few weeks ago! Flair is fucking great! FUCK YEAH! RAW! LET'S DO IT! ALLRIGHT! YEAH!

WHAT WORKED-

- Boy, this CSI just keeps going. I did not know that "Who Are You?" is the theme song. It is the least of all good Who songs, but I'm gonna pad up here early and often. You know. Just in case.

- Randy Orton and Bautista wrestle. But first a commercial. Fuck McDonalds for caving in to the SuperSize bullshit and trying to become a third rate Subway. Fuck Subway. I loved that billboard I saw while driving through New Jersey/Pennsylvania a few years back that said "Nobody ever lost weight eating our subs." Fuck yeah, that's MY goddam America. OOP! We're back. Bautista fights off the RKO early. Orton should use the SuperPlex as his finisher, in honor of his dad- who did the first SuperPlex I ever saw live (at the Arthur Ashe center in 1987). God, Orton's punches suck dick- and he's whiffing right in the crowd, exposing the biz as they say. Early on, Bautista looks like shit in this also- as he is quite NWO Scott Norton until the first big bump to the floor. They work a chinlock spot. Orton gets decent wads of heat. Orton Shoulderblocks to TRANSITION! And he throws far better punches in the middle of the ring. HHH with the distraction and a nice Lariat by Bautista. The ref sends HHH from ringside. Aaaand it's retarded that Bautista wouldn't try to get a pinfall EN LIEU of yammering with the ref. And a commercial. I miss MicroTouch's sweet sweet caress. Bautista with a nice neckbreaker and Orton sells the Irish Whip like a little bitch. Bautista with the Vertical Suplex and his offense is enough to carry Orton. Crowd heats up to another chinlock- as they do a The Rock Match By Numbers. Bautista with a crossface cover which I love. BAutista with the Rear Naked Choke that Orton sells like RVD- which means like a Syd Eudy chinlock. Bautista cuts him off and Orton hits a thoroughly shitty looking dropkick to the knee. Orton IS RVD. Nice Standing Dropkick and they both bump big to the floor. Bautista leans into the DDT on the floor. Bautista catches Orton on the top. Orton hits a Flying Cross Bodyblock in 2004 for some reason. Bautista blades for no actual reason. Nice Spinebuster to cut off Orton. Nearfall with Orton rolling through a powerbomb attempt. Orton with the flashpin. That was a good little ending that saves a better than pedestrian match- bumps moreso than actually psychology to get the crowd into it. Orton needs more decent looking offense and needs to learn how to make a heat segment work- thus making him a lesser John Cena. Fuck, he should ask his dad.

- Postmatch Bautista assaults everybody. That was fun! Bautista emotes "pissed off" really well even while diving onto folks.

- Evil Edge is so much more funner than Hulkamaniac Edge. Benoit on the stick is the best. AWESOME! Benoit versus Edge. I got the GOOD night of RAW.

- Hey, it's Tomko. He looks to Bautista what Gillberg was to Goldberg. HEY! SHELTON BENJAMIN! I haven't seen him in forever. Tomko is busted up by Benjamin's Ode To HHH Offense early. Christian has a real Clint Howard thing going for him. Tomko is quite the lesser A-Train but he doesn't turn my stomach in this. Tomko doesn't sell very well and seems lost in the ring. Way cool Standing Powerslam by Benjamin. As oversized squash victim, Tomko did not make me forget the greatness of Rick Fuller. Hell, he didn't make me forget Tim Cheeks. Shelton Benjamin is fun though. It can stay up here.

- Maria has fabulous hooters. She isn't Josh though. Edge yammers away and HHH shows up and Edge starts trying to act. Maria bodacious dairies keep the segment together. Yes. Yes, they do. Oh yeah. Eventhough she isn't Josh. She does have milk wagons to replace the ALLURE of Josh. It's a diminishing return though. You can't beat Josh's chemistry. But you can't fight her hammerin' flesh colored elf hats. Not that they replace the glory of Josh.

- Edge and Benoit will hopefully beat the shit out of each other for our amusement. God, Benoit fucking rules. Edge takes the assbeating like a man tonight. Edge works all tight with Benoit and it makes all the difference in the world. I love the Benoit knees to the face. Edge throws Benoit to the floor to go on offense. Edge on offense isn't so good. C'mon, it's fucking Benoit, elbow him in the fucking head. Edge is dropping some knees as we go to a commercial. God, I hate those Snickers commercials. Rev Al is down to this. AWESOME! MXC special. OOP we're back. Edge is procuring the chinlock-like thingy. Benoit chops to comeback and Edge cuts him off with a knee to the stomach and then Evolution comes out. Edge stays on offense. Dudes With Attitudes come out. Edge continues beating on Benoit. Benoit gets cut off by Edge no-selling five headbutts. Edge with a suplex. Edge goes up top and Benoit mauls him in the corner and hits a AWESOME Superplex. Edge is first back on offense as it seems a FUCKING SUPERPLEX doesn't faze him. Benoit starts beating him on Edge some more at ringside. Edge eats the steps like a MAN. I assume Edge will be bleeding. Yep. Benoit with the Sharpshooter. Benoit with the Locomotion German Suplex. Benoit with the Diving Headbutt. Edge kicks out at two. Benoit with the Crippler Crossface. The Superheroes and Evolution get in a big fight en lieu of an actual finish. It goes on for a while. Team Orton STAND TALL! That wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. RAW in general I mean.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

- HHH is on the stick. I assume this is one of those 15 minute speaking segments. HHH sucks because he doesn't taunt the Austin college crowd for forgetting to Rock the Vote. Fuck, Flair isn't going to be there. Batista looks pissed off at the GAME~! HHH tells Eric Bischoff to suck his purple helmeted soldier! SUCK IT, BISCHOFF! Meanwhile, Eric Bischoff looks like Judy Dench from AS TIME GOES BY. THUS He is MILFtastic then, I suppose. HHH beats on Bischoff. HHH is a pussy and doesn't actually beat on Bischoff because Bischoff threatens to strip him of the belt! The winning teams gets to run RAW! I'd watch but I got expanded cable and God knows there has to a LAW AND ORDER rerun on somewhere. I might watch. Probably not. Maybe. Probabaly not. Yeah. Probably not. Maybe. I dunno. Okay. Maybe.

- Jericho has a Piper's Pit thingy. Trish Stratus come out. (48 year old virgin grabs moist towlettes.) Lita comes out. (Grabs handfull of tapioca pudding). Trish talks. (Switches over to Jergens Lotion.) Jericho calls Trish a slut. (Opts for Kraft Russian Dressing) Lita has botoxed from her entire neck up and it's pretty creepy. She's got that Melanie Griffith/Meg Ryan '04 dealy going for her that makes a normal man's testicles ascend into his body cavity. Lita talks about kissing Trish. (Virgin prematurely spurts onto the front of his JAG 300th episode commemorative zubas. Anguished screams of "MOTHER OF MITRA!" fill one room apartment.) This Snitsky thing is so amazingly retarded. Jericho and Snitsky have a fight. Lita tries to emote though she can't actually move any part of her face. What a mess.

- Simon Dean! Hey, that's what's his name- the guy in the Blue World Order that sucked so much ass in ECW. Ah SuperNova. God, all these vig netz are all going to lead up to some truly shitty matches. You really shouldn't try to remake the Tiger Ali Singh push. All these plants in the front row. The fat lady with leather pants got me kinda riled up for a second. Hey! She's getting into the ring. WWE is branching out- as zaftig fetish boys grease up and start fishing around in the pickle jar. I bet she beats up SuperNova! I'm betting Laura has had sex. University of Texas Austin has a rugby team, I'm assuming. Meanwhile, this kinda keeps going.

- HHH comes out. Tajiri will get his ass kicked, I would suppose. Instead Snitsky comes out and beats on Tajiri after clotheslining him from behind. That sucked. And they yak a bit.

- Arab racebaiting. That's all we need. Suck my yankee doodle dick, you fucking shitheads at WWE.


THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.
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FleaDude
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#2 Posted on 8.11.04 2215.08
Reposted on: 8.11.11 2216.11
Snitsky: Kick the baby.
Baby: Don't kick the baby.
Snitsky: Kick the baby!
*PUNT*

Snitsky rules!
redsoxnation
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#3 Posted on 8.11.04 2221.21
Reposted on: 8.11.11 2222.05
DEAN, you sure that wasn't Garvin/Flair from '86 or '87, as by '88 Garvin was bitter that he never received rematches for his World Title, eventually leading to his turning on Dusty and joining Gary Hart's stable/family/hair club for men infomercial for a month, when he would then leave Crockett and take the AWA TV Title off Greg Gagne fo a few weeks.
To bad RAW wasn't live on network TV. Jericho's swearing after getting rammed into the ringpost would have been a nice FCC fine.
Snitsky had nice hang time on the punt. Now, if only he could punt Lita in the face and get her off TV permanently.
Wouldn't it have made sense for Maven to have been scheduled to face Trip, only to get destroyed by Snitsky, rather than Tajiri. Then again, Tajiri has talent while always having the possibility of being over and Maven is a member of the Tough Enough Bunch who will never be over, so naturally Maven has to be protected.
At least Terri had a minor clue of what was happening around her.
Why they had back-to-back long talk segments made no sense. And Simon Dean should come out to the sound of remotes clicking over to other programming.
No Flair, no peace.
The Great Thomas
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#4 Posted on 8.11.04 2227.19
Reposted on: 8.11.11 2227.22
My vote for Fan of the Night goes to that one guy who caught Snitsky's baby punt PERFECTLY.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#5 Posted on 8.11.04 2251.34
Reposted on: 8.11.11 2251.56
    Originally posted by redsoxnation
    DEAN, you sure that wasn't Garvin/Flair from '86 or '87, as by '88 Garvin was bitter that he never received rematches for his World Title, eventually leading to his turning on Dusty and joining Gary Hart's stable/family/hair club for men infomercial for a month, when he would then leave Crockett and take the AWA TV Title off Greg Gagne fo a few weeks.


I guess it was 87. It was really great.
asteroidboy
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#6 Posted on 9.11.04 0053.59
Reposted on: 9.11.11 0054.42
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    - HHH is on the stick. I assume this is one of those 15 minute speaking segments. HHH sucks because he doesn't taunt the Austin college crowd for forgetting to Rock the Vote.


Nah, in Austin all he'd have to say is, "Four more years, you parents-hating Communists! Get your abortions while you can!"

(edited by asteroidboy on 9.11.04 0054)
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#7 Posted on 9.11.04 0759.05
Reposted on: 9.11.11 0759.43
    Originally posted by asteroidboy
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      - HHH is on the stick. I assume this is one of those 15 minute speaking segments. HHH sucks because he doesn't taunt the Austin college crowd for forgetting to Rock the Vote.


    Nah, in Austin all he'd have to say is, "Four more years, you parents-hating Communists! Get your abortions while you can!"

    (edited by asteroidboy on 9.11.04 0054)


Or at least bust on the Fabulous Thunderbirds.
sentonBOMB
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#8 Posted on 9.11.04 0916.30
Reposted on: 9.11.11 0917.34
    Originally posted by The Great Thomas
    My vote for Fan of the Night goes to that one guy who caught Snitsky's baby punt PERFECTLY.


Actually, I'd go with the guy with the "Stop pushing Triple H" sign.
Spaceman Spiff
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#9 Posted on 9.11.04 1025.38
Reposted on: 9.11.11 1029.01

    Tomko doesn't sell very well and seems lost in the ring

Yeah, good thing they dropped Palumbo so this guy can hang around. Chuck would have been 1000x better as Christian's jobber muscle.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#10 Posted on 9.11.04 1117.29
Reposted on: 9.11.11 1118.39
    Originally posted by Spaceman Spiff

      Tomko doesn't sell very well and seems lost in the ring

    Yeah, good thing they dropped Palumbo so this guy can hang around. Chuck would have been 1000x better as Christian's jobber muscle.


I can't believe I missed my opening for a Maxx Muscle comparison. I am filled with shame.
Matt Tracker
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#11 Posted on 9.11.04 1123.10
Reposted on: 9.11.11 1124.22
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    I can't believe I missed my opening for a Maxx Muscle comparison. I am filled with shame.


Shame is apparently a new beer sold at convenience stores.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#12 Posted on 9.11.04 1536.02
Reposted on: 9.11.11 1538.30
    Originally posted by Matt Tracker
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      I can't believe I missed my opening for a Maxx Muscle comparison. I am filled with shame.


    Shame is apparently a new beer sold at convenience stores.


Did I say shame? I meant to say BOOZE.
SomeRandomFag IV
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#13 Posted on 9.11.04 1544.40
Reposted on: 9.11.11 1544.43
That was either a very small arena or a very empty one. If that what these shows are drawing now they might want to keep cutting that roster.



(edited by SomeRandomFag IV on 9.11.04 1644)
Net Hack Slasher
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#14 Posted on 11.11.04 1311.13
Reposted on: 11.11.11 1312.47
It's great to see a very special Workrate report Raw edition... Sorry for the Flair no show, you should have warned him before the show. He would have certainly showed up.
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