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24.10.07 1951
The 7 - Pro Wrestling - The WWE SMACKDWON WORKRATE REPORT- 10/28/2004!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN
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#1 Posted on 28.10.04 2101.27
Reposted on: 28.10.11 2102.31
I'm late. We went to A Passage To India Indian Cuisine on Midlothian Turnpike and GATTDAM was it good. I got a minced lamb dealy and my beautiful hormone-drenched wife got the spinach and potato thingy. It was fabulous. I would also like to apologize in advance to my terlit for the horrendous assbeating I'm gonna lay on it tomorrow. I'm sorry, brah. I know you've been there for me anytime I needed you- when I drank those four pitchers of Budweiser and then 5 two ounce shots of tequila in 30 seconds; when I had that special Nine Alarm Chili/Cocoanut YooHoo All You Can Eat And Drink Night; when my mom tried to kill me feeding me hot dogs that were three months past due.* Fuck, I bet you'd post my bail if you could walk and use a phone and write a check. I hope you can forgive me. I gotta be straight with you- it's gonna suck. Really bad. I'm sorry.

This may be truncated.

WHAT WORKED-

- I turn on the television machine and CHAVO~! is the TV! Chavo rocks. I love an Indie Handshake Lariat. Kidman is at the announcers table to support Chavo on his first match back. Kidman rocks the Terry Taylor In The York Foundation jacket so I have trouble concentrating on Nunzio's Gonna Lose Offensive Flurry. Chavo with the sweet head scissors. Nunzio is on in this. Cole is great being Kidman's rhetorical bitch. They kinda let this go and gets really fun. Kidman Shooting Stars ChavoNO! he moves! Chavo wins with his pussy-assed version of Reverse Gory Driver.

- JBL is with Josh. They have a tense moment because JBL notices that the real chemistry is between Orlando and Josh. Booker T comes out and Orlando tells Booker to suck his dick. It's step up time for Orlando and Booker T. They don't actually stipulate what Orlando gets if he wins. Poor Orlando.

- Kurt Angle comes out! Woo hoo! I guess they set this up before I got home. HEY! Rey Misterio Jr! This'll be good. Rey Rey wrestles for America. The mask with the crucifix is fucking AWWWWESOME. Like Rey is a big Cure fan. So they are assuming that the Iron Sheikh wasn't WWF champion ever? Wasn't he a gold medal winner for Iran in 1964? Angle and Rey have a chase scene- Rey is awesome in the metallic blue Dodge Challenger. Rey and Angle trade RIDICULOUS bumps to the floor and we go to the commercial. RAZOR BLADES CAN CUT YOU! You know who doesn't? MicroTouch. And FUCK that embarrassing nosehair. MicroTouch will fuck that shit like it owes it money. Fuck yeah. Fuck all that hair if you want to show off that hard body. MicroTouch will fuck that shit up. MicroTouch will go up to your overgrown pleasure path and go, "Come on, motherfucker. What you fraid of? Ain't nothing between us but fear and atmosphere." And then BANG! MicroTouch will fuck that hair up and you'll have that bad ass CBS Eye logo on your funnyparts. ROCK THE FUCK OUT! Angle and Rey come back and Rey takes an assbeating. Angle with the BODY VICE~! Rey with the SWEEET Spinning DDT. Rey with the beautiful 360 Spinning rana. Rey counters the Ankle Lock and they kill the ref. Luther Reins and Jindrak and RVD and YEAH! EDDY FUCKIN GUERRERO run in and Rey lets the application of cheating allow him to win. That was fun. I might have to go watch that there PPV with the elimination match.

- Kenzo comes in and hints at placing his dick near Torrie. Torrie unconvincingly acts like her dampening mohawked pickle jar isn't ready to conceive the first American generation of Kenzo's seed right then and there. Torrie, why do you hate America?

- The Halloween Costume Contest is all for 43 year old virgins dressed in Dr Doom costumes to toast a yogurt-like load over their... ah you know the drill. Dawn Marie kicks Torrie's ass in the attractiveness category. Dawn Marie is nursing Charlie? I thought the implants would get in the way of any lactation. HAHAHAHAH! Oh wait! JACKIE IS PISSED! She rips all of Dawn Maries clothes off and thousand of terlits across country are owed apologies as teen dorks and old perverts sprint from the room, barely remembering to grab the Skin So Soft before strangling the corndog. So the Vampirella costume is just gone forever now. Fuck the WWE.

- Booker T with a nice lariat. Booker T's punch are less nice. Jordan has far better punches. This is kinda fun. Booker sells the beating pretty well- which is surprising since I had written Booker T off a while ago. Orlando bumps big to the floor. Orlando goes facefirst on the table and we go to a comercial. The Call of the Ganges summons me. OOF. Booker T with a nice suplex. And another. This is perfectly fine wrestling. Orlando uses a distraction from JBL to beat on Booker T out on the floor. This kinda keeps going. They work a chinlock and it is pretty heatless. Orlando's Hot Shot wakes me up. Nice Crossbody. Another heatless chinlock as this is becoming the Best Possible NWO Bryan Adams Match. Booker T continues the story of the match by hitting a lowgrade comeback that is cut off quickly. Booker T with the Edge One Armed Flapjack. That I hate. (End. End. Come on. END.) Booker T fires on Orlando and they do a couple nearfalls. Booker T hits his finisher and that's the match. Boringest match to ever make the worked column. Night night.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

- Josh is with Carlito. Josh is testy with Josh. His name is Jesus. So he's.... the world's angriest off-duty fireman? Hey! Are they doing an angle that alludes to Bruiser Brodie being stabbed? It seems that way. Josh takes an apple facial and we ponder the whole swirling crappiness of it all.

- Heidenreich pretends to talk on the phone. He says "Paul" way too much. After the commercial, Heyman has to get super pussy assed fannypants Undertaker to quit ducking Heidenreich and sign the contract. Undertaker physically abuses a fat middle aged man and we are supposed to be impressed? This is complete dogshit of an angle.

- Jesus fucking Christ, they replace the suck ass Best Of John Cougar Mellancamp with the BEST OF TOBY KEITH! Goddam, does he suck. If you are going to be annoyingly super Right Wing or super Left Wing, you have to write something as good as "Long-Haired Country Boy" or "My Love Is Like A Tire Iron" for me to give a shit . Guess what.

- CrazyWorld commercial again. Light one up with me, won't you? I want to vomit my lungs onto the face of the top hat boy. Let's hear it for my irrational hatred. Fuck, go ahead bask in the glow of my irrational hatred. Feel free. Seriously.

- I glaze over to the horrendously pootastic Tough Enough section. At least it was short.



THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSO.

* Two of these vomiting/far worse than vomiting stories are 100% true. The other one is true but I didn't vomit /far worse than vomit.
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too-old-now
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#2 Posted on 29.10.04 1445.12
Reposted on: 29.10.11 1446.43
Thanks, Dean.

I gotta believe the vomit/far worse then vomit episodes were the chili and three month late hotdogs. With all of the drinkin you've posted about, I'm prayin' 4 pitchers of Bud and a couple of quick shots as chasers don't have the same effect on you as they would to an 18-year-old high school student whose parents left him home alone unchaperoned for a long weekend (as long as he promises -heh heh - no wild parties - a few friends over is ok). Not that I condone youngsters drinkin...

I woulda thunk the diva crap shoulda been in the not worked since there was no vampirella outfit. Did I read it got traded to Raw along with A-Train?

The Iron Sheikh was supposedly Iran's olympic gold winner, at least for storyline purposes, but we can't really expect continuity, can we?

Do we have a record for most vomit references in a single Dean recap? The show wasn't that bad...

I, was surprised the Booker/OJ match was as good as it was. Every time I want to write Booker off he'll be re-juiced and dammit he can carry a match - is it only when the limit of his push is still unknown? He's the kind of guy I think gets nagging injuries and just mails it in when he's not getting the push, but he's easily a contender against JBL given both guys track record...

The Tough Enough stuff is enough already. I don't want to see these schmucks no-sell the Big Show's chokeslam. But at the same time, I don't want to see Big Show giving ANYONE grief about not earning a place in the locker room...and I'm a huge fan of the big palooka...

As usual, your recaps are more entertaining than the show itself.
Whitebacon
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#3 Posted on 29.10.04 1501.29
Reposted on: 29.10.11 1501.30
    Originally posted by too-old-now
    Thanks, Dean.

    I gotta believe the vomit/far worse then vomit episodes were the chili and three month late hotdogs. With all of the drinkin you've posted about, I'm prayin' 4 pitchers of Bud and a couple of quick shots as chasers don't have the same effect on you as they would to an 18-year-old high school student whose parents left him home alone unchaperoned for a long weekend (as long as he promises -heh heh - no wild parties - a few friends over is ok).



Tequila can be a real bastard....
Matt Tracker
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#4 Posted on 29.10.04 1523.50
Reposted on: 29.10.11 1523.53

    - Kenzo comes in and hints at placing his dick near Torrie. Torrie unconvincingly acts like her dampening mohawked pickle jar isn't ready to conceive the first American generation of Kenzo's seed right then and there. Torrie, why do you hate America?


Easy there, Dean Orton/Toilet Killer. Torrie still hasn't gotten over Tajiri.
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