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The 7 - Pro Wrestling - Thine Mighty Mighty WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 10/21/2004
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#1 Posted on 21.10.04 2102.06
Reposted on: 21.10.11 2102.48
Jebus Pabamino, I am tired. Remember the old days when you could watch a baseball game in less time then it takes to deliver a baby? Ah those were the days. Chris Chambliss. Rusty Staub. Regular underpants instead of these protective undergarments. Come and join me as we soak in the mostly unwatchable grappling sewage that is current Smackdown, won't you? It's so much better when we suffer together, dear gentle reader.

WHAT WORKED-

- The Shooting Star Press Death March is a fun video recap. Psycho Date Rapist Kidman is so much more fun than anything else he's ever been. HEY! Lovable Chavo? Oh I don't know. Kidman talking shit to him about busting him up and crippling him forever with SST. "We're both VICTIMS!" This is getting FUN. FUN. I dig FUN wrestling. Will Chavo forgive him? Chavo tells Billy and the Snackdown rubes that this ain't no fucking sunday school. CHAVO SHOOTZ~! Chavo stomps the fuck out of Billy and it's really fucking great. You know that Chavo Guerrerro Jr- motherfucker wrestle his ass off. The question is- WHO WAS THE FRIEND?!?!?! Mantaur? Moe? Bootyman? oooooooooo MYSTERY!!!!

- KENZO singing to Torrie is so fucking motherfucking great. You could hear her cooter flooding with appreciative love-condensation. I heard it. Kenzo Suzuki protecting divine American pussy is heartwarming. I WISH YOU WERE AS SEXY AS KENZO. I WISH YOU WERE A TRUE AMERICAN PATRIOT! Why can't you be Kenzo? (I could be talking to you or I could be talking into a mirror. It works both ways.)

- Women love perfectly groomed men? Micro-Touch, I don't know about that. Usually perfectly groomed men don't really...want... women. That's why I love you, MicroTouch. All hair from all lifestyles from all over the body are trimmed and coifed and possibly shaped into an amusing shape for a loved one. "Hey, is that shaped like the Bat Signal?!?! That's AWESOME."

- Jindrak and Guerrerro should be fun. Jindrak is growing on me because he will die for my pleasure. Jindrak works a headlock and the crowd is digging it. We go to a commercial. I'm going to go get a drink. And pour it down my pants so I don't think about you... my true love.... Oh how I long for your tender jojoba touch. Oh to revel in your silky henna longness..... Oh with my own hands, when I make love to your memory, it's not the same. I miss the thunder and I miss the rain. And the fact that you don't understand casts a shadow over this land- like the love that we spoke of forever- on Saint Swithin's Day.... HEY! Less Billy Bragg lament and more of Eddy working the headlock. Jindrak has hope spots and Eddy keeps cutting him off- as Eddy rudos the match for some reason. Luther Rains cheats to help. Jjindrak wanders around and has wrestling applied to him by Eddy. Luther is sent to the lockerroom! The ending is fucking RETARDED. Eddy lands on Jindrak and drives the ringbell into Jindrak's chest and it only affects Eddy? What kind of shitty laws of physics are we supposed to be buying into here? Jindrak is still on hold.

- JBL shakes folks' hands. Why doesn't Kenzo come out to "Open Arms" by Journey? Do these idiots at the WWE know ANYTHING?!? Idiots... Geez. Rey Rey is in this so this could only suck so much. RVD is in this so this could only be so good. Booker T is in this, so this could really suck. RVD and Rene Dupres start it off and RVD is kinda fun early with goofy takedowns. They fuck up a double dropkick. Rey Rey makes Rene and Kenzo look foolish- with Rene continuing to be unhatable by bumping big to the floor. Kenzo beats on RVD and it looks perfectly. Kenzo is the Best Possible Cibernetico Jr eating Rey Rey's technico offense. Renen dies AGAIN for you. FOR YOU. Kenzo throws Rey into Booker and there goes your story. We go to a commercial. JBL is beating on Rey Rey. Rey Rey heats up the Sleeper and JBL takes the flying headscissors like a man who has been wrestling Eddy Guerrerro for 8 months. Rey takes a beating for a while and BOOKER T DOESN'T TAG IN! WWE FINALLY REALIZES THAT BOOKER T NOT USING HIS COMICAL OFFENSE MAKES ME HAPPY! Ah crap, he tags in. BOOKER T FACE TURN! Hey, I actually wasn't expecting that. If only Booker T could be designated hot tag in every match.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

- Carlito slathers his dick all over Torrie Wilson and gets upset when Torrie tries to EMOTE. It was definately uncool. Carlito spits on her and Torrie has a flashback to the last she was in that hotel room with Killer Karl Kox... RICO! They do a little wrestling. It's not as good as Adrian Byrd versus Jim Powers. Nope.

- I'm so over Booker T. Teddy Long can't carry their VIGNETTE~! True dat. I shudder at the idea of the main event. It makes my teeth hurt. It makes my face fat jiggle. Hold me.

- Heidenreich is wearing a straitjacket now? No poetry anymore? A part of me dies.... Actually Heidenreich getting all fetishy and SPRUNG from the canvas of the straightjacket begins to save this. Oh crap, he's going to actually wrestle. Ah man, Shannon Moore has to break his own neck to make this piece of shit look unfecal. Heidenreich makes you miss the wrestling ability of NWO Brian Adams. Heidenreich makes you long for the ring generalship of Scott Flash Norton. Postmatch, he makes you long for the oratory genius of Ranger Ross. He makes me long for a far more actualized drinking problem to help me get through this god-forsaken show.

- Gross. George Strait's greatest hits are replaced by John Mellancamp's greatest hits. Ewww, and they got the motherfucking nerve to compare him to Johnny fucking Cash? SUCK ON A CHILI DOG AND THEN SUCK MY REBEL BALLS, you ass-sucking washed up shithead. The Man In Black crapped things better than the best thing you ever recorded, you motherfucker.

- Top Model encore presentations don't have post-production computer generated spankin' booties added to these scrawny underfed pseudotrannies- so IiiiI can't bring myself to give a hoot.

- Heyman has to get Undertaker to sign the contract? What- is Undertaker such a fucking bloated pussy that he is ducking fourth-rate Nitron wannabes? I don't understand this.

- Touch Enough bullshit is all I need to make this insufferable show even more insufferable. Maybe I'll check on the baseball game. Ah that's better. When they put Fit Finlay in charge of Tough Enough then I'll give a shit about it. Astros have real pretty shirts. I keep switching back it DOES NOT END. Yeah yeah yeah- million dollars, send em to OVW, give them some tribal tattoos and teach them a sub-Tony Atlas moveset. We know the drill. And none of these guys are as dreamy as Josh.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.
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Tony Stewart
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#2 Posted on 21.10.04 2213.50
Reposted on: 21.10.11 2214.39

    - Gross. George Strait's greatest hits are replaced by John Mellancamp's greatest hits. Ewww, and they got the motherfucking nerve to compare him to Johnny fucking Cash? SUCK ON A CHILI DOG AND THEN SUCK MY REBEL BALLS, you ass-sucking washed up shithead. The Man In Black crapped things better than the best thing you ever recorded, you motherfucker.



Did they really compare Mellancamp to Cash? That's a bold statement if there ever was one. Do Mellancamp fans and Cash fans even cross over? Can a Cash fan even date a Mellencamp fan?
HrdCoreJoe
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#3 Posted on 21.10.04 2241.06
Reposted on: 21.10.11 2241.10
You know Dean, I can't be the only person here wondering what happened to Al Wilson's wacky adventures. I don't believe I missed any of your Workrate Reports, so I just have to ask if we'll ever hear from Al again?
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#4 Posted on 21.10.04 2258.39
Reposted on: 21.10.11 2258.42
    Originally posted by Tony Stewart

      - Gross. George Strait's greatest hits are replaced by John Mellancamp's greatest hits. Ewww, and they got the motherfucking nerve to compare him to Johnny fucking Cash? SUCK ON A CHILI DOG AND THEN SUCK MY REBEL BALLS, you ass-sucking washed up shithead. The Man In Black crapped things better than the best thing you ever recorded, you motherfucker.



    Did they really compare Mellancamp to Cash? That's a bold statement if there ever was one. Do Mellancamp fans and Cash fans even cross over? Can a Cash fan even date a Mellencamp
    fan?


It's motherfucking appalling. Stomach-churning. Let me get some water and sit down.
Toast Jr
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#5 Posted on 22.10.04 0617.32
Reposted on: 22.10.11 0618.55
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    like the love that we spoke of forever- on Saint Swithin's Day....


Your 80's college radio references make me swoon!

Did you get the commercial from the Ted Nugent encouraging you to vote? What happened? Did he see the add from Dave Mathews and the guy from Phish and figure if those liberal pussies are the one telling America to vote we need some voting guidance from The Nuge ASAP? I think I need more Ted Nugent on my TV.
AWArulz
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#6 Posted on 22.10.04 0714.50
Reposted on: 22.10.11 0715.41
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN

    "Hey, is that shaped like the Bat Signal?!?! That's AWESOME."


I swear, I nearly passed out laughing at this.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#7 Posted on 22.10.04 1003.41
Reposted on: 22.10.11 1004.00
    Originally posted by AWArulz
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN

      "Hey, is that shaped like the Bat Signal?!?! That's AWESOME."


    I swear, I nearly passed out laughing at this.


There has to be a porno site with this kind of stuff.
Cerebus
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#8 Posted on 22.10.04 1402.58
Reposted on: 22.10.11 1405.45
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    BOOKER T FACE TURN! Hey, I actually wasn't expecting that.


Are you kidding? With Cena gone, all the kids need a wanna be gangsta thug to look up to, so they go with the the only one left on the show who can pretend to be a gangsta thug and get away with it.

Poor Booker T, I bet his mug shot's gonna end up on TV now, for the kids, you know.
LionJeetSingh
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#9 Posted on 22.10.04 1424.55
Reposted on: 22.10.11 1426.59
    Originally posted by Cerebus
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN





    Poor Booker T, I bet his mug shot's gonna end up on TV now, for the kids, you know.


It already was during Booker's feud with Triple H.
Net Hack Slasher
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#10 Posted on 25.10.04 1819.14
Reposted on: 25.10.11 1820.58
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    KENZO singing to Torrie is so fucking motherfucking great. You could hear her cooter flooding with appreciative love-condensation. I heard it

I KNEW I should have gone for the stereo surround sound TV, but nooooooo I had to save a few bucks and go on the cheap. *Sigh*
sentonBOMB
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#11 Posted on 26.10.04 1158.39
Reposted on: 26.10.11 1159.01
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      Originally posted by AWArulz
        Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN

        "Hey, is that shaped like the Bat Signal?!?! That's AWESOME."


      I swear, I nearly passed out laughing at this.


    There has to be a porno site with this kind of stuff.

I slept with a girl once who shaped her genitalia fur into a heart... it was hilarious, which I'm sure was not the intent.
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