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The 7 - Site Bashing - McSweeneys
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OlFuzzyBastard
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#1 Posted on 19.8.04 1621.50
Reposted on: 19.8.11 1623.16
If you've never read McSweeneys, you're sorely missing out on the funniest writing on the Internet. This is a recent list of theirs which I've somehow missed until now:

Quotes From the Announcers of Wrestlemania XX Which Were, but Should Not Have Been, Meant in All Seriousness

  • "Taking his time, the Big Show is just stalking the Doctor of Thuganomics."

  • "Anyone who's clotheslined a woman like Trish isn't going to get any extemporaneous compliments from me."

  • "It all began last June here at Madison Square Garden, and tonight, at Wrestlemania XX, it all begins again."

  • "These fans want someone to get hurt and, frankly, I do too."

  • "Goldberg is right-handed. That'll have an impact, if you think about it."

  • "Did the EMTs throw him back in the ring? How'd he get up?"

  • "Holy haircut, Batman!"

  • "Kurt Angle, his condition is unparalleled ... and so is Eddie Guerrero's."

  • "Latino Heat is fired up!"

  • "There's a poison seeping through the moral fiber of this country."


(edited by OlFuzzyBastard on 20.8.04 0826)
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Barbwire Mike
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#2 Posted on 19.8.04 1648.09
Reposted on: 19.8.11 1648.59
"Holy haircut, Batman" was meant in all seriousness?

LOf'nL at several of the others though, especially the Angle/Guerrero unparalleled conditioning one.
Wolfram J. Paulovich
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#3 Posted on 19.8.04 1705.54
Reposted on: 19.8.11 1706.20
    Originally posted by OlFuzzyBastard
    "Goldberg is right-handed. That'll have an impact, if you think about it."


Uh...?

I'm thinking about it, and it's not having any impact. I mean, as wrestling fans, can any of you think of an instance where someone being right-handed played an important role? Beyond the obvious role of "he has hands and thus can grab things"?
DJ FrostyFreeze
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#4 Posted on 19.8.04 1711.06
Reposted on: 19.8.11 1712.59
When I read that, I assumed that some sort of damage was being inflicted on his right hand, and the announcer was implying that if his hand is too hurt, it would be difficult for him to use it against his opponent or to defend himself.

HOW-EVA, none of that makes the quote in question sound any less silly.
JoshMann
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#5 Posted on 20.8.04 0826.10
Reposted on: 20.8.11 0828.12
    Originally posted by Jeb Tennyson Lund
    I mean, as wrestling fans, can any of you think of an instance where someone being right-handed played an important role? Beyond the obvious role of "he has hands and thus can grab things"?


Barry Windham punching the ringpost and "damaging" his claw hand in a match in 1989 versus Luger...other than that I've got nothing.
spf
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#6 Posted on 20.8.04 0840.50
Reposted on: 20.8.11 0845.42
Well, I guess as he often used his right hand to grab the opponent's trunks for lifting the guy into the Jackhammer, I suppose if he couldn't close his hand or grip anything with it, he wouldn't be able to use his finishing move.
Dave Gagnon
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#7 Posted on 20.8.04 1727.57
Reposted on: 20.8.11 1728.04
How about the time HBK kept on stomping Mankind's right hand? It was his way to avoid getting the Mandible Claw. Other than that, I have nothing.
asteroidboy
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#8 Posted on 20.8.04 1751.00
Reposted on: 20.8.11 1753.01
    Originally posted by OlFuzzyBastard
    "Did the EMTs throw him back in the ring? How'd he get up?"


The idea of evil paramedics taking things into their own hands is hilarious.
JoshMann
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#9 Posted on 23.8.04 1524.19
Reposted on: 23.8.11 1525.13
    Originally posted by Dave Gagnon
    How about the time HBK kept on stomping Mankind's right hand? It was his way to avoid getting the Mandible Claw. Other than that, I have nothing.


Ah, but if you remember the end of that match, Mankind's destroyed Mandible Claw hand was miraculously resurrected by the power of the urn, although as a side effect the power of the urn also allowed Sid's punches to connect on Vader from the 4th row, but the point still stands.
Matt Tracker
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#10 Posted on 25.8.04 1407.10
Reposted on: 25.8.11 1408.54
    Originally posted by asteroidboy
      Originally posted by OlFuzzyBastard
      "Did the EMTs throw him back in the ring? How'd he get up?"


    The idea of evil paramedics taking things into their own hands is hilarious.


"Walk it off, jobber!"
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#11 Posted on 26.8.04 1217.12
Reposted on: 26.8.11 1217.17
    Originally posted by Matt Tracker
      Originally posted by asteroidboy
        Originally posted by OlFuzzyBastard
        "Did the EMTs throw him back in the ring? How'd he get up?"


      The idea of evil paramedics taking things into their own hands is hilarious.


    "Walk it off, jobber!"


I really don't think that this was meant in all seriousness. It was Lawler being a goof, and it worked. I laughed pretty hard when this line was said- something I rarely do as a result of Jerry Lawler comentary.
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