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25.4.07 0017
The 7 - Site Bashing - How you can date Hulk Hogan's daughter
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Alessandro
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#1 Posted on 21.7.04 1120.38
Reposted on: 21.7.11 1123.06
http://www.progressiveboink.com/archive/brookehogan.htm

B's always been one of my favorite internet writers (all the way back to his "Wrestling Uncensored" days as Swandive), but I think this paragraph is what really sold me on the all-around brilliance of this particular piece :

    Originally posted by B
    Despite the political success of former wrestler Jesse "The Body" Ventura, Hogan has never been able to see his political dreams through, most notably in a failed attempt at the U.S. presidency in 1998. Political experts agree that it could've been his boa and old lady sunglasses getup fueling homophobia or his two-toned beard causing discomfort in children and dogs (who only see in black and white, so to them Hogan looked like Trapjaw from He-man) that spoiled his run at the oval office, but I think it was due to the fact that he was IN CHARGE OF A LARGE GANG.
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Barbwire Mike
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#2 Posted on 21.7.04 1123.56
Reposted on: 21.7.11 1124.38
This is a mind-bogglingly amusing post. You can literally scope it for hours and keep finding new things to laugh at.

B has always owned. I'll go to my grave proclaiming his "Say You Love Bossman" post the funniest thing that's ever been put on the Internet.
dwaters
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#3 Posted on 21.7.04 1145.14
Reposted on: 21.7.11 1145.37
"And if you are dating a girl who has just broken up with Bret Hart, there's a pretty good chance that Hogan is going to waltz in and take her from you within ninety seconds."

OH, TAG!*
*(copyright Lita and Scott Keith)

"If he starts stomping around, refrain from punching the Hulkster
He's just walking around like a Parkinson's patient in tie-dyed leggings. Run up and stiff a knee in his back. Kick him in the legs. Pull out a gun and shoot him. DON'T PUNCH him. OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES. It hasn't worked the previous FORTY MILLION TIMES, it isn't going to work this time."

Funny, funny, funny.
JustinShapiro
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#4 Posted on 21.7.04 1349.08
Reposted on: 21.7.11 1350.02
PROPS. That was tremendous.

****1/2

(not a censored swear word like shit and a half.)

(edited by JMShapiro on 21.7.04 1149)
BigVitoMark
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#5 Posted on 21.7.04 1733.15
Reposted on: 21.7.11 1733.25
Wow.

I usually don't bother with wrestling humour writers as they all tend to be the same (read: not funny at all), but that was awesome. The holy spirit is a friend and supporter of Randy Orton? Classic.
OMEGA
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#6 Posted on 21.7.04 1754.28
Reposted on: 21.7.11 1756.02
Okay, this has to be one of the funniest things I have EVER read. Like BigVitoMark, I'm usually not a fan of the internet-wrestling-humor writers. But this was GOLD! Especially the line about nWo Mauve & Apricot wrestling nWo Duck Hats & Decorative Umbrellas.
Phantom Lord
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#7 Posted on 21.7.04 1853.24
Reposted on: 21.7.11 1853.29
Damn that was priceless. The Holy Ghost supporting Randy Orton is classic.

Battlezone
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#8 Posted on 23.7.04 1145.06
Reposted on: 23.7.11 1145.14
I just finished watching Hulk and Brooke's apperance on Regis. Hulk says that being a "stage dad" is much harder than being a pro wrestler. He also says he's not retired, he's "tired".

They bring out Brooke, who's gotta be pushing six feet, cause she's not that much smaller than her father. AND she's a knockout. Where were all these girls when *I* was sixteen. Jeebus. Kelly makes the predictable joke about what guy would dare to ask out HULK HOGAN'S daughter, and thankfully, Hogan doesn't bite. He does drop that Brooke doesn't date, because he thinks sixteen's too young to date.

After the break, we have the World Televsion Premiere of Brooke....and god DAMN she cannot sing. Terrible. She's got the "pop artist that's desparately trying to not sound like a pop artist" thing down cold.

But hey, if the singing thing bombs, she could fall back into modeling. Or join that Diva Search-I'd vote for her over just about any of those other chicks...
JoshMann
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#9 Posted on 23.7.04 1233.05
Reposted on: 23.7.11 1236.29
    Originally posted by Battlezone
    Where were all these girls when *I* was sixteen. Jeebus.


3rd grade :P
Big Bad
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#10 Posted on 25.7.04 0215.30
Reposted on: 25.7.11 0218.01
Alessandro, I am forever in your debt. B. Swandive was always one of my favourite wrestling/entertainment writers back in the day, but I lost track of him. This site has his ENTIRE archive, so I've spent a good chunk of the afternoon laughing at old material once again.

Also, the new material on the website is great. The 'Top 50 Reasons to Hate The Yankees' had me almost choke on my Coke it was so funny.
Phantom Lord
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#11 Posted on 26.7.04 1915.11
Reposted on: 26.7.11 1915.53
Well The Hogan's are devout Christian's so it's not like you be able to get much from Brooke anyways.

I have yet to hear Brooke sing. They keep mentioning they want to make her the new Britney Spears, so I guess that should be a tip off to her vocal abilites.

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