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21.5.11 0158
The 7 - Random - The vengeance scale
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Matt Tracker
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#1 Posted on 20.7.04 1217.41
Reposted on: 20.7.11 1218.17
Now I know a good number of us here like Bill "The Sports Guy" Simmons, and we quote him or outright steal his stuff day and night.

This new column The Vengeance Scale is a marvelous encapsulation of pop culture, sports, and wrestling with the theme of measuring how badly people dished out payback or resolved themselves to do so. A fascinating read filled with all the "oh yeah" moments VH1 wishes it could arouse with their "I Love The" series.

It's compiled from reader suggestions and stems from the theory that Shaqamania will run wild on the NBA next season for the insulting trade consideration.
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JayJayDean
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#2 Posted on 20.7.04 1226.52
Reposted on: 20.7.11 1226.56
I'd have put Michael Douglas going nuts in "Falling Down" pretty high on this list. And Leonard shooting the drill sargeant in "Full Metal Jacket".
The Lurk
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#3 Posted on 20.7.04 1249.08
Reposted on: 20.7.11 1251.20
Man, Simmons just makes life a little easier to live every day. This is his fourth idea will be part of my vernacular from here on out along with the Pantheon, the Faces, the UCS.

I won't even start to argue or gripe or try to add-to....
BWT
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#4 Posted on 20.7.04 1255.27
Reposted on: 20.7.11 1255.59
This may be the best thing the Sports Guy has ever wrote and thats saying something. Missing was the Radicals going to the WWF in 2000.
estragand
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#5 Posted on 20.7.04 1354.47
Reposted on: 20.7.11 1356.10
Good read. He sticks to mainly "realistic" movies...like "Good Fellas" and "Rocky". Otherwise, you'd have to include Mad Max hunting down Toecutter's gang. Especially handcuffing Johnny to a burning car and leaving him a hacksaw. What's the line? "It'll take you 10 minutes to cut through that axel..or 6 minutes to cut through your leg"
spf
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#6 Posted on 20.7.04 1417.27
Reposted on: 20.7.11 1417.39
This was one of the best things I've read in forever. He is our pop culture cuisinart. Only things I'll say is that:

- Lennox Lewis destroying Hasim Rahman should have been higher

- Chuck Liddell finally getting ahold of Tito Ortiz would have been nice on there

- MJ ending LaBradford Smith definitely needed to be higher. In all my years as a Bulls fan, I never saw him more ramped up than that.

- Any of the evil acts that Beecher and Schillinger pulled on each other in "Oz" could have rated.
JayJayDean
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#7 Posted on 20.7.04 1459.47
Reposted on: 20.7.11 1502.28
    Originally posted by spf2119
    - MJ ending LaBradford Smith definitely needed to be higher. In all my years as a Bulls fan, I never saw him more ramped up than that.


Will someone refresh my memory on that? I can't remember it for the life of me.
BOSsportsfan34
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#8 Posted on 20.7.04 2016.50
Reposted on: 20.7.11 2017.27
    Originally posted by JayJayDean
      Originally posted by spf2119
      - MJ ending LaBradford Smith definitely needed to be higher. In all my years as a Bulls fan, I never saw him more ramped up than that.


    Will someone refresh my memory on that? I can't remember it for the life of me.


I'm a little bit sketchy on the exact details, but this is pretty close to how I remember it happening.

It was around the early 90's I believe. Washington and Chicago were playing a home-and-home series. The first game was in Washington, with the Bullets beating the Bulls and LaBradford Smith scored like 30 points with Jordan guarding him, and Smith was talking smack about it during the game. Jordan also had an off shooting night.

The next night they were in Chicago and the Bulls beat Washington going away. Not only did Jordan score something like 40 points, but he held Smith scoreless the whole game.

(edited by BOSsportsfan34 on 20.7.04 2118)
rockdotcom_2.0
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#9 Posted on 20.7.04 2118.55
Reposted on: 20.7.11 2119.03
Brilliant Column. I really think he is the most entertaining guy on the internet. Yes even more than Hyatte ;).

My personal favorite from the piece:


    Originally posted by Bill Simmons the Sports Guy


    8.0 -- Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me A River" video.


    (Note: The most underrated example of vengeance on this list. After Britney cheated on him, not only did he dump her, he put out a best-selling album fueled by a song about their breakup in which he basically destroys her with the lyrics. Just an unbelievable piece of work. It's devastating. I can't even imagine what she did when she first heard it. And if that wasn't enough, he made a well-received video about the song, starring a Britney look-alike. And if THAT wasn't enough, he immediately started going out with Cameron Diaz. By the time he was done, Britney's career was in the tank -- she was chain-smoking and hanging out with backup dancers and white trash guys from her hometown. Now that, my friends, is vengeance. Bravo, Justin. Bravo.)




Fucking Brilliant.
spf
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#10 Posted on 22.7.04 1151.31
Reposted on: 22.7.11 1152.05
    Originally posted by BOSsportsfan34
      Originally posted by JayJayDean
        Originally posted by spf2119
        - MJ ending LaBradford Smith definitely needed to be higher. In all my years as a Bulls fan, I never saw him more ramped up than that.


      Will someone refresh my memory on that? I can't remember it for the life of me.


    I'm a little bit sketchy on the exact details, but this is pretty close to how I remember it happening.

    It was around the early 90's I believe. Washington and Chicago were playing a home-and-home series. The first game was in Washington, with the Bullets beating the Bulls and LaBradford Smith scored like 30 points with Jordan guarding him, and Smith was talking smack about it during the game. Jordan also had an off shooting night.

    The next night they were in Chicago and the Bulls beat Washington going away. Not only did Jordan score something like 40 points, but he held Smith scoreless the whole game.

    (edited by BOSsportsfan34 on 20.7.04 2118)


IIRC Smith scored something like 34 on Jordan in the first of the home and home. The next night, with Smith guarding him, Jordan dropped 35 in the first half on Smith.
Reverend J Shaft
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#11 Posted on 22.7.04 1210.32
Reposted on: 22.7.11 1213.04
    Originally posted by JayJayDean
      Originally posted by spf2119
      - MJ ending LaBradford Smith definitely needed to be higher. In all my years as a Bulls fan, I never saw him more ramped up than that.


    Will someone refresh my memory on that? I can't remember it for the life of me.


Actually, it's pretty close to what spf2119 and BOSsportsfan34 said but Smith had scored 37 on MJ one night in Chicago. MJ said afterward that Smith had trash-talked him and that he would score just as many points the next time in the Cap Centre in the first half. Well, he scored 36, and he admitted sometime in the late 90's that he had made the whole story about Smith trash-talking him up.

So it's actually a little self-created vengeance on MJ's part. Which shows to me as I always thought: MJ is a petulant bitch. Oh jeez, did I say that out loud?


(edited by Reverend J Shaft on 22.7.04 1643)
ShotGunShep
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#12 Posted on 22.7.04 1514.34
Reposted on: 22.7.11 1514.36
"9.5 -- Rocky Balboa holding a dying Apollo in his arms as Ivan Drago sneers, "If he dies, he dies."


(Note: This led to Rocky fighting on Christmas Day in Russia for no money; nearly losing his unfeeling wife; climbing a 55,000-foot mountain in snow boots; singlehandedly ending the Cold War; and possibly ending up with brain damage, although we will never know for sure since "Rocky 5" never happened.)"

Hahaha, but why does he say (twice) that Rocky 5 never took place(besides the fact that it was the worst movie that ends in a freaking street fight).
Battlezone
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#13 Posted on 22.7.04 1522.20
Reposted on: 22.7.11 1522.27
    Originally posted by ShotGunShep
    Hahaha, but why does he say (twice) that Rocky 5 never took place(besides the fact that it was the worst movie that ends in a freaking street fight).


You just answered your own question there, Shep.
spf
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#14 Posted on 22.7.04 1525.20
Reposted on: 22.7.11 1526.26
A couple of things:

1. When did Jordan say he made up the Smith thing? I never saw that, and here in Chicago during the 90's Jordan sneezing merited 3 pages.

2. "Jordan is a petulant bitch" Someone still hasn't gotten over the 4-0 sweep in 91 have they?

3. As for why Rocky V doesn't exist, because Sports Guy has the power of time and space to make bad movies never happen. I believe "The Next Karate Kid" is also one of those things that never actually got made in his universe.
Reverend J Shaft
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#15 Posted on 22.7.04 1535.44
Reposted on: 22.7.11 1535.57
Originally posted by spf2119
A couple of things:

1. When did Jordan say he made up the Smith thing? I never saw that, and here in Chicago during the 90's Jordan sneezing merited 3 pages.


I found a column by Wilbon here. I remember hearing about it somewhere around that time.

Originally posted by spf666
2. "Jordan is a petulant bitch" Someone still hasn't gotten over the 4-0 sweep in 91 have they?




I wouldn't know. I started drinking around 2-0, and in my little world, the Pistons lived happily ever after and Jordan lost his power and became a garbage man... in Hong Kong.

Originally posted by spf5318008

3. As for why Rocky V doesn't exist, because Sports Guy has the power of time and space to make bad movies never happen. I believe "The Next Karate Kid" is also one of those things that never actually got made in his universe.


I thought I remembered him saying that he wanted to buy the box set of Rocky at the video store just so he could take Rocky V out and stomp on it right there in front of everyone.




(edited by Reverend J Shaft on 22.7.04 1648)
whatever
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#16 Posted on 22.7.04 1613.19
Reposted on: 22.7.11 1613.24
    Originally posted by Reverend J Shaft
    ...and Jordan lost his power and became a garbage man... in Hong Kong.


TESTIFY. "The Shot" in '89 missed, too.
spf
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#17 Posted on 22.7.04 1624.14
Reposted on: 22.7.11 1625.05
J Shaft...that post made my day.

whatever...to steal one of the DJ Frosty Freeze's tricks...

(image removed)

Please Believe It


Jaguar
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#18 Posted on 22.7.04 2116.19
Reposted on: 22.7.11 2116.51
Apparently I don't watch enough 90210. But the rest of it was okay.

-Jag
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#19 Posted on 22.7.04 2121.45
Reposted on: 22.7.11 2123.04
I would have put Russell and the '69 Celtics higher on the list, as that was the ultimate F.U. with Jack Kent Cooke's staff having a choreographed list of what was going to occur after the Lakers finally knocked off the Celts in a Game 7: balloons, USC Marching Band, etc. lying around, and (if I remember right) Jo Jo White finding it and bringing it to Russell in the dressing room before the game. That has to be mid 5.
Nice to see Kerry's brain scrambled by the Freebirds being high on the list.
With all the Godfather references, Luca Brazi getting double crossed on his double cross and getting sent to sleep with the fishes is at least a 3.
dwaters
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#20 Posted on 23.7.04 1751.44
Reposted on: 23.7.11 1759.01
I think Alanis Morisette's "You Outta Know" should rank higher, Dave Coulier or not. I really thought she'd keep going after "Jagged Little Pill", but all she's put out seems to be tuneless stream-of-conciousness ramblings that only make sense to her. I guess being cast as God in a movie (Dogma) can give you a big ego.
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