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The 7 - Pro Wrestling - The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report 5/13/04
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The Great Thomas
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#1 Posted on 13.5.04 2059.52
Reposted on: 13.5.11 2100.12
Today is the series finale of "Frasier". Oh joy, Vince gets another excuse for bad ratings! Lucky man. It's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!

LAST WEEK: ONOES! Bradshaw attacked Mama Guerrero!

THIS WEEK: Look! New theme video!

RVD vs. The Dudley: It'll be RVD/Mysterio vs. The Dudley Boyz at Judgement Day. Bubba comes out with a bandaged head to distract RVD so D-Von (this week's "The Dudley") can attack RVD from behind. TOP-ROPE NECKBREAKER by D-Von! Loud "RVD" chant. D-Von chokes out RVD with his wrist tape. Rest holds galore! More loud "RVD" chants. JUMPING THRUST KICK by RVD! Interference by Bubba is foiled! ROLLING THUNDER to D-Von! Bubba racks up RVD while the ref is distracted, and D-Von hits the HANGING DDT for the win! Afterwards, the Dudleys do a beatdown on RVD, but Rey Mysterio makes the save!

Locker Room: Eddie is upset. Mr. Angle appears to scold Eddie for last week's attack. If Eddie does anything out of line, he'll pay the consequences. Eddie stands up and leaves, despite the complaints of Mr. Angle.

Hirohito Kenzo Suzuki: He screams maniacally in Japanese.

Michael Cole: He's in the ring to interview the new Cruiserweight Champ, Jacqueline. She says that she's proud to be the FIRST EVER female Cruiserweight Champ. Out come Los Chavos for a rebuttal. New Chavo calls a Jacquie a "THIEF". He also calls the title win a rip-off. She CHEATED to win the title! "JACQUIE" chant. He will challenge Jacquie at Judgement Day... with ONE ARM TIED BEHIND HIS BACK. Chavo Classic then challenges Jacqueline to a match... RIGHT NOW! Let's go to commercial break!

YJ Stinger: "Catch the Buzz; Feel the Bling." This contest can change an ordinary Joe into Ric Flair!

Jacqueline vs. Chavo Classic: FLIPOVER NECK WHIP by Chavo Classic! ABDOMINAL STRETCH! SUPLEX! PUMPHANDLE SLAM is countered! TORNADO DDT by Jacquie! Chavo Classic wins via New Chavo's inteference. Afterwards, Jacquie de-pants Chavo Classic! Cole and Tazz laugh it up.

GM Room: Mr. Angle's still mad about Eddie's walking out. He sends Luthor out to find Eddie.

Last Thursday: Booker T got help from th' udda side, boi.

Backstage: Mr. Angle and Luthor find Eddie. He tells Eddie that if he interferes in Bradshaw's match tonight, he will be stripped of the title. Mr. Angle makes a remark about Mama Guerrero having a history of heart disease, which makes Eddie angry. This makes Mr. Angle and Luthor exit stage right (left?).

Cole and Tazz: They talk about the upcoming Mysterio/Bradshaw match. However, Bradshaw's voice comes out of thin air to say that he will beat up Mysterio tonight. He says that he's calling from his cell phone in his limo, and that he will show up tonight.

F.B.I. vs. Booker T: The F.B.I. are all bandaged up tonight after last week's match against the Undertaker. Booker T comes out with the voodo pouch. Booker T squashes the F.B.I. Booker T wins via SCISSORS KICK. Afterwards, Booker grabs the pouch and the mike. He says that now he's as powerful as the Undertaker. The BONG sounds, and Undertaker's face appears on the Ovaltron. Then Paul Bearer appears and scares the crap out of Booker T. Then Undertaker emerges from the ring! Booker T comically tries to repel Taker with the voodoo pouch.

Eddie Guerrero: He says that Bradshaw is not a Great American. A Great American does not look down on everybody. Eddie says America is a big melting pot, and was not founded on Bradshaw's blue blood ancestors. Eddie will test Bradshaw's intestinal fortitude, and at Judgement Day, he will avenge his mother. He then calls out Bradshaw to settle it RIGHT NOW! Bradshaw's limo comes out. Eddie comes after the limo and smashes the windows with a pipe. No one's inside. A bunch of rent-a-cops appear. The Disembodied Voice of Bradshaw orders the cops to arrest Eddie for destruction of private property. The cops cuff Eddie, and Bradshaw comes out to make fun of Eddie's mama. This causes Eddie to rush Bradshaw, but Bradshaw easily gains the upper hand, with Eddie being cuffed and all. The cops drag Eddie away, and Bradshaw celebrates in the ring.

Rico vs. Holly: THE RING IS ON FIRE! Oh, no wait, it's just a Jugdement Day spot. It's gonna be Rico/Haas vs. Holly/Gunn for the titles at Judgement Day! Rico tries to come on to Bob, but Holly don't play dat. HARD CHOPS by Holly! JUMP KICK by Rico! HANGING GUT KICK by Holly! ALABAMASLAM is foiled! BEST DROPKICK IN THE BUSINESS by Holly! FLYING CROSS BODY by Rico, but Holly counters it into a rollup for the win!

THIS JUST IN: Another match: Torrie vs. Dawn Marie! Tazz says: "Just another reason to check out Judgement Day!" Michael Cole must be forcing him to say that at gunpoint.

Caf de Ren: He says that Americans are in denial because the rest of the world hates them. Ren says that Cena is the most classless American of all! Ren will treat John Cena "like you Americans treated those poor Iraqis!" The Son of Smiling Bob gets rental games in the mail from a fat mailman in an earring.

Mordecai: He's coming this Sunday to sweep away sinners in his fury!

Sakoda vs. Cena: Cena gives his T-shirt to a toddler. But that shirt is too big for him, Cena! Akio kicks Cena in the face. Cole calls Ren's Iraqi comment "asinine". RUNNING KNEE by Sakoda. Cena goes for the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM! Akio tries to stop him, but Cena stares him down, and he backs off. Cena then pumps up the shoes, and hits the F-U for the win! Afterwards, Cena gives an F-U to Akio, and throws Deez Nutz at his corpse. Hey, WWE! What was the reason for signing Jimmy Yang? I keep forgetting.

RAW Rebound: Shawn Michaels is suspended. Eugene wins his debut match. Orton beats Edge. Lita is threatened by Kane. Jericho wins the cage match. Next week, a 20-man battle royal for the #1 contendership!

Bradshaw vs. Mysterio: Hey, Mysterio's mask is red! Awww, but I really liked that black mask he was wearing earlier! Bradshaw gets the upper hand on Mysterio early in the match. POWERBOMB is foiled! Mysterio gets Bradshaw to chase him around the ring. Bradshaw gets BLOWN UP FROM RUNNING?! Rey's SPRINGBOARD PLANCHA is caught! FALLAWAY SLAM! DELAYED VERTICAL SUPLEX! TORTURE RACK! TORNADO DDT by Mysterio! 6-1-9! WEST COAST POP is foiled! BIG BOOT by Bradshaw! Bradshaw tosses Rey-Rey into the steel steps! Bradshaw rampages across the announce table! Back into the ring. BIG TURNBUCKLE CLOTHESLINE! TURNBUCKLE POWERBOMB! CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL! 1.. 2.. 3! Afterwards, Bradshaw grabs the mike and says he doesn't give a damn about Eddie's mama, and that he will become the next WWE Champion! And... we're out.

That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and if you're gullible enough to buy Judgement Day this week, then I got a bridge to sell ya!

(edited by The Great Thomas on 13.5.04 1901)
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#2 Posted on 13.5.04 2113.18
Reposted on: 13.5.11 2114.31
One word: Shitdown!
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#3 Posted on 13.5.04 2121.08
Reposted on: 13.5.11 2122.37
The new motto for Judgement Day has come out. Judgement Day: Almost As Enjoyable As A Colonoscopy.
Its really bad when Bradshaw breaks out the Lex Luger offense, and you actually would rather see Lex Luger of the late 90's-early 00's in the ring.
Gee, that Hirohito copyright sure will rake in the bucks.
Cena's offense is getting close to Greg Gagne dullness levels.
Its a scary world when an argument could be made that more than one match on a PPV could be worse than Torrie vs. Dawn Marie.
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#4 Posted on 13.5.04 2124.13
Reposted on: 13.5.11 2124.42
Smackdown Thoughts:

The only thing that made the opening match worthwhile was the hanging DDT....Kurt is so "blah" as the GM....Goodbye Hirohito, hello Kenzo Suzuki....Now I remember why Jacqueline never gets mic time....It's pretty sad when Chavo Classic is the best thing about Smackdown these days....Well, at least Booker has got momentum heading into the PPV....

Decent Eddie/Bradshaw angle, but it's not going to make people buy the PPV....Oh God, neither is the Tag Title Match....Or the women's match!!....Dupree seems to lose his accent in mid-sentence....Cena v.s Sakoda was, well, there....I really hate WWE using cruiserweights as bumping machines for big men, especially someone with some cred like Rey, one of the few cruisers that has any left....A "whatever" Smackdown.
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#5 Posted on 13.5.04 2125.52
Reposted on: 13.5.11 2125.59

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#6 Posted on 13.5.04 2147.40
Reposted on: 13.5.11 2148.14
Smackdown was better this wee. Lets say a quick good-bye to the JBL main event era. Thank goodness. I might buy the webcast this Sunday. judgement Day will be better than most think and I can't wait for Mordecai to come out during the Taker/Booker match.
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#7 Posted on 13.5.04 2200.02
Reposted on: 13.5.11 2200.31
The one thing about SmackDown is that it has NO direction. Let's all assume (or pray) that Judgment Day IS the end of the JBL main-event era (although, I wouldn't be suprised if they stuck with him for another month or so). Where does Eddie Guerrero go from there? SmackDown has the Great American Bash PPV in June, and I can't think of ANY viable main-event match for Eddie Guerrero.

Booker T: Will probably need some big wins after Undertaker gets through with him. Plus, if he's undergoing the Papa Shango character-change, do we really need that in the main-events?

Rene Dupre: Too green to be main-eventing a PPV.

Undertaker: Will probably have his hands tied with Mordecai.

John Cena: Would need some big wins to help his image.

Rey Mysterio: Yeah, Vince will let HIM main-event a PPV.

Dudley Boyz: A PPV main-event that would actually be LAMER than Bradshaw.

Rob Van Dam: I don't think WWE wants to turn him heel. Would also need some big wins to help out his image after being bogged down in the Dudleyz feud.

So, what else is there? Another PPV headlined by Bradshaw? Things aren't looking too bright, my friends.
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#8 Posted on 13.5.04 2201.34
Reposted on: 13.5.11 2201.57
Did anyone see Gunn and Holly doing the "rock, paper, scissor" thing before the match? I understand doing that in a tag match to see who wrestles first, but this was a singles match.

Unless they just plain like playing that game.
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#9 Posted on 13.5.04 2231.30
Reposted on: 13.5.11 2232.04
    Originally posted by Stilton
    One word: Shitdown!
One word: 24HOURBAN!
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#10 Posted on 13.5.04 2300.08
Reposted on: 13.5.11 2300.12
Michael Cole, on the fact that Jackie won the CW title by cheating. "She still won!" Thats annoying. If a heel, any heel, cheated to win, Michael would be declaring it a "mindnumbing outrage" or something. But if a face does it, its a-okay. I love WWE logic.

I wish they'd push other cruiserweights besides Rey. (Pushing Jackie does not count)
Mr Heel II
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#11 Posted on 13.5.04 2321.26
Reposted on: 13.5.11 2323.27
In a "just for the heck of it" moment, I did a Ticketmaster search for seats at the Judgement Day PPV. One ticket, best available. Response: NO SEATS AVAILABLE. Find that hard to believe.

We'll be getting the PPV because Jen loves Bradshaw. I don't pretend to understand it anymore than Haas tries to understand Rico.

I was mildly entertained by tonight's effort. It's one of those "yeah, it's bad, but I have RAW to compensate, so it's fine" type deals. I even halfway enjoyed Mysterio/Bradshaw.

The only thing that really blew my mind was the "parts bin tag title" match coming up at the PPV. So Gunn is a heel now? Or is Gunn/Holly the team that, when asked if they're face or heel, the answer is "no"?

I think Angle needs to be an assistant GM to somebody so he can do a lot of sucking up and bring out his comedy side. The GM role just isn't working for him.

I find it hard to build excitement for Mordecai when he looks so much like that skinny little guy who played the President of the United Federation of Planets in Star Trek IV and VI.

Didn't Taker's first "Bong" sound more like the gong in the Taco Bell commercials than his?
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#12 Posted on 13.5.04 2326.28
Reposted on: 13.5.11 2326.52
    Originally posted by Peregrine
    Michael Cole, on the fact that Jackie won the CW title by cheating. "She still won!" Thats annoying. If a heel, any heel, cheated to win, Michael would be declaring it a "mindnumbing outrage" or something. But if a face does it, its a-okay. I love WWE logic.

It's the wrestling double-standard.

Anything a face does, no matter what, is noble and just. Unless they turn hell afterwards.
Anything a heel does, no matter what, is evil and wrong. Unless they turn face afterwards.

(edited by Mr Tuesday on 13.5.04 2327)
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#13 Posted on 14.5.04 0113.51
Reposted on: 14.5.11 0113.58
    Originally posted by Mr Heel II
    In a "just for the heck of it" moment, I did a Ticketmaster search for seats at the Judgement Day PPV. One ticket, best available. Response: NO SEATS AVAILABLE. Find that hard to believe.
Well ... I knew I was going to be in southern California this weekend, so I got a ticket for JD when the first went on sale. The onsale was something like 6 weeks ago, before things started to go quite so ... uh, awry. TicketMaster was hideously backed up & slow right at the onsale, & stuff was gone astonishingly fast. Best I could get was a $70 ticket a ways back in the skyboxes, & that was within the first hour after the onsale. I assumed it was mostly scalpers figuring "WWE PPV". Soooo, we'll just have to see if there are actually any bodies in the building... (Maybe I should take a sign, just in case I get "upgraded", eh? :-) )
    Originally posted by Mr Heel II
    We'll be getting the PPV because Jen loves Bradshaw. I don't pretend to understand it anymore than Haas tries to understand Rico.
OK, so Charlie & Rico, & live Undertaker entrance are pretty much my expectations. Anything else that might happen to go well will be gravy.
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#14 Posted on 14.5.04 0407.25
Reposted on: 14.5.11 0407.32
I would have rather had the creative team have another week of "We have nothing for Rey Mysterio to do" than let Bradshaw squash him like a bug. I continue to be baffled at how Bradshaw earned a PPV main event for any reason other than seniority.

I would like to note that this is the first Smackdown my dad has caught in years. He grew up watching Chavo Classic back in his prime. Needless to say, he wasn't too thrilled with watching his childhood idol get depantsed. I can understand why.

Blargh, sez I, to Sparky Plugg and Billy Gunn getting a tag title shot. Then I weep when I consider that they're pretty much getting the shot because there are no other tag teams out there.

So "The Dudley" gimmick is that you never know which Dudley you're gonna get? Imagine how trippy it would be if one week, we got Little Snot Dudley, Dudley Dudley, or Dances with Dudley? Not saying it would be cool or anything, but it'd sure be...different.
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#15 Posted on 14.5.04 0956.20
Reposted on: 14.5.11 0956.35
Number one best moment on Smackdown:

The "ring on fire" graphic for Judgement Day before the Rico match. That shit was AWESOME! I cheered more for that than anything else on this show.

Otherwise, BORING! I am normally optimistic when it comes to pro-wrestling because there are usually things that I can find that I like no matter how bad the show as a whole is. And hell, I even usually enjoy watching bad stuff just because even shitty pro-wrestling is more entertaining than 75% of the other crap thats on TV. I'd still rather watch Smackdown than some goddamn sitcom, but last night, turning off the TV altogether seemed like a more entertaining option. I hope WWE is just trying to play out all their crappy angles at Judgement Day, and will try and turn it all around once the PPV is over. If they do, I applaud them for sticking with something, even though it sucks, for the sake of continuity. If not, Vince needs medication.
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#16 Posted on 14.5.04 1419.38
Reposted on: 14.5.11 1420.44
-Dvon vs. RVD- Well I thought it was going to be Bubba, so RVD is as smart as me(uh oh). The fans still seemed really behind RVD with loud chants... End comes with RVD sitting on the top rope as D'von spikes him with a DDT (Orton did that to RVD to win the IC title). Props to RVD for taking a freaky scary move like that.

-Jacqueline/Chavo's interview- Jacqueline says she's the first female Cruiserweight champ(hello Madusa, Daphney!)... Chavo's come out and they can't even save the sucktitude of this entire experience, even though Classic did give the shame, shame fingers motion to Jacqueline. But hey looks like Chavo Sr. will wrestle for us tonight in his undershirt, so there's something to keep you tuned in after the commercials.

-ChavoClassic vs. Jacqueline- Jacqueline is trying out there, she's not talentless. Nice hiptoss and nice tornado DDT(which is mostly Classic taking the moves). But this is so forced & unrealistic(yeah even for wrestling)... She gets beat by cheating Chavo's and gets revenge by depantsing Classic, like this thing can't be any dumber. She points and laughs "Haha how do you like that". Michael Cole has to break out his easily detected "forced laugh" for this. Again I don't know if it's bad announcing or just bad TV show that he has to announce making him look bad. Or a bit of both.

-Booker vs. Stamboli/Nunzio- Can't be all negative, I actually like the reasoning of this match. Booker in his mind feels he needs to prove he's just as strong as the Undertaker so he takes on the two jobbers that Undertaker destroyed the other week. Even if they are totally injured, it doesn't matter. Kinda clever, even though I think Undertaker squash with healthy FBI took LESS TIME LoL... Dem Special Effects are faaaaantastic. Undertaker appears on screens one at time, out comes Bearer, ring smokes as Undertaker appears. But no fear Booker has his bag of umm dirt.

-Guerrero/Layfield interview- You know things are bad that even Eddie is cutting bad promos. Bradshaw has "blue blood". I know Bradshaw has a total transformation but even I can't go that far. Out comes a limo, Eddie smashes the window to get at Bradshaw. Bradshaw arrests him for damaging his limo (kind of clever for a overused, tired arrest spot). Eddie says "Not the first time, won't be the last" time he gets arrested. Which he's honest considering wrestling repetitive cliche writing.

-BobHolly vs. Rico- LoL Geemoney I noticed that too that Bob and Billy did the rock, paper, scissors thing. I'm thinking Billy thought "That made the outlaws, so I do it all the time, even if it doesn't make sense". Bob Holly gets all homophobe even with BILLY GUNN as his partner... What's scary is that this show was so bad that THIS was one of the better all around matches of the night. I did like Rico being more legit and serious this week then the previous ones.

-Cena vs. Sakoda- Not a good sign when I looked at Sakoda and thought "Who the hell is that?". He went from black pants to white tights which I think it's a slight improvement. Nice kick by Akio from above... Cena ring moves are just so elementary. You can read a match review/ recap of him & not see the match and pretty much know it all. it's just so bland. I found Tazz talking about those "Poor, innocent, Iraqi prisoners" to be somewhat odd choice of words especially when concerning this angle. Don't believe it was on purpose.

-Layfield vs. Mysterio- Rey does the running around as Bradshaw chases, Layfield gets tired as Rey in the ring doing jumping jacks(ha). Fun ends as Rey goes for the plauncha, Layfield catches him & throws him back in the fallaway slam(let the crazy bumping for the talentless oaf begin). Bradshaw dominates, puts on a torture rack which looks more like a simple fireman carry(Jebus man if you going to do a torture rack at least damn Luger put some body language into it, not just stand up & carry someone). Oh Rey hits a tornado DDT and a 619 but Bradshaw shakes it all off and boots him. More destruction of Rey by getting powerbomb slam into the turnbuckle. Layfield finish him off with a clothesline from heck. Layfield cuts an interview, well he can DO THAT ALLRIGHT... Man did they make Rey seem like Shannon Moore with a fan base. I know JBL was going over this match but he made Rey look like such a shmuck.

-OtherStuff- I'm sorry but I laughed Kenzo Suzuki promo, what is with the incoherent yelling. He is pissed off, he remind me of the man who owns a corner store near my school who would yell at us as we hung out there. Dude chill, we ain't stealing anything, I'm waiting to play Ms. Pac-man arcade... Professor Xangle is backstage and wants Eddie to chill... Cafe De Rene, on location. He gives out the world wide secret that the world ain't to pleased with America... Mordecai is going to show on Judgement Day, if he was the one in the dirt last week I have to ask again. How on earth does he keep his whites so white. I need his secret.

-Line of the Night: Cole "You think Raw was exciting, wait for what's coming up next" (As they show main event graphic of BRADSHAW vs. Mysterio)
-Sign of the Night: "Bring back Raven"
-3Stars of the Night: 1)Rico. 2)RVD. 3)Suzuki.- Well at least I laughed at Suzuki. This was difficult what do you choose when there was no good matches, no one was really funny or any did any interesting skits. Talk about reaching for picks.

Here's a brain teaser. "If Emma brings a sign, and no one gets the PPV, does it make a word?" hmmm. (kinda like the tree falls in the forest thing LoL)... But like I wrote on the 3stars thing, no better then expected matches, or good story skit or even anything funny. Which makes one pretty pointless show. The matches they are setting up for a PPV is pretty absurd. But hey they had a new theme video, that's FRESH at least.
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#17 Posted on 14.5.04 1657.20
Reposted on: 14.5.11 1657.31
So the Judgment Day undercard consists of...

- A debut match/squash for Mordecai
- A women's match
- A thrown together tag match
- A thrown together tag title match
- A woman vs. man match... for a title, no less

The three top matches all have big flaws with them as well: Cena/Dupree has good heat to it, and the buildup has been nice, but they're both too young to be expected to deliver a quality match. Taker/Booker has just had awful, cheesy buildup, and the match itself shouldn't be that great. And Eddie/JBL... well, it's JBL, let's leave it at that.

This is going to tank horribly. For all of those people hoping for the brand extension to end someday, this is what WWE will have to keep doing for a while in order to tank enough buyrates to merge the rosters again.
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#18 Posted on 14.5.04 1711.20
Reposted on: 14.5.11 1715.25
> For all of those people hoping for
> the brand extension to end someday...

Essentially it has with most of the
worthwhile talent being moved to RAW.
SmackDown! is a near-ECW level ghetto,
complete with its own 9-1-1dertaker.

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#19 Posted on 14.5.04 1913.43
Reposted on: 14.5.11 1913.48
I made a promise to myself to not fastforward through the show this week. Can I do it?

Hey, a new opening. I note almost as much Undertaker as Eddie. Finally, the out of the opening.

Rob vs. DVon was a nice match. That gangly black HBK-shirt, red cap wearing kid in the front row was really annoying.

Wait - has this Suzuki taken-over Horohito's spot? Maybe Horohito was behind BookerT's "I still remember." angle (ironically appropriate, since they're both forgotten now). And I don't get the gimmick. Didn't they already have the "crazy Japanese guy" in Tajiri, just to stick him on Raw?

What is with this pair of brown balloons doing with the Crusierweight Title? And can I take seriously a wrestler over whom Michael Cole towers? (The answers being: Idunno and no.)

Pair of fake breasts vs. Elderly Mexican. Man, this is really making me reconsider my promise to not fastforward. Instead I think about how stuff like this affects The Great Thomas's mental integrity.

Angle looks kinda chubby around the neck now. Maybe it's just the collar. Is Luther a mute? Has he taken a vow of silence?

So, rather than TRAINING for his upcoming match, BookerT decides to trapse around and graverob? And he brought a camera with him?

Wow - Bradshaw really is "phoning it in". The Eddie/Bradshaw "confrontation" was lame and boring, just like the rest of the angle.

Rico's gut + mesh = wrong. He looks like he's a low-class kind of guy who's got a beer gut hiding behind his wifebeater.

Torrie vs. Dawn at the PPV? Are they going to bring up the whole "you killed my father" bit? No? Oh, shame.

The Raw Rebound - the best part of the show!

Y'know, Bradshaw's music always makes me think it's A-Train.

Overall: I didn't like this show. In fact, I just don't like Smackdown! From now on I'll make much more liberal use of fastforward (if I bother to rewind the tape at all).
The Great Thomas
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#20 Posted on 14.5.04 2019.16
Reposted on: 14.5.11 2019.18
    Originally posted by ScreamingHeadGuy
    Pair of fake breasts vs. Elderly Mexican. Man, this is really making me reconsider my promise to not fastforward. Instead I think about how stuff like this affects The Great Thomas's mental integrity.
When I'm not watching SmackDown!, I just sit around and contemplate the day that the Thunder SmackDown! brand dies, then wonder where I go from there. Retirement seems likely...
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