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#1 Posted on 16.4.04 1120.37 Reposted on: 16.4.11 1121.22
WWE VELOCITY WORKRATE REPORT – April 10, 2004
One of the side effects of starting up veteran presence was the realization of how horribly I have been neglecting the other original project that I was asked to work on. Somewhere sometime someone was going to have to make a decision about the feasibility of having a message board based around nothing. And as much as I sometimes long for the charm of the Inside The Web board and its 19 posters, not getting back to the wrestling might lead to some severe consequences. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself when I received that phone call that Tim Livingston had Dean tied to a bed, with a cinder block against his ankles, rambling on “I am your number one fan. There is nothing to worry about. You are going to be just fine. I AM YOUR NUMBER ONE FAN!!!!.” And, honestly, without the message board a lot of you would be released into the wild... and that can’t possibly be good. Okay – got distracted again.
What Worked Geez, I believe that the WWE booked that Doug Basham/Paul London match for me and me alone. I am probably the only Doug Basham fan in the world and this was (pending my watching of Heat tonight) the WWE match of the week. I loved the dickish “You aren’t worthy to be in the ring. Get out and save yourself a whippin’” thingy. And Paul London is the best seller in the WWE. I said it. I loved how sold the arm the entire match (which was the basis of the entire match) including on the sunset flip – which was boss since it explained Basham being able to block it AND the fact that Basham went straight back to working the arm. I also am a mark for the jumping leg lariat as a finisher (which was set up by dropping said crippled arm on the ropes. PSYCHOLOGY~!) Doug and Danny need to figure out a leg lariat/neck breaker combo for their finisher. Paul London’s 270 dropkick (I loathe the term dropsault) is so much a better spot than a big batch of the indytastic shit you see nowadays. Fuck, better than anything I saw in that 4-way later on.
Billy Gunn’s arm drag into neck breaker was fun. Yeah... that’s probably it about that match.
Akio sure wasn’t afraid to try and carry Rey Jr, Jim Powers and Paul Loria to something resembling a passable wrestling match. He was doing most of the work as everyone else got those really long sections of doing nothing while he was always interjecting himself to a new partner to keep the match moving. He threw a great fucking punch at Guido too. The rest of this mess can be found elsewhere. Oh, I guess that it was a 4-way instead of a 3-way also worked.
What Didn’t Work The Power Company could have gotten a good match out of the world’s worst version of Men At Work – Stockcar racer Bob Holly and Cowboy Billy Gunn. Eddie Craven and Russell Simpson aren’t the Power Company. And who thought Holly stealing Val Venis’ tights was a good idea? Couldn’t he steal some of Venis’ offense while he was at it?
I really like the set up of Velocity in that the video recaps make the drizzling shit that is Bradshaw and the Giant watchable in 15 snippets. Plus they actually run video packages hyping up wrestlers. But of all the people who are getting this push – Rico and Miss Jackie???? Really??? I have no ill will towards the former American Gladiator who really is old enough to be Ed’s dead but it really is unsettling looking at Jackie. It’s like someone painted Cabbage Patch Doll after it had sat out in the sun for 19 weeks.
I am so getting hosed on the commercials that allow me to column pad. Dean gets MicroTrim. I get nothing. Not even the Final Fantasy X-2 commercials anymore. Where is Mary Beth Hoyt peddling the easy sewer? Or how about the magical and mysterious liberty coin that keeps cheating death. IT HAS NINE LIVES!!!! AND IT’S GOLD!!!! Don’t You Understand People!!!!! If that coin is lost – the TERRORISTS HAVE WON!!!!!
The US Title with the American Flag as the background is one of the ugliest fucking belts I have ever seen. I am sure that gets Cena a lot of street cred. I guess THUGZ!!! gotta be patriots or something.
Matches like the 4-way are part of the reason I really really really stopped liking wrestling. I am so over Rey Jr. (thought I need to be careful because I really don’t want him roid raging on me... or Kidman for that matter. Yeesh!) Of all the smaller guys in the world to be pushing, Guido is now getting the title shots against Chavo. I guess sitting in a corner chillin for half the match after getting smacked around by Rey Rey’s dick qualifies as excellent selling. Seriously, is Kidman’s cardio that poor that he has to take a two minute nap on the outside 5 seconds into the match. I am sure he did some basic offense and managed to not rip his pec during the nine minutes this match was going.