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Excalibur05
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#1 Posted on 6.4.04 0252.37
Reposted on: 6.4.11 0254.45
Last Week: Shelton Benjamin did the impossible when he sold 1,100 glasses of lemonade on a rainy day. “Dave” Batista “Davidson” learned what it was like to be a fish. And Edge learned that you don’t have to talk to Spear Kane. Who will about this feud talk first? Maybe we’ll find out…TONIGHT!

Triple H is out and he’s not even spitting water or waiting for his music. Geez, something must be wrong with the poor guy. Maybe he’s pissed that somebody copied over his tape of the “Sex in the City” finale? You’ve had a few weeks, dude, if Flair wants to tape hardcore granny porn over your softcore granny porn, it’s nobody’s fault but yours. Well, and Orton’s. Give him a nice Pedigree for me, won’t you? Hey! HHH has got the MIC! Maybe he’ll let us in on exactly what’s going on in that head of his.

HHH: What the hell guys? I jobbed to CHRIS FRIGGIN’ BENOIT! The guy who thinks he’s a rapper and a Pirate and Julia Styles. I’m above this crap! I shouldn’t be out here every week jobbing to every two bit pumpkin poker who we want to give a push to. Isn’t that why we keep Jericho around? I mean…Geez! Shelton Benjamin?! What’s next? Lillian? Lillian, get in the ring here so I can lay down for you! I mean geez, lets get this over with while I can still walk.

Lillian Garcia v. Triple H

Lillian pins HHH! Lillian wins!

HHH: Whew. All right. Is there anybody ELSE back there you want me to job to before I go? Mae Young? No? Duke “The Dumpster” Droese?

Duke comes out, but he’s waylaid by Shelton Benjamin. Shelton is on the MIC!

SB: Dude, knock that crap off! I’m supposed to be getting over!
HHH: Yeah, well you know what helps you get over? “Overjuice” and long rambling promos about how your cat Nibblins loves to play with a ball of string-uh. In fact, me and Nibblins were at the HHH Mansion in Sunny Greenwich, Connecticut, and Stephanie said to me, she says “Jean-Paul” because that’s what she calls me even though I’ve told her a THOUSAND times to keep up kayfabe around the house just in case any of the cockroaches work for the Internet, and sure enough every time she says it Meltzer has some big thing about how “Back of Fridge Sources Say that HHH has herpes and that Stephanie keeps asking him to go to the doctor to have it checked out, but he won’t because HHH is afraid that the Doctor won’t be able to keep up Kayfabe” which is totally false, because I love doctors, I think they’re great and a good source of overjuice, but anyway, so Stephanie always says, “Huuuunter, I want to make babies,” and I’m like, ‘Bitch, please! I’m trying to play with Nibblins,” and she gets this really depressed look on her face, so I hit her with a Sledgehammer, but I don’t get in trouble because I AM THE GAME and not Stone Cold Steve Austin, that idiot, he still owes me like, five bucks from the time when he said that I couldn’t eat a whole jar of picked eggs, but I ate the whole jar of pickled eggs and man was Austin’s face red, so he said “Well, hell son, I’ll pay you back Thursday” and I said, “But we won’t see each other on Thursday” because we have Thursdays off, but then he just said “What” and started staring at his watch like it was delivering the Communist Manifesto to him, so I just slowly backed away, and now I STILL don’t have that five bucks, and I was going to use that money to buy some string for Nibblins to play with, because he’s so damned cute whenever he plays with string, in fact just the other day I was trying to get him to play with some string and Stephanie came in and tried to bring up her coming back to Smackdown and I was like “You KNOW I don’t like to talk about work when I’m chillin’ with Nibblins” and so she just ran off and said “Well, Maybe I just won’t ever come back to TV ever again” and I was like “Whateva”, you know, because I was busy, and….
SB: What the hell are you talking about?
HHH: Ha! You should have interrupted me sooner. This segment is OVER! Just like you’re not! You know…over…Whatever. Point is, you’re being held DOWN, bitch!
SB: Dammit!

(ads)

The WWE went to Mexico last week. My favorite part was when Shawn Michaels entered riding a burro while the Mexican children laid Palm fronds in front of him.

Rob Conway (w/ Sylvan Grenier) v. Save the Last Dance for Chris Benoit
With Special Guest Referee Johnny “Nitro” Thunder

So where are all the Johnny Nitro Girls? I’m just curious. It’d be great if he stole Shane Helm’s old Entance. And then he could try hitting on Spice, but she’d break his spine. Why isn’t this a Dance Dance World Title Match? I bet Dupree is pissed he missed out on the opportunity. Ok. I’ve devised a helpful chart for you, ESPECIALLY those of you thinking about ordering Matt Hocking Presents Eric Bischoff Presents WWE RAW Presents Crazy Go Nuts Booty Shake (LIVE Only on PPV and Then in Print form the Next Day!) in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, OMG BENOIT~!:

Bad: Good:
Canada The U.S.

That’s why La Resistance is BAD, because they’re from the imaginary nation of “Quebec” which is in the evil land of “Canada”. Our savior for this match is Chris Benoit, who is not from Canada at all, but is from Atlanta. Which explains his crazy Erin Andersonesque Southern Accent. I do believe that Nancy Sullivan has the vapors. A girl I know died of the vapors. It was truly a sad day. Wait a second! La Resistance isn’t from CANADA! Grenier is from the city of FRANCE! And Conway is from…geez, I dunno, Truth Or Consequences, New Mexico or something. And Benoit is from Ireland! This whole match is a SHAM! I refuse to report on it!

How dare the WWE!

Oh, whatever. Conway accidently hits Johnny, and Benoit gets the win when another referee is teleported by “Embedded Boysenberry” bees and tells the timekeeper to ring the bell and award the match to Benoit. I could use some bees right now. Johnny Nitro Party at my Place!

William Regal is wandering around backstage. Woah! I thought I heard this guy died or something when a parasite ate his brains. OH NO! The parasite must have taken control of Regal’s body and is using it for devious means! Like…uh…dressing up in a suit and acting British! Which is totally enough to get him hired by most major colleges and/or universities. He’s the DEAN OF THUGANOMICS AT UTEP! I don’t know HOW he got hired into that position over Shane Douglas. Wait…wait…never mind. Internet Wrestling Guru and Practicing Alchemist Dave “The Ringmaster” Meltzer says that Scientists shrunk a pre-World Title Chris Benoit down to comically small proportions, put him in a microspace ship, shot him into Regals nose and told him to bore the parasites to death with one of his patented boring promos (patent pending)! It must have worked because here Regal is, and he’s not looking at all like he has mad cow disease, or whatever. Well, I mean besides the time when he started shaking and then tried to gore Bischoff. But that was SO five seconds ago, let’s find out what’s up now.

WR: Hello there chum!
EB: Huh? Lord Steven Regal? Oh…hi…sorry, I’m fresh out of WCW TV Titles.
WR: No, no, mate, I’m here to inquire about getting my job here in the WWE back.
EB: The one where you drink pee, kiss peoples asses (literally) and The Chief injects you with a strange disease so that he can take your spot.
WR: Err…no…no. You know what? Never mind me. I don’t know why I came back.
EB: Oh, come on. I would never involve you in angles so stupid as that! You’re my old WCW buddy, Lord Steven Regal!
WR: Right…riiiight…Hey…I’m just going to drive over to Smackdown and see if I can’t beat up Bill Demott and take over Velocity commentary….
EB: You won’t be able to resist the charms of that total hottie Josh Matthews. Besides, you don’t want to work with HER! You want to work with Eugene!
WR: Eugene?
EB: Sure. You know, like the town in Oregon. He’s a product of 30 years of training in OVW. I think you two will do fine together.
WR: Oh, whatever. It can’t be any worse than the time I jobbed to Spike Dudley.

(ads)

Matt Hardy (from Carolina V. 2) v. Chris Jericho (from The Mean Streets of Yonkers New York but now residing in Al’s Gator Shack, Tampa, Florida)

Matt Fact: Canada is for pussies. I guess. So now Jericho isn’t from Canada either? So, was he ever supposed to have been from Canada? Did Jean Chretien steal Vince’s lunch or something? Chris Tian and Trish Stratus decide now would be time to come out. Hey! They brought Charlie The RAW Satire Chair. Thanks for coming out tonight Charlie! Geez, you know something, he’s no Fifi the Raw Satire Poodle, but at least he doesn’t try to bite you when you sit on him, or pee all over your collection of priceless Delphi Chat Transcripts which you laid all over the floor for reasons you’d rather not discuss. Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho and Matt taps. Charlie, Trish and Tian are not impressed. Hell, even I could beat Matt Hardy.

(ads)

Mick Foley is backstage knitting a sweater. He looks up.

MF: Oh, hello there and welcome to Mr. Foley’s knitting corner! Tonight, Mr. Foley is going to teach you about cross-stitching! Isn’t that exciting kids?! What do you mean no! I’ll tell you ungrateful bastards something! I worked long and hard to get the hell out of wrestling and do something productive with my life! Like write books! Or crochet! But I check my e-mail and its all “Hey, Mick! When are you going to jump through brick walls again?!” Or “Hey, Mick! How come I haven’t heard from you since you left wrestling? You should go back to what you do best, sticking tacks in your nipples.” Or “H.e.y. Vargo! H.o.t.e.s.t.g.i.r.l.s!! Makes pEnIs 3.16675913478x LargER! ImPRess tHe PRince ofNigERIa wIth reSALTS!” Well, maybe I WILL Impress the Prince of Nigeria! That’s right, Agger Jerty! I’m going to get back into the ring, and I’m going to bring my barb wire bat! And I’m going to bring my flannel shirt! And I’m going to make Randy Orton’s face look like Pepper Jack Cheese! I mean Swiss Cheese! The I’m going to pull a sock out of my underwear, and you’re DAMN RIGHT it’ll have a comical face drawn on it! And then I’m going to put on a tie die shirt and eat ravioli, because I’M HARDCORE!! And then I’m going to call my bat “Battrice” and I’m going to hold her oh so soothingly like…Aw crap…I got it stuck in the shirt again. Dammit. Cut! I said CUT! DAMMIT TOUGH ENOUGH JESSIE TURN THE CAMERA OFF!”

A loud crying noise is heard as Mick launches himself at the camera knocking it out of commission. Now, for a reaction, here’s Evolution!

RO: What the hell, was that?
RF: WOO! Don’t you worry about that guy! Mick WOO By GOD FOLEY! He’s not the man! And to be the man WOO! He’s got to beat the man, and I’m the man!
RO: Uh…He’s fighting ME!
RF: Oh…well then you’re pretty much screwed! Screwed like all the ladies of whatever town USA we’re in tonight, because I’m going to take off my $5,000 Rolex Watch! WOO! And my $6,000 Gucci Shoes, and these $3.23 Walmart Dress Socks and….
RO: What do you think Dave?
DBD: You should have Mick eaten by an OSPREY!
RF: …and I’m gonna take out my WOO! wallet, and I’m going to give those strippers one dollar woo two dollars woo three dollars….
HHH: What’s up Educational Institution?
RO: I’m trying to figure out how to beat Mick Foley and his ravioli.
RF: …all over the carpet! And they’ll say that WOO “NAITCH! You’re the best thing goin’ to-DAY!” And I’ll know that WOO! I’m the cock of the walk here in Dallahoustonio TEXAS! WOO! And then, after the second Viagra kicks in I’ll call a limo and we’ll drive…
HHH: Just do what I do!
RO: What’s that? Sleep with Stephanie?!
HHH: Pfft. No!
RF: And all the ladieswillsayWOOyourethenaitchaboyricflairandillsay
ladiesformetobethemanyouhavetobeatthemanandillstrut
aroundinmyrobeandalltheladieswillwantoseewoothelittle
bygawdnatureboybutnotlikecharleswoobygodrobinsonbutmypenis…
HHH: What the hell is up with Triple Naitch?!
RO: He’s having one of his episodes.
HHH: Well, we know there’s only one cure for that!
RO: There….
HHH: PEDIGREE TO ORTON!
RF: Andalltheguysintheclubwillbejealouswooofmymanly
muscularchestandperfectwoohair…
HHH: No?

Batista smacks Flair on the back of the head.

RF: ALL NIGHT LONG, FAT BOY! WOO!
HHH: Thanks, Dave.
DBD: No PROBLEM!
RF: What’s going on? Hey, Triple H! I didn’t see you there!

(ads)

Shelton Benjamin (from WCW Special Forces) v. Triple H (from Sunny Greenwich, Connecticut)

Flair tells Lillian that he’ll take over for her and then later tonight he’ll give her a ride on Space Mountain, fat girl, WOO! Then, “Dave” Batista “Davidson” is announced as the special guest time keeper (he rings the bell) and Randy Orton is announced as the Special Guest Guy With A Bucket. Dave rings the bell and the match starts. Shelton works in the OMG CHINLOCK~! and Dave rings the bell. HHH TAPPED! This is crazy go nuts! Wait…no…he didn’t. HHH comes back with shades of Harley Race and hues of Arn Anderson with a high knee and a spinebuster. Batista rings the bell. HHH is disqualified for not having a varied moveset OMG~! Wait…no…Never mind. Flair tries explaining the point of the timekeeper to Batista. Orton frowns and puts the bucket over his head. Shelton takes HHH down and Batista rings the bell. HHH finally gets sick of this and walks outside to tell Dave to put the bell down and be good while Hunter has a match. But HHH gets counted out! OH NO!

DBD: Can I ring the bell NOW?!
HHH: *sigh* Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead.
DBD: I don’t want to ring this bell, I want to ring this ONE!

Then Dave cracks Orton over the pail-head with the hammer. Everybody has a good laugh and takes turns “ringing the bell”. Then Shelton tries to hone in on some of the action, and HHH isn’t having any of that! This is Evolution’s fun times! He rams Randy headfirst into Sheltons face and Benjamin bleeds all over the place. Then, for good measure, HHH it’s a PEDIGREE TO ORTON onto Benjamin. OH! Pail to the FACE! Orton asks if HHH has seen his mother, the magical swan queen. Mick Foley, Shawn Michaels and Chris Benoit run out to save Shelton, but they slip on his blood and accidently deliver, in order, baseball slide dropkicks to Orton’s head. Oops. The rest of Evolution takes off.

(ads)

Trish Stratus (from CANADA BECAUSE SHE’S EVIL) v. Jazz (from the Ghetto) v. Lita (from Sk8r h34\/2n~!) v. Molly Holly (from The Holly Ranch in Mobile, Alabama) v. Gail Kim (From Exactly On The Boarder that Separates North and South Korea, but not from Canada, no sir) v. My Darling Stacy (from My bedroom to your livingroom every Monday) v. Nidia (from The Port of Rico Constantino)
A Women’s “Through The Middle Ropes” Battle Royal”

Oh! I haven’t seen an “Through The Middle Ropes” Battle Royal since the days of Max Mini. And really, who would have thought that back in 1998 Max wouldn’t have won the World Title. Boy do we have egg on our face now huh? Has that been there since breakfast?! DAMN! Dude, and I was talking to that cute chick at the bus stop too. Damn, she was probably just sitting there thinking “Hey, Egg Face, go to hell.” Well…that’s all right, I mean, if I didn’t have egg on my face, she’d still find SOME reason to condemn me to hell. And she was like SOOooo fine too with big bo…Oh, hey Stacy! Bischoff is out. He mutters something about Shawn Michaels, Chris Benoit, Mick Foley and Shelton Benjamin and then he leaves. Huh? Time for some….

(ads)

Uh…So…w…Um…Well, I suppose the entrances ARE the most important part of a women’s match. Since when did Gail Kim get back anyway? Geez. I thought maybe she got SARS or something. Being an Asian in Toronto must have been tough. Woah, my illness joke calendar is way out of date. Mad cow disease and SARS? Damn. I might as well make a black plague joke while I’m at it. Damn. I blame daylight savings time. Jericho wanders out to distract Trish, so she rolls outside and gets eliminated. Lita wins. So it’s Lita v. Victoria? Ooooh! Make it a winner gets to keep the red highlights match!

Now it’s time for stuff that happened on another show. When did they start running Velocity recaps on RAW?! What do you mean those are their top stars?!? I mean, that’s Bradshaw dude. Oh. OH! My condolences.

William Regal is backstage looking for “Eugene”.

WR: Eugene?! EUGENE!
RVD: Hey! I’m not Eugene!
WR: Yes, well, I’m looking for Eugene.
RVD: Oh, I thought you were NOT looking for Eugene. Yeah. Hey, remember when we were feuding over the Tag Team titles?
WR: Yes. Wait a minute…aren’t you supposed to be on Smackdown?
RVD: No, man. This is RAW. Raaaaaw. We’ve always been on RAW. That is until one of us got attacked by an alien parasite and almost died…where have you been?
WR: I…oh never mind. This isn’t where you work anymore.
RVD: You know, it’s weird, you’re, like, the 20th person to tell me that today…I keep thinking maybe it’s an April Forth’s Day joke, you know. Heeeeeey…4 20, dude, get it!
WR: Rob, firstly, today is the fifth….
RVD: 5 20…yeah!
WR: And secondly, you no longer work on Mondays. You work on Tuesdays.
RVD: Hey, let me check my schedule…You’re right! Oh man! I’m working on 4/20? I thought that was a religious holiday…bummer!
WR: Yes. Bummer, indeed. Wait…if you’ve been going to all the RAW TV tapings…didn’t it ever strike you as odd that you were never booked?
RVD: Nah, dude. I’m getting the Undertaker push, man!
WR: Whatever, are you Eugene?
MGO: I’m Mean Gene! If you want to find Eugene, just call my hotline, it’s only $7.00/minute, kids get your parents permission to call.
WR: Just tell me where he bloody is!
MGO: Ehem.
WR: Here’s seven dollars. Now where is he?!
MGO: Ehem. This is a TELEPHONE LINE!
WR: Bloody hell…Beeboopbeepbeepboopboopboop.
MGO: Hello, wrestling fans! New WWE Superstar Eugene Dinsmore has an interesting name.
WR: Yes, yes, come on.
MGO: Did you know that name sake Eugene Levy has appeared in such films as American Pie and “Bringing Down The House”? I guess you could say he’s a veritable Rock of cinema? Huhuhuh!
WR: Where can I find EUGENE?!
MGO: Please insert $7 for more hot tips!
WR: AAAAAAH!
EG: William Regal, I presume? I am Eugene Dinsmore. Please don’t make the obvious Dinty Moore comment, even though it is readily apparent that I like beef stew.
WR: Huh?
EG: Ah yes, the infamous William Regal. I have 30 gigs of your matches saved on zip disks at home. You’re a real “Man’s Man”! I’d rate that gimmick –1/2*s or, if I were feeling more generous a DUD.
WR: You…huh?
EG: Oh, don’t worry, I think your workrate is superb. However, I think that angles like this take away from the quality wrestling on this show. Like just earlier, did you see how they treated Matt Hardy? Disgusting! I was so angry I threw down my Cheetos! Then I uh, picked them up again, because there’s no wasting good Cheetos…or at least I tried to until SOMEBODY ate the whole bag, wrapper and all.
RVD: What? Finders keepers, dude.
EG: Yes. I’ll tell that to the next person who “finds” your foot jammed into their forehead because you work so sloppy.
WR: This is going to be a very long day.

(ads)

Coach joins the commentary. He asks if anyone’s got any Pepsi that he can throw at Tajiri. Meanwhile, Trish Stratus is pissed about losing the Women’s Middle Rope Battle Royal, but Chris Tian doesn’t have time for her, he’s got to hurry up and get a match in before Edge Tian steals his spotlight again.

Tajiri (from…uh…Japan) v. Chris Tian (From CANADA BECAUSE HE’S A HEEL!)

Coach ran down to the ring and threw a Pepsi at Tajiri. Tajiri countered by spraying tangerine mist at Coach, but all that did was make him smell…oddly enough lemon-fresh. Christian got the pin.

(ads)

Backstage with Regal, Bischoff and Johnny Chris Monday Nitro…..

WR: You didn’t tell me your nephew is a goddamn smark.
EB: I just want him to leach off somebody else for a while. You don’t know HOW sick I am of him calling me “Uncle Eric” and then doing the Scott Hall finger wave.
WR: So what do you expect me to do with a fat, short guy with glasses and acne out to here anyway?
EB: I dunno. Teach him to wrestle if that’s what he wants. But for the LOVE OF GOD keep him away from Benoit.
WR: Hmm…This besmirches my very soul.
JN: Hey, Eric, tell him about the time when Eugene came in here to read you his 15 page 411Forum post about how it was you, ninjas and not striking while the iron was hot with La Parka that led to the downfall of WCW.
EB: Erk…
WR: Where is the little toe rag anyway?
JN: Oh, hey! He’s on TV.
EB: Well, WE’RE on TV, so wouldn’t that mean that he’s somewhere around here?

They all look around while eerie music plays.

JN: No, I mean out on the entrance ramp.

Out on the entrance ramp, Eugene is throttling Jerry Lawler….

EG: PUPPIES, J.R.!! PUPPIES!! If you had a modicum of the talent that Tazz has…Oooh! The women are beautiful creatures, but they are also tremendous athletes. Your failure to treat them as such while you prattle on about your girlfriend’s training bra or Victoria’s panties is utterly despicable. If I were in charge of the WWE the first thing I would do is fire you and replace you with Joey Styles and then I would fire Terri and push the crusierweights and Sean O’Haire!
JR: Well…one out of two ain’t bad.
EG: Wait…You see what you made me do, Lawler? You made me forget what I read on 411 via 1wrestling via Wrestling Observer via WWE.com this morning. Curse you! I give this beat down, both verbal and physical, *****! Truly Benoitesque!

Regal pulls Eugene off of Lawler. Lawler turns to J.R.

JL: Did his nametag say “I spent 20 years in OVW and all I got was this stupid gimmick?”

(ads)

Rhyno v. Kane

The highpoint of this 15 second match was truly Rhyno being so fricking fat that he breaks the ropes trying to get in. He attempts the Gore, but Kane starts him on fire. Then he starts Lillian on fire. Was this an inferno match? Needed much more Kane. Also more ropes. Ah, it doesn’t matter. Kane wins. Edge runs out with a cast on his hand. Apparently, he broke it combing his hair. Those split ends can be a real bitch some times, eh, Adam? Oh! That Eugene has given the Satire a New INSIDER bite it never had before. I feel all atingle. Wait…that’s just the carpal tunnel setting in. Damnation! Edge hits Kane over the head with the cast and then runs away. Don’t SAY anything, whatever you do. Kane is sad because he thought Edge was going to ask him to sign it. Hey, Edge has crappy music again! Does that mean it’s all right if I don’t care aobut him for a while? Ahhhh….

Foley, Michaels, and Benoit are sharing varying degrees of dance tips, when Johnny Stamboli Nitro tells them to leave Batrice behind. Parting is such sweet sorrow for Foley.

MF: Fine. Here you g…Oh, crap! It got stuck on my shirt again!
SM: Maybe you should use the fake barbed wire.
CB: Because, ya’ll, he’s got some book learnin’ to do.
JN: Give it up dude, we all know you’re not REALLY from Georgia.
SM: And you’re not REALLY Julia Styles.
MF: A little help here?

(ads)

The Rock has a special message for you!

TR: Aw…dammit guys. Geez. The Rock’s career out here isn’t going as well as the Rock planned! Do you think maybe I could work a few dates as Maven to pad the old checkbook? Please?

Not with that tattoo on your nipple.

Bischoff is in the ring and he calls out Foley, Michaels and Benoit. He tells them that he’s sick of having singles matches on these shows so it’s time to have a big huge main event on RAW. Next week it’ll be Foley/Michelse/Benoit/Benjamin v. Evolution. Foley says that he’s not about to work no stinking RAW main event, but Bischoff tells him to shut up and do as he’s told, and Foley relents.

Then HHH runs out with his Sledgehammer of Love, to try to get a few shots in before the show fades to black. He’d better hurry up! The rest of Evolution hits the ring, with Batista hitting his Osprey Bomb on Michaels, Flair tearing his shirt in dismay at Benoit (providing HHH the opportunity to hit Benoit with the hammer) and Orton getting beat up by Foley. Come on, Randy get into the spirit! That’s right! You just…you just lay on the floor there.

Next Week: Who will the mystery partners be when it’s deemed that Foley, HHH and HBK all think they’re too good to work this match, the answers may surprise you (Tajiri, A-Train and Rosey). Who will be the next target of Eugene’s awful rants? I mean…totally informed Rants (gotta know your audience!)? Kane v. Edge…Staring Contest!

Don’t blink or you’ll miss it when I bring the funny next week!


(edited by Excalibur05 on 6.4.04 0253)
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dMp
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#2 Posted on 6.4.04 0355.32
Reposted on: 6.4.11 0356.00
Very funny this week.
The HHH promo was hilarious and then Eugene shows up
I give it *****!
Cerrita
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#3 Posted on 6.4.04 0405.47
Reposted on: 6.4.11 0406.56
Wonderful job. This weeks satire has lived up to standards (I want to comment, OH how I want to comment) in brillant fashion. Highlite of my week. The Triple H promo was great, so was Triple Naitch's episode.

In addition to the Dance Dance Revolution title match, the Edge/Kane staring contest, and the Lita/Victoria 'winner keeps the red highlights' match, there are a couple other matches I'd like to see on the 'Hocking Presents Eric Bischoff Presents WWE RAW Presents Crazy Go Nuts Booty Shake' card:

Johnny Hrnrnr/Nitro/Spade/who-gives-a-crap vs. Chris Jericho/Y2J/King of Bling Bling/etc
In a 'Who has the most nicknames' match.
Whoever has the longest list of nicknames wins. Sure to be a PPV classic so great nobody will care.

Batrice vs. Sledgehammer of Love
most notable illegal weapon title
This match will become a triple threat when Chairshot demands it be no DQ a spot in the match. But he'll blow it, and Pepsi Mist will run in for a startling win. This will begin an epic fued between Pepsi Mist and John Cena's chain necklace, which will build until Summer Slam with the most spectacular cross promotional matches BAH GOD!

Face Canadian Hopscotch Battle Royal
the first one eliminated has to admit and be booked as an actual Canadian forever and ever and ever...
Venis, Lance, Jericho, Benoit, Gail, and Edge give us a grueling 49.33333337 second match, until Lance and Venis tie, with Lance triping over the reminants of his personality, and Venis running away crying when Gail slaps him.

Matt Hardy vs. Spike Dudley
interpromotional; longest jobbing streak title
But it's kinda funny, because the winner gets the title, but they wouldn't have the longest jobbing streak because they just won, so they'll have to forfit the title. But the loser can't get a title for losing, so it goes to the winner, but-
RVD: Whoa, it's one of those 4:20 things. Cool.
Me: It's Catch 22, idiot. Go back to Smackdown and look for a ladder tall enough to get through the glass ceiling.
RVD: Dude, I can't find it. Charlie Haas said Matt Hardy brought it to Raw with him.
Me: Then ask him for it back. He's not using it.


I don't know, just some thoughts. Can't wait for next week.

(edited by Cerrita on 6.4.04 0208)
Toast Jr
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#4 Posted on 6.4.04 0632.42
Reposted on: 6.4.11 0634.46
    Originally posted by dMp
    Very funny this week.
    The HHH promo was hilarious and then Eugene shows up
    I give it *****!


No, no!
You have to give it "*****~!"

Sheesh, get with the program
SchippeWreck
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#5 Posted on 6.4.04 1141.23
Reposted on: 6.4.11 1150.24
I say this without a hint of hyperbole...Ric Flair getting stuck and the events of the Shelton/Hunter match (specifically Randy's bucket and the baseball slides) made this the FUNNIEST SATIRE EVER~! Really your best work, period. Bravo!
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#6 Posted on 6.4.04 2253.04
Reposted on: 6.4.11 2254.39
    Originally posted by Cerrita
    In addition to the Dance Dance Revolution title match, the Edge/Kane staring contest, and the Lita/Victoria 'winner keeps the red highlights' match, there are a couple other matches I'd like to see on the 'Hocking Presents Eric Bischoff Presents WWE RAW Presents Crazy Go Nuts Booty Shake' card:


Woah! You've been doing a lot more thinking about this than even I have. I've still got...what...2 1/2 weeks or so to come up with something? Yeah. I'll get it done. At the last minute.

I'm glad everybody enjoyed this week.
Cerrita
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Y!:
#7 Posted on 7.4.04 0149.55
Reposted on: 7.4.11 0150.07
*grins* I'm on spring break. I have lots of time to think about 'unimportant' (for lack of a better word, maybe 'leasurly' is better) things.

And I'm attempting to become funny, so it helps to study other people's work. I'm not sure if it's working or not, 'cause I don't remeber writing half that stuff. Probably had something to do with the fact that it was 2 am when I did it (I stayed up to read the satite before going to bed).
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