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The 7 - Guest Columns - Finally! A RAW Satire 3/30/04 Register and log in to post!
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Excalibur05
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#1 Posted on 30.3.04 0548.45
Reposted on: 30.3.11 0549.24
CJ: Man…RAW is FINALLY Hunter Free after all these years.
EB: Uh…Chris?
CJ: Not now, Bischoff, I’m in the ZONE! 2004 is going to be the year of Jericho for SURE. Y2J…uh…4. Ain’t nothing gonna break MY stride. Ain’t nobody gonna hold ME down. Oh no. Except maybe Michaels. But a few cars driven into his back should fix that, eh, EB?
EB: That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Chris….
CJ: What? That Triple H is a stupid frickin’ jerkwad who got to where he was by fondling Stephanie’s huge boobies?
HHH: No. That I got traded back to RAW for Booker T, The Dudley Boyz, a 1998 Topps Mark McGuire card and 17 Skittles of flavors to be named later.
CJ: Oh. Damn. Hey, Trips. Hows it hangin’? I mean…pretty low right, because you’ve got a huge dick. Not that it’d be hanging low or anything because I’m sure that you have no trouble getting it up. Not that it’d be up because you’re talking to me, that would be sil…that would be…I’m screwed.
HHH: Yup.
RVD: Hey, dudes, why aren’t I on the board tonight? I’m ready to wrestle! Yeah…alright!
EB: Uh, Rob. You got drafted to Smackdown.
RVD: I know. It’s crazy right?
CJ: Uh…Rob?
RVD: Man, where’s Booker T at? We’re going for the Tag Team Titles, man. And when it comes to going for the tag team titles nobody gets higher than R-
HHH: ROB!
RVD: Woah. Take a chill pill, dude. I was just planning my night’s activities. What?
HHH: Get off my show. NOW!
RVD: Dude, you need to take a break.
HHH: I’ll break you if you don’t skiddadle.
RVD: Oh, DUUUUDE! Can I have some Skiddadles? Grape if you’ve got ‘em, but I’m not picky.
HHH: Ugh.
RO: OH HELL NO! I thought you were dead…or at least gone.
EB: Does anybody here watch Smackdown?
HHH: That’s right, bitch. C’mere and give daddy a Pedigree.
RO: No…no…no! MY TONSILS OH GOD MY TONSILS!

PEDIGREE TO ORTON

CJ: This is going to be an interesting month.
EB: HHH had a great idea for a skit for you later.
CJ: Ugh….
RVD: Did somebody say Skit….
EB: NO.

Last Week: Some of the stuff that happened up there happened then. Chris Benoit, Mighty Pirate found out he’d have to defend the Dance Dance World Title against Shawn Michaels, but there’s a catch…BENOIT CAN’T DANCE! OH NO! And some draft thing happened…then I shut the window, now it’s nice and cozy, but will it stay that way…TONIGHT?!

(Opening Credits)

Evolution walks out to ringside. “Dave” Batista “Davidson” is practically beeming with excitement at the prospect of learning to fish with HHH. Flair looks crazy. Orton is trying very hard not to spit out his Plain Vanilla ice cream as he weeps at getting Pedigreed once again.

RF: WOO! That’s right! We’re back in business now. I took the honor of taking Chris Jericho’s old lady on a RIDE ON SPACE MOUNTAIN FAT BOY WOO after I found out that the Game was coming back to RAW!
DBD: Now I can learn to go fishing, right RIC?!
RF: That’s right, big guy. That’s right. On a lesser note, Randy WOO BY GOD ORTON has something to say.
RO: My tonsils hurt, Ric. I don’t wanna.
RF: Boy! If you don’t want to talk, you’re out of Getaflushot.
RO: What?
DBD: He said you’ll get kicked out of AIRPOLUTION!
RO: You guys are such kiss asses.
RF: Whether you like it or you don’t, learn to live with it, because Stay of Execution is the BEST THING GOIN’ TODAY! WOO!
RO: Right. Right. Listen, I just wanted to say before my voi…excuse me…before my voice gives out that I still don’t like Mick Foley.

That’s his cue! Foley walks out onto the ramp.

MF: What was that?
RO: I said I donght…ehem EHEM…I don’t like you, Micht. *cough*
MF: Who’s Micht? Come on, Randy. Speak English.
RF: Yeah WOO! Speak by god, JET FLYIN’ WOO LIMO RIDIN’ WHEELIN’ AND A’DEALIN’ BY GOD ENGLISH, FAT BOY! WOOOO!
DBD: I don’t not think that Randy knows how to speak the ENGLISH!
RO: You guys are ta…you guys are taking his si…his si…errrRRRM!!
MF: Come on, spit it out, kid. We don’t have all night. We have at least three maybe four more HHH segments to go through.
RO: I sa…I si…ACHEM…I said you guys are taking his sigh?
MF: Oh no! I’ve lost my sigh! Now I’ll never wrestle again!

Tell me a lie. Say that you won’t go.

RO: NO! What I’m trygin to say is that Evolution is taking Mic…Mit…MICK FOLEY’S SIDE!
RF: Well, how does that make YOU feel Randy.
RO: It ma…me…aaa…

Orton throws down his mic and runs away. Foley, Flair and Batista high five. Foley/Orton Debate Meet: ONLY AT Matt Hocking Presents WWE Presents RAW Presents Eric Bischoff Presents Crazy Go Nuts Booty Shake….

Meanwhile, Backstage.

SG: I cannot believe it! Jeff Jarrett wants to join La Resistance?
GC: I’m not actually Jeff Jarrett. I’m an inferior clone. They tried to accelerate my growth so that I could play his twin brother Geoff…you know G, E, O, Double F, J, A, Double R, E, Double T. But that didn’t have the same kind of cadence, so they caled me “Cade” told me to pick “Whatever the hell first name I wanted” and used Road Dogg instead.
RC: And you chose “Garrison”?
GC: No. I chose “Lance”, but the suits told me that “Lance” wasn’t marketable.
LS: Hey!
SG: Hey, you know what’d be funny? If Tajiri just kicked the crap out of whoever was the next person to come through that door. What do you say Tajiri?
TJ: Sounds delightful, chaps.
GC: Say what?
TJ: Oh, the accent? Do you like it? I think it’s fabulous! What? Did you think all Regal and I did was piss in eachother’s tea all day? Boys, boys, boys. You should mind your manners a bit more often. Just because somebody’s foreign doesn’t mean he doesn’t know English.
GC: He’s almost as good as moi!

The door opens and Tajiri kicks them right in the head.

BH: Ow…Ow…damn…things are getting kind of fuzzy again. I KNEW I shouldn’t have come back to the WWE. Damn. I’m never coming back here again!

He runs off.

LS: What the HELL, dude?!
TJ: How was I supposed to know it’d be Bret Hart? I mean…damn.
SG: Oh crap! Somebody’s coming! Bret dropped his towel! Oh no!
RC: Uh…We’ve got bigger problems. This is all on fricking TV, DUDE!
SG: Shut up, shut up, shut up! I’m tryin’ to think! Tajiri! Mist the next dude that comes through the door, then we’ll just…hide the evidence that it was us that scared Bret off…yeah…
TJ: Oh, no! You saw what happened the LAST time….
LS: Just do it! Just do it! Here he comes!
TEJ: Hey, have you guys seen Bre….

Tajiri sprays the mist.

TEJ: OW! WAAAAAAAH!

Tough Enough Jessie runs off in tears.

RC: Turquoise Mist? What does that even do?
TJ: It…uh…well, it makes you cry.
GC: Damn. She won’t come down from that for DAYS.

Coach pokes his head out from the closet.

JC: I saw the whole thing! Wait until Eric Bischoff hears about this!
GC: What were you doing in there, dude?
JC: Uh…I was…nothing…just…I thought this was the women’s locker room.
TJ: You’re not telling anybody ANYTHING! PFFFT

Tajiri mists again, Coach runs out.

LS: Yeah! Brown mist!
TJ: Nah, that was just Pepsi. We’re screwed, gentlemen.
SG: We’re screwed? More like YOU’RE screwed, uh-huh-huh!
RC: Yeah! Have fun tonight Tajiri!

(ads)

Nidia v. Molly Holly

Hmmm…you’re going to have to give me time to come up with good material for Nidia. Or see if I care enough to do it. So for the time being, just imagine a bald chick with boobs fighting a tan chick with far too big boobs, and you’ve pretty much got this match in a nutshell. This would actually make for some quality porn. An obviously dyke chick who is proficient with her moves and way too tan spring break girl who’s either really stupid or really drunk but probably both. Quality stuff. Not quite up to the standards I set for myself with “Caesar’s Gaulic Whores”, but I’m working up from the bottom now. Nidia wins. Molly Holly is the new Jamie Knoble. But with better hair.

Bischoff is backstage with Johnny Cage.

JC: I don’t want to be Johnny Cage anymore. People always confuse me for Coach. Plus, somebody hit me with a Friendship, and now I’m writing Pen Pal letters to 2 Cold Scorpio in hell. How do you spell “Beelzebub Lane”?
EB: L-A-N-E.
JC: Thanks. That was a tough one.
EB: So what…are you going back to “Johnny Hnnrnnr”?
JC: Nah…how about…Big John Studd?
EB: No.
JC: John “It’s Pronounced Like the Beer” Hennigan?
EB: Nah.
JC: Johnny Goesover?
EB: I doubt it.
JC: Hmmmm…
EB: So, what do you think I should do with Edge?
JC: Well, who attacked him leading to him missing a year of action?
EB: I dunno. Probably, like, Funaki or something.
MH: It was me!
JC: Well, you can’t use Funaki…who else we got?
MH: I did it!
EB: Well, Crazy Go Nuts Booty Shake could use a bit more…dare I say…Kane?
MH: How about the VeeeeOnnnneah?!
JC: Oh, you dare! You dare!
MH: Awww…dammit.

(ads)

The Hurricane v. The Mountie

Will not be seen tonight, so we can bring you this special HHH announcement.

HHH: Wow. It’s good to be back! It’s like I never left this place. Sure there’s a few new faces to hold down, but it’s nice to see RAW is basically the same show. Except that some bastard stole Fifi The RAW Satire Poodle. Listen, I know you guys wanted to see me on Smackdown, and honestly, I did too at first. But then I got to thinkin’, what would you guys do without my promos about nothing every week? Huh? So, anyway, I will now list what I had for lunch today in alphabetical order: Apple. Carrot sticks. Chocolate pudding. Hot Pockets. Jell….

Bischoff is out.

EB: Listen, Hunter, that’s enough.
HHH: What…are you trying to tell me that you don’t care whether or not I’m eating a healthy well balanced diet?
EB: Uh…yeah…I just thought that you’d rather I made the big announcement that I’m adding YOU HHH to the big Dance off for the WWE Dance Dance World Title at Crazy Go Nuts Booty Shake.
HHH: Uh…I’m flattered, Eric, but I don’t know how to dance.
EB: That’s ok. Just have Stephanie sleep with the judges. And tape it.
HHH: Yeah! Yeah! I like that! It might help me win if I use it to black mail them too. That’s great. Thanks, Eric.


(ads)

Backstage with Evolution huddled around a computer screen….

RF: WOO! It’s great having you back HHH!
DBD: You’re teaching me to FISH!
HHH: Yes, I am, Dave. Yes I am.
RO: never…tat…m…tifish.
HHH: Quiet down over there, loud mouth. Ok, Dave, now you move around. Good. Now, what are you going to do?
DBD: Eat the PLANKTON!?
HHH: That’s right! Eat the plankton!
DBD: Oh no! I’ve been eaten by an OSPREY!
HHH: Well, that’s the trouble of being a fish in Odell Lake, Dave.
DBD:
RF: AH!!
HHH: Don’t let it get you down, there are plenty more fish in the sea.
DBD: You’re great HUNTER!
HHH: I know. I know.
RO: I…ht…you…stuvd…moth..fkr…
HHH: What was that?
RO: nothing.
SB: Yo! I’ve gotta get on there, man! I’ve got a hot girl comin’ over to check out my high score on the Lemonade Stand, man.
HHH: Go to hell.
SB: Come on dude, don’t be such a cock block.
RF: To be the man, WOO! You’ve got to beat the man!
SB: Maybe I will.
HHH: Huh? What were you rambling about, Flair?
RF: Fire me? I’m already fired! WOO!

Lance Storm is out.

LS: Ok. You see, this is the thing. I’m hoping REAL hard right now they bring ECW back, because that stupid segment I was in, and that crack about me, that’s just not flying with me, sister. At least with Heymman I was doing something interesting. Here, I don’t even know what the hell happened to the rest of mes. I’m guessing they’re probably wasting away in OVW. Let’s do the chant! E-C-Dub…E-C-Dub!

Rhyno v. Lance Storm

Rhyno gores Lance and wins. Then he screams “DEAD DEAD DEAD! You hear me you son of a bitch?! At least HERE we get PAID! AARRRGH!” and then he runs off.

Back in Bischoff’s office.

EB: Coach? What the hell happened to you?
JC: I got misted by Tajiri.
EB: I know, I was actually watching the show. But he hit you with the Pepsi mist.
JC: Oh. Yeah. Then I well…I rubbed my face in the green frosting on the “Welcome Back HHH” cake. Sorry.
EB: Don’t worry about it, man, we’ve ALL been there at one time or another.
JC: So, what are we going to do about this Tajiri situation?
EB: I dunno…how about a little more…KANE!
JC: Is that your response to everything?
EB: Austin/Bradshaw v. the nWo?
JC: Kane’s good. Yeah.

(ads)

Ric Flair and “Dave” Batista “Davidson” v. Shawn Michaels and Chris Benoit, Mighty Pirate
For the WWE World Tag Team Titles with Guest Referee Johnny Goesover

I’m sorry, thank you for the correction, Lillian….

Kevin Test and Dave Davetista Davidson v. Shane McMichaels and Chris Jericho
For the WWE World…with Special Guest Referee John Denver the Last Dinosaur

Wait…no…the first one.

Johnny actually calls the match straight down the middle, before leaning slightly towards the team on the right. Fascist! Wait, now he’s going left! Commie! Wait, now he’s fallen over. ORTON LOVER! Michaels prances around the ring while Benoit looks on frowning. He’s got stiff competition at Crazy Go Nuts Booty Shake, and only a few more weeks before the ball! He’d better get practicin’. Batista practices a technique learned fishing with HHH and nails Benoit over the head with a beer cooler. You know what? We’re just going to let this one sit awhile.

(ads)

J.R. notes that Johnny’s middle name is Monday. Johnny Monday Goesover? I don’t get it. Shawn hits the Sweet Groove Dance Move on Flair and Benoit and Michaels are the NEW WWE World…But wait, it’s all a SHOCKING SWERVE~! It turns out that the match hadn’t started this whole time. Benoit takes issue with the refereeing, which is clearly a violation of the rules, and Benoit and Michaels lose. Benoit threatens to cuts through Johnny Goesover. Arr!

Shelton Benjamin is backstage with Bischoff and Austin.

SB: I want to fight HHH.
EB: Ok, whatever kid. You’re gonna JOB, dude. Forget about it.
SB: Yeah, you’re probably right.
SA: EH EH! I don’t think so! You’re gonna fight HHH and you’re gonna like it.
SB: Gee, who to listen to…the guy who hits his girlfriend or the guy who sleeps with other men’s wives.
EB: Austin did that too. What a bad man he is. Bad man!
SB: Man, Stone Cold, you’re so gangsta it’s cool. Come on, man, I got this honey coming over to check out my high score on Lemonade Stand on the II. When she shows up, we can super kick her.
SA: Hell yeah, son. Let’s go.

(ads)

It’s time for the Highlight Reel with Chris Jericho and Trish Stratus

CJ: This was the grand plan, huh? I don’t see how it sucks. I mean, it fits with my storyline, she’s hot, I’m hot. Whatever, Hunter. Ok. Trish. How does it feel to be a disgusting ho?
TS: Gee. I don’t know the answer to that one.
CJ: Uh…aren’t you angry…or offended or something?
TS: Uh…like…whatever, dude.
CJ: Hmm…right…How would you feel if I told you I was going to beat up Chris Tian and then have my way with you?
TS: Psst…Chris…what does this word say?
CJ: You brought note cards?
TS: Yeah…for if I get stuck. You know…some good one liners.
CJ: Uh…that says…You know, I don’t think you should use that one.
TS: I think you’re a viscous coont! You’re a real coont, Jericho!
CJ: Hehehe…it’s funny with an accent.
TS: Wait…I know what that word means, and I’m offended. I’m going to send these heel acting tips right back to HHH.
CJ: Jericho wins!

OMG ACTING~!

(ads)

Trish throws the cards at Chris Tian backstage.

CT: What?
TS: Why didn’t you tell me that HHH’s stupid acting cards were full of swears?
CT: I…uh…thought you knew?
TS: If I would have said it without my zany accent I could have gotten fired!
CT: Better you than me, baby.
TS: WHAT?!
CT: Nothing. You know what? I wish I would have been traded to Smackdown. I could have formed a tag team with Big Show. The Bastard Brothers. What do you think?
TS: Catchphrase Status: Still not over.

Kane v. Tajiri

Tajiri uses the Burnt Umber Mist. That is the mist that causes a count-out. Tajiri wins. Kane gets confused so he lights Lillian Garcia on fire. Thanks for all the info earlier, Lil, but I’ll take it from here. Edge Tian runs out and spears Kane. They’re feuding, you know. You didn’t? Go back to the start and read CLOSER now.

(ads)

You know what I was wondering? Where’s A-Train at, dude?

Chris Benoit has removed his eyepatch and scabbard.

SB: Damn, that bitch can cry.
CB: You tried to hook up with Tough Enough Jessie, huh?
SB: She cried because I beat her high score at Lemonade Stand.
CB: Hey, Shelton, you’re black, right?
SB: Yeah, last time I checked. Why?
CB: You’ve got rhythm and funk then, right?
SB: I guess so. What does this have to do with anything?
CB: I’m in a big dance off next month, and I need your help. We’ve only got a few weeks to prepare. I’m counting on you!
SB: You want me to help you learn to dance?
CB: That’s right. Instead of the rabbid wolverine, I’ll be Chris Benoit, Dance Machine. I’ll be Julia Styles and you be Sean Patrick Thomas, teach me to dance!
SB: Well…ok…but do you HAVE to wear the wig?
CB: It helps me get into character.
SB: Man…why do I have to do this? Can’t you get somebody else to help you?
CB: The last guy didn’t pan out.
MM: AHAHA! Ok, Daniel-San. Wax on. Wax off. You’ll learn Karate yet!
CB: Shut up, dude! I told you, I wanted dance lessons, not Karate!
MM: Karate is like the dance of the lotus flower on the dewy meadow.
SB: I wonder if I just started showing up on Smackdown again if anybody’d notice.
RVD: You could dress like me, and I could dress like you. It’d be a wacky crossover fraught with hillarity.

Bischoff comes in and chases away Mr. Miagi and RVD with a broom.

Ric Flair is backstage telling HHH to go out there and do what he does best, hold them down.

(ads)

Shelton Benjamin v. Triple H (w/ Ric Flair)

Shelton works the CHINLOCKS~! to start and HHH can’t find a way to counter them. Flair tries to get involved, but he’s distracted by the appearance of Chris Benoit in a pink sequin glitter cape, bright orange shoes and a neon green sequin jumpsuit. He is STYLIN’! So stylin’ that we’re just going to go to the….

(ads)

Whew. Needed to catch a breather. Too much style. Speaking of style, Shelton is absolutely outclassing HHH in the ring by showcasing the talents he learned on Smackdown (namely “not being held down”). HHH wasn’t ready for this tactic. HHH goes for the High Knee, but his quad explodes and he falls over. Orton’s revenge! HHH gets up, and starts to tough out the injury when he suddenly spots Benoit at the top of the stage pirouetting and wearing a blonde wig. HHH is so shocked he hardly notices that he just lost to Shelton Friggin’ Benjamin. WTF dude? You’re losing it.

Next Week: Training Montages! Training Montages! Training Montages! A-Train makes his RAW redebut in the background of some segment eating fries. Kane/Edge who will speak first?

Until next time, keep cool. Or warm. Or whatever. Just keep.


(edited by Excalibur05 on 30.3.04 1138)
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Toast Jr
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#2 Posted on 30.3.04 0629.26
Reposted on: 30.3.11 0629.32
I *need* to play Odel Lake, and I need to play it now!
Tenken347
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#3 Posted on 30.3.04 0731.13
Reposted on: 30.3.11 0731.38
With my advanced knowledge of Pepsi products, I can tell you that Pepsi mist is, in fact, Sierra Mist. And if you've ever actually drunk any of it, you'd know that gitting sprayed in the face with it probably does some pretty serious damage. Not exactly the king of lemon-lime softdrinks.
SchippeWreck
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#4 Posted on 30.3.04 1050.36
Reposted on: 30.3.11 1051.14
    Originally posted by Excalibur05
    EB: So, what do you think I should do with Edge?
    JC: Well, who attacked him leading to him missing a year of action?
    EB: I dunno. Probably, like, Funaki or something.
    MH: It was me!
    JC: Well, you can’t use Funaki…who else we got?
    MH: I did it!
    EB: Well, Crazy Go Nuts Booty Shake could use a bit more…dare I say…Kane?
    MH: How about the VeeeeOnnnneah?!
    JC: Oh, you dare! You dare!
    MH: Awww…dammit.


GOLD! As was the rest of the Satire. Although...I hate to track continuity all over your clean floors, but wasn't Bad Blood the PPV also known as Crazy Go Nuts Booty Shake/Beer Drinking Puppy Lovers?
Cheesehead
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#5 Posted on 30.3.04 1120.56
Reposted on: 30.3.11 1123.46
    Originally posted by Toast Jr
    I *need* to play Odel Lake, and I need to play it now!


I agree!! Excalibur, that brought back some GREAT memories of the ol' Apple lab at school. Odell Lake, Lemonade Stand, Number Munchers, and the OLD, not color version of Oregon Trail. Happy happy days :)
Excalibur05
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#6 Posted on 30.3.04 1146.52
Reposted on: 30.3.11 1146.59
    Originally posted by SchippeWreck
    Although...I hate to track continuity all over your clean floors, but wasn't Bad Blood the PPV also known as Crazy Go Nuts Booty Shake/Beer Drinking Puppy Lovers?


Was it? Hmmm...Oh well. I couldn't think of a funny title other than Quacklash anyway. Maybe Bad Blood can be Beer Drinking Puppy Lovers?
cranlsn
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#7 Posted on 30.3.04 1353.24
Reposted on: 30.3.11 1354.39
    Originally posted by Submit2theXFace
      Originally posted by Toast Jr
      I *need* to play Odel Lake, and I need to play it now!


    I agree!! Excalibur, that brought back some GREAT memories of the ol' Apple lab at school. Odell Lake, Lemonade Stand, Number Munchers, and the OLD, not color version of Oregon Trail. Happy happy days :)


Have to throw M.U.L.E in there too. Good stuff...

Nice work again...and here I was worried no more...

PEDIGREE TO ORTON!
Alex
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#8 Posted on 30.3.04 2221.58
Reposted on: 30.3.11 2222.36
RO: No?no?no! MY TONSILS OH GOD MY TONSILS!
PEDIGREE TO ORTON

You had me here. Great, great stuff this week.
Excalibur05
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#9 Posted on 1.4.04 0044.05
Reposted on: 1.4.11 0049.31
It is with a sad and heavy heart that I tell you all that due to school, work, computer and home issues that I will no longer be able to continue writing the Satire. I will still check in around here once in a while to see what's what, and I will finish my Total Extreme Warfare review before I go and I will probably, once I have a free weekend put the finishing touches on the Lord of the Rings piece, but now that my graduation looms, I just don't have 3 hours every Monday night to write a wrestling column anymore. Who knows. Maybe it'll be back once my life settles down and I can get a new, non-shitty computer. I'd like to hope so.

Thank you all for your time, your kind words and considerations. A special thanks to Rick and Jeb for making this all possible and CRZ for helping me get started. All right, this is coming off like a speach, so I'm just going to shut up.

Thanks again.

-Matt
Gugs
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Y!:
#10 Posted on 1.4.04 0416.21
Reposted on: 1.4.11 0416.37
I trust nothing on this day.

If it's true, though, that's too bad and I hope you can get your stuff back together ASAP. Just don't take the Stacy Title away with you.
Mr Heel II
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#11 Posted on 1.4.04 1213.47
Reposted on: 1.4.11 1215.23
I really hope that's an April Fools joke. The Satire is my absolute favorite reading all week.

(edited by Mr Heel II on 1.4.04 1215)
DarkRenegade
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#12 Posted on 1.4.04 1413.23
Reposted on: 1.4.11 1413.53
If this isn't an April Fool's joke, I shall channel the power of Batista...it'll take everything I've got though...

*squints really hard...finally, after a few moments...*



Excalibur05
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#13 Posted on 1.4.04 1448.01
Reposted on: 1.4.11 1448.11
Boy, you all sure are a cynical bunch.

It was funnier when the people at OO took my word for it.

Oh, well. Happy April Fools you big bunch of no goodnicks.
Nate The Snake
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#14 Posted on 1.4.04 2118.17
Reposted on: 1.4.11 2119.45
Well, if it makes you feel any better, *I* bought it. I was reading before I went in to work, though, so I didn't get a chance to do the well-wishing sadness thing.

You magnificent pranking bastard, you.
Cerrita
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#15 Posted on 6.4.04 1346.42
Reposted on: 6.4.11 1348.20
    Originally posted by Submit2theXFace
      Originally posted by Toast Jr
      I *need* to play Odel Lake, and I need to play it now!


    I agree!! Excalibur, that brought back some GREAT memories of the ol' Apple lab at school. Odell Lake, Lemonade Stand, Number Munchers, and the OLD, not color version of Oregon Trail. Happy happy days :)


*checks profile to see where you live* ...um... wow, it's like we went to the exact same school. I still remember our old Apple Lab, with the 'dinosaur' computers and the big floppy disks. I was the master of Odel Lake! But I could never get down the hunting on Oregon Trail...
Torchslasher
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#16 Posted on 6.4.04 1813.00
Reposted on: 6.4.11 1813.05
    Originally posted by Cerrita
      Originally posted by Submit2theXFace
        Originally posted by Toast Jr
        I *need* to play Odel Lake, and I need to play it now!


      I agree!! Excalibur, that brought back some GREAT memories of the ol' Apple lab at school. Odell Lake, Lemonade Stand, Number Munchers, and the OLD, not color version of Oregon Trail. Happy happy days :)


    *checks profile to see where you live* ...um... wow, it's like we went to the exact same school. I still remember our old Apple Lab, with the 'dinosaur' computers and the big floppy disks. I was the master of Odel Lake! But I could never get down the hunting on Oregon Trail...


Man, Oregon Trail was so much fun but so very difficult. Half of my oxen would die at any and every junction.
Cerrita
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#17 Posted on 7.4.04 0153.33
Reposted on: 7.4.11 0154.09
    Originally posted by Torchslasher
    Man, Oregon Trail was so much fun but so very difficult. Half of my oxen would die at any and every junction.


I don't even remember what the screen looked like, just the hunting scene, with a little stick figure guy and shotgun. Then rotating him so you could shoot at very fast stick figure buffalo... hunting in the newer version was so much easier, I'd kill about 2000 pounds of meat, and could only take about 200 back with me.
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