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The 7 - Pro Wrestling - your mighty WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 3/25/2004!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#1 Posted on 25.3.04 2101.33
Reposted on: 25.3.11 2101.35
HHH has come to Smackdown and my wife hasn't showed up with the booze yet. I live in fear of this night.

WHAT WORKED-

- Kurt Angle isn't hurt. Or he's not as hurt. Or something. And he's the new General Manager? Okay, sure. He traded HHH back? Okay, this works. The Dudley Boys? That sucks. Booker T? Okay. Hopefully they'll bring in Rick Martel to carry him again. Oh, I think Booker T is going to do a Leon gimmick. Oh wait, he's doing a Raw Is Better Than Smackdown bitter draft choice gimmick. Booker T is fun as bastard talking shit about the Smackdown roster. I'm wondering where Eddy Guerrerro is, to come out and take offense. Ah, sweet 12 of Josef Hoffbauer ICE~!....

- CHAVO! CHAVOCITO! Hey, he wrestles Spike. Chavo Sr is AWESOME being appalled at those stinkin Dudley's at ringside. They work out of a hammerlock early. Spike throws really shitty punches. Spike DIES LIKE A FUCKING FREAK. Oh yeah, I got no beef with Spike. Spike sells the back like RVD could never sell ANYTHING. Nice Doublestomp by Spike. Chavocito with the Gorrie Bomb reversed into a roll-up for two and this is fun. Chavocito KILLS Spike with a MUSCLESTORM~! and I could dig this fued.

- THE SECRET ADVENTURES OF AL WILSON.

"Rebecca. Mein sweet honey punkin. Mein skin remembers touching you and I quiver to ze memory...."

"Baron, it's four in the morning. You woke up my roommates. You can't call like this."

"I'm sorry fraulein. I vill call you tomorrow. I just miss you so."

"Baby, it's all right. I miss you too."

"I vas going to just drive up there but Paul and Tommy beat me up and took main keys because I vus drunk. Tommy iz pretty pissed... pissed... because I knocked vun uv his teeth out."

"Jesus Christ, Baron. What the fuck are y'all doing?"

"He's cool now. He forgot that he knocked vun uf mein molars out. Sveet honey punkin, I vant to touch you and kiss you. I vill call you tomorrow... Tell Courtney and Amanda zat I am sorry I voke zem."

"Okay, baby. I love you."

"Und I love you....."

- Cena comes out and Renee Dupree is introduced to Cole. Cena fears the sweet love of Renee. Cena offers his nuts to Renee at the last minute and LOVE CONQUERS ALL. (Jesus, this new Smackdown is fucking BRUTAL.)

- Awesome! Teddy Long! Hey playah. Dollah dollah bill y'all. Hollah atcha boy!

- Oh cool. Eddy vs RVD for the Frogsplash would be cool. Eddy talking shit to Booker T is FUN FUN FUN. Eddy versus Booker T is going to be fun. Bitter Booker T is soooo much better than blandest babyface ever Booker T. Eddy rules. ANGLE MAKES THE MATCH!

- MicroTouch tells us all: "Razors can cut you. Scissors can poke you." Take it to the bank. It's good as gold. PUT DOWN THE POINTY SCISSORS! WHAT! ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY??!?!?!? JESUS! Thank you, MicroTouch......

- Dudleys wrestle the Bashams. Dudleys are sooo the poor man's Nasty Boys. Bashams are sooo the rich man's Cruel Connection. Match is perfectly okay lowgrade Southern tag wrestling.

- JAN MICHEAL VINCENT RECAP! Then Evil Bradshaw Fox News Employee? New Country PsuedoCowboy? If only he would start drinking Mountain Dew or better yet MICHELOB DARK- we would have a New Country Heel Turd and it would be fabulous. HE IS RIGHT! THOSE RUBES WOULD DO THE EXACT SAME THING! AND THEY AREN'T! TELLEM! THIS AIN'T NO GODDAM SUNDAY SCHOOL! The capped teeth are so great. This is fabulous heel turn. So Foghorn Leghorn.

- Paul London steals the scene by making quizzical faces in the background as Holly berates Booker T. Eddy is back to the crappy riceburner pickup low-riders. Eddy is old school and wears the belt to the ring. They go to a commercial. Eddy with the Droptoe Hold and Bokker T cheats in the corner. Eddy with the stiff chops and the Rear Chinlock that Booker T jawbreaks out of. Booker T with the Sid Vicious chinlock that Eddy side suplexes out of. Booker T gets on offense and his offense is.... improbable. Nice Hot Shot and Eddy hits the floor. And we go to a commercial. Booker T with the sleeper. Eddy sells it like fucking Dusty Rhodes. Eddy with the Christian One Armed Facebuster! Booker T cuts him off on the toprope and hits the SuperPlex. FOR TWO! Oh this is fun. Sidewalk Slam for TWO! Back to the Sleeper. The crowd gets behind Eddy fighting out of the Sleeper. Eddy shoulders out and Booker T cuts him off with a knee. Booker T works him over in the corner and Eddy does the Memphis comeback and Lawlers into lariats to offense and Booker cuts him off with a side slam. They hit some nearfalls and Booker misses the scissor kick and Eddy hits the Locomotion Vertical Suplexes and the Frogsplash and EVIL BRADSHAW hits a sweeet Western Lariat. Okay. Good little match.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

- RVD? Jesus Christ. And Charlie Haas wrestles circles around him- as Charlie assumes his new role as post-Rockers WCW-era Marty Jannetty. RVD will bump big and that keeps me from loathing him completely. They start right off the bat by basing a match of RVD selling a body part- which is always HI-larious. He sells the leg aaaaaaaand then he doesn't. RVD does the fruity embellishments and I start to get a hard-on because I subconsciously think of 16 year olds on the Romanian gymnastics team- and God knows Van Dam has got a big butt. And my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun. RVD with the flash pin and boy is THIS show gonna suck.

- Renee Dupree versus Billy Kidman. Yes. Renee Dupree versus Billy Kidman. Yes. Renee Dupree versus Billy Kidman. Yes. Yes, it is. Yes. There is no kind and loving God.

- That Shandi chick on TOP MODEL is going for that whole Bookworm Bitches.com feel and she would be the one you skip over to get the one in the plaid skirt bent over the copier. The hot chick on KING OF QUEENS would be the greatest possible Dirty Latina Maid..... but... but... I share... too much....

- Trojan commercials RETURN! Back in high school, if I could have used one of these for more than 1m:43s, it would have broken! When I got to college and buying condoms isn't some sort of shameful act but becomes a statement of how much pussy you are getting, I would go to the Safeway checkout counter and say, "Lookee here darlin'. You may wanna do a price check on this here 64 four pack of Sheikh Elite condoms. Yeah, that's right mama, numbers 26 through 29 got yo name on it! HELLL YEAH!"

- No Sable. Not Torrie. No Dawn Marie? I'm getting cheap jack-off joke blue balls. Feel my pain.....

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN

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#2 Posted on 25.3.04 2107.45
Reposted on: 25.3.11 2108.02
I love Foghorn Leghorn.

What did you drink?
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#3 Posted on 25.3.04 2107.49
Reposted on: 25.3.11 2108.54
How could the Big Lots commercial not work for you? ... and don't you dig Dupree's little dance?


DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#4 Posted on 25.3.04 2111.45
Reposted on: 25.3.11 2112.50
    Originally posted by pieman
    I love Foghorn Leghorn.

    What did you drink?


I've based my life on Foghorn Leghorn. He is the greatest heel in the history of man.
redsoxnation
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#5 Posted on 25.3.04 2113.15
Reposted on: 25.3.11 2114.05
Baron's back. Yipee.
I have to disagree with you on Bradshaw though. That might have been the dullest heel turn promo in wrestling history. It made Trip sound exciting. Hell, it made Kidman sound charismatic by comparison, and I didn't think that was humanly possible. This could be a main event push that tops Billy Gunn and Bob Holly in terms of pushes no one gives a damn about. And someone should tell Vince and Co. that Dallas has been off the air for 15 years and hasn't been relevant in over 2 decades. Having Bradshaw become a clone of that show is slightly out of touch with most of the demographic.
Angle in the sportscoat reminded me of Tully Blanchard, except without the big collared shirt. I miss coked out Tully.
Dupree reminded me of Buddy Landell circa '85 with the ring robe. Nice to see ring robes make a comeback.
Only took them over a year to realize that Booker had become beyond stale as a face.
Anyway they can put Pez Whatley in a time machine and bring him to SD to work under Teddy as Shaska Whatley?
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#6 Posted on 25.3.04 2115.30
Reposted on: 25.3.11 2115.33

    - MicroTouch tells us all: "Razors can cut you. Scissors can poke you." Take it to the bank. It's good as gold. PUT DOWN THE POINTY SCISSORS! WHAT! ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY??!?!?!? JESUS! Thank you, MicroTouch......

OH SHIT! ::drops scissors::

Whew!

Yo DEAN - no more Chuck Palumbo on SD. Does this make you as sad as it does me?
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#7 Posted on 25.3.04 2116.51
Reposted on: 25.3.11 2117.09
    Originally posted by redsoxnation
    Baron's back. Yipee.
    I have to disagree with you on Bradshaw though. That might have been the dullest heel turn promo in wrestling history. It made Trip sound exciting. Hell, it made Kidman sound charismatic by comparison, and I didn't think that was humanly possible. This could be a main event push that tops Billy Gunn and Bob Holly in terms of pushes no one gives a damn about. And someone should tell Vince and Co. that Dallas has been off the air for 15 years and hasn't been relevant in over 2 decades. Having Bradshaw become a clone of that show is slightly out of touch with most of the demographic.
    Angle in the sportscoat reminded me of Tully Blanchard, except without the big collared shirt. I miss coked out Tully.
    Dupree reminded me of Buddy Landell circa '85 with the ring robe. Nice to see ring robes make a comeback.
    Only took them over a year to realize that Booker had become beyond stale as a face.
    Anyway they can put Pez Whatley in a time machine and bring him to SD to work under Teddy as Shaska Whatley?


DR: Oh come on. If you lived down here you'd understand that there is nothing more annoying than a redneck who thinks he knows what the fuck he's talking about. That's heeldom, my friend.
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#8 Posted on 25.3.04 2122.10
Reposted on: 25.3.11 2122.52
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      Originally posted by pieman
      I love Foghorn Leghorn.

      What did you drink?


    I've based my life on Foghorn Leghorn. He is the greatest heel in the history of man.


That's funny. I was under the impression that Foghorn was the face and the dog was the heel. Or Henry Hawk was the heel. Or, in that one great episode, Daffy Duck (where he tries to sell them both all those wacky gadgets). Egghead, I guess he was a tweener. Prissy? Definitely a heel. and not a Diva.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#9 Posted on 25.3.04 2124.59
Reposted on: 25.3.11 2126.13
    Originally posted by odessasteps
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
        Originally posted by pieman
        I love Foghorn Leghorn.

        What did you drink?


      I've based my life on Foghorn Leghorn. He is the greatest heel in the history of man.


    That's funny. I was under the impression that Foghorn was the face and the dog was the heel. Or Henry Hawk was the heel. Or, in that one great episode, Daffy Duck (where he tries to sell them both all those wacky gadgets). Egghead, I guess he was a tweener. Prissy? Definitely a heel. and not a Diva.


Prissy was a piece. It's those quiet ones you gotta watch.
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#10 Posted on 25.3.04 2157.24
Reposted on: 25.3.11 2158.06
Foghorn Leghorn was definitely a heel. That dog would be sitting around minding his own business, and Foghorn would just bust him with a board. It's just that Foghorn hardly ever got his comeuppance.
DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#11 Posted on 25.3.04 2200.44
Reposted on: 25.3.11 2201.02
    Originally posted by EastCoastJoe
    How could the Big Lots commercial not work for you? ... and don't you dig Dupree's little dance?





DR: GOD! I watched the Big Lots commercial and was fixing to write something and it eluded me. Jerry Van Dyke is a sex machine.
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#12 Posted on 25.3.04 2245.37
Reposted on: 25.3.11 2246.41
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

    - Renee Dupree versus Billy Kidman. Yes. Renee Dupree versus Billy Kidman. Yes. Renee Dupree versus Billy Kidman. Yes. Yes, it is. Yes. There is no kind and loving God.
Cats, Dean, how noticable DOES Dupree's penis have to be before you...well... notice it?
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#13 Posted on 25.3.04 2256.43
Reposted on: 25.3.11 2257.20
    Originally posted by CRZ
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

      - Renee Dupree versus Billy Kidman. Yes. Renee Dupree versus Billy Kidman. Yes. Renee Dupree versus Billy Kidman. Yes. Yes, it is. Yes. There is no kind and loving God.
    Cats, Dean, how noticable DOES Dupree's penis have to be before you...well... notice it?


DR: Well, he showboats his butt so much that you don't notice his junk. Gimme a few weeks. The level of boredom his matches create in me HAVE to create some sort angle where I keep myself awake.
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#14 Posted on 26.3.04 0722.48
Reposted on: 26.3.11 0723.28
    Originally posted by odessasteps
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
        Originally posted by pieman
        I love Foghorn Leghorn.

        What did you drink?


      I've based my life on Foghorn Leghorn. He is the greatest heel in the history of man.


    That's funny. I was under the impression that Foghorn was the face and the dog was the heel. Or Henry Hawk was the heel. Or, in that one great episode, Daffy Duck (where he tries to sell them both all those wacky gadgets). Egghead, I guess he was a tweener. Prissy? Definitely a heel. and not a Diva.


Didn't Foghorn Leghorn scheme against the dog most of the time? Doesn't that automatically make him a heel by default?

Then again, I always hoped Sylvester would eventually get Tweety, just my cat was a dead-ringer for him.
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#15 Posted on 26.3.04 0748.13
Reposted on: 26.3.11 0752.40
    Originally posted by MARTYEWR


    Didn't Foghorn Leghorn scheme against the dog most of the time? Doesn't that automatically make him a heel by default?

    Then again, I always hoped Sylvester would eventually get Tweety, just my cat was a dead-ringer for him.


I hated Tweety because he wa annoying character- almost as annoying as that non-MILFtastic Granny. Poor Sylvester caught having to carry those two loads.

(edited by CRZ on 26.3.04 1535)
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#16 Posted on 26.3.04 0816.48
Reposted on: 26.3.11 0817.33
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      Originally posted by MARTYEWR


      Didn't Foghorn Leghorn scheme against the dog most of the time? Doesn't that automatically make him a heel by default?

      Then again, I always hoped Sylvester would eventually get Tweety, just my cat was a dead-ringer for him.


    I hated Tweety because he wa annoying character- almost as annoying as that non-MILFtastic Granny. Poor Sylvester caught having to carry those two loads.


No one ever said that Slyvester didn't give to his adversaries...only Ric FLair in the 80s sold for a wider variety of opponents and their styles: Tweety, Granny, That one-note concept kangaroo, the dog who all he did was stand around and look intimidating and who HHH and Rhyno stole half their facial expressions from and was always game to try and keep up with the Lucha workrate (even Big Lazy Slowpoke).

People talk about Wil E Coyote being the greatest bump machine in Looney Toons history, but Slyvester was the better seller and wasn't as Sabu-like with the spot-bump-rest-repeat method of work.



(edited by CRZ on 26.3.04 1534)
MARTYEWR
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#17 Posted on 26.3.04 0856.49
Reposted on: 26.3.11 0856.51
I actually have always thought 1999-2002 bearded HHH stole his look from Yosemite Sam, but that may be just me.
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#18 Posted on 26.3.04 0942.32
Reposted on: 26.3.11 0944.38
    Originally posted by MARTYEWR
    I actually have always thought 1999-2002 bearded HHH stole his look from Yosemite Sam, but that may be just me.


Although really, the greatest Looney Toons analogy in WWFE history for my money has got to be the Hollys circa late 1999/early 2000. Crash was Bugs Bunny, in that he escaped out of any impossible situation you put in front of him and the audience ate it up at every turn, and Bob was Daffy Duck, the one who felt that out of the two that he was the bigger star but in reality came out to Crickets and didn't have the same penchant for escape and/or besting his adversaries that Crash did.

DEAN RASMUSSEN
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#19 Posted on 26.3.04 1040.10
Reposted on: 26.3.11 1040.30
    Originally posted by Blanket Jackson
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      I hated Tweety because he wa annoying character- almost as annoying as that non-MILFtastic Granny. Poor Sylvester caught having to carry those two loads.


    No one ever said that Slyvester didn't give to his adversaries...only Ric FLair in the 80s sold for a wider variety of opponents and their styles: Tweety, Granny, That one-note concept kangaroo, the dog who all he did was stand around and look intimidating and who HHH and Rhyno stole half their facial expressions from and was always game to try and keep up with the Lucha workrate (even Big Lazy Slowpoke).

    People talk about Wil E Coyote being the greatest bump machine in Looney Toons history, but Slyvester was the better seller and wasn't as Sabu-like with the spot-bump-rest-repeat method of work.



DR: Yeah, to hell with Wiley Coyote. He is the backyarder of the cartoon set. Even when in with the Fit Finlay-esque Sheepdog.

(edited by CRZ on 26.3.04 1536)
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#20 Posted on 26.3.04 1041.49
Reposted on: 26.3.11 1042.58

Sylvester was also saddled with a horrible tag team partner, that dopey kid of his.

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