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The 7 - Pro Wrestling - The Sports Guy's Wrestlemania Running Diary
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Alessandro
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#1 Posted on 15.3.04 1210.25
Reposted on: 15.3.11 1212.41
http://sports.espn.go.com/ espn/page2/story?page=simmons/ 040315

A great read (as always), and Simmons even included his all time top ten favorite WrestleMania moments ...

10. Ultimate Warrior defeats Randy "Macho Man" Savage (WM 7). Surprisingly good match, capped off by the emotional reunion of Savage and Miss Elisabeth. He would never admit it, but this match actually made my friend Birdman tear up.

9. Undertaker defeats Giant Gonzalez (WM 9). You really had to see the Giant wearing this furry Big Foot costume that was supposed to be scary. Highest of high comedy. This match literally ended his career. People were laughing in the crowd.

8. Bret Hart defeats Stone Cold Steve Austin (WM 13). One of those rare matches where the bad guy was supposed to become the good guy and vice-versa, and it actually worked. Stone Cold's defining moment.

7. Jake the Snake and Rick Martel (WM 7). This was a Blindfold Match. I don't even remember who won. Worst idea ever. Two guys stumbling around the ring for 10 minutes. It was fantastic.

6. Hulk Hogan and Mr. T defeat Roddy Piper and Cowboy Bob Orton (WM 1). The first-ever Wrestlemania main event. Not the greatest match, but those few minutes leading up to the match were unparalleled. It was like Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals at MSG.

5. Ultimate Warrior defeats Hogan (WM 5). The classic "passing of the torch" match.

4. Stone Cold defeats Shawn Michaels (WM 15). Because this happened in Boston, because Mike Tyson was the guest referee and kept calling Austin "Cold Stone" all month, and because Michaels gutted this one out with a bad back. Took him 10 minutes to leave the ring after the pay-per-view ended. Triple H and Chyna had to basically carry him. He didn't wrestle for five years after that one.

3. Razor Ramon defeats Shawn Michaels (WM 10). The famous Ladder Match. Set the tone for every crazy match and death-defying stunt over the next 10 years. Jaw-dropping to watch as it was happening.

2. Hogan defeats Andre the Giant (WM 3). Andre had never been beaten. I mean, EVER. One of the few times in wrestling where nobody knew what was going to happen -- not even Hogan. Poor Andre did the right thing -- he could barely move at this point.

1. Ricky Steamboat defeats Randy Savage (WM 3). Unbelievable at the time. Like watching a triple-OT game in the NBA Finals where the lead changes 117 times in 30 minutes. That's the only way I can describe it. Changed the face of the WWF -- suddenly it was no longer OK for two guys to stand in the middle of the ring and exchange headlocks and body chops for 10 straight minutes.
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JayJayDean
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#2 Posted on 15.3.04 1215.56
Reposted on: 15.3.11 1216.03
I HAVE to believe his spellchecker "corrected" it to repeatedly say Kurt ANGEL, and the Vicodin took hold so he didn't notice.
Spaceman Spiff
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#3 Posted on 15.3.04 1223.56
Reposted on: 15.3.11 1224.36
Y'know, I live Simmons, but when he says this:

    7:06 -- We're back, and just in time for tonight's second main event -- the aformentioned Angel (one of the all-time great heels) against improbable WWE champ Eddie Guerrero (how do you say "Blah" in Spanish?). Plus, Cole and Tazz are announcing this one. Just shoot me. Even the choice of the last Bachelorette wasn't as bad as Eddie being made WWE champ.

    (On the bright side, Angel's bloated head makes him look like the white Barry Bonds. Would you like to renew your Balco membership for another year, Mr. Angel?)

    7:16 -- You know, every time Tazz refers to "champion Eddie Guerrero," I keep checking to see if I accidentally ordered one of those TNA pay-per-views


...I just wanna smack him upside the head. Repeatedly.
dskillz
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#4 Posted on 15.3.04 1230.37
Reposted on: 15.3.11 1230.55
Simmons is not nearly as funny as he used to be. He just seems like a younger Andy Rooney now. Complaining and whining about everything. If ESPN cuts him, I wouldn't shed any tears.
geemoney
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#5 Posted on 15.3.04 1236.45
Reposted on: 15.3.11 1237.29
(deleted by geemoney on 15.3.04 1337)
Wpob
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#6 Posted on 15.3.04 1240.03
Reposted on: 15.3.11 1240.05
This seems to me to be a case of a guy who did not have any ideas for a story, had no clue what was going on currently in the WWE and just felt like he could yuk-yuk his way through a fluff piece. Shame on him, he is usually much better than this.
ScreamingHeadGuy
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#7 Posted on 15.3.04 1257.16
Reposted on: 15.3.11 1257.27
Wow - he's like a jaded smark, but without the "smart". People should not do stream-of-thought pieces.
Matt Tracker
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#8 Posted on 15.3.04 1303.21
Reposted on: 15.3.11 1304.19
I gotta defend Simmons here. I love his writings, be it straight editorials, diaries, blogs or email replies. His diary of the first Patriots Super Bowl win was fantastic (and probably about 60% true).

This was pretty dead-on, except for the Latino Heat comments. Undertaker, Kane, Ventura, Flair, Rock, Foley. I have to agree with him on those guys and the prospect of watching five hours of PPV.
DJ FrostyFreeze
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#9 Posted on 15.3.04 1310.42
Reposted on: 15.3.11 1311.47
I didnt like and/or agree with much of what he said either, but I'm pretty sure his feelings about a lot of the wrestlers he commented on probably match those of a lot of the common fans out there.

(As opposed to the SUPERFANS like us )
Spaceman Spiff
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#10 Posted on 15.3.04 1331.57
Reposted on: 15.3.11 1332.01
He mentions that he hasn't followed the WWF/E in 2 years, thus his ignorance on Eddy and Brock ("doesn't know any moves"), and not knowing Haas/Benjamin.

Although, he redeems himself with (re: Austin):
    Originally posted by Bill Simmons
    Yeah, it's always a good idea to have your crippled has-beens beating up guys in their prime who should be carrying the company. Savvy.


...and (re: Taker/Kane):
    Originally posted by Bill Simmons
    If you end up in hell, you actually have to watch tapes of these guys wrestling for the rest of eternity. They're almost as bad a couple as Bobby Bacala and Janice Soprano.

...as well as shitting all over the Taker/Kane match in general.
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#11 Posted on 15.3.04 1340.01
Reposted on: 15.3.11 1341.59
His most glaring error:


    4. Stone Cold defeats Shawn Michaels (WM 15).


WM 14 (durrrrr)
CRZ
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#12 Posted on 15.3.04 1424.15
Reposted on: 15.3.11 1424.41
Geez, Broncolanche, you correct THAT one, but not THIS one?
    Originally posted by Alessandro...or even the Sports Guy
    5. Ultimate Warrior defeats Hogan (WM 5 6).


(edited by CRZ on 15.3.04 1224)
Broncolanche
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#13 Posted on 15.3.04 1600.49
Reposted on: 15.3.11 1600.56
OH SNAP
edge2333a
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#14 Posted on 15.3.04 1621.14
Reposted on: 15.3.11 1621.37
Well his column was hit & miss but I give this one a hit:
"My God, what's that? Wait a second ... th-that's Jim Ross's music!! Unfortunately JR and announcing partner Jerry Lawler are splitting time tonight with Michael Cole and Tazz. Not good times. Cole couldn't be more annoying -- he's like Ryan Seacrest after six Red Bulls. And yet the WWE keeps inflicting him on the general public. If Vince McMahon was David Stern, Cole would be the WNBA"
I know some people like Cole but he grates on my nerves with his girlish kayfabe commentary.
Bullitt
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#15 Posted on 15.3.04 1703.51
Reposted on: 15.3.11 1706.22
    Originally posted by JayJayDean
    I HAVE to believe his spellchecker "corrected" it to repeatedly say Kurt ANGEL, and the Vicodin took hold so he didn't notice.


Well, a spellchecker would think "angel" or "angle" were proper words...
edge2333a
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#16 Posted on 15.3.04 1719.10
Reposted on: 15.3.11 1719.13
    Originally posted by Bullitt
      Originally posted by JayJayDean
      I HAVE to believe his spellchecker "corrected" it to repeatedly say Kurt ANGEL, and the Vicodin took hold so he didn't notice.


    Well, a spellchecker would think "angel" or "angle" were proper words...

Or maybe he's a Jericho fan --
JayJayDean
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#17 Posted on 15.3.04 1734.23
Reposted on: 15.3.11 1736.16
    Originally posted by Bullitt
      Originally posted by JayJayDean
      I HAVE to believe his spellchecker "corrected" it to repeatedly say Kurt ANGEL, and the Vicodin took hold so he didn't notice.


    Well, a spellchecker would think "angel" or "angle" were proper words...


If he misspelled it to begin with it could've "suggested" Angel first, then he hit "Correct All". Or something.
BOSsportsfan34
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#18 Posted on 15.3.04 1846.32
Reposted on: 15.3.11 1846.39
    Originally posted by Spaceman Spiff
    Y'know, I live Simmons, but when he says this:

      7:06 -- We're back, and just in time for tonight's second main event -- the aformentioned Angel (one of the all-time great heels) against improbable WWE champ Eddie Guerrero (how do you say "Blah" in Spanish?). Plus, Cole and Tazz are announcing this one. Just shoot me. Even the choice of the last Bachelorette wasn't as bad as Eddie being made WWE champ.

      (On the bright side, Angel's bloated head makes him look like the white Barry Bonds. Would you like to renew your Balco membership for another year, Mr. Angel?)

      7:16 -- You know, every time Tazz refers to "champion Eddie Guerrero," I keep checking to see if I accidentally ordered one of those TNA pay-per-views


    ...I just wanna smack him upside the head. Repeatedly.


Yeah putting Eddy down was bad but you have to admit, the Angle looking like a white Barry Bonds comment was pretty funny.
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