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The 7 - Site Bashing - Another reason to hate The Slammer Register and log in to post!
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Lap cheong
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#1 Posted on 29.12.03 1319.19
Reposted on: 29.12.10 1319.32
A "humorous Christmas-themed" article, which is neither humorous nor coherent in any conceivable fashion ... sports/story/149302p- 131649c.html

Now that St. Nick has come and gone and you're standing in the "return" line at Wal-Mart with a "Barbie's Yukon Buzz Saw" in hand, here's something to help pass the time: things that may have been left under the tree of some of our favorite wrestling folks:

The Rock: A "pet Rock."

Eric Bischoff: A year's supply of chili to help him alter the ozone layer.

The Big Show: A year's supply of pizza in an attempt to alter the Earth's axis.

The Spanish-speaking announcers: A folding metal table, inciting the woodpecker population to picket every pay-per-view event.

Ric Flair: My Aunts Thelma and Louise - Woooooooooo!!

Vince McMahon: To help work on his "diminished mental capacity," a certificate for unlimited visits to my personal therapist Dr. Hugo Hackenbush.

Kane: A mask.

Hulk Hogan: A contract for a match at "Wrestlemania" vs. Vince.

Chris Jericho: Sable (and we don't mean a coat).

Linda McMahon: Confirmation of a winner for putting the WCW up for auction on eBay.

Ted Turner: Notification of being the highest bidder for the WCW.

Tazz: A tape of Tazz playing himself in a "Bugs Bunny" cartoon.

La Resistance: Deportation papers.

The Dudley Boyz: Their own steel cage to play in.

Lita, Trish, Stacy: Copies of "The DaVinci Code," so they can make an attempt to unlock the code.

The Undertaker: A bicycle built for two.

Stone Cold Steve Austin: A case of O'Doul's.

Shawn Michaels: A job as the new co-manager (with Elvis) of the "Heartbreak Hotel."

Goldberg: A ticket to Japan as he attempts to become Emperor.

Triple H: His name on the ballot to run for governor of Connecticut.

The Ultimate Warrior: A copy of the book "Where Are They Now?"

Mick Foley: A pen and pencil set so he can keep writing.

Jerry "NWA/TNA" Jarrett: A contract with the USA Network so fans have a "free" alternative to the WWE.

Brock Lesnar: A new disposition.

Scott Steiner: A muscle relaxer.

P.S. Happy New Year and be careful celebrating, the life you save could be mine!

The Slammer is the New York Daily News pro-wrestling columnist.
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#2 Posted on 29.12.03 1440.43
Reposted on: 29.12.10 1444.36
There's supposed to be a point in this article where I laugh, right?

But then again the next time I find The Slammer funny OR enlightening will be the first time.
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#3 Posted on 29.12.03 1738.27
Reposted on: 29.12.10 1741.49
Makes you long for the days of Killer Kowalski's weekley wrestling column in the Boston Herald.
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#4 Posted on 29.12.03 1809.18
Reposted on: 29.12.10 1811.47
I actually hate to admit this, but the first source of "smart" wrestling news I remember reading was Alex Marvez's Sunday corner section in the Miami Herald. And that was about 1989 or 1990.

I mean, it wasn't GREAT stuff, but that was my first exposure to any wrestling news that wasn't kayfabed.
Lap cheong
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#5 Posted on 1.1.04 0048.26
Reposted on: 1.1.11 0051.29
Who the hell is The Slammer besides some shitty writer in a stupid mask?

Hyatte's version is funnier.

Hyatte's version is funny at all.

(edited by Mack Salmon on 2.1.04 1039)
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#6 Posted on 2.1.04 0848.25
Reposted on: 2.1.11 0849.54
He forgot one.
Chris Benoit-A personality
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