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31.10.07 1559
The 7 - Current Events & Politics - High school algebra teachers are terrorists
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Leroy
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#1 Posted on 11.12.03 1441.55
Reposted on: 11.12.10 1443.10
So this made me chuckle, and given the week I am having that is no small feat... it is a little corny.

Although with my luck, this has been circling the net for the last 30 years...

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At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,", Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. "As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.

"I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line." President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."

Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks
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Big Bad
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#2 Posted on 11.12.03 1549.13
Reposted on: 11.12.10 1550.18
I have no doubt that Bush is actually afraid of math.

Seriously, this is pretty funny stuff.
Peter The Hegemon
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#3 Posted on 11.12.10 2249.20
I'm not 100% sure that this post was the source, but for years I've been telling my SAT students that they aren't allowed to bring rulers, protractors, and other weapons of math instruction.
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