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The 7 - Random - Let's rank the Rocky's!
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Boudin blanc
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#1 Posted on 26.2.02 1650.13
Reposted on: 26.2.09 1650.17
I didn't want to go back and forth about this on the "Worst sequels ever" thread, but I have to get this off my chest:

I loved Rocky V.

And just so this thread's not a total waste, here's my rankings of the Rocky movies.

1. Rocky. Obviously. Plus I always get a kick out of seeing Sylvester Stallone pre-steroids.

2. Rocky III. The funnest of them to watch in my opinion (and definitely the funnest soundtrack to listen to). Plus, as a proud Hebrew, I have to admit I really dug it when you found out Micky was Jewish.

3. Rocky V. So sue me. I don't understand why this got panned so much. I thought it was a great human story. Which was what was needed after the debacle that was Rocky IV.

4. Rocky II. Not bad, not great. Kind of defeated the whole point of the first movie, if you ask me.

5. Rocky IV. Not even "so bad it's good in a kitchy kind of way." Just bad. Bad, bad, bad. Turned the Rocky into a paraody of itself (much like the WWF's Rocky did with his Summer of 1999 face turn if you ask me, but I digress).

Edit: OK, I'm having some serious Deja Vu. Did we have this discussion on the EZ-Board?


(edited by MoeGates on 26.2.02 1751)
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Dr Unlikely
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#2 Posted on 26.2.02 1726.23
Reposted on: 26.2.09 1729.02
No, I don't remember this one coming up on the old board. I'm in, though. I'll list 'em from worst to first.

5. Rocky V - This is the worst of the series for a number of reasons. It has the worst line-up of fighters in the series, with Rocky essentially a non-fighter, leaving Tommy Gunn and Union Kane to pick up the slack. You have to watch both Tommy Morrison AND Stallone's kid try to act. And Stallone himself playing Rocky like he's regressed to five years old. And we don't get to see Paulie's Robot. On the plus side, Fake Don King Guy is cool and it's always fun to say "C'mon punk, touch me and I'll sue" like him. And Adrian gets her old job back and has to wear glasses again? Just...just, no.

4. Rocky II - It completely erases the point of the great ending of Rocky. I hate you, Rocky II.

From here on out, it's tough going...any one of the next three could be my #1 depending on what day you catch me. Let's see how I randomly rank them today.

3. Rocky IV - It could easily be #1. Rocky getting the entire Soviet Union to renounce communism and chant "ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY!"? Awesome. Paulie's Robot? Awesome. Drago picking up the evil Russian guy and say "I FIGHT FOR ME!"? Awesome. James Brown and Apollo Creed teaming up for the greatest entrance in sports history, complete with Apollo being announced as, among other things, The Count of Monte Fisto? Awesome. The Frank Stallone-powered soundtrack, with "Hearts on Fire" and "The Burning Heart"? Awesome. Rocky's badass Siberean Beard? Awesome. Rocky's Russian training regimen, where lifting Duke and Paulie in a wagon matches Drago punching through solid steel? Awesome. Adrian yelling "YOU CAN'T WIN!!!" at Rocky, even though we know he can win? Awesome. Apollo dying? Not so awesome. Third place for you, Rocky IV!

2. Rocky - Yeah, yeah, it's technically the best and all, but it doesn't have Mr. T.

1. Rocky III - It gets even better when you realize Rocky is the villain for most of the movie. Poor Clubber Lang is just like Rocky in the first movie, but unlike Apollo in that one, Rocky is ducking him. It's not Lang's fault Mickey gets in the way and dies. Rocky has that training session with the player piano and the bubbles...Eye of the Tiger...Apollo shows he could still beat Rocky's ass...Lang giving the world "My prediction? Pain!"...Paulie showing himself to be the world's most loveable racist...Thunderlips the Ultimate Male. That's a movie.

Now, my bonus addition to the thread - again worst to first, ranking the best fighters in the Rocky series.

6. Tommy "The Machine" Gunn - Far and away the worst fighter. There's just nothing there. And he doesn't even realize that "Tommy Gunn" already has a built in nickname without adding "The Machine". Dumbass.

5. Union Kane - Sure, Tommy Gunn beats him, but I will always believe that Union Kane was forced to take a dive by crooked promoters. Rocky retired with the belt, so Kane was never able to get any respect. Once Fake Evil Don King realized Rocky would never agree to a match with Kane, he knew Kane would never be accepted and made him lose to Gunn so he could run with a Great White Hope thing. Rocky V would be a better movie if it told the tragic story of Union Kane.

4. Ivan Drago - He had the power and the classic skill, but not the ability to mix it up. Being able to block an illegal atomic drop is the kind of thing that seperates the good fighters from the great fighters.

3. Clubber Lang - Before Apollo retrains Rocky, Lang is #2. Rocky's power and toughness doubled. And Rocky was a jerk for ducking the rubber match. Lang-Balboa III would have been money.

2. Rocky - You could hit him with a sledgehammer and he'd just stand there. Rocky fought great...

1. Apollo Creed - ...but Apollo Creed was a Great Fighter. Surely the greatest boxer in the history of cinema, all due respect to Honey Roy Palmer. He could have beaten Rocky in any of the movies, could have smoked Lang in III and beaten Kane and Gunn back to back. Apollo in his prime would have wiped the floor with Drago.

There you have it. If I could rank them, I'd put Rocky's kid, the bullies he beats up and Paulie's Robot all ahead of Tommy Gunn, too.
Tom Dean
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#3 Posted on 28.2.02 0134.22
Reposted on: 28.2.09 0134.58
I think the fact that he won in II made the whole thing jump the shark completely, and therefore, none of the sequels are worth a Hulka-crap.
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#4 Posted on 28.2.02 0426.38
Reposted on: 28.2.09 0427.09
Tired and irritable... it's Bitchin' Time.

(Sorry Riot... you be coo' with me, but I just gotta.)

Say, when was the EXACT moment in time when the phrase "jump the shark" oh, I dunno, JUMPED THE SHARK?

I am so so SO sick of this fucking catchphrase, stemming from, of all things, a shitty episode of Happy Days, and since so many of them were, (aside from the one where Potsie turned heel and stuffed Ritchie's face in the deep fry at Al's while he raped him in the ass) the creators of the offending site and it's somehow even more worthless term couldn't just say, "Hey, remember when things started sucking?", they had to say... the other shit.

I was already pissed off at the overuse of this piece of unclever bullshit, THEN I saw the stupid fucker who runs the site as a guest on Howard Stern's E! show.

Now, I've seen some real pieces of bitch ass shitholes on the show, but this dickmouth took the cake. EVERY OTHER fucking sentence out of his mouth simply HAS to include "jump the shark" or apparently, he can't function. I really wanted someone to beat him in the face until it got so old, that people would say The Beater really "jumped the shark" during the process of destroying him when he began to carve out his eyes and piss in the ocular cavities (God bless you, Hartman) until those darn things just couldn't hold any more.

I'd really thought this whole phrase had passed, but apparently NOT.

(edited by Ubermonkeys on 28.2.02 0528)
Tom Dean
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#5 Posted on 28.2.02 1134.46
Reposted on: 28.2.09 1159.01
Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. But it's SO EASY TO SAY!!!

[Edit: I have to admit, it WOULD be damn cool just on principle if a phrase based on an obscure "Happy Days" episode became a saying known all over the world, made it into the OED, etc. Let's see etymologists 5,000 years from now try to figure that one out.]

(edited by T.R. on 28.2.02 1238)
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#6 Posted on 28.2.02 1524.05
Reposted on: 28.2.09 1529.02
I am mystified as to the lack of love for Rocky IV. Everyone I talk to call it the best of the Rocky movies, because of these reasons:
1. Soundtrack- Frank Stallone babee!
2. Apollo Creed's death- Not much else could have been motivation enough for Rocky to come out and face Drago.
3. The Robot- Come on, it was a hoot

Rocky I may have been a better movie, but Rocky IV was the most zenophobic fun you could have in a theater. All russians are steroid-injecting communists!!!
Boudin blanc
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#7 Posted on 1.3.02 0928.43
Reposted on: 1.3.09 0929.06
This is why Rocky IV hasn't stood the test of time: Rocky III. There's enough love for one 80's retro-kitch movie per series, and you just can't beat Mr. T. in that department.

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