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The 7 - Pro Wrestling - The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report 11/13/03
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The Great Thomas
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#1 Posted on 13.11.03 2100.27
Reposted on: 13.11.10 2100.59
Well, before we begin, I just want to say that "SmackDown! Here Comes The Pain" is the best SD game in every aspect. I can only hope the next one is even better. That said, it's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!

Angle vs. Jones: Matt Morgan accompanies Nathan Jones to the ring... and is promptly sent to the back by Nick Patrick. Cole says that Jones and Morgan's inexperience may be Team Lesnar's only weakness. Power moves and no-sells galore! Angle wins via DQ after Matt Morgan interferes. But BOB HOLLY makes the save, swinging away with a steel chair at the Green Giants, then he gets on the mic and call out Brock Lesnar! Let's go to commercial break!

The Stone Cold Truth: Read Jeb's review on it.

Hardcore Holly: He's in the back, searching for Brock. Paul has his security escort Bob from the building, since he isn't medically cleared to to be in the arena.

Vince et Sable: Sable's staring at pictures of Vince's dog. Vince says he had nightmares of maggots eating his rotting corpse. Then he woke up and realised he shit his pants. Okay, that was... un appetizing.

Mario Party: Mario for President! Hooray!

Jamie Noble: Following Bob Holly's example, he calls out Tajiri, and he appears, but before they than get to brawling, Tajiri's two henchmen, Akiyo and Sakata, attack Noble, while Tajiri barks out orders in Japanese. But Rey Mysterio makes the save!

Noble/Mysterio vs. Akiyo/Sakata: We gots a tag match! Akiyo does some impressive cruiserweight moves, but Noble and Mysterio dominate most of the match. Akiyo wins after Tajiri's interference.

Los Guerreros: The two are hyped up for their Tag Title shot, but a policeman appears and tells Eddie that his wife's sister was in an accident. Eddie has to go back to El Paso!

Chavo Guerrero: He searches for Paul, and asks him to postpone their match. Paul agrees to postpone their match for Survivor Series. However, Chavo will have to face the Bashams in a handicap match, next!

Cole & Tazz: They're reading WWE Unscripted, too. Just like everyone else. Buy it at Shopzone! Buy it! BUY IT! YOU'RE A SHEEP! BUY IT!

Undertaker: He's in a cemetery, telling Vince what he will do to him at Survivor Series. It looks better on TV than how I write it. I mean, I did feel the Old School Taker vibe there.

Guerrero The Younger vs. Basham Bros.: The Bashams dominate Chavo for most of the match, but Chavo does the SUPERMAN COMEBACK! Danny Basham wins after BASHAM SWITCH and rollup. Afterwards, the Bashams and Shaniqua beat down Chavo.

YJ Stinger: Shilled by John Cena.

The Bashams: They're watching Chavo get treated for a back injury, and laughed on. Then, the policeman(!) appears, and shake hands with the Bashams, who comment him on his perfect acting. A set-up! Those crafty baldies!

Bradshaw vs. A-Train: A-Train squashes Bradshaw for most of this match. Bradshaw wins via the CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL!

Angle & Benoit: Benoit says Angle's mad for picking "him" as Benoit's partner and the fifth member of Team Angle, but Angle says that sometimes you have to team up with people you hate for a common cause. Then we discover that "he" is actually John Cena, who only teamed up with Benoit and Angle to get back at Team Lesnar!

Vince McMahon: Sable brings in "Father Frank" to relieve Vince's tension. Father Frank and Vince pray, and Vince yuks it up, since Father Frank should be praying for Undertaker, since Vince will be sending Taker's soul to the DEPTHS OF HELL. HALLELUJAH, and AMEN!

The Cat On The Prowl: Lamont is the biggest ass-kisser I've ever seen. Not much happens here. Bleh.

The Main Event: Cena/Benoit vs. Big Show/Lesnar: THUGONOMICS! "The Nation of WHAT?!" Hey, Method Man's in the crowd tonight! Lesnar and Big Show squash Cena. Big Show hits AAAAATHECHOKESLAAAAAM! But Benoit pulls Cena out of the ring! Let's go to commercial break!

Cena/Benoit vs. Big Show/Lesnar (cont.): Lesnar & Big Show continue the squash. Benoit hits the SWANDIVE HEADBUTT! The fans chant "SUBWAY!" at Big Show! Ha ha ha! Lesnar applies a Rear Naked Choke to Benoit. Amateur background! HUGE GERMAN SUPLEX to Lesnar! Highspots galore! Cena wins via low blow + chainshot to the Big Show! And... we're out!

That's all for this week . Until then, Good Night, take care of yourelves, and get ready for Survivor Series this Sunday!
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#2 Posted on 13.11.03 2102.46
Reposted on: 13.11.10 2102.48
It's my life, my time, my rights, my rhyme. It's time for Ssssmackdown! from the Continental Airlines Arena...and a Fashion Report, too!

Angle, in red singlet with blue stars and gold medals, vs. Nathan Jones, in black fullcuts with red lines, with Matt Morgan, in silver fullcuts, with black vertical stripes...or not. Because Nick Patrick, in the blue shirt of the referee, sends him to the back. Kurt has the anklelock locked in, but Matt Morgan interferes for the DQ. HardcoreHolly, shirtless, in bluejeans, with a steel chair, makes the save and gets on the mic to call-out Brock. But, instead, Adbreak answers.

In the back, Paul Heyman, with yellow-shirted security, confront Holly. Well, Paul says it's not about confrontation, but I know the score. Holly is escorted from the building.

Meanwhile, in the Room of Fun, Vince is doing psycic training. Sable reads a picturebook. Vince discusses his dreams (he's protected by a higher power - himself). Wow - this guy is too much. And I'm trying to eat supper, too. Vince - it means that you are incontinent.

Noble, in denim shorts, with a black armband, gets on the mic and calls-out Tajiri. Tajiri, in black pants with dragons and flaming left hem, wearing the Cruiserweight Title, complies, bringing his yakuza. Beatdown and trash-talking ensues. Rey, in silver/purple mask and "619" pants, is out for a save.

Look - it's a match! Rey and Noble, both in same as before, vs. Akio and Sakada (is that how you spell it?), both in black slacks and loafers. Sakada is big and has the full beard, in case you have a hard time. Jimmy Korderas is the referee. Eventually, Tajiri interferes and Akio gets the cover. A nice match.

In their lockerroom, Chavo pumps-up Eddie. "Detective Roscoe" bears bad news, in a wooden manner. Eddie puts more importance on his family than the match and leaves.

Chavo, in the back, talks to Heyman. The Tag Title match is moved to Survivor Series. Bashams and Shaniqua want a match. So Paul books a handicap match - Bashams vs. Chavo.

Tazz, in black suit with grey/green shirt and tie, and Cole, in tan sportscoat and lighter-tan shirt, show on, read a picturebook, and show Taker FOOTAGE! Taker, in a graveyard, lays-out his plans for Vince's fate.

Bashams, both in black leather pants, and carrying the titles, with Shaniqua, in white bikini top and hotpants, with her cat-o-nine-tails, vs. Chavo, in black headband and purple tights with somekindof designs. Mike Sparks is the official. Chavo wrestles valiently, but the Basham-switch claims another victim. See - even the refs can't tell them apart. An average match. Post-match beatdown, and no-one is around to save Chavo.

In the back, Josh, in brown corderoy shirt, stands by Angle's door.

Cena raps for the blue YJStinger can. I still can't get over saying "ass" in a commercial.

FOOTAGE! from house shows, plus fan comments.

In the back, Chavo is tended to and Bashams/Shaniqua watch on the television. Oh, and the "detective" was a plant.

Bradshaw, in black "APA" tights with cards, vs. ATrain, in black undies with crests. Nick Patrick again referees. Many forearms, chops, kicks, stomps, clotheslines, and other "power moves". Clothesline from Hell for th pin. A nice match (yeah, a pleasant surprise).

In the Team Angle lockerroom, Benoit is upset at Angle's #5 pick. Angle reiterates that he isn't friends with Benoit, but they ARE partners/allies. Cena arrives, as #5, and HE says he doesn't like any of his teammates, but he likes Lesnar's crew even less.

Back to the Room of Fun, Sable brings "Father Frank" to help put Vince's mind to rest. But I didn't think Vince was anything more than a godless bastard. Boring!

I return, in time to see the video package hyping Survivor Series, at least the Raw half. Then Tazz and Cole run-down the SD! matches.

FOOTAGE! of the Cat in his limo
With three women who are hos
And a black man with an afro

Cena, in Nets jersey (#32 - Erving), jeanshorts, backwards cap and lock 'n chain (wait - he's wearing the hometown jersey - he MUST be a face) raps-out all of Team Lesnar, and Benoit, in black "Wolverine" tights with wolverine head, vs. BigShow, in one-strap black singlet, the US Title slung over his shoulder, and Brock, in black undies with buttskull, wearing the WWE Title. Brian Hebner is the official, in his blue shirt. BigShow with the chokeslam on Cena, so Benoit rolls Cena out of the ring for a breather. Adbreak with the run-in.

Yeah, Lesnar does have a new tattoo on his left shoulder. Did anyone else make-out what it is? Cena with the lowblow/chain-loaded punch, gets the pin on BigShow. A good match.

Overall: Effective hyping of Survivor Series. But I flipped-away from the Vince/Priest bit. I do not like Vince doing his over-the-top shtick. A nice show.
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#3 Posted on 13.11.03 2106.03
Reposted on: 13.11.10 2107.09
The most frustrating thing about this show was that yesterday, I watched a tape of TNA's X-Division matches and saw what Jimmy Yang can do- wrestle in 15 minute matches with non-stop action. Today, he's on Smackdown! in a tag match with Rey, JR. and Noble, to cruiserweight flyers similar to those X-Divison wrestlers, and I counted at least three restholds in a 5 minute match. Unbelievable.

(edited by geemoney on 13.11.03 2206)
Pickled pork
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#4 Posted on 13.11.03 2133.09
Reposted on: 13.11.10 2133.18
This show really wasn't as bad as the spoiler made it sound. That's a good thing, though this show still wasn't great...but easily watchable excluding Sable/Undertaker promos.

Holly got me a little bit excited I admit...I feel shame.

The Japanese guys are just so cool! Well MAYBE not that one(you guess which one). The Referee totally fucked up akiyoyang's totally wicked leg lariat.

Chavo's match certainly didn't make him look bad.

Big Show actually did a neat move(leg drop).

"Subway","Gay-Train", and Tazz selling "Subway"
was wonderful!.

What happened to the 1 legged guy and the Velocity Jobbers?
Matt Tracker
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#5 Posted on 13.11.03 2142.10
Reposted on: 13.11.10 2144.07
I said it before (and was politely scoffed at) but I do NOT mind a Holly/Brock minifeud. The crowd dug him, he swung the chair with relish and he was in the groove. Go, Bob, go. For a little while.

Noble. Yang. Rey. It's WCW Thunder, ba gawd! I dug this match, and gasped at the killer tilt-a-whirl SlopDrop. Again, SmackDown gives us a perfectly good finisher as a transition move. I dunno Sakata. Does he have a finisher? A decent moveset? Wrestling trunks?

Chavo busts out a run up one Basham to tornado DDT the other. Should've ended it. So if Chavo is gonna be the bad guy, why does he lose by playing fair while Eddy cheats to win?

Bradshaw/A-Train. Hey Jack Black's on Will & Grace!

Since when is Benoit taller than Angle? Why did I miss this in their eternal feud?

I really enjoyed the main event but would like to have seen Lesnar tap to the Crossface while Cena pinned Show.
Pickled pork
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#6 Posted on 13.11.03 2206.05
Reposted on: 13.11.10 2206.22
Hmmm Matt Tracker....The only Sakata match I have seen...He did the crossface crippler,Rock Bottom, and some elbow drops. And he had little skivvies yes. Very Generic!

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#7 Posted on 13.11.03 2216.05
Reposted on: 13.11.10 2218.14
I've always admired ScreamingHeadGuy & The Great Thomas doing special posts after shows. So in the tribute of "The Fashion Report" and "The Smackdown Report" I bring you..........

Thuganomics for dummies! John Cena's weekly Smackdown lyrics. If you "can't see" his skills, I got you covered.

Cena and the Angry Inch

It's true it's damn true, Cena is the fifth member.

I woulda joined Team Lesnar, but they're all the wrong gender.

That's why I told them "Hell Naw" when they gave me an invitation.

Ain't no way I'm gonna join the Nation of *bleep* (Masturbation).

And Brocks a lil *bleeped* (bitch) hiding behind them tatoos.

But wait....(reaches for pink bra) I brought him a bra so he can cover his man-boobs (tosses bra to floor).

Big Show gained like 500 pounds since last week.

It's like them three giant parkers(?) is squished between his asschecks.

Their whole team is fairies flying off to Neverland.

They can't beat us dawg, they don't know the method man(Cena points to crappy rapper. Apparently crappy rapper's name is Method Man. Method Man get's air time, and Vince owes him only $1 mill in royalties. Rappers care little about getting over y'know).

Their whole team is chicks, man I'm sick of all this.

I'm the doctor of Thuganomics they need a gynecologist.

Now that Cena is on the roster Team Angle is legit.

Team Lesnar's five oversized pieces of.......

Crowd: Shit......ake

Cena's words mean: Getting a sex change is wrong in the eyes of God. You should use what your given just like other homosexuals. Cena is also a big fan of the Seinfeld episode where Kramer and George's dad made the man bra, but is not good at putting away women's delicates. Oh, and every other rapper goes to Cena for promotion.

In Thuganomics we trust!

(edited by CruelAngel777 on 13.11.03 2024)
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#8 Posted on 13.11.03 2218.54
Reposted on: 13.11.10 2221.02
Was half expecting Vince to declare himself Captain Howdy and spit pea green soup at that poor preacher
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#9 Posted on 13.11.03 2245.27
Reposted on: 13.11.10 2245.56
What I got from SD! wasn't much. It was ok...nothing really spoke to me. I was however surprised to discover Vince has a dog, and even more surprised that the dog hasn't been put on television and pushed as World Champion.
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#10 Posted on 14.11.03 0623.45
Reposted on: 14.11.10 0624.38
My my my i thought that The Great Thomas was extremely sarcastic this week do you even like wrestling
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#11 Posted on 14.11.03 1003.10
Reposted on: 14.11.10 1005.36
    Originally posted by CruelAngel777
    It's like them three giant parkers(?) is squished between his asschecks

The Parkers is a UPN sitcom about a family of three (I thought two) *hefty* women. Pay attention to the ads during Smackdown and I'm sure you'll see it.

As someone who missed Smackdown, thanks for the rap "play-by-play", and I enjoyed your post-rap analysis.
The Great Thomas
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#12 Posted on 14.11.03 1041.38
Reposted on: 14.11.10 1041.40
    Originally posted by reddragon
    My my my i thought that The Great Thomas was extremely sarcastic this week do you even like wrestling
What what WHAAAAAT?! Me? SARCASTIC?! Never! I may come off as smarmy at times, I mean every word I say, er, write.

Oh, and yes, I do like wrestling. If I didn't, I'd be writing articles for the Weekly Visitor! :)
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#13 Posted on 14.11.03 1100.52
Reposted on: 14.11.10 1100.59
Oh, and yes, I do like wrestling. If I didn't, I'd be writing articles for the Weekly Visitor! :)

I'm not sure whether to take that as an insult or a compliment, but don't drag us down with your ass of a report.
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#14 Posted on 14.11.03 1240.37
Reposted on: 14.11.10 1241.21
1) It's Akio and Sakoda.
2) WV actually likes wrestling.
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#15 Posted on 14.11.03 1721.51
Reposted on: 14.11.10 1722.10
-Angle vs. Jones- This is an interesting pairing. But the interest level dropped pretty quick to a very bland 6-minute match... Bob Holly came out swinging chairs, and got a great reaction (who'd figure). He wants Brock and he wants him now.

-Akira/Sakata vs. Noble/Mysterio- Why did they change Yang's name, ahhh oh well. The did a double kick on Noble to the upper body (I like more the legsweep from behind and Akira hitting high but again oh well LoL). Another 6-minue match but this one a lot more fun. Akira running up Noble's body was cool. Beautiful tilt-a-whirl into a inverted DDT by Rey on Akira. End of the match comes with Rey readying to west coast pop but gets pulled from the outside, Tajiri kicks Noble in the head setting up a Akira pin.

-Bashams vs. Chavo- Yay to baiting and switching, how great. Every match seems to be getting equal time, another 6-minute match... I'm not a fan of 2 on 1 matches, but last weeks Eddie match was a lot better. Nice tornado DDT by Chavo on one of the Bashams and kicking down the other one in mid move. Shaniqua high kicks very good, Chavo looked good in there as well. Well my opinion on the Bashams haven't changed, I still don't feel them.

-Bradshaw vs. ATrain- In a (you guessed it) 6-minute match. Atrain is actually pretty good when he's in there with another hoss, lets see if he is this time. Well first 5 minutes was not good but Bradshaw did attempt a dropkick (WTF?). Actually the finishing sequence was decent.

-Cena/Benoit vs. BigShow/Lesner- Cena raps and I did took a look at Lesner's chest when he's happy dancing and I did see some jiggling. Lesner gets in an the recently banned overhead Belly-to-belly suplex(didn't he get the memo that we got?) on Cena. Benoit hit a sick German suplex on Lesner! This match is actually pretty darn great. Great close pin attempts on both ends, all guys looked on their game tonight in this 17-minute main event match... They DID edit out the Cena attack on Benoit after(interesting). The crowd was all over BigShow calling for Subway and did he get a "You fat phuck chant? He's really not the intimidating monster they are trying to portray him as

-OtherStuff- The false police report is a tired trick. I remember seeing it during Austin/Undertaker (?). All I remember was cryptic Raven line about Austin...Vince talked about soiling himself, why does he put us through this... I had the same idea as E.A.G during the Vince and father frank stint, I thought his head was going to twist around and spew out pea soup all over the place. Pretty lame stuff... Undertaker promo was actually pretty good but I'd rather seen him in a long trench coat for old times sake... A chuckled when Cena out of the blue called Angle Kojak LoL

-Line of the Night: Crowd "You fat phuck"- I know it's crass but that chant in ECW gave me a chuckle and I think I heard it again tonight. Caught my attention
-3Stars of the Night: 1)Benoit. 2)Lesner. 3)Akira

I'd say this was a good show, they ended strong which is always a positive. Very entertaining main event. The other highlight was Japanese mafia vs. Noble and Mysterio match. 2 weeks ago I was getting back into the McMahon stuff but that was just a blurb, his character is still boring and overstayed
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#16 Posted on 14.11.03 1739.50
Reposted on: 14.11.10 1740.04
I happened to like the Undertaker promo, and the Bradshaw vs. A-Train match. That's right, I said it. I've never really hated Bradshaw, and A-Train has been growing on me a little bit more every time he goes out there.

By the way, judging from the tag team main event, methinks any future Benoit vs. Lesnar one-on-one matches we may get to see are going to be pretty damn great
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#17 Posted on 14.11.03 1816.37
Reposted on: 14.11.10 1816.55
    Originally posted by Net Hack Slasher
    -Akira/Sakata vs. Noble/Mysterio-

So . . . you don't read any other posts, do you?
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#18 Posted on 14.11.03 2052.04
Reposted on: 14.11.10 2053.21
According to, it's Akio & Sakoda, and they (or they and Tajiri collectively) are called Kyo Dai. Perhaps we can start calling them that, rather than "(not the) Yakuza". :)
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#19 Posted on 14.11.03 2155.45
Reposted on: 14.11.10 2155.57
    Originally posted by EddieBurkett
      Originally posted by CruelAngel777
      It's like them three giant parkers(?) is squished between his asschecks

    The Parkers is a UPN sitcom about a family of three (I thought two) *hefty* women. Pay attention to the ads during Smackdown and I'm sure you'll see it.

    As someone who missed Smackdown, thanks for the rap "play-by-play", and I enjoyed your post-rap analysis.

So it was a reference to The Parkers. I hate that show, but thanks cause I wasn't sure.

I think I'll do the rap lyrics every week. I always tape his promos anyway.
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#20 Posted on 16.11.03 1554.44
Reposted on: 16.11.10 1555.38
Yang's not messing up every other move he does either these days circa his AJ stuff...

Sakoda is Masato Tanaka mark numero uno, right down to the rolling elbow.

that same tiltowhirl to inverted was fine before half the x division started overusing it.
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