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The 7 - Guest Columns - WWE Heat, 10/19/03 Register and log in to post!
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thecubsfan
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Since: 10.12.01
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#1 Posted on 20.10.03 0317.29
Reposted on: 20.10.10 0317.30
My website is back up. It's...eh. It doesn't feel like home yet - the colors in the links are the only thing that shout ME. So it needs some work but I haven't decided what. But I can't decide and I can't sleep so...

Anyway, to mention that and add something almost useful, here's Heat:

---------

Stu Hart
In Loving Memory
1915-2003

TV PG DV entertainment CC

In the SmackDown GM office, Sable feels her own legs up and has someone play her music. "Welcome to a special edition of Sunday Night Heat, with me, Sable. By special order of Mr. McMahon, SmackDown! is commandeering Heat for the evening. Now, Mr. McMahon is here, counting down the minutes until he faces his lovely daughter in a I Quit match, and he has to force Stephanie into quitting as the General Manager of SmackDown! Now Linda, if you get in to my way, not only are you going to see that this Diva is beautiful, but she likes to play rough. Now, I wonder who will Mr. McMahon appoint as the new General Manager?"

open

We're Live in Baltimore, MD, and captioning thinks "Jonathon" is hosting this show. It's already dark outside as people enter the arena. I hope the doors haven't just opened, because there's not that big of a line. Lots of people inside, though. Welcome to Sunday Night Heat - they're high, as usual. As not usual, your hosts are Josh and Afterburn's Rue nolastname - I bet this is what Tazz meant on Velocity about Josh getting a new partner. I hope her skills go beyond "not wearing much and wearing it tight." Gosh, Josh looks like such a dork. They're hyping things now but I can't stop thinking it. Sorry Josh.

No Mercy: Brock Lesnar (c) vs Undertaker in a Biker Chain Match for the WWE Championship
No Mercy: blah blah blah
Josh says Vince could fire Stephanie right now if he wanted to - wait, I thought he couldn't? Anyway, he hasn't because he wants Stephanie to quit.
No Mercy: Kurt Angle vs John Cena
Josh: "These two have been on a collision course for weeks, but tonight, they'll collide!" That's why they call it - oh, never mind, roll the video package.

Cena/Angle highlights. (2:29) The time for fun and games is over! We're stuck with this match now. Josh and Rue's lines sound too much like lines, you know? And Rue's got this (fake) pep personality going on.

Tonight: John Cena Battle Rap
Tonight: Shannon Moore vs Billy Kidman.
Hopefully, you're looking forward to one of those.

BLACK MIST of three days ago

Josh is very emotional about his very housemate being hurt like that. Well, not really, but he gives it his somber voice. Nidia still can't see, Noble is with her 24/7 at a med facility. Rue has only been here a few months but cares deeply about Nidia's well being. Is this over yet? Josh: "Only God and Tajiri know what's in that black mist."

No Mercy: Rey Mysterio vs Tajiri (c) for the WWE Cruiserweight Title

Transition to Passport to Pain highlights (1:05) Josh and Rue are making me consider mass murder with their horrible forced line reading. I wanted to give 'em a chance - these hype shows can be brutal for all the banter that goes back and forth to hype matches and these two are only going to do 'em once every two or three months - but they are LAME. I have this stupid idea that they might not suck when calling a Funaki/A-Train match but there's a reason they call it a stupid idea. invites Rue to watch a Saturday Night Heat (same time, different day) next week - Rue declines to watch it with Josh, proving she has some standards. Who picked out that jacket for Josh? It makes him blend in with the background. HORRIBLE TRANSITION TO

Two Weeks Ago: Eddie Guerrero shows off his family owned sewage truck
One Week Ago: Big Shows shows off his thechokeslam

Michael Cole (and a big ol' echo) talks to the Big Show. Big Show says he's never been as humiliated as he was two weeks ago, which is hard to believe considering he was in the Dungeon of the Doom and all. He has sewage coming out of his ears for 10 days! Perhaps he should clean better. He's here to humiliate Eddie Guerrero. By taking his title and not by having a crappy match. I think.

SmackDown Live!
10/20 - White Plains, NY
10/21 - Albany, NY [SD!]
10/26 - Albany, GA
10/27 - Augusta, GA
10/28 - Atlanta, GA [SD!]

Buy the PPV NOW! Is this "when Josh says 'We', Rue must take great effort to point out that 'We' is not 'Josh and Rue together'" bit their running gag? Josh: "At the Hard Rock - you said hello to me!" Rue: "No I did no that! I did?" Please please stop

Tazz talks to the Basham Brothers. NO SEND IT BACK TO RUE AND JOSH. Tazz asks if Shaniqua had it coming for getting involved. Doug: "Had it coming? Had it coming?" Tazz: "Yea, had it coming." They're unhappy with the APA killing Shaniqua. Anyone who got pleasure out of Shaniqua's pain has deep psychological plain. Doug: "She's so pure, so innocent, and she'd never lay a hand on anyone (unless you asked permission)." Did they get revenge for beating up the APA with chairs? No. Tonight, they challenge APA to a match. Doug: "In our world, pain is in control, and tonight that the Basham's are always in control, because we dominate everyone we come across." Okay that wasn't so bad.

Break here.

Your announcers are now also Tazz and Michael Cole. Tazz sure got from backstage quick. Cole's lesser facial hair still bugs me. Tazz says the rumor going around is that Rue and Josh are a couple.

No Mercy: blah blah blah

This is about life? Weird one. (3:41)
Backstage, Linda and Stephanie walk in and everyone wishes Steph luck like their job depends on it. IT MAY

Cole pretends he thought that he'd show up today and the Stephanie/Vince match would've been called off by Vince.

Subway Shannon WINS Shannon WINS THIS NEVER GETS OLD of two weeks ago.

"Today is the Day" by Dope is the official theme song of No Mercy
No Mercy: Kurt Angle vs John Cena
No Mercy: blah blah blah
No Mercy: Eddie Guerrero (c) vs Big Show for the US Championship
No Mercy: Zach Gowen vs Matt Hardy - Cole's out of order and starts to hype Benoit/A-Train here
No Mercy: Chris Benoit vs A-Train
No Mercy: Rey Mysterio (c) vs Tajiri for the Cruiserweight Championship
No Mercy: Brock Lesnar vs Undertaker in a Biker Chain Match for the WWE Championship
You know, I bet there are rules, or that match isn't going to end.

Earlier Today, John Cena came to the building - and was rapped at by an Eminem-lookalike. These forced rhymes make Cena look natural. Did he almost forget a line there? Cena raps back (with many Baltimore references that surely came off the top of his head - and stealing from Hurricane) and wins. And the point was? It was better than an interview.

Up Next: Billy Kidman vs Shannon Moore

Shannon Moore (Raleigh, NC, 209 pounds) vs thug life Billy Kidman (Allentown, PA, 215 pounds) - Matt's not here because he's getting ready for his match, I think. Shannon NEVER wins these matches. Circle. Lockup, Shannon slides under to waistlock, switch, Kidman takes him to the mat, front facelock, Moore goes to an armbar, Kidman forward rolls to a reversal, Shannon gets to the ropes for a break. Kidman gives it, calling Shannon on. Lockup, headlock, Shannon with elbows, out into an armbar, corner whip, charge in, Kidman with a kip up headscissors. Shannon out, Kidman points at him, off the ropes, sliding dropkick but Shannon ducks down, then drives Kidman into the barricade when he slides out. Kidman thrown in one two no. Back suplex, one two no. Something in the neck vice family. Kidman rallying an up, back elbow, back elbow, back elbow, right, corner whip, Shannon kips up and out, Kidman turns and takes a shoulder into the corner. Corner whip - no, same corner, Kidman going in chest first. Shannon runs, leg lariat to the back! One two NO. Slam. Kneeling surfboard. Announcers giving the McMahon/McMahon match an unbelievable hype job here - "SmackDown!/our futures/Sports Entertainment itself hangs in the balance." Kidman up an turning out of it, rights, corner whip, Kidman charges into a back elbow. Shannon charges out into a dropkick. Both pulling themselves up - Shannon misses a clothesline, Kidman doesn't miss the fivearm. Whip, backdrop. Corner whip, Shannon tires to move out of the way and teaks a clothesline. That didn't seem right. Kidman backs up and then charges - sliding dropkick to the groin! UN FOUL! One two NO. Back suplex, Shannon lands on his feet, kick to the midsection, jumping swinging neckbreaker one two NO. Slam, no Kidman lands behind, springboard bulldog is pushed off, Kidman charges at Shannon again and takes a drop toe hold to the middle buckle. Up top, HALO! One two NO! Halo never works. Shan-trum - Tazz gets to make his Cole joke with Cole there, but he doesn't react. Back to work - Kidman with the kick catch enziguri. Trying to finish it now? Setting Shannon in position, and going up - Kidman up and punching him. Putting Kidman's feet on the inside of the ropes and joining him up there. Tope rope 'rana? Kidman punches back and grabs him - SECOND ROPE BK BOMB! One two three (5:13) Shannon came down much more on his butt than his back there, which isn't gonna leave a painful tailbone. Tazz notes that on the replay. During the match: APA have accepted the Bashams/APA match. Good thing they happened to come to Baltimore. Cole reminds us about next week being Saturday Night Heat

Tazz shows us the chain. It's awful shiny and new for a Biker Chain. Crowd is booing so Shannon must be up and annoying, good.

No Mercy: Brock Lesnar vs Undertaker in a Biker Chain Match for the WWE Championship

Undertaker/Brock. (2:50)
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