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The 7 - Guest Columns - Inside the Ropes
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Guru Zim
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#1 Posted on 6.6.03 0411.16
Reposted on: 6.6.10 0411.17
[This is the last trial of this one. If you like it and want to keep seeing it say something]


Inside The Ropes
June 5, 2003
By Canadian Bulldog

Yo... It's Me... It's Me... It's Canadian Bulldog!!! Self hi-fi! And this is another JAM-PACKED edition of Inside The Ropes!

In Memoriam: I hate to start this JAM-PACKED column off on a sad note, but according to my high-placed sources, WWE legend Classy ``Freddie'' Blassie passed away this week at the age of 85. I think you'll all agree that his legendary career can only be described as a ``legendary career''. Some of his career highlights include: a motivational speech he gave right before Team WWE (known as the old WWF territory back in those days) defeated the ECW-WWC Alliance; and when Eric Bischolf and The Three Man Warning were about to get their hands on him on Raw, but didn't. He will truly be missed.

A lot of people have asked me about Bill Goldenberg and his infamous `streak' from 10 years ago in the old WCW. They want to know which people he beat. So here it is in it's entirety:

1) Le Parka 2) Mando Guerrero 3) Jacques Rougeau 4) Eddy Guerrero 5) Raymond Rougeau 6) Chavo Guerrero 7) Chavo Guerrero Sr. 8) Chavo Guerrero Jr. 9) Jacques Guerrero 10) Juventud Guerrero 11) Eddy Rougeau 12) Hulk Hogan 13) Sick Boy 14) Jake the Jake Roberts 15) Booker T 16) Big T 17) Little T 18) Mr. T. 19) Jerry Flynn 20) Taylor Made Man 21) Steven Regal 22) Squire David Taylor 23) Earl Robert Eaton 24) Sir William Dundee 25) Haku 26) Juneyard Dog 27) Rees 28) Billy Kidmen 29) Torrie Wilson 30) Hugh Morrnus 31) Bad News Brown 32) The Disiciciple 33) Zak Gowan 34) DDP 35) Kevin Nash 36) Firefighter Chip 37) Jin Cornette 38) The Shakemaster 39) Rich Steiner 40) Jimmy Jam Garvin 41) A Young Brock Lesnar 42) Big Show The Giant Killer 43) Ray Mysterion Junior 44) Kurt Henning 45) Some Jobber 46) Glacier 47) Mortis 48) Wrath 49) Cyclone 50) Motor City Madman 51) Skinnor 52) Bamam Bigelou 53) Bryan The Pillman 54) Dustey Roads 55) Terry Funk 56) Jerry Zybsko 57) Gorgeous George I 58) Buddy `Nature Boy' Rodgers 59) Bruno Santamartina 60) Lou Thezz 61) Saboo 62) Lex Luger 63) Buff N Stuff Bagwell 63) La Parka (return match) 64) Scott Nordon 65) Ice Train 66) Shagy Too Dop 67) The Monster Meng 68) Radny Savage 69) Black Bart 70) Arnold Anderson 71) Little Naitch 72) Little Naitch Jr. 73) I forget the next few 81) Bob Backlan 82) John The Shark Tanta 83) The British Bulldogs (no relation!) 84) Goldberg 85) Natural Disaster Tycoon 86) Zues 87) Greg Valentime 88) Itsuhara Michisama (interpromotional match) 89) Rick Flair 90) V.N.K. Wall Street 91) Scott `Last Hall' Call 92) Jeff Hardey 91) Ravan 92) Wild ``Bill'' Irwin 93) A Young Vince Russo 94) That Wild Willy Mascot 95) Chris Benwah 96) La Parka (cage) 97) Roddy Roddy Piper

The streak was then ended in the infamous Starcayde match, where Goldberg kicked Bert Hart in the head and broke his head... But what a streak it was!

Newsflash! Kurt Angel is headed back after his lengthy battle with back surgery! If I know Kirt as well as I do, he'll be back to his old `Showstoppa' ways before long. Here's wishing you luck on a speedy recovery.

A lot of people have been telling me to review the brand new federation known as TNA: NWA. Well, starting this week, I'm going to do just that.... starting with their Official Web Site.
By way of background, this fed is based only on paper-view, so they can contain all of the Non Stop Action in one environment. There are basically three factions, or `cliques' if you will:
NWA Tradition Rules, which includes Double Jeff Jarrett, The Rockers and Roll Express and Jerry Lynn; Team Xtreme, which includes New Jak, The Raven, Sand Man and Jerry Lynn; and S.E.X.Y., which includes Mike Sandars, Disco Inferno Glenn, Roadd Doggggg BJ James, Jerry Lynn, and former WWE creative mastermind Vince Russo. Sounds like good stuff to me!

You may not have noticed this week on Eric Bischoff's Monday Night Raw, but backstage rumor is that Kane The Big Red Machine has lost his focus. According to friends, he is still upset over the killing-his-girlfriend-thing from a few years back. But not all is lost! Stone Cold Steev Austin, who eagle-eyed fans may remember used to play his brother in WWE storylines, is trying to whip him into shape by channeling his rage. Here's hoping to a speedy recovery for the big guy!

Spoiler Alert: Do Not Read the next section, unless you don't mind being spoiled by this spoiler!

____________________________________________________________
















Finally..... The Rock..... has come back.... to RAW!!!! That's right; ``The Greatest One'' is headed back next week to be the guest-host of Chris Joreichon's Highlight Of The Night Reel! Will this lead to more consistent appearances on everyone's favorite Monday night wrestling show? Probably!














------------------------------------------------------------



Good to see Triple HHH's Revolution group back together again. The only question that remains to be seen -- can they overcome BOTH Sean Michaels and Big Sex Kevin Nash? If I were the booker (and for those of you wondering, I'm not!) I would book a reunion of the Two Dudes With Attitudes, stat!

Before you know it, the next WWE pay-per-view extravaganza, otherwise known as Glad Blood, will be upon us. Already this is shaping up to be a JAM-PACKED card, with great action for top to bottom. Here's the official card as it stands today:

-Hell In The Cage: Nash vs HHHH; special guest referee Chynna!!!
-Legends Match: Bill Godberg vs Chris Jerihcho!!
-60-Minute 5-Star Iron Man Match: Shane Michaels Vs Natural Boy Rick Flair!
-Tag Team Ladder Match: Kane and Rob Van-Damme vs Los Resistance!
-Cold Stone Steve Austin vs Rick Bischoff in a Redneck Streetfight!
-International Title: Booker T vs The Christian!
Rumored matches:
-The Test vs Big Bully Daddy, with Stacey in a neutral corner!!!
-Hurricane Helmsley Vs Andy Orton
-Fatal Six-Way Woman's Match: Tris Stratus vs Jasz vs Mollyholly vs Miss Victoria vs Jaquececquline
-Brook Lesnar vs Bigshow
- The Rock vs Christian!

Questions and Answers: It's time.... once again... for the Q&A Traaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiin! To ask a question, mail it in to Canadian_bulldog@hotmail.com

Q: What the hell is your problem?
A: I know you are but what am I
Q: What can you tell me about Charlie Haas? How can I write to him?
A: Third-generation superstar Charlie is one-half of the tag team champions on Smack! Down, along with Sheldon Benjamin. He's around 6 foot 3 ish, and wears USA trunks. Oh... and he's a GREAT wrestler. You can email him at http://www.wwe.com
Q: Looking to this month's Hell In The Cell match, I wanted to know how many Hell In The Cell matches there have been, and who has won them?
A: The Undertaker, and there have been about 20 since its inception in 1989.
Q: The DVDVR 500 came out this week, and as I'm sure you're aware, both American Dragon and Rey Bucanero are ranked ahead of Benoit. Plus, you have Tsuyoshi Kikuchi ranked WELL ahead of Naohiro Hoshikawa which is just wrong. What the hell is up with that? Your thoughts?.
A: Well, I just love DVD's. The other night, I rented `Catch Me If You Want' starring Leo Decraprio and Some Other Guy. It may have been the best movie ever!
Q: No, seriously, do you have a clue?
A: Clue about what? What a silly question!
Q: I've heard that there were two Ultimate Warriors during his WWF run. Is there any truth to this?
A: Thanks for the compliment. I did some digging around, and it turns out there WERE two Ultimate Warriors! The first one's real name was Bill Eattie, and he also played the roles of Demotion Axe and Big Machine! Then, he got too old and retired or died, and was replaced by a man by the name of The Warrior.
Q:.... and was The Ultimate Warrior the same guy who played Kiss Demon?
A: Sure.
Q: Who would win a shootfight between Benoit and Angle?
A: That depends on if the match is a legitimate match or if it's predetermined (known as a `work' among those in the business). I would say Angle.

Finally, I just wanted to mention that yours truly has been at it again, catching up on some of the many wrestling books out there. A few weeks, some of you local Canadian Bulldogaholics may remember I reviewed `The Complete Idiot's Guide To Professional Wrestling'. This week, I picked up what may very well be the second best novel about the squared circle: ``Texas Rattlesnake: The Unauthorized Biography of Stone Cold Steve Austin.''

Because it's not authorized by the WWE OR the WWF, the author here was allowed to dish out some big time dirt about our favorite Rattlesnake. For example, did you know that Austin's character works so well because the everyday working man can relate to him? Or how about this fact: Austin was actually married BEFORE he married Debra!!!!! Who knew?

For tidbits like those and more (well, actually that seems to be about it), it's easily worth the $3.99 you pay at your local bookstore, or in my case, yard sale. WHAT? I said, it's easily worth the $3.99 you pay at your local bookstore, or in my case, yard sale. WHAT? Ehhh.... never mind. You get the joke.

That's about it from here down in the great white north. If you have any comments, rumors, gossip, arena results, exclusive interviews, pictures, or feedback (But PLEASE -- no more emails about penis enlargement pills or ways to reduce my debt. Thank you!) e-mail me at Canadian_bulldog@hotmail.com
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Notorious F.A.B.
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#2 Posted on 6.6.03 0447.41
Reposted on: 6.6.10 0452.04
I dug it.
OlFuzzyBastard
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#3 Posted on 6.6.03 0719.53
Reposted on: 6.6.10 0721.45
Yeah, I think this has been pretty consistently funny.
FurryHippie
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#4 Posted on 6.6.03 1205.11
Reposted on: 6.6.10 1210.50
I like the way it's moving along and evolving each time. It's definitely better each post. If you're still up for a little constructive criticism, I will offer two things I've noticed:

1) At points, it still gets a little too close to Hot Newzzzz!!!1 Which kind of relates to #2

2) The typos are funny if you sprinkle them across the post, but I think it's a little overkill when pretty much everything is spelled wrong. Too much of the bad spelling makes it look extremely like Hot Newz.

Otherwise, I was actually chuckling at this at many points, whereas I barely cracked a smile on your debut. Definitely getting much better - keep it up!
Spaceman Spiff
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#5 Posted on 6.6.03 1227.51
Reposted on: 6.6.10 1229.02
"I'm not feeling it." Kill it.

Sorry, dude.
SchippeWreck
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#6 Posted on 6.6.03 1244.12
Reposted on: 6.6.10 1246.41
I've gotten a pretty big kick out of the last two columns.

I've got to agree with FurryHippie's second point, though. I enjoy the sort of clueless switching around of names, but the "typos" are just kind of annoying. I can't tell if you're being funny or just sloppy.

The streak list was killer, though. I vote for the column to stay, but maybe not in a weekly capacity. Save it for something like once a month when you've got really golden material.

(Keep in mind, I think I've only read like one edition of Hot Newz, so I can't comment on the similarities.)

EDIT: Quotation marks added to get my point across more clearly.

(edited by SchippeWreck on 6.6.03 1333)
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#7 Posted on 6.6.03 1304.59
Reposted on: 6.6.10 1305.53
Didn't make it all the way through. Still too much like "The Ouside Scoop," by Jackie Harvey.

The Blassie tribute was funny, though.
Notorious F.A.B.
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#8 Posted on 6.6.03 1524.07
Reposted on: 6.6.10 1524.07
What they all said about the typos. Sometimes "decoding" the misspellings takes away from the humor.

I like the general feel of this. It gets a little Hot News at times but it looks like you're going for a character who is brand new to wrestling and just amazed at being an insider, which is a cool idea and overall very different from News. It takes me back to the days when there were a million sites that all acted like that.

And thus ends my judging here on American Wiener.
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#9 Posted on 6.6.03 1527.17
Reposted on: 6.6.10 1529.02

    Originally posted by SchippeWreck
    I enjoy the sort of clueless switching around of names, but the typos are just kind of annoying. I can't tell if you're being funny or just sloppy.


Typos? Where??
dMr
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#10 Posted on 7.6.03 0934.35
Reposted on: 7.6.10 0936.23
You've made me laugh more each week.

I'd keep it.

But then, I'd keep HHH main eventing. What do I know....
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