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The 7 - Guest Columns - Smackdown! is One Syllable! Register and log in to post!
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Notorious F.A.B.
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#1 Posted on 30.5.03 0657.02
Reposted on: 30.5.10 0657.03
"Smackdown" is One Syllable!
May 29, 2003



They start the show with fire that shoots from the stage. We are live on tape from the
state that is most South and East. The Man Who Takes will team up with Brock this night to
fight The Bull, The Gay, and The Nose! That's two on three! Give the two guys who are face
some chairs with wheels on them - that's what kind of match this is!


But first an Old Hag walks to the ring to say the names of those who will fight. Her pants
help keep her butt in the place it was back when she was young. She says The Girl With The
Dead Fake Dad is too fat! And here I thought she would like to have some girl on girl time
with her. That could be the type she likes, though. I am not one to say. The Girl With
The Dead Fake Dad hurts her knee so the girl with whom she fights, The White Trash Slut,
works on that for a bit. It does not help her get the win though. That came when her guy
was on the side of the ring and pushed The Girl With The Dead Fake Dad, which let White
Trash Slut roll her up. Once that was done Tazz did some stuff and we saw White Trash
Slut's draws, which looks like what your Mom's Mom wears down by her girl parts. How did
she get those, you ask? I don't know. I bet they would come down real quick for The Old
Hag though. She should try to get with her.


Then a long black car with a guy to drive it shows up in the back and there's The Big Boss
Guy! The guy who drives the long car tries to tell him they are in a spot for gimps but Big
Boss Guy won't hear it! He parks where he wants to park and the time they will be there is
short! Does Zach With The One Leg know of this? I bet he would hate that sort of thing.


Two guys and Steph test out the lie check thing. She says that she is the boss of the show
(which would mean she is the boss of The Big Show as well) but rips the thing off her hand
when they ask if she cheats when it is time to give the feds cash. "Mr. Smith, did you kill
this man?" "I will have to plead the fifth on that, sir." She says the box works fine and
leaves. Steph does not like the Feds for what they tried to do to her dad. Them and the
guys who blew up New York.


Team Kurt says they will get the tag belts back for Kurt. That's a swell thing for them to
do, since the team is named for him and all. I think Kurt cares more for Brock's belt
though. I'm glad he will come back next week. He's good and Brock needs a real feud. I
can see Kurt lose a match that's not for free to him for the belt, then help that guy from
up north with no tooth to cheat and get the belt at the big not free show that comes next
(the one with both brands on it). He would do this since he KNOWS he can beat the guy up
north for the belt. He's done it at least once. And No Tooth can still be on the same side
as Brock to do the plan. Then we have three guys to fight for the belt and they are all
good in the ring.


The new (swank) tag champs talk. I like them. They lie, cheat and steal trucks. Trucks
that ride low are good when you want to find loose chicks. They like the cars, the cars
that go "Boom!" Or so I've heard. It's a good thing the front of the truck can jump up and
down! You need to put stuff on each base out there, you know. That's the key. That and
pecs and a big dick.


The tag champs fight Team Kurt for the belts one more time but it's all good 'cuz
they are all good. On each show they have a new way for the champs to cheat to win.
It's gold! This time the guy who does the frog splash rings the bell before the guy who
sounds like Bruce Lee can tap out to the Haas of Pain. While the ref sorts things out
with the guy who can ring the bell FOR REAL, one guy from each team has a tug of war with
one of the tag belts. Ed lets go and falls to the ground like he's been knocked out. The
ref turns around to see Haas with the belt and Ed knocked cold. Champs win! Good thing
refs aren't cops. Or are they?


In the back, the "truth or not" test gives Not Hulk In A Mask stress and fear. Stay strong,
dude!


Vince comes out for the test and looks quite pleased. He says that both Zach With One Leg
and Hulk will not have a leg to stand on because he's a heel and Zack has just the one leg.
I don't know what Hulk has to do with all of this. Is he here at all? This test can't end
well for Vince. If this part of the show was his ass on Not Hulk In A Mask's lips then it
would be fine. Or if it was to get Not Hulk to bark like a dog in a bra. (Think about
that for a while! Wait, don't. Too late? Ah well, what can you do?) This just won't work
out though.


As it turns out Vince gives all the guys and gals he pays for work a test like this. The
stress of it snapped poor Meat's brain. In the end the only thing that was proved was that
Vince is the most large hole of an ass on God's green earth. The script for this part was
as good as a script for this sort of thing can be.

And Kurt will come back next week! That was not in this part of the show but it's good to
hear in any event.


Vince is mad at Steph as most folk would be. He says things will change
next week for the good. Hell yeah things will change - Kurt's back!


Sean of the Hair with the Old Guy In A Skirt takes on the guy from up north with no tooth.
Not much good comes from it. Why put your tap out move on a guy not in the match? You're
more smart than that, Chris!

The Bull, The Gay and The Nose work out for their match with Brock and The One Who Takes.
This is some good thought. They need to be more big to take on those two. The Nose has a
more good plan though. It just goes to show, the guy with the big nose is the smart one.
Check out Raw.

Rey talks about Matt, so Matt kicks him in the nads. Rey's got nads? Rey's got nads.


A new (old) guy who KICKS ASS gets an ad. Good for him.


Two new guys who did not have the same mom have their first real match when they take
on The Guy With A Lot Of Ass and The Guy With A Lot of Spank. See how well those two fit?
The small guy looks like he has a good time in the ring. Crowds like that. He looks like
he tries tries as well and crowds like that as well. But then, the crowd likes a big man ass in a guy's face too so who knows what they are on. He gets pinned though when the new guys cheat. They must be heels! Wait, who are the tag champs?


Once that was all done we found out that Zach With The One Leg has a cel phone as well as a fake leg. That kid has it all. No wait, he does not have a truck that rides low. He has to make the girls feel sad for him to get their poon. Poor guy. Dance with who brung ya and all that. He used his cel phone to let the cops know that Vince parked against the law in a place that is just for his truck that rides low, if he had one. It would have bright lights, loud tunes, gold rims and fur on the wheel that steers, too! Vince gets towed.


An ad for Kurt has tunes by a band that does not play warm. I don't like them. Still, it's not Creed and you know that even God's son hates Creed, right? Fans in the Town of Wind do too.


And now it's time for the big match of the night. Brock teams with The One Who Takes to take on The Bull, The Gay and the Nose. But wait! The Nose is too hurt to fight! Who will fight in his place? Well... it's The Big Show. Those three could not put on that kind of bulk with just the weights. The Nose is smart and The Big Show is big, as he's wont to be. So the good guys will take on The Bull, The Gay, and The Big Show but not The Big Gay Bull Show. There was a cute spot in there where The One Who Takes asks Brock if he would like to fight Show and Brock does his "I Have Joy" dance on the side of the ring. His dance gives me joy too! Brock cleans house and then in a while gives his move to The Bull and The Gay but The Big Show sneaks up (which does not go with what the odds would say) and slams him with a choke. One, two, three.


Some guys who write on the net don't like that Brock lost to the Show in a clean way. I say Brock did not lose in a clean way. He had The Bull and The Gay in his face and took care of them. He turned around and got the choke type of slam. That says Brock can't take Show's choke type of slam and should try to not let him do it the next time they fight, not that Show can beat Brock. Show snuck up on him. That's not clean. It sells that the move can end a match and damn it Vince needs the fans to think that guy can end a match.

Edit: Fuck! There's still a "before" and an "ever" in there!

(edited by Notorious F.A.B. on 30.5.03 0815)
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Mr. Boffo
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#2 Posted on 31.5.03 0039.03
Reposted on: 31.5.10 0039.55
That was weird. But I liked it anyway.
Notorious F.A.B.
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#3 Posted on 31.5.03 0134.36
Reposted on: 31.5.10 0136.34
Heh. Thanks. But I think now all the posts that come next should be made up of one beat words as well.
dMr
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#4 Posted on 31.5.03 0819.37
Reposted on: 31.5.10 0820.05

    Originally posted by Notorious F.A.B.
    Heh. Thanks. But I think now all the posts that come next should be made up of one beat words as well.


Then strange that was, and are you. Yet funny and make me laugh with a will not my own or free. Thanks ;)
Notorious F.A.B.
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#5 Posted on 31.5.03 1449.37
Reposted on: 31.5.10 1450.14
Rock! I give you props with the point with two hands move Scott Hall and the New World Group gave!
StingArmy
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#6 Posted on 31.5.03 2301.50
Reposted on: 31.5.10 2304.24
Wow, you are too smart for your own good or have way too much time on your hands, one. Good job, my man.

- StingArmy

(Yes, I know my pen name is more than one beat.)
Notorious F.A.B.
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#7 Posted on 1.6.03 0030.27
Reposted on: 1.6.10 0030.48
A small bit from group A and a small bit from group B.

Screen names that are more than one beat are fine. Hell, the name of the show is more than one beat!

Of all that, the new tag champs were the most hard. When I just use the name "Ed" it's weak.

I now must have "the change word" in my post! Oh the ghost tale with gore!

(edited by Notorious F.A.B. on 1.6.03 0032)
emma
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#8 Posted on 1.6.03 0228.55
Reposted on: 1.6.10 0229.02
    Originally posted by StingArmy
    Wow, you are too smart for your own good or have way too much time on your hands, one. Good job, my man.

    - StingArmy

    (Yes, I know my pen name is more than one beat.)

Dear Sting Are Me,
For sure, way too much time on his hands. But still, lots of work, and full of lots of smiles.

(What would be too (damn) tough is all words of more than one beat. No can do -- no way, no how. Right?)


(edited by emma on 1.6.03 0033)
Notorious F.A.B.
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#9 Posted on 1.6.03 0236.33
Reposted on: 1.6.10 0237.24
To use words more than one beat long is so, so hard. I can do just two or three lines with them. Fuck a whole "cap one more time" of a fake punch show with them!
emma
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#10 Posted on 1.6.03 0332.13
Reposted on: 1.6.10 0332.16

    Originally posted by Notorious F.A.B.
    To use words more than one beat long is so, so hard. I can do just two or three lines with them. Fuck a whole "cap one more time" of a fake punch show with them!
If you can do two or three lines, you're on a roll -- I can't get through one! (Does a smile face count as one, two or three beats? I say just one. :-) )

(You know, at first I did not "get it". I read the name of the post, but I still thought, "What is the deal here?" Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can be slow now and then. What in the world gave you the thought to do this???)
Notorious F.A.B.
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#11 Posted on 1.6.03 1352.38
Reposted on: 1.6.10 1354.41
A while back an old school "cork board for notes" on the Net I was part of (out of a town rap guys call The Sea Spot in the state named for the first Head Guy of the States) had a goof part and "one beat words" was part of that (and so was more than one beat words). I could not get it then though. Once I did my bit for Raw where I had to count the beats I thought I'd like to try this with The Rock's Show. I thought it would be good to do a bit I had not seen a fake punch scribe guy do in the past. One beat words changed the show for me and most of the stuff I wrote would not have been there if I could have used words that were more than one beat. All of this is part of a plan for me to get my chops back so I can write made up stuff that is not kin to a fake punch show.

(And I have no job right now as well!)
dMr
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#12 Posted on 1.6.03 1454.23
Reposted on: 1.6.10 1455.05

    Originally posted by Notorious F.A.B.
    All of this is part of a plan for me to get my chops back so I can write made up stuff that is not kin to a fake punch show.


Ah, you have aims that are not those which stand out at first. To serve ones own ends no less. Smart.

Now that has been said, is this a thing you shall do each week to give us joy, or will it be done on a whim?


(And I have no job right now as well!)


I can not 'be at a height less than the stand' how a man with such a way with words withs one beat can not find a man to give hime a pay cheque. My rage is out and large at this wrong.
bubblesthechimp
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#13 Posted on 1.6.03 1827.56
Reposted on: 1.6.10 1828.32

    Originally posted by Notorious F.A.B.
    "Smackdown" is One Syllable!
    May 29, 2003



    He turned around and got the choke type of slam.



AH HA! I found it.
emma
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#14 Posted on 1.6.03 1844.54
Reposted on: 1.6.10 1844.55

    Originally posted by bubblesthechimp

      Originally posted by Notorious F.A.B.
      "Smackdown" is One Syllable!
      May 29, 2003



      He turned around and got the choke type of slam.



    AH HA! I found it.

There are a few more, too. But when they get to be this hard to spot, then we have reached the point at which we just must stop!
Notorious F.A.B.
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#15 Posted on 2.6.03 0104.14
Reposted on: 2.6.10 0104.18
If I could think of a prize, I would give one to the first hot dog who found each one. I put a price on the heads of more than one beat words!
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