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The 7 - Guest Columns - Canadian Bulldog : Inside the Ropes 5/26
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Guru Zim
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#1 Posted on 27.5.03 0148.56
Reposted on: 27.5.10 0152.54
Canadian Bulldog
Inside The Ropes

Hey there, this is Canadian Bulldog.
"What time is it? It's... time..... it's Inside The Ropes Time!!!!"
For those of you that don't know, that was a take-off on a catchphrase by former WWF star The Man Known As Vader. See, The Man used to say `What time is it? It's time.... It's Vader Time!' That was a great bit he used to do.....

Can Monday Night Raw's feuding co-commissioners really coexist? According to people close to the situation, co-managers Cold Stone Steve Austin and Eric Bischolf are ready to crack any day now. Eric, who used to own WCW (true story!) is said to be fed up with Austin's fraternity-like shenanigans and in-your-face attitude. I can't see where this oddball pairing ends up!

Somebody in the WWE's creative braintrust must be listening to me, because as we now know, Austin made it official -- Triple HHH and Big Sex Kevin Nash will meet inside of the confines of a 15-foot high Hell in the Cage match at Black Blood, the next WWE pay-per-view extravaganza. At this point, a bout like that is just too close to call!

Newsflash! The country of Japan is supposed to have the best wrestling you've never seen!! If you're ever there for a visit, or if you have to live there, be sure to watch some!

Speaking of Europe, the brand new team of Los Resistance are starting to make some serious waves in the tag team division. I never knew the French could be so rude, though. Humph!

Could former WCW Franchise Shane `The Franchise' Douglas be headed towards the WWE? No.

The combination of Roddy Roddy Piper and Sean Haire are GOLD in this humble reporter's opinion. If anyone can unmask Mister American, it's them.

I don't normally do this; but a fan sent in some LIVE house show results from a WWE show (he didn't say where it took place). Anyways, as a special treat, I thought I'd pass along the results:

The arena was only half-full, so to make it look busier, the WWE staff (including the referees) had to put duct tape around all the empty seats... The first match was FBI against Legion of Doom and - the RETURNING ULTIMATE WARRIOR!! FBI won the match.... Then John Cena did a rap that was THE BEST EVER, so my friends and I started throwing things at his face. He got upset and cried and left.... Then Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle wrestled to a ***** draw and it was the best match ever!... Then Brock Lesnar teamed up with Rey Mysterio (editor's note - you probably mean Ray Mysterio) to lose to the team of Big Show, Albert, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Crash and Shannon Moore (it was a handicap match).... Then they gave an intermission and I got to make out with Torrie Wilson (editor's note - lucky guy!!!!)... Then Spanky beat Triple H, but the title wasn't on the line... Then Spanky beat Triple H and the title WAS on the line... then Brock Lesnar beat Spanky for the belt, but then the ring announcer told everyone the matches wouldn't be shown on television because they were too good!.... Then in the main event, Rikishi and Nathan Jones and The Undertaker beat the FBI and THE RETURNING RANDY SAVAGE!!!! It was the best show ever! EVER!!!!!!

Thanks for that great report,! Keep the reports coming, folks!

Are there problems brewing between Ricola and the Three Man Warning? It sure looked like it from the way they were all acting at the end of last week's Raw show. But I have a habit of being wrong about these things.

How come the old wrestling toys never looked like the person they were supposed to be?

Are you into collecting wrestling DVD's as much as I am? If so, RUN don't walk into your local Blockbuster (not sure if they have those stores outside of Canada, but its worth the drive down here) for a copy of the RAW tenth anniversary show! Not only does it show the crème of la crème of the best matches over the last decade, but also a special invitation-only celebration that was held at their fantastic restaurant complex in NYC! As a sidenote, I'm saving my pennies to visit New York this summer, and you better believe I'll be eating at the WWE new World restaurant morning, noon and night!

Now its time for a feature I call `Q&A' where I take time out of my very busy schedule to answer a few questions, and then give them the answers:

Q: Does Hulk Hogan have what it takes to make a comeback? In my opinion, he's too old.
A: I think he could, but the problem is that Vince MacMahon has FORCED the Hulkster to sit at home and collect a paycheck! Hulk wants to come back and perform for his fans, but it just doesn't seem to be happening. In this business, you never say never, but I would have to say `never.'
Q: How can you say `the janitor bit' was your favorite Lance Storm segment?
A: Please be patient -- I haven't answered that question yet.
Q: What was your star rating on the 87 Egg Dome lights-out match between Keiji Moto and Riki Chosu?
A: That's definitely on my `to do' list.
Q: Would you sign my petition to boycott RAW next week?
A: Why on earth would I do that? To take away money from the hardworking people at the WWE Corporation? I don't think so!
Q: How many titles in total did Ric Flair have? They keep saying 16 on TV
A: He held 16 of them: NWA (now known as WCW), WCW, AWA, WFF (now known as WWE), Japan World Title, NWA Old School Tag Team, NWA:TNA and several others.
Q: What are the following wrestlers doing today: Jimmy Garvin, Ronnie Garvin, Crash Holly, Dean Malenko, The Berserker, Brad Armstrong, Roadd Dog Jesse James, Bryan Pillman, Tom Z-Man Zenk and Yukon John Nord.
A: No idea.
Q: What was your favorite Lance Storm segment ever?
A: The one where he was forced to be a janitor at the WWE restaurant.

That's it for this time folks. Please don't forget to send me your questions, comments and gossip (please no more restraining orders) to: Remember, if you heard it here, it's.... Inside The Ropes!
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#2 Posted on 29.5.03 1605.56
Reposted on: 29.5.10 1610.38
Good stuff sir.

Particularly like the Q&A at the end. The stuff before it weren't too shabby neither.

Keep it up.
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#3 Posted on 29.5.03 1645.10
Reposted on: 29.5.10 1646.30

    Could former WCW Franchise Shane `The Franchise' Douglas be headed towards the WWE? No.

Okay, that line made me laugh HARD!

This column's really growing on me. I look forward to the next installment, Mr. Bulldog.
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#4 Posted on 30.5.03 0822.15
Reposted on: 30.5.10 0827.06
As always -- thanks for the feedback, guys. Knowing which aspects you do or don't like definitely helps for next time round...
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