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The 7 - Guest Columns - Internet Wrestling Syndicate Results: Body Count
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#1 Posted on 19.5.03 0711.04
Reposted on: 19.5.10 0711.04
An IWS Press Release

Internet Wrestling Syndicate
Chomedey, Laval, Québec, CANADA

Sunday, May 18th, 2003


Onyx Defends Title Beating “Best Wrestler in Quebec”

Onyx pinned EXcesS69 outside of the ring in a falls count anywhere match that raged from one end of the sold-out Le Skratch to the other. EXcesS69, who many experts consider the best wrestler in Quebec, was a surprise opponent for Onyx, originally scheduled to face the One Man War, Arsenal.

Before the show, IWS ring announcer Brian the Guppie, of Team 990’s Between the Ropes, announced the release of a new line of IWS merchandise including t-shirts, hooded sweat-shirts, spaghetti strap ladies shirts, thongs and the just released IWS DVD Know Your Enemies which joins the already released IWS DVDs, Season’s Beatings, Violent Valentine, Summer Slaughter and Blood, Sweat and Beers.

The opening bout between IWS newcomers Jeff Johnson and Darren Knife was ruled a no-contest after 2:22 when Arsenal, Evil Ninja Number Two and TV’s Iron Mike Patterson rushed the ring and destroyed both men. Iron Mike Patterson screamed, “I am the the most successful manager in IWS history! I manage the Number One Contender Arsenal, and I also manage the Number Two Contender Evil Ninja Number Two!” Arsenal declined his shot at Onyx’s title belt, saying, “I was at La Ronde last week riding the Monster and I was hit by a bird. I have suffered serious head trauma! I have an ear infection! As the Number One Contender, I will face Onyx when I choose to.”

At this point, Onyx rushed the ring and attacked the three men. Despite some early success, Onyx began losing the numbers game until he received unexpected aid: the surprise return of former two-time IWS champion the Sexxx Exxxpress, Sexxxy Eddy. Angry at Eddy’s interference, Iron Mike Patterson challenged him to face Evil Ninja Number Two later in the show. Onyx then issued an open challenge to any IWS wrestler to face him in the main event.

The IWS tag team champions, Hi-5, refused to fight the Flying Hurricanes instead forcing them to confront their bodyguard, Kurt Lauderdale, in a handicap match. With some timely help from Hi-5, Kurt beat the Flying Hurricanes in 9:40 pinning both Hurricanes after lifting them both on his shoulders for his “Career Killer” Fireman’s Carry Spine Buster.

In scheduled action, the Green Phantom pinned El Generico in 16:34, despite a courageous showing by the Latin Luchador. The Green Phantom was in the process of accepting Onyx’s open challenge when his mike was cut off and Commissioner Joseph FitzMorris, from backstage, booked EXcesS69 in the main event. Furiously angry, the Green Phantom lured El Generico back to the ring to shake his hand in respect. Once El Generico was in the ring, the Green Phantom attacked, threatening to Ganso Bomb the Tijuana native. When IWS junior official the Red Rooster intervened, the Green Phantom changed his mind, instead opting to body slam both men simultaneously.

Fred le Merveille, the IWS’ personal language police, came out to announce that his match with Los Latinos was cancelled. Claiming that the separatist Parti Québecois had lost the recent provincial election because of the ethnic vote, Fred said that he had had “Les Ethniques” Latinos beaten and deported to their native Peru. Following this announcement, the Angry Aryans hit the ring. Taking the mike, Damian ranted, “We want to apologize for what we said to black people. We want to apologize for what we said to Jewish people. We were wrong. Our real problem... c’est qu’il y a encore des asti d’Anglais au Québec!” Fred, Damian and Viking formed a new group on the spot called “Le Syndicat de Lutte Internet” and as their first act, Fred booked himself in a title match with Damian against IWS tag team champions Hi-5. In the subsequent match, Hi-5 beat the ILS in 16:46 leading Fred to protest, “On c’est fait voler la victoire!”

After their victory, Hi-5’s Beef Wellington told the sold-out crowd, “You just saw the best tag team in IWS history. We have beaten everybody! Since there in no competition left for us in the IWS, we are retiring these tag team belts. Tonight is the last night that you will see them defended.” This brought out IWS President Seska who pointed out, “You don’t have the authority or the right to retire those belts. Your Daddy may own Westmount, but he doesn’t own the IWS... My goal is to revolutionize the tag team division, and the revolution starts now... You want competition? June 14th, at Scarred For Life, you get to defend the titles against this competition! From CCW, the hottest tag team in Canada, Xtreme Revolution!”

During the impromptu match between Evil Ninja Number Two and the Sexxx Exxxpress, Sexxxy Eddy, fans were left seeing double when three minutes into the match a second Evil Ninja hit the ring to attack Eddy. For a brief moment the fans believed that the Hardcore Ninjas had reformed, until the first Evil Ninja took off his mask to reveal that he was Arsenal. Evil Ninja Number Two took advantage of this subterfuge to gain control of the encounter but Eddy rallied. In the ensuing battle, where both men refused to lose, Evil Ninja Number Two finally pinned the Sexxx Exxxpress, Sexxxy Eddy in 27:57, but it took two “Pearl Harbor” top rope chair assisted leg drops and Iron Mike Patterson holding down Eddy’s legs to do it.

Before the main event, EXcesS69 came to the ring wearing a neck brace protecting the neck injured by Green Phantom’s Ganso Bomb the month before at Freedom to Fight. Taking the mike, EXcesS69 said, “This is not a fair fight. Look at the size of you and look at the size of me. You are bigger than I am. You are stronger than I am. I want this to be a fair fight.” Taking off his neck brace, EXcesS69 declared, “Now it’s a fair fight.”

During the main event, a falls count anywhere match, Onyx and EXcesS69 fought from one end of Le Skratch to the other. After 27:16, it appeared that EXcesS69 had the match won when he Sunset Flipped the 325 pound Onyx off a ladder, but a timely distraction by Arsenal prevented the three count. Following that reprieve, Onyx ensured his victory by Super-Plexing EXcesS69 off the ladder through a table on the outside and pinning him in the wreckage at 29:45.

The next IWS show is Scarred For Life, scheduled for June 14th, at Le Skratch, 965 Cure Labelle, Chomedey, Laval, Québec. Tickets are twelve dollars at the door. For information about the show e-mail or visit the Internet Wresting Syndicate at their web-site: For information about IWS merchandise & DVDs e-mail or order from
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